"Time for Tink to get some booze in her gut and her legs in the air"
Cold Open: Hillary's Time
3 Stars
Bill has promised Hillary 60 seconds to talk about whatever the hell she wants
Bill tells us that his approval ratings are sky high so his advisers said he could take a hit in popularity by letting Hillary speak to the American people. He was apprehensive at first but then Hillary threatened to remember some things she previously forgot and find some documents she thought she had shredded. She starts to talk about healthcare reform but Bill keeps pushing the timer forward. Then she tells us that she once caught Bill on all fours wearing an E.T. mask and he lets her speak. She talks about spineless bureaucrats and our celebrity obsessed culture before screaming the familiar sign on. This was fine, just fine, nothing great but didn't outstay its welcome.
Claire Danes Monologue
Bill tells us that his approval ratings are sky high so his advisers said he could take a hit in popularity by letting Hillary speak to the American people. He was apprehensive at first but then Hillary threatened to remember some things she previously forgot and find some documents she thought she had shredded. She starts to talk about healthcare reform but Bill keeps pushing the timer forward. Then she tells us that she once caught Bill on all fours wearing an E.T. mask and he lets her speak. She talks about spineless bureaucrats and our celebrity obsessed culture before screaming the familiar sign on. This was fine, just fine, nothing great but didn't outstay its welcome.
Claire Danes Monologue
4 Stars
The audience is skeptical on just how Claire got into Yale
Claire mentions that SNL is older than she is, she was born sometime in the Tim Kazurinsky era (nice reference, the SNL nerd in me loved this). The audience has questions for her, mainly what her SAT scores were and how she got accepted into Yale. Danes says she was at an Oscar party the night before taking her SATs and doesn't remember finishing. This doesn't appease a certain audience member who got the highest SAT scores in his county's history but this wasn't good enough to get him into Yale. Danes says that grades aren't everything as she had some kick ass extra curricular activities and Oliver Stone wrote her letter of recommendation.
"So, if you think I'm not good enough, think again because I'm the goodest."
The writers that made up the audience were all good, specifically Steve Higgins as the father of the boy who didn't get into Yale and Adam McKay as a guy who keeps asking Claire Danes for a date.
The Weston Collection
Claire mentions that SNL is older than she is, she was born sometime in the Tim Kazurinsky era (nice reference, the SNL nerd in me loved this). The audience has questions for her, mainly what her SAT scores were and how she got accepted into Yale. Danes says she was at an Oscar party the night before taking her SATs and doesn't remember finishing. This doesn't appease a certain audience member who got the highest SAT scores in his county's history but this wasn't good enough to get him into Yale. Danes says that grades aren't everything as she had some kick ass extra curricular activities and Oliver Stone wrote her letter of recommendation.
"So, if you think I'm not good enough, think again because I'm the goodest."
The writers that made up the audience were all good, specifically Steve Higgins as the father of the boy who didn't get into Yale and Adam McKay as a guy who keeps asking Claire Danes for a date.
The Weston Collection
3 Stars
A hat that tells everyone you're #1
From the Weston Collection, a fully adjustable cap that lets people know that you're the best. It has 'I'm #1' printed on it. Finally, one simple item that will say what thousands of dollars of clothes were only hinting at. You can buy it at K-Mart for $3.99.
Barry Scheck's Home
From the Weston Collection, a fully adjustable cap that lets people know that you're the best. It has 'I'm #1' printed on it. Finally, one simple item that will say what thousands of dollars of clothes were only hinting at. You can buy it at K-Mart for $3.99.
Barry Scheck's Home
5 Stars
Lawyer Barry Scheck's clients all visit his home
Barry Scheck is going over some briefs at home when he is visited by Louise Woodward, the British nanny accused of shaking a baby to death who was being represented by Barry Scheck. She asks if he is looking for a nanny and she has a resume with references from Barry Scheck and the country of England. She also offers to help Barry get the ketchup out of his bottle, by shaking it of course. This isn't the only visitor Barry gets as he answers a knock at the door and OJ Simpson comes in. He wants to thank Barry for his recent acquittal and also offers to help get the ketchup out, with his knife and his ketchup gloves. Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, shows up with a package for Barry and a request for a good lawyer. Terry Nichols, accomplice in the Oklahoma City Bomber also shows up, Louise shakes up some martinis, OJ gets his shirt covered in ketchup that resembles blood. Then Barry delivers a soliloquy to the audience.
"I'll never forget that night. We became the best of friends. When I woke up my wife had been stabbed, my baby had been shaken and my house had been blown up twice. What some people might call a tragedy, I call making 4 new clients and 4 new friends."
The heightening of absurdity really got me laughing. As soon as Will came out as Kaczynski I was rolling on the floor.
The View
Barry Scheck is going over some briefs at home when he is visited by Louise Woodward, the British nanny accused of shaking a baby to death who was being represented by Barry Scheck. She asks if he is looking for a nanny and she has a resume with references from Barry Scheck and the country of England. She also offers to help Barry get the ketchup out of his bottle, by shaking it of course. This isn't the only visitor Barry gets as he answers a knock at the door and OJ Simpson comes in. He wants to thank Barry for his recent acquittal and also offers to help get the ketchup out, with his knife and his ketchup gloves. Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, shows up with a package for Barry and a request for a good lawyer. Terry Nichols, accomplice in the Oklahoma City Bomber also shows up, Louise shakes up some martinis, OJ gets his shirt covered in ketchup that resembles blood. Then Barry delivers a soliloquy to the audience.
"I'll never forget that night. We became the best of friends. When I woke up my wife had been stabbed, my baby had been shaken and my house had been blown up twice. What some people might call a tragedy, I call making 4 new clients and 4 new friends."
The heightening of absurdity really got me laughing. As soon as Will came out as Kaczynski I was rolling on the floor.
The View
3 Stars
The gals of The View share some hot topics before interviewing Cokie Roberts
This is the first time we got The View which would become a recurring segment. I remember that they would bring this out every time they had a young female host. Cheri plays Barbara Walters, Tracy plays Star Jones, Molly is Meredith Viera and whoever the host was would play Debbie Matenopoulos. Fred Armisen's Joy Behar would be added later. They talk about the British nanny and Iraq and each of the ladies offer their takes. Meredith talks about her children, Star says something stupid and mentions that she's a lawyer, Debbie says something stupid and Babs name drops a celebrity she met. It's fine for what it is but I can sense myself growing tired of this formula quickly.
Parent's Weekend
This is the first time we got The View which would become a recurring segment. I remember that they would bring this out every time they had a young female host. Cheri plays Barbara Walters, Tracy plays Star Jones, Molly is Meredith Viera and whoever the host was would play Debbie Matenopoulos. Fred Armisen's Joy Behar would be added later. They talk about the British nanny and Iraq and each of the ladies offer their takes. Meredith talks about her children, Star says something stupid and mentions that she's a lawyer, Debbie says something stupid and Babs name drops a celebrity she met. It's fine for what it is but I can sense myself growing tired of this formula quickly.
Parent's Weekend
3 Stars
Marty and Bobbi Culp visit their daughter's college unannounced
Having not watched season 22 for my reviews, I missed Marty and Bobbi Culp. They appeared 3 times in that season and according to SNL Archives, good lord, 23 times in total. Did we need to see these two that much? Probably not as the joke is always the same just with different songs. They do a medley of songs and sing very operatically. In this installment they have visited their daughter's parent weekend at college unannounced. They were unaware about the weekend but showed up and decided to perform an impromptu jam session. This one includes Superfreak, Cats In The Cradle, The Joker, American Woman, Big Shot, Jeremy and It's The End Of The World As We Know It. Since it's the first one of the season I'll give it a pass but I'm not looking forward to a million more of these.
The Ambiguously Gay Duo
Having not watched season 22 for my reviews, I missed Marty and Bobbi Culp. They appeared 3 times in that season and according to SNL Archives, good lord, 23 times in total. Did we need to see these two that much? Probably not as the joke is always the same just with different songs. They do a medley of songs and sing very operatically. In this installment they have visited their daughter's parent weekend at college unannounced. They were unaware about the weekend but showed up and decided to perform an impromptu jam session. This one includes Superfreak, Cats In The Cradle, The Joker, American Woman, Big Shot, Jeremy and It's The End Of The World As We Know It. Since it's the first one of the season I'll give it a pass but I'm not looking forward to a million more of these.
The Ambiguously Gay Duo
5 Stars
Tonight's Episode: Blow Hot, Blow Cold
Evil doers are plotting freezing the Earth with their ice giant but conversation turns to the possible sexual relationship between superheroes Ace and Gary. We cut to the duo jogging in half shirts before they slip on ice. They go get some lady coats and hop into their penis shaped car. They burst into the evil doers lair but are frozen by a freeze ray. The ice around them melts though as their freeze ray couldn't withstand the heat of Gary's warm young flesh. They fly up to destroy the ice giant landing in its butt.
Peter Pan
Evil doers are plotting freezing the Earth with their ice giant but conversation turns to the possible sexual relationship between superheroes Ace and Gary. We cut to the duo jogging in half shirts before they slip on ice. They go get some lady coats and hop into their penis shaped car. They burst into the evil doers lair but are frozen by a freeze ray. The ice around them melts though as their freeze ray couldn't withstand the heat of Gary's warm young flesh. They fly up to destroy the ice giant landing in its butt.
Peter Pan
1 Star
Tinkerbell is jealous of the attention Peter is giving to Wendy
Kattan is Peter getting a "kiss" from Wendy when they are interrupted by Tinkerbell. She appears to be jealous but they can't hear what she's saying. The audience gets to hear it though as we cut to Claire Danes on wires screaming obscenities.
"You whore. You filthy rotten slut. He's mine, you bitch. You can just suck it. I'm gonna make you suck it. I'll bitch slap you and cut off your feet and mail them to your parents."
She drinks a whole bottle of whiskey and grabs a knife causing Peter and Wendy to look at the camera and say, "Uh-oh". The sketch has no ending, Danes drops the oversized prop knife and they wheel away the green screen to reveal she was hanging in front of home base. She does a little dance and we fade to commercial. Absolutely no thought was put into any of this. Except for the practical effects of the whiskey disappearing and the tiny Tinkerbell prop carrying a big knife. It's a shame when the production design is the best part of a comedy sketch.
Weekend Update
Kattan is Peter getting a "kiss" from Wendy when they are interrupted by Tinkerbell. She appears to be jealous but they can't hear what she's saying. The audience gets to hear it though as we cut to Claire Danes on wires screaming obscenities.
"You whore. You filthy rotten slut. He's mine, you bitch. You can just suck it. I'm gonna make you suck it. I'll bitch slap you and cut off your feet and mail them to your parents."
She drinks a whole bottle of whiskey and grabs a knife causing Peter and Wendy to look at the camera and say, "Uh-oh". The sketch has no ending, Danes drops the oversized prop knife and they wheel away the green screen to reveal she was hanging in front of home base. She does a little dance and we fade to commercial. Absolutely no thought was put into any of this. Except for the practical effects of the whiskey disappearing and the tiny Tinkerbell prop carrying a big knife. It's a shame when the production design is the best part of a comedy sketch.
Weekend Update
"Some see the method of advertising Princess Di's gowns as inappropriate"
The British nanny has received numerous job offers and in related news, JonBenet Ramsey's parents are expecting.
Dr. Kevorkian is in trouble for leaving one of his assisted suicide victims in a church. Apparently murdering people in his van has completely lost its sense of blasphemy.
DNA is found to now be 99% accurate in identifying people. The timing could not be better said former football great, OJ Simpson.
The plastic surgeon of Michael Jackson, Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers has been accused of fondling his patients leading legal experts wondering, who was the real victim?
The WNBA has expanded to 10 teams but before you get too excited remember that all of the players are still women. They stink at basketball.
Mary Kay Letourneau has pleaded guilty to having sex with a 6th grade student. She has been labeled as a sex offender or as the kids refer to her, greatest teacher ever.
Joe Blow shows up with the local news. I can't believe that this character is still around. His neighbor's wife is selling tupperware out of her house, his wife won't let him send his daughter to catholic school and his son wants to join a gang. He asks Norm for a beer. Ugh.
Mariah Carey
Dr. Kevorkian is in trouble for leaving one of his assisted suicide victims in a church. Apparently murdering people in his van has completely lost its sense of blasphemy.
DNA is found to now be 99% accurate in identifying people. The timing could not be better said former football great, OJ Simpson.
The plastic surgeon of Michael Jackson, Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers has been accused of fondling his patients leading legal experts wondering, who was the real victim?
The WNBA has expanded to 10 teams but before you get too excited remember that all of the players are still women. They stink at basketball.
Mary Kay Letourneau has pleaded guilty to having sex with a 6th grade student. She has been labeled as a sex offender or as the kids refer to her, greatest teacher ever.
Joe Blow shows up with the local news. I can't believe that this character is still around. His neighbor's wife is selling tupperware out of her house, his wife won't let him send his daughter to catholic school and his son wants to join a gang. He asks Norm for a beer. Ugh.
Mariah Carey
"Butterfly"
Mariah offers a sultry ballad that I really enjoyed.
Mr. Peepers
3 Stars
The scientist who discovered Mr. Peepers sends him back to the wild
It's an emotional goodbye as they return Mr. Peepers to the wild. Will is the scientist who discovered him and his daughter, Claire, has fallen in love. Peepers has showed her a patience and wit that no human could possibly understand. They let him into the wild but he runs back and climbs on Will, latches on to Claire's face and humps their truck. Will pulls out his gun to shoot Peepers but before he can, Peepers's family comes out of the wild and welcomes him back. While this sketch eventually produced minimum returns, I always respected it. It's a sketch that could only be done live because it relies so heavily on Kattan's physicality. It's like a combination of Charlie Callas and a Johnny Carson animal act. I also always respected how Kattan was amazing at creating characters that would hump women. It seemed like every time there was an attractive female host, Kattan would be in a sketch where he would paw at her, kiss her or rub himself on her.
C.E.O. Dreamboats
It's an emotional goodbye as they return Mr. Peepers to the wild. Will is the scientist who discovered him and his daughter, Claire, has fallen in love. Peepers has showed her a patience and wit that no human could possibly understand. They let him into the wild but he runs back and climbs on Will, latches on to Claire's face and humps their truck. Will pulls out his gun to shoot Peepers but before he can, Peepers's family comes out of the wild and welcomes him back. While this sketch eventually produced minimum returns, I always respected it. It's a sketch that could only be done live because it relies so heavily on Kattan's physicality. It's like a combination of Charlie Callas and a Johnny Carson animal act. I also always respected how Kattan was amazing at creating characters that would hump women. It seemed like every time there was an attractive female host, Kattan would be in a sketch where he would paw at her, kiss her or rub himself on her.
C.E.O. Dreamboats
3 Stars
A new magazine for girls who fantasize about wealthy C.E.O.s
"Hey girls, now there's a magazine just for you" promises an announcer as young girls read about the C.E.O.s of IBM and G.E..
"He's a hunk and he made 23 million in option increases alone last year."
They argue over who is gonna be the 3rd wife of the C.E.O. of Lockheed Martin and make out with the foldouts. All the ladies were very funny here and this was short and sweet.
Mariah Carey returns with "My All" which is another slow ballad but a beautiful one. "I'd give my all to have just one more night with you". It reminds me of slow dancing at my junior prom.
Southern Gals
"Hey girls, now there's a magazine just for you" promises an announcer as young girls read about the C.E.O.s of IBM and G.E..
"He's a hunk and he made 23 million in option increases alone last year."
They argue over who is gonna be the 3rd wife of the C.E.O. of Lockheed Martin and make out with the foldouts. All the ladies were very funny here and this was short and sweet.
Mariah Carey returns with "My All" which is another slow ballad but a beautiful one. "I'd give my all to have just one more night with you". It reminds me of slow dancing at my junior prom.
Southern Gals
1 Star
3 chatty southern gals visit a restaurant in France
Molly, Cheri, Ana and Claire come to a restaurant in France, they all have southern accents. They talk about how big The Louvre is and how unimpressed they were as they have seen most of the paintings on their place mats. Eventually Claire comes back with Tracy, who is a French painter who wants to use her as his subject. They explain the birds and the bees to her and decide to return to their hotel and watch TV. I have not much else to say about this one. The performances are fine but the gags and the writing are pretty weak.
We end with The Lost Deep Thoughts where Jack Handey feels that before a mad scientist goes mad there's probably a time where he's only partially mad. This is the time where he throws the best parties.
FINAL ANALYSIS
Molly, Cheri, Ana and Claire come to a restaurant in France, they all have southern accents. They talk about how big The Louvre is and how unimpressed they were as they have seen most of the paintings on their place mats. Eventually Claire comes back with Tracy, who is a French painter who wants to use her as his subject. They explain the birds and the bees to her and decide to return to their hotel and watch TV. I have not much else to say about this one. The performances are fine but the gags and the writing are pretty weak.
We end with The Lost Deep Thoughts where Jack Handey feels that before a mad scientist goes mad there's probably a time where he's only partially mad. This is the time where he throws the best parties.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Stick around where we'll talk about frigidity with the cast of The Lion King"
Average
3.1 Stars
MVP
Ana Gasteyer
Hillary's Time, The View, Parents Weekend, Peter Pan, Mr. Peepers, C.E.O. Dreamboats, Southern Gals
Hillary's Time, The View, Parents Weekend, Peter Pan, Mr. Peepers, C.E.O. Dreamboats, Southern Gals
Best Sketch
Barry Scheck's Home
Worst Sketch
Peter Pan
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
I would have swapped Mr. Peepers with Peter Pan and move one of the Mariah Carey performances to before Update. They needed to be separated. The end of the show was dragging comedically and half of it was taken up by Mariah Carey. After Update I got Mariah Carey, Mr. Peepers, a fake commercial and then another Mariah Carey. Spacing those two musical sets out would be nice.
Host Analysis
Host Analysis
Claire Danes was used the way most young women are used on SNL. She played the girlfriend character or the dumb blonde. When she wasn't in those roles, I really liked her. She wasn't good enough to elevate Peter Pan but I really enjoyed her performance as the British nanny gleefully shaking martinis and ketchup bottles. I also thought she handled her monologue very well. Given more to do and I could see her being a host I would like to see come back.
Final Thoughts
A pretty average to weak episode. Only one really good sketch which boosts the average but everything else was really forgettable. I keep having to scroll back up to the pictures to remind myself if I actually liked or disliked this episode as a whole.
Up Next
While non actors usually make terrible hosts, some have surprised. Not sure how Mayor Rudy Giuliani will fare but here's hoping they use him sparingly.
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