"Saddam Hussein believes that Rudolph Giuliani would make a great president"
Cold Open: Backstage
2 Stars
The Mayor seems to be taking his characters a bit too seriously
Molly is worried about Giuliani, he seems to have really gotten into this whole performance thing. Rudy comes out looking like Liberace. He's complaining about his costumes, the show wants to put him in drab suits but he wants to wear something more showy. He also has a problem with the wigs. Molly agrees and says that the wig he's wearing is horrible but Rudy says that he is not currently wearing a wig. Colin comes to talk some sense into him.
"You're the mayor of New York City not Sgt. Peppers. You gotta act like the mayor. Get out there ans show than what New York City is all about. Joe DiMaggio, George Gershwin, Ellis Island, The Empire State Building, Martin Scorsese, The Ramones, The New York Yankees."
This gets Giuliani prepared for the show and he screams the sign on. I'm not sure who looks more uncomfortable reading off cue cards, the mayor of New York City who has no performing experience or Colin Quinn, paid cast member of a live sketch comedy show.
Rudy Giuliani Monologue
Molly is worried about Giuliani, he seems to have really gotten into this whole performance thing. Rudy comes out looking like Liberace. He's complaining about his costumes, the show wants to put him in drab suits but he wants to wear something more showy. He also has a problem with the wigs. Molly agrees and says that the wig he's wearing is horrible but Rudy says that he is not currently wearing a wig. Colin comes to talk some sense into him.
"You're the mayor of New York City not Sgt. Peppers. You gotta act like the mayor. Get out there ans show than what New York City is all about. Joe DiMaggio, George Gershwin, Ellis Island, The Empire State Building, Martin Scorsese, The Ramones, The New York Yankees."
This gets Giuliani prepared for the show and he screams the sign on. I'm not sure who looks more uncomfortable reading off cue cards, the mayor of New York City who has no performing experience or Colin Quinn, paid cast member of a live sketch comedy show.
Rudy Giuliani Monologue
4 Stars
Giuliani wants you to know that New York City is safe again
Giuliani comes off a little stiff and awkward but not so much that it brings down the proceedings. He is proud that the city is safer and more livable than ever. You can now ride the subways and walk in the park without fear. He's also proud to announce that is safe to hitchhike. He brings out Sid, a drifter he picked up on the way to the show.
"Are you excited for the return of hitching?"
"Oh yeah, I've been waiting for this for a long time. Anybody out there needs a ride, I'll take them."
"As long as they're going the same way?"
"Oh yeah, I'll take them to the reservoir, the quarry, the abandoned soap factory, wherever they want."
The mayor goes on to say you can enjoy other activities like leaving your bike unlocked, dropping your kids off at subway stations in lieu of daycare, borrowing police horses and eating anything you find on the ground.
Nightline
Giuliani comes off a little stiff and awkward but not so much that it brings down the proceedings. He is proud that the city is safer and more livable than ever. You can now ride the subways and walk in the park without fear. He's also proud to announce that is safe to hitchhike. He brings out Sid, a drifter he picked up on the way to the show.
"Are you excited for the return of hitching?"
"Oh yeah, I've been waiting for this for a long time. Anybody out there needs a ride, I'll take them."
"As long as they're going the same way?"
"Oh yeah, I'll take them to the reservoir, the quarry, the abandoned soap factory, wherever they want."
The mayor goes on to say you can enjoy other activities like leaving your bike unlocked, dropping your kids off at subway stations in lieu of daycare, borrowing police horses and eating anything you find on the ground.
Nightline
5 Stars
During an interview with Ted Koppel, Saddam Hussein declares his love for the mayor of New York
Saddam is on Nightline via satellite defending his choice to use human shields to protect his weapons arsenal. He would also like to take a moment and say hello to his dear friend and mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani. We cut to Rudy watching the show on TV.
"What the hell?" the phone rings "Hello? No, I don't know him."
Tim comes in to tell Rudy that his approval rating has just dropped 90 points. We cut back to Saddam on TV.
"I'll kill anything that moves and I think Giuliani has a great smile."
Rudy calls in to the show to say that he has never met Saddam to which Saddam tries to get him to remember the time they went and saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show and threw toast at the screen. Rudy claims to not know what he's talking about but Ted Koppel is intrigued. He loves The Rocky Horror Picture Show and would like to get together with Saddam next time he's in the United States. We then get a filmed piece of Ted and Saddam in Central Park feeding birds, eating pretzels, having a picnic, rollerskating and riding a horse drawn carriage. This whole thing was hilarious and extra points for using Stephen Bishop's 'It Might Be You' over Ted and Saddam's love-fest
Thanksgiving
"What the hell?" the phone rings "Hello? No, I don't know him."
Tim comes in to tell Rudy that his approval rating has just dropped 90 points. We cut back to Saddam on TV.
"I'll kill anything that moves and I think Giuliani has a great smile."
Rudy calls in to the show to say that he has never met Saddam to which Saddam tries to get him to remember the time they went and saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show and threw toast at the screen. Rudy claims to not know what he's talking about but Ted Koppel is intrigued. He loves The Rocky Horror Picture Show and would like to get together with Saddam next time he's in the United States. We then get a filmed piece of Ted and Saddam in Central Park feeding birds, eating pretzels, having a picnic, rollerskating and riding a horse drawn carriage. This whole thing was hilarious and extra points for using Stephen Bishop's 'It Might Be You' over Ted and Saddam's love-fest
Thanksgiving
3 Stars
Rita DelVecchio and her mother get Thanksgiving dinner ready
Rita is preparing dinner for her hungry family when her mother comes up from the basement, Giuliani in a dress. They talk about basting the turkey and the quality of the ricotta cheese. Colin comes in as a cop telling her she has to get rid of some of the decorations on her lawn. There's a bang on the door from some of the neighbor kids throwing her lawn ornaments at her house. Rita's mother goes full berserker mode and runs after the ruffians. Giuliani's stilted an awkward delivery made this funny for the wrong reasons and I kind of enjoyed it but it's still the same character going through the same motions.
St. Monica Spelling Bee
Rita is preparing dinner for her hungry family when her mother comes up from the basement, Giuliani in a dress. They talk about basting the turkey and the quality of the ricotta cheese. Colin comes in as a cop telling her she has to get rid of some of the decorations on her lawn. There's a bang on the door from some of the neighbor kids throwing her lawn ornaments at her house. Rita's mother goes full berserker mode and runs after the ruffians. Giuliani's stilted an awkward delivery made this funny for the wrong reasons and I kind of enjoyed it but it's still the same character going through the same motions.
St. Monica Spelling Bee
3 Stars
Mary Katharine Gallagher competes in a spelling bee
Mary sticks her fingers under her arms and smells them, falls through a table and does a dramatic reading from a television movie. She also spells words in this one.
Graffiti
Mary sticks her fingers under her arms and smells them, falls through a table and does a dramatic reading from a television movie. She also spells words in this one.
Graffiti
5 Stars
Mayor Giuliani has come up with a new punishment for graffiti artists
If you try to turn New York City streets into an eyesore with your graffiti art then you're in for a rude awakening. They are gonna graffiti the word 'sucks' under your name. That's right, everyone is gonna think you suck. For two time offenders police sketch artists will make it look like you wrote it and for three time offenders they're gonna write 'sucks big time'. In your face, punks.
Weekend Update
If you try to turn New York City streets into an eyesore with your graffiti art then you're in for a rude awakening. They are gonna graffiti the word 'sucks' under your name. That's right, everyone is gonna think you suck. For two time offenders police sketch artists will make it look like you wrote it and for three time offenders they're gonna write 'sucks big time'. In your face, punks.
Weekend Update
"The only catch, it only works on ears, noses and backs"
President Clinton has responded to allegations that he has been selling Arlington burial plots. While he denies the claims it is hard to explain 'the tomb of the unknown Asian contributor'
Responding to complaints from activists, Barbie will now be less curvaceous. If Barbie was 6'0'' her measurements would be 38-18-34. Personally, I think rather than this petty talk about measurements, they should just make her 6 feet tall.
Tyco's Throat Clogger Upper has been named the most dangerous toy this holiday season.
Michael Jackson will be photographed with his infant son for Life magazine. The pictorial will show him changing, feeding and cradling his infant son. Jackson promises it to be the sexiest issue of Life ever.
A dog dating website is reporting a 100% success rate. This is because, according to its founder, any dog will have sex with any dog.
Has the allure of the all mighty dollar ruined Christmas? Yes, considering that it's not even Thanksgiving and the Christmas issue of Black Tail magazine is already on newsstands.
Our apologies to the editors of Black Tail. The Christmas issue is not on newsstands and has only gone out to those of us who subscribe. Keep up the good work, boys.
In honor of tonight's musical guest, Sarah McLachlan, Lilith Fair opening act Cinder Calhoun is here with Sarah to address a very serious issue, the slaughter of turkeys on Thanksgiving. The two of them sing a song called 'Basted In Blood' which is actually pretty catchy. I especially liked the lyric 'you're a finger lickin' Charlie Manson'.
Sarah McLachlan
Sarah McLachlan
"Sweet Surrender"
Speaking of Sarah McLachlan she sings her song 'Sweet Surrender' which is slow but moving and beautiful. Of all the singles from this album, this is my favorite and is a much better fit for the show than Building A Mystery, Angel or Adia.
The Joe Pesci Show
2 Stars
Joe interviews the mayor
Joe is doing his show about city politics today and his first guest is Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Rudy tells Joe that he needs to put out his cigar as it's a violation of city code, Joe gets offended when the mayor says he is standing up to organized crime, Tracy comes out as Washington D.C. mayor Marion Barry and he's high on crack. It ends with Joe about to hit Rudy over the head with a baseball bat but Rudy steals the bat and beats him with it. He then attacks the camera, which is the way every Joe Pesci show ends. If you can't tell, I've almost completely run out of ways to talk about these recurring character sketches.
Friggin' Giuliani!
3 Stars
A cabbie laments the changes to his beloved New York City
What the hell? An original sketch? Giuliani is playing a cabbie who is upset about how clean the city is becoming. He would rather have crime and porn rather than the Disney store. After every one of his complaints he screams, "Friggin' Giuliani!". It's a fine sketch. Once again I felt that Giuliani's awkward delivery made the sketch enjoyable in that Christopher Walken way where he's obviously reading off cue cards.
Janet Reno's Dance Party
What the hell? An original sketch? Giuliani is playing a cabbie who is upset about how clean the city is becoming. He would rather have crime and porn rather than the Disney store. After every one of his complaints he screams, "Friggin' Giuliani!". It's a fine sketch. Once again I felt that Giuliani's awkward delivery made the sketch enjoyable in that Christopher Walken way where he's obviously reading off cue cards.
Janet Reno's Dance Party
3 Stars
Janet Reno interviews Mayor Giuliani and challenges him to a fight
Janet is holding a dance party in her garage with her teenage friends. She sits them down for some tough talk and brings out her guest, super hunk, Rudy Giuliani. Reno thinks that Rudy is jealous of her and to prove it she challenges him to a boxing match. Reno punches him in the gut which prompts Rudy to deliver a blow to the face. A kick to the mayor's crotch puts him in enough pain to let Janet put him in a headlock. She forces him to say "Janet Reno is the boss of me" which is then broadcast on the big screen in Times Square for all of New York to see.
Colin Quinn Explains The New York Times
Colin Quinn Explains The New York Times
1 Star
Colin once again sits down to read The New York Times to us. He talks about Iraq, the gay ambassador to Luxembourg and how you need to read The Times instead of The Post so you sound smart at parties. Once again, this bit died for me.
Perspectives
4 Stars
Lionel Osbourne interviews the mayor
3rd sketch of the night where a recurring character interviews Giuliani, feels a tad lazy but it's also one of my favorite recurring characters, Lionel Osbourne. His show airs at 4:49 in the morning fulfilling community programming requirements. He seems to know nothing about his guests, politics or anything really but what he can do is recap a show. After every question he will turn to the camera and tell the audience what has happened in the show so far. He talks to Giuliani about his mayoral campaign to which the mayor tells him that the election is over.
"Outstanding. Who won?"
"I did."
"Congratulations."
Time is up fairly quickly and Lionel says that his guest next week will be Ruth Messenger, who is also running for mayor.
FINAL ANALYSIS
3rd sketch of the night where a recurring character interviews Giuliani, feels a tad lazy but it's also one of my favorite recurring characters, Lionel Osbourne. His show airs at 4:49 in the morning fulfilling community programming requirements. He seems to know nothing about his guests, politics or anything really but what he can do is recap a show. After every question he will turn to the camera and tell the audience what has happened in the show so far. He talks to Giuliani about his mayoral campaign to which the mayor tells him that the election is over.
"Outstanding. Who won?"
"I did."
"Congratulations."
Time is up fairly quickly and Lionel says that his guest next week will be Ruth Messenger, who is also running for mayor.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"3 things make New York great, crime, noise and porn"
Average
3.2 Stars
MVP
Will Ferrell
Nightline, St. Monica Spelling Bee, The Joe Pesci Show, Friggin' Giuliani, Janet Reno's Dance Party
Nightline, St. Monica Spelling Bee, The Joe Pesci Show, Friggin' Giuliani, Janet Reno's Dance Party
Best Sketch
Nightline
Worst Sketch
Colin Quinn Explains The New York Times
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
There started to be a sameness to the sketches later in the show. The Joe Pesci Show, Janet Reno's Dance Party and Perspectives all followed the same format, a recurring character interviews the mayor. Perspectives is a good end of the night sketch so I would leave that where it is but they could have swapped Janet Reno with Mary Katharine Gallagher. I would also have moved Friggin' Giuliani to before Update so the mayor could have a nice character piece near the top of the show.
Host Analysis
I was in a high school production of Bye Bye Birdie and there's a scene in that musical where that leading lady sings a song to a bunch of Shriners. The Shriners don't have any lines so the director thought it would be fun to have teachers, the principal or parents play the Shriners. One night we had the mayor of our town play one of the Shriners. He decided to have some fun with it. All he had to do was sit there, listen to the song and applaud. Instead he got up, danced, put his arm around her and grabbed her butt. I guess this is my way of saying, leave acting to the actors.
Final Thoughts
Final Thoughts
In all fairness, Giuliani handled himself okay. He was awkward and uncomfortable the entire show but that gave him a certain charm. He seemed to be having fun and he didn't try to do too much. He didn't try to act he just walked through sketches and tried to keep up which I prefer over non-actors who think they can do it. He obviously knows it's a tad ridiculous that he's hosting. As for the episode, it was just average. Aside from the fantastic Nightline sketch, there was nothing here I'm gonna remember that long.
Up Next
Three time Tony award winning actor Nathan Lane hosts with musical guest Metallica, what a random pairing.
Seeing Colin Quinn eventually behind the desk he is so wooden shame they got rid of Norm.
ReplyDeleteLong before Giuliani went crazy
ReplyDeleteAlso I don't think the thanksgiving sketch was memorable either or anything but I thought he was decent in it.