“I have diarrhea!”
Cold Open: Selection Sunday
4 Stars
Not March Madness but actual madness, it’s the bracket for the craziest person in the world. We get Kadaffi, Charlie Sheen, and this all seems like the last cold open. Basically the same premise but this is fun whereas that was just a talk show. Fun start to the show.
Zach Galifianakis Monologue
Speaking of a fun start to the show, Zach does some one-liners, tries out some characters like the guy from Queens obsessed with cargo shorts, and dances to Annie. I want to give this more than 5 stars. I loved all of this. He even calls back to his previous monologue by once again announcing Hoobastank as the musical guest.
The Talk
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2 Stars
Kristen as Julie Chen?
Abby does a pretty good Leah Remini, Vanessa is Sara Gilbert, Nasim is Sharon Osbourne and Holly Robinson Peete is “on vacation” since SNL doesn’t have a black female cast member. Speaking of that, Kenan shows up as Whoopi and this marks the final time we’ll see Kenan playing a woman. It’s been a wild 8 seasons but we’ve finally come to the end. I feel like going back through all the great memories. Star Jones, Virginiaca Hastings, Donovan McNabb’s mom, kinda makes you whistful. I don’t like The View sketches and I certainly don’t like The Talk sketches other than Zach as an audience member who has had his birthday ruined due to a ticket mishap.
The Original Kings Of Catchphrase Comedy
An absolute classic that got even better when they repeated it. You got David "Beef Jelly" Winfield, Goran "Funky Boy" Bogdan, Slappy Pappy, Pete "Airhorn" Schultz and they’re joined by Barry The Plumbing Gentleman, Mike "Insert Joke Here" Henry, Chip "So Yeah I'm Single" Feeney, Boston Powers, Dr. Velociraptor, Addi “News Flash” Sweeney, White Bernie Mac, and Fur Coat Rhonda.
Scared Straight
7th appearance of Lorenzo McIntosh and he’s joined by his uncle who likes to eat people. They reference Home Alone, The King’s Speech, and The Hangover. Can’t lie, I laughed at “you’ll be hit in the mouth with nuts and taint” but it’s hard to get too excited for the 7th one.
Zach Looks For A New Assistant
Zach interviews children. Not much to say about this, just a fun little improvised “kids say the darndest things” bit. It’s cute.
Jessie J ft. B.o.B.
"Price Tag"
Weekend Update
Liam, the teenager who just woke up, returns. Remember him from last season? Remember Adam Sandler’s Sleepyhead?
Noodles
Zach and Kristen have to break the bad news to their children about the family dog. They’re not buying that he went to a farm upstate, they also aren’t sold on Doggie Heaven. Finally the truth comes out, Noodles died because he was choking himself while masturbating. They found the doggy porn near his body. I don’t know how you end a sketch like this but the only thing this sketch lacks is a strong finish. The dog ends up waking up from a coma, tells everyone what a freak he is, and sing Luck Be A Lady. That’s not where I would go. A+ premise with a C- landing.
Celebrity Scoop
Kristen and Fred host a Canadian gossip show where they’re super nice to everyone. Zach’s weird logger gets some laughs. Also didn’t mind Bill’s fashion correspondent who put everyone on his best dressed list. Their producer being a moose is kinda funny too. There’s just something missing here. Maybe it’s just the whole talk show hosted by people with accents is the oldest SNL sketch in the book.
Jessie J returns with "Mamma Knows Best"
Corn Syrup Producers Of America
Nasim cuts down Kristen’s nosy mom when she questions her choice to feed her children high fructose corn syrup. Terrific performance from Nasim and a hilarious reveal of Bobby being her overgrown daughter.
Titanic
Zach is in drag to take advantage of the women and children first policy after the Titanic sinks. He’s not getting away with it either. Everyone on the lifeboat has seen his penis and notices his beard. Something happens at the end that causes a seemingly lost Zach to stand up after a long pause and just scream “Titanic!” which made the sketch even funnier for me. It was already kind of weird so that was just the perfect ending.
“He would tighten his collar and lick himself dry”
Average
3.8 Stars
MVP
Nasim Pedrad
Selection Sunday, The Talk, Noodles, Corn Syrup Producers Of America, Titanic
Best Sketch
Noodles
Worst Sketch
The Talk
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
No notes. I don’t even mind the weak lead-off sketch since I was still coming off the high from the monologue. Titanic was the perfect final sketch and Jessie J was fun. This teeters on classic.
Host Analysis
I loved that he shaved his head for a Mr. T sketch that got cut for time. Zach was fantastic. One of the best monologues ever and his oddball energy just fits the show.
Final Thoughts
Once again, let’s pour one out for Kenan’s last time in drag. Feels like the end of an era. This was so close to the 4 Star mark that I almost want to boost my ratings for The Talk and Celebrity Scoop just to cheat it. It definitely feels like a classic and the two weak sketches aren’t total duds. They slow the show down but don’t bring it to a complete stop. It’s definitely my favorite of the season and it was a very consistent episode where I had a good time from cold open to 10-1. I don’t think I can say that about any other show this season. Plus I gotta give a shout to Jessie J who I am completely unfamiliar with but I paid attention to both musical performances and was enjoying them so that cancels out the two weak spots. This one is just strong enough to be called a classic.
Up Next
Elton John
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