“The bitch is back!”
Cold Open: The Lawrence Welk Show
2 Stars
Lawrence Welk talks, Elton John talks, he starts singing, the girls show up, and this is the 5th appearance of Dooneese, why is it taking so long to get to it? It’s like we all know she’s coming out to do her bit, why are you belaboring it? It’s like if you’re on a bus to Hell and the driver keeps making pit stops.
Elton John Monologue
Elton tells some jokes about being a new dad. He comes off well here even if he’s just reading jokes off of cue cards.
KY Jelly Ladies Shot Put Championship 1985
Will Forte! I knew this season was missing something. Greg Stink and Pete Twinkle are back. Elton is nowhere in sight but we get a cameo from Carmelo Anthony and Tom Hanks as Greg’s brother Steve Stink who brought him the packed lunch he forgot at home.
Knights Of The Realm
The threat of an attacking dragon activates the Knights of the Realm, the celebrities that have been knighted by the Queen. Like Sir Elton John, Sir Ian McKellan, Sir Mix-A-Lot, and Sir Michael Caine played by Tom Hanks again. Loved the silliness of this, Richard Brandon’s combusting jetpack, taking this piss out of the un-knighted Ringo Starr, and the ultimate resolution of Sting slaying the dragon by jizzing all over it until it died.
Laser Cats The Musical!
Tom Hanks, again, introduces us to the latest Laser Cats adventure. Andy and Bill have suckered him in by holding Wilson, the volleyball captive. We get the usual goofiness, this time with an evil Elton John using music to make laser cats evil. We also get falling Spider-Mans (spoofing the Turn Off The Dark musical) and Andy shrinking to fit between the gap in Elton’s teeth to box his uvula.
Elton John and Leon Russell
"Hey Ahab"
Tom Hanks handles the introduction. Gotta say, I’m digging this bring in Tom as a backup host plan. We could have saved a lot of trouble and just had a Tom Hanks/Elton John show. Who was really clamoring to see Elton host a comedy show anyway? I’m starting to wonder if this was a situation where “thank god Tom’s in town this week because our booking agent screwed up”.
Weekend Update
Man, remember when Donald Trump was thinking about running for president on the platform of finding Obama’s birth certificate? Crazy times. Muammer Kaddafi shows up to lull me to sleep for a few minutes.
Zookeeper Barry Lewis brings out the cobra he caught which once again escapes from its enclosure. He ends up furiously beating the snake to death.
Royal Engagement
The return of Fred and Bill as Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip. Elton is called to play at the royal wedding and ends up playing punk music with the cockney monarchs. I don’t care for it but I can’t fault them for bringing this back in the Elton John episode. This sketch really suffers as recurring since most of the fun is the surprise that they speak uncouth when nobody is around. Knowing that gag up front kinda ruins it.
The Silver Screen
Taran and Elton play lovers who host a show about movies. Elton is a grumpy old queen and the only joke of the sketch is that he’s cheered up by Taran’s kisses. It’s the old two dudes kissing = comedy routine.
The Old West
This feels like a sister sketch to the Jeff Bridges 10-1 where he plays an effeminate weirdo working in an old timey general store. This has Elton riding up on his unicorn to quiet a brouhaha at an old west saloon. He’s a tough cowboy but he’s gay and everyone loves his queenie stories. It’s another sketch with a man-on-man kiss punchline.
Elton John and Leon Russell close the show with "Monkey Suit"
“Make room for Paco, put some sauce on that taco”
Average
2.9 Stars
MVP
Tom Hanks
KY Jelly Ladies Shot Put Championship 1985, Knights Of The Realm, Laser Cats The Musical
Best Sketch
Knights Of The Realm
Worst Sketch
The Silver Screen
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Elton is the musical guest, Tom Hanks is the host. Wow, that was easy.
Host Analysis
Things were going super well until after Update when they started putting Elton in sketches. I forgot this was his show until those last three duds. He was stiff and fairly dull in sketches. It didn’t feel like he wanted to be there. You know who did seem to be having a good time? Tom Hanks.
Final Thoughts
This had classic written all over it until Update. The return of Twinkle and Stink with a Tom Hanks bonus, Sting jizzing on dragons, and Laser Cats, plus Elton’s first performance was fun. Then Fred comes out as Kaddafi and we should all call it a night. Seriously, this had nothing in the back half. Enjoy the show until you see Seth Meyers though. Then get the hell home early.
Up Next
Helen Mirren and Foo Fighters? Now that’s an after party.
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