"Time to make the donuts, and time to die."
Cold Open: Controlling The Airwaves
3 Stars
Rich and powerful men keep interrupting each other's television announcements
An episode of Men Behaving Badly is interrupted by President Clinton to tell the American people that Saddam Hussein has sent a live...before he can finish his sentence he is interrupted by Microsoft founder Bill Gates who just wants to tell America that he is doing fine after the recent stock market crash and takes full responsibility as he caused it be trying to download a naked picture of Agent Scully. He is interrupted by Ted Turner who just wants to tell America that he is more powerful than Gates. Gates breaks back in and threatens to un-colorize all of Ted's colorized movies and Ted himself, which he does. Fox owner Rupert Murdoch tries to break in on the action to announce that he has just bought the LA Dodgers. Gates scoffs at both of them and he, Clinton, Turner and Murdoch all take turns trying to scream the sign on but Gates finally cuts them all off and opens the show. Fun performances from Kattan as Gates, Ferrell as Turner and Hammond as Clinton. Breuer's Murdoch is just okay.
Jon Lovitz Monologue
An episode of Men Behaving Badly is interrupted by President Clinton to tell the American people that Saddam Hussein has sent a live...before he can finish his sentence he is interrupted by Microsoft founder Bill Gates who just wants to tell America that he is doing fine after the recent stock market crash and takes full responsibility as he caused it be trying to download a naked picture of Agent Scully. He is interrupted by Ted Turner who just wants to tell America that he is more powerful than Gates. Gates breaks back in and threatens to un-colorize all of Ted's colorized movies and Ted himself, which he does. Fox owner Rupert Murdoch tries to break in on the action to announce that he has just bought the LA Dodgers. Gates scoffs at both of them and he, Clinton, Turner and Murdoch all take turns trying to scream the sign on but Gates finally cuts them all off and opens the show. Fun performances from Kattan as Gates, Ferrell as Turner and Hammond as Clinton. Breuer's Murdoch is just okay.
Jon Lovitz Monologue
3 Stars
Lovitz sings a song to the most important person in his life, himself
Lovitz is happy to be promoting his one man show on Broadway, "Jon Lovitz Is Jon Lovitz". He explains how he got the part. It was down to him and Oprah Winfrey in the final audition, Oprah got the part but could only commit for a month so Jon stepped in. The show has acting, dancing and singing and to demonstrate the latter he sings a song to someone very special. He starts singing 'The Way You Look Tonight' but it turns out he was referring to himself as the special someone. He brings a monitor on stage to sing to himself. Jon Lovitz is just a very funny fellow and can sell even a lame bit.
Dunkin' Donuts
Lovitz is happy to be promoting his one man show on Broadway, "Jon Lovitz Is Jon Lovitz". He explains how he got the part. It was down to him and Oprah Winfrey in the final audition, Oprah got the part but could only commit for a month so Jon stepped in. The show has acting, dancing and singing and to demonstrate the latter he sings a song to someone very special. He starts singing 'The Way You Look Tonight' but it turns out he was referring to himself as the special someone. He brings a monitor on stage to sing to himself. Jon Lovitz is just a very funny fellow and can sell even a lame bit.
Dunkin' Donuts
5 Stars
The star of the Dunkin' Donuts commercials wants to retire in style
Fred the baker, star of the Dunkin' Donuts commercials where he would say 'Time to make the donuts' is retiring and filming his final commercial. After playing the character for 15 years he wants his final commercial to be special and thinks people will want closure for the donut maker they have loved these many years.
"For 15 years it's been time to make the donuts. Now it's time to die."
The director was not very happy with this take and thinks it might be too dark. Fred's second take ends with a diatribe of how donuts are like people, destined to be chewed up, pooped out and forgotten. The director is again unhappy and asks Fred to go way lighter.
"It's been a wild ride but I'll be retiring to Florida with my hot stewardess wife and from now on it ain't gonna be donuts I'll be eating!"
The director does not like this either but Fred is adamant that America has laughed along with this character for 15 years and now they either want to see him die or get some tail. The take an hour break to recoup and when they come back we see the final product.
"Time to make the donuts and time to get it on!"
a bikini model walks in and Fred kisses her, The Grim Reaper follows.
"Oops, time for me to go. See you all in hell!"
This was based on a famous series of commercials and the actor retired from the part around this time but Lovitz and the sketch are so funny that you don't need any context. This could have been completely fictional and it would still work.
Wedding Reception
Fred the baker, star of the Dunkin' Donuts commercials where he would say 'Time to make the donuts' is retiring and filming his final commercial. After playing the character for 15 years he wants his final commercial to be special and thinks people will want closure for the donut maker they have loved these many years.
"For 15 years it's been time to make the donuts. Now it's time to die."
The director was not very happy with this take and thinks it might be too dark. Fred's second take ends with a diatribe of how donuts are like people, destined to be chewed up, pooped out and forgotten. The director is again unhappy and asks Fred to go way lighter.
"It's been a wild ride but I'll be retiring to Florida with my hot stewardess wife and from now on it ain't gonna be donuts I'll be eating!"
The director does not like this either but Fred is adamant that America has laughed along with this character for 15 years and now they either want to see him die or get some tail. The take an hour break to recoup and when they come back we see the final product.
"Time to make the donuts and time to get it on!"
a bikini model walks in and Fred kisses her, The Grim Reaper follows.
"Oops, time for me to go. See you all in hell!"
This was based on a famous series of commercials and the actor retired from the part around this time but Lovitz and the sketch are so funny that you don't need any context. This could have been completely fictional and it would still work.
Wedding Reception
4 Stars
Celebrities wish Larry King well on his nuptials
Larry King is getting married again and his wife is thrilled to finally have found the man of her dreams, a 63 year old balding Jew who's been married 8 times. In between well wishers speaking at the podium, Ted Turner, Fran Drescher, Al Pacino, Dennis Franz and Harvey Fierstein, played by Will, Cheri, Kattan, Darrell and Lovitz, respectively, Larry offers some his thoughts on life.
"Michael Jordan is better at basketball", "If you only see one movie for the rest of your life it should be Gattaca", "No matter what anyone says, in my book, Princess Diana's death was a tragedy". King is finally interrupted by Dana Carvey dusting off his old Ross Perot impression. The sketch ran a little long but had enough variations that I didn't get bored. I thought all the impressions were funny especially Kattan's Pacino and Hammond's Dennis Franz. Then you have Norm, hilarious as always, giving his Larry King News and Views in tight nonsensical sound bites.
Spend A Year In The Alaskan Wilderness With Jewel
Larry King is getting married again and his wife is thrilled to finally have found the man of her dreams, a 63 year old balding Jew who's been married 8 times. In between well wishers speaking at the podium, Ted Turner, Fran Drescher, Al Pacino, Dennis Franz and Harvey Fierstein, played by Will, Cheri, Kattan, Darrell and Lovitz, respectively, Larry offers some his thoughts on life.
"Michael Jordan is better at basketball", "If you only see one movie for the rest of your life it should be Gattaca", "No matter what anyone says, in my book, Princess Diana's death was a tragedy". King is finally interrupted by Dana Carvey dusting off his old Ross Perot impression. The sketch ran a little long but had enough variations that I didn't get bored. I thought all the impressions were funny especially Kattan's Pacino and Hammond's Dennis Franz. Then you have Norm, hilarious as always, giving his Larry King News and Views in tight nonsensical sound bites.
Spend A Year In The Alaskan Wilderness With Jewel
2 Stars
An MTV contest winner regrets his prize
Jon Lovitz is surprised at his front door by MTV VJ Bill Bellamy telling him he's won the grand prize, a year in the Alaskan wilderness with Jewel. The year moves slowly for Lovitz as Jewel keeps singing the same song acoustically and talking about how she used to live in her car. By September, Lovitz has had enough and screams at Jewel and frantically calls Alaskan Airlines for a ticket home but breaks down and cries when the hold music is Jewel. Bellamy breaks in to tell him that the contest has been cancelled since it's been 8 months and Jewel is no longer famous. He has to start the year over by sharing a cabin with Missy 'Misdemeanor' Elliott, who is played by Tracy in a wig and a tracksuit. Since I wasn't laughing a lot during this sketch I kept questioning the reality. Why would Lovitz enter this contest? Why would MTV pick such an old man as their winner? So, he signed up for this contest while not being a fan of Jewel? These are the questions I ask when I'm not laughing.
Fun With Real Audio
Jon Lovitz is surprised at his front door by MTV VJ Bill Bellamy telling him he's won the grand prize, a year in the Alaskan wilderness with Jewel. The year moves slowly for Lovitz as Jewel keeps singing the same song acoustically and talking about how she used to live in her car. By September, Lovitz has had enough and screams at Jewel and frantically calls Alaskan Airlines for a ticket home but breaks down and cries when the hold music is Jewel. Bellamy breaks in to tell him that the contest has been cancelled since it's been 8 months and Jewel is no longer famous. He has to start the year over by sharing a cabin with Missy 'Misdemeanor' Elliott, who is played by Tracy in a wig and a tracksuit. Since I wasn't laughing a lot during this sketch I kept questioning the reality. Why would Lovitz enter this contest? Why would MTV pick such an old man as their winner? So, he signed up for this contest while not being a fan of Jewel? These are the questions I ask when I'm not laughing.
Fun With Real Audio
4 Stars
Bill Clinton's press conference gets repeatedly interrupted
Real audio of Bill Clinton speaking to reporters is used under animation of goofy stuff happening. A door blows open covering Vice President Al Gore in leaves, a dog runs in and humps his leg, a bong, sex toys and a Chinese businessman fall out of his pocket and he drops his pants to reveal his pixelated penis. A man walks by with a boombox blaring music, causing everyone to dance. These are almost always fun and this was no exception.
The Ladies' Man
Real audio of Bill Clinton speaking to reporters is used under animation of goofy stuff happening. A door blows open covering Vice President Al Gore in leaves, a dog runs in and humps his leg, a bong, sex toys and a Chinese businessman fall out of his pocket and he drops his pants to reveal his pixelated penis. A man walks by with a boombox blaring music, causing everyone to dance. These are almost always fun and this was no exception.
The Ladies' Man
3 Stars
Leon Phelps takes calls regarding romance and love
Our second time seeing The Ladies Man is almost exactly the same as the first. People call in to ask romantic advice and he seems to know nothing about sex. One man calls in asking about premature ejaculation, which Leon is unfamiliar with. When told that he climaxes after 45 seconds, Leon is impressed and advises the man to tell all his family and friends about his impressive stamina. Another man calls in and says he likes to fantasize about other women when making love to his wife. Leon thinks this is all right and even offers his favorite fantasy, Designing Women star Delta Burke. The final caller is a 74 year old woman who has lost interest in sex after so many years of marriage. Leon ends the show as the thought of these two old people banging disgusts him. The character is funny but it was just the first sketch with different jokes.
Weekend Update
Our second time seeing The Ladies Man is almost exactly the same as the first. People call in to ask romantic advice and he seems to know nothing about sex. One man calls in asking about premature ejaculation, which Leon is unfamiliar with. When told that he climaxes after 45 seconds, Leon is impressed and advises the man to tell all his family and friends about his impressive stamina. Another man calls in and says he likes to fantasize about other women when making love to his wife. Leon thinks this is all right and even offers his favorite fantasy, Designing Women star Delta Burke. The final caller is a 74 year old woman who has lost interest in sex after so many years of marriage. Leon ends the show as the thought of these two old people banging disgusts him. The character is funny but it was just the first sketch with different jokes.
Weekend Update
OJ Simpson's Brentwood estate is for sale. Perks include a renovated master bathroom with separate sinks for murder and murderee.
Ricki Lake had to get rid of her dog. It broke her heart but she reports that the dog was delicious.
New planes have been equipped with airbags. This is very good for crashes under 50 mph.
Richard Gere had a good time on the Oprah Winfrey show but was upset about Oprah's selection for her book club, "What Really Happened" by Richard Gere's Gerbil.
A man has been placed under house arrest after he has been deemed too fat for jail. How fat is he? Well, it took 4 inmates just to rape him.
An old friend stops by to tell us what he's been up to, Tommy Flanagan, president Pathological Liars Anonymous. He talks about how he went to Tibet to pick up his laundry. After giving the clerk all the pieces of paper in his pocket, the man finally said "Yeah, that's the ticket". Then he tells a tale about how he fell down a glacier, got frozen in ice, thawed out and woke up next to Amelia Earhart. He stole her plane and got to his audition for Boogie Nights just in time. He was supposed to be the stand-in for the last scene but they said he was overqualified, which is funny because he'd been sitting in a cold bath all day.
Jane's Addiction
"Jane Says"
There were definitely audio issues as I had a hard time hearing Perry Farrell's vocals over the band but the song is still good. Farrell is wearing a form fitting black dress with elbow length gloves and his hair is in sparkly spikes. Not sure what that has to do with the performance but it certainly didn't take anything away from it.
The Late Show
4 Stars
David Letterman interviews Marv Albert
After Norm's Letterman tells some awkward jokes and puts away his doll of steak, he brings out his first guest, broadcaster Marv Albert. Marv is eager to talk about his appetite for unconventional sex and says he has a silky thong bikini up his ass. He has also brought along a blooper tape which consists of one football blooper and homemade sex videos of Albert getting whipped and getting candle wax dripped on his back. Dave's stage manager, Biff Henderson, joins in on the action and Marv leaps on his back to bite it. This was all very fun.
In a Lost Deep Thoughts Jack Handey tells us that mountains hold many secrets the biggest of which being, "I am a fake mountain".
Colin Quinn Explains The New York Times
After Norm's Letterman tells some awkward jokes and puts away his doll of steak, he brings out his first guest, broadcaster Marv Albert. Marv is eager to talk about his appetite for unconventional sex and says he has a silky thong bikini up his ass. He has also brought along a blooper tape which consists of one football blooper and homemade sex videos of Albert getting whipped and getting candle wax dripped on his back. Dave's stage manager, Biff Henderson, joins in on the action and Marv leaps on his back to bite it. This was all very fun.
In a Lost Deep Thoughts Jack Handey tells us that mountains hold many secrets the biggest of which being, "I am a fake mountain".
Colin Quinn Explains The New York Times
1 Star
Colin Quinn reads the New York Times so you don't have to
Now, I know why I hate this. I see the writing on the wall. Colin is on the cusp of taking over for Norm behind the Weekend Update desk so I see this as the show getting us used to Colin talking directly to camera and telling political jokes. Aside from that, I didn't like it because it seemed lazy and thrown together and I don't find Colin Quinn all that funny. He breaks down The New York Times and tells us about the Bill Clinton and Paula Jones scandal, New York gangs and Iraq. I laughed at the end when he said that the Jets and the Giants were both in first place. The last time that happened Colin had long hair, he was out of work, smoking a joint and listening to The Allman Brothers, it was 1995.
The Robin Byrd Show
Now, I know why I hate this. I see the writing on the wall. Colin is on the cusp of taking over for Norm behind the Weekend Update desk so I see this as the show getting us used to Colin talking directly to camera and telling political jokes. Aside from that, I didn't like it because it seemed lazy and thrown together and I don't find Colin Quinn all that funny. He breaks down The New York Times and tells us about the Bill Clinton and Paula Jones scandal, New York gangs and Iraq. I laughed at the end when he said that the Jets and the Giants were both in first place. The last time that happened Colin had long hair, he was out of work, smoking a joint and listening to The Allman Brothers, it was 1995.
The Robin Byrd Show
1 Star
Porn star Robyn Byrd interviews Ron Jeremy and the stars of Boogie Nights
I didn't like this at all. Cheri is Robyn Byrd, who I am unfamiliar with. I'm assuming she was a porn star but I have no idea if she really hosted a show or if this is an accurate impression. She talks to Ron Jeremy for a bit, played by Lovitz, before introducing her main guests Mark Wahlberg and Burt Reynolds, the stars of Boogie Nights. She keeps calling Mark "Marky Mark" which he doesn't like. The sketch ends with her playing "Good Vibrations" which causes Wahlberg to uncontrollably dance. At least it had Norm as Burt lamenting the fact that his good buddy Dom DeLuise didn't get a part in the picture.
Set Our Nanny Free!
I didn't like this at all. Cheri is Robyn Byrd, who I am unfamiliar with. I'm assuming she was a porn star but I have no idea if she really hosted a show or if this is an accurate impression. She talks to Ron Jeremy for a bit, played by Lovitz, before introducing her main guests Mark Wahlberg and Burt Reynolds, the stars of Boogie Nights. She keeps calling Mark "Marky Mark" which he doesn't like. The sketch ends with her playing "Good Vibrations" which causes Wahlberg to uncontrollably dance. At least it had Norm as Burt lamenting the fact that his good buddy Dom DeLuise didn't get a part in the picture.
Set Our Nanny Free!
2 Stars
British pop stars sing to the British nanny who shook a baby
SNL has done this so many times. Get the whole cast to break out their best musical impressions and have them sing a song. It's been done well like in the Steven Seagal episode and it has been done poorly like when the cast sang for Michael Jordan to come back to basketball. This is on the weak side. Only a few of the impressions were fun. I liked Will's Elton John and Jim's Liam Gallagher was a funny sight gag as I had just seen Oasis perform on the show and he emulated his physicality well. As for the bad ones, Tim's Seal, Kattan's Jamiroquai and Darrell and Tracy playing Prodigy were very weak. The less said about Colin Quinn's terrible Elvis Costello impression the better. Lovitz plays Sarah Ferguson, the duchess of York and sings her section like Meatloaf and we get another cameo from Dana Carvey playing George Michael. The biggest laugh I got was from Norm in a wordless impression as Mr. Bean.
SNL has done this so many times. Get the whole cast to break out their best musical impressions and have them sing a song. It's been done well like in the Steven Seagal episode and it has been done poorly like when the cast sang for Michael Jordan to come back to basketball. This is on the weak side. Only a few of the impressions were fun. I liked Will's Elton John and Jim's Liam Gallagher was a funny sight gag as I had just seen Oasis perform on the show and he emulated his physicality well. As for the bad ones, Tim's Seal, Kattan's Jamiroquai and Darrell and Tracy playing Prodigy were very weak. The less said about Colin Quinn's terrible Elvis Costello impression the better. Lovitz plays Sarah Ferguson, the duchess of York and sings her section like Meatloaf and we get another cameo from Dana Carvey playing George Michael. The biggest laugh I got was from Norm in a wordless impression as Mr. Bean.
"Medically speaking how quickly does the semen leave your wang?"
Average
2.9 Stars
MVP
Norm MacDonald
Wedding Reception, Weekend Update, The Late Show, The Robyn Byrd Show, Set Our Nanny Free!
Wedding Reception, Weekend Update, The Late Show, The Robyn Byrd Show, Set Our Nanny Free!
Best Sketch
Dunkin' Donuts
Worst Sketch
The Robyn Byrd Show
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Everything flowed pretty nicely in this episode. There was a definite dry spell in the back half. Set Our Nanny Free is a weird sketch to end the show with. I would have moved that earlier in the show and ended with Fun With Real Audio.
Host Analysis
I know he's never been a huge star after leaving the show but I'm surprised this is Jon Lovitz's only time hosting. He pretty much single-handedly saved the show from cancellation, that's worth a couple of hosting appearances. I've always enjoyed Lovitz, he can save weak material with his delivery. I saw him do stand-up a few years ago and while he didn't have the strongest or most original jokes he always got me laughing with how he would nail the punchline. He didn't get a whole lot of chances to shine in this episode but when he headlined a sketch like in Dunkin' Donuts, I couldn't think of anyone else who would make that sketch better. It was also nice to see Tommy Flanagan back.
Final Thoughts
A lot of weak material near the end but a very enjoyable episode throughout.
Up Next
My So Called Life star Claire Danes hosts with musical guest Mariah Carey
I do not find a woman shaking a baby to death funny so the singing sketch is in poor taste and that Bill Clinton animation seemed risque,yet Dana Carvey did a sketch as Clinton on his show with several nipples and there was a uproar.
ReplyDeleteI only slightly remember the nanny story and I'm wondering if there was an outcry from some that she was innocent, which is the only way the sketch makes sense. I had to watch that one a couple times because it was hard to understand most of them. But you're right, if you pull away from it, a baby did die. There's a sketch in the next episode you probably won't like then.
DeleteI remember this story being big here when I was 9 I also think cause I am a parent aswell it sticks out to me,keep up the good work.
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