“Maybe medium spicy with extra buns”
Cold Open: Press Conference
0 Stars
It’s a no-win situation. As soon as this starts I know I don’t care and won’t care about any of this. It’s a presidential press conference, I couldn’t possibly like this no matter what era of the show. Then Bowen comes out as a panda and I don’t know what’s going on. I have no memory of any story about a panda and I probably didn’t know about it at the time. So maybe if you were really following this panda story this is fun but I can safely say that this is not funny without context. This episode is less than a year old and I’m like, panda? Joe Biden? What is any of this?
But this is lame, right? It just feels so much lamer than any other era. Maybe that’s just because I’m watching this season concurrently with Season 2. But I can’t imagine Tim Meadows coming out in a cold open dressed as a panda to thunderous applause, this is distinctly modern SNL. I’ve probably posed this question before but, why do they feel the need to do a topical or political cold open every week? If the biggest news story was panda related then maybe go back to the drawing board. It’s not just that it’s topical, it’s that it’s so insular. You missed this news story?, then you won’t get this, sorry bout your luck. I just watched a sketch with Ralph Nader talking to Jimmy Carter and somehow that seemed more relevant than Joe Biden talking to an asexual panda.
Jason Momoa Monologue
I’m not a big fan of the “relatable anectode” monologue but this isn’t even that. He just talks about himself. He was on Baywatch, he’s from Hawaii, he plays Aquaman, he donates to charity, he loves the environment. We don’t need a monologue every week either, do we? Why not a good old fashioned Ebersol era Talent Entrance for this episode? Gotta remember that the first 15 minutes doesn’t always match the rest of the show, although it probably should. I should really start tuning in at 11:45.
Masters Of The Pen
Heidi and Bowen host a show about L. Frank Baum but that’s just a frame for a sketch about Mikey and Jason’s giddy mugging in an old-timey film filter. This was fun. It reminded me of the Chris Pine backpack dance party, which was one of the first times I took note of Mikey. Chloe #2 and Kenan also do some fast blinking and hotdog holding, respectively, but they aren’t as fun. I either wanted more people doing it or no people doing it, or maybe just different people doing it. Also enjoyed Jason always being referred to as “his large friend”.
Rome Song
I got momentarily excited when Chloe started singing but then lost all interest. Ladies assume their guys are thinking about something deep but they’re thinking about Ancient Rome. I didn’t quite get this, mostly because it was kinda hard to make out what Momoa was singing. They just seemed to be facts about Rome, and not funny facts but facty facts. Wouldn’t it be funnier if Mikey and other guys were singing about different random things? Give me some variety, like, why not have Kenan come out holding a hotdog?
Nightclub Line
I needed to look back at his first episode to see if any of these characters were recurring. Since the Chalamet episode had 2 sequel sketches and Pedro Pascal randomly returned with his mom character I thought maybe we all remembered Jason’s hilarious bouncer and his catchphrase “You are an ugly person”. That’s how much I give SNL the benefit of the doubt, I assumed “well, I’m not laughing at this so surely there’s something I don’t understand”. Jason and Marcello talk to people outside the klerb and then Kenan comes out and fires them for speaking in too many metaphors. I’m like, wait, they were speaking in metaphors? I thought this was smart guy/dumb guy routine. Fine performances but a big old bag of whatever.
The Hudson News Thanksgiving Week Airport Parade
This instantly reminds me of that Tina Fey sketch where they point out all the weird people you see at the airport but only because this is the exact same sketch but it’s a talk show now so it’s more lame. I remember that sketch well. It was the season premiere when we all awaited the Milhiser-aissance and the inevitable Brooks Wheelan takeover. A time when I would occasionally have the thought, “You think Kenan might leave this year?”.
Bowen and Ego host and I was about to list all the others but don’t feel like it so I’ll just say I laughed at Kenan as the security guard saying ‘laptops come out the bag’ repeatedly and JAJ as the gentle parent with an obnoxious child but more for the little girl’s ‘Screw you, bitch’. The one that made me sigh was Sarah as the ‘that motherfucker is not real’ girl. On one hand I was excited to finally understand an SNL reference but that’s all it was, just a reference. She did that thing we all saw on our phones.
Please Don’t Destroy
Ramen Order
When one of the guys gets a breakup call the other two still try to complete their ramen order. Not much to say about this, it’s funny.
Tate McRae
“greedy”
Weekend Update
Draymond Green talks about his suspension from the NBA. I don’t have much context for this but there were a few funny lines. I still think Devon has the deadest eyes I’ve ever seen from an SNL cast member. He looks completely zoned out all the time.
Remember Jon Bovi, the musical duo who sang opposite lyrics to Bon Jovi? Well Remember Lizards sing songs similar to Imagine Dragons. I’m not exactly saying it’s a rip-off but you’re cutting it close. They at least seem to know how stupid this is but that doesn’t exactly make it better. The worst was the end when they said ‘Imagine Dragons are real nice guys’, like I would think they were too hard on Imagine Dragons? Or was that so the rabid Imagine Dragons fans wouldn’t come for them on Twitter? Whatever the reason, it made a lame bit lamer. This sucked but I wanted to like it which made it suck more.
Castaway
Andrew and Chloe #2 await the arrival of Laird, Chloe’s estranged lover who’s been on a deserted island not masturbating for months. Andrew tries to assert dominance but is obviously the beta male. This had some decent bits, I groaned when the audience screamed at Jason taking his shirt off, this felt like a Mikey sketch and may have been better suited to him.
Tate McRae returns with “grave”
Untold: Battle Of The Sexes
3 Stars
Not a criticism, but why did we need the Netflix logo at the beginning of this? Does the audience need to know this documentary was broadcast on a streaming service? This is about Sharna Lee Diamond, a Billie Jean King like tennis player who challenged a large man on the courts. The problem with this is I know exactly where it’s going. I see Sarah, I see large man, I recall shorts like The Karate Teen and A Christmas Carol, not to mention a Fred Armisen sketch where he played Billie Jean King and got a tennis ball imbedded in his head. I know what’s gonna happen so there’s no chance for shock value. She gets a hole in her torso then her head knocked off. So it was just for a gross-out gag (which was funny) but it was a real missed opportunity. I would have started the sketch where this ends, with her refusing to give up and inspiring other headless athletes. The line ‘Did I ruin it for women?’ as she’s stumbling around with a hole in her belly was very funny.
Cab Driver
This feels like a sketch that’s been done before but I could just be thinking about other cabbie sketches with Finesse Mitchell, Megan Mullally, and Rudy Giuliani. Jason puts his doctor on speaker and Kenan reacts to all his diagnoses like Hepatitis Gold, Empty Diapers, a penis negative in length, and he’s legally blind. Not the most original sketch, it also harkens back to James Bond getting his STD results, but funny.
FINAL ANALYSIS
“You got low blood, Sugar”
Average
2.3 Stars
MVP
Mikey Day
Press Conference, Masters Of The Pen, Rome Song, The Hudson News Thanksgiving Week Airport Parade, Untold: Battle Of The Sexes, Cab Driver (VO)
Best Sketch
Masters Of The Pen
Worst Sketch
Press Conference
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
On the positive it got better late in the night but that just forces me to watch until the end credits every week with hope that I might get one funny sketch before 1am. Might as well put PDD in the back half and tell me I can do the dishes until after Update. That cold open and monologue was deadly, then we got a fun opener, but then a lot of weak sauce and a long Update packed with crap.
Host Analysis
His monologue put me off right at the start then I didn’t like him in anything until the last sketch of the night, and even then I’m being a little generous as the writing did all the heavy lifting. He was put to good use as ‘large man’ a few times but get Terry Crews or Dwayne Johnson or someone with charisma of you want to fill those roles.
Final Thoughts
I’m gonna try and stay positive, this sucked. This sucked so bad my wife made me turn it off. Usually she’ll play on her phone and ignore whatever random SNL episode I’m watching but she specifically requested to turn this shit off. That was during the Remember Lizards segment so can’t even blame Momoa for that. Can’t say he helped but it wasn’t completely his fault. Every sketch reminded me of a better sketch I’d rather be watching. Masters Of The Pen reminded me of Back Pack Dance Party, Battle Of The Sexes - Fred Armisen and Andy Roddick, Airport Parade - Tina Fey flight attendants, Remember Lizards - Jon Bovi, Castaway - ten other cuckolding sketches, Cab Driver - ten other cabbie sketches, even Nightclub Line had me wondering if those Buddy Bizarre sketches hold up. Tate McRae was a dud, for me at least, and Update was extra long plus you start with a dire cold open and monologue. There’s a few bright spots but you gotta sift through some garbage to find them. It’s not really worth it when you get them either.
Up Next
Emma Stone hosts for the 5th time with musical guest Noah Kahan
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