"We did what we thought was best for whitey"
Cold Open: Nightline
3 Stars
Ted Koppel interviews Martha Stewart and others
The big news story this week is that Martha Stewart is going to jail. Ted Koppel first interviews a juror in the case, then a stock broker who is glad "that bitch" is getting what she deserves. He also wants to see other "bitches" arrested like Hilary Clinton, Yoko Ono, Jane Fonda, Oprah and his boss, Susan Luderman. When asked if he might have a problem with powerful women he responds with, "Don't be a bitch, Ted". Then we get a short interview with Rosie O'Donnell (played by Horatio for the 4th time this season) and then finally Martha herself, played by alum Ana Gasteyer. Martha tells Ted that she is ready for prison and beating squealers with a pipe and is also on a lot of anxiety medication. I'll take a Ted Koppel cold open any day of the week, glad to see this over Hardball. It was also mercifully short, even with all the participants.
Colin Firth Monologue
3 Stars
The big news story this week is that Martha Stewart is going to jail. Ted Koppel first interviews a juror in the case, then a stock broker who is glad "that bitch" is getting what she deserves. He also wants to see other "bitches" arrested like Hilary Clinton, Yoko Ono, Jane Fonda, Oprah and his boss, Susan Luderman. When asked if he might have a problem with powerful women he responds with, "Don't be a bitch, Ted". Then we get a short interview with Rosie O'Donnell (played by Horatio for the 4th time this season) and then finally Martha herself, played by alum Ana Gasteyer. Martha tells Ted that she is ready for prison and beating squealers with a pipe and is also on a lot of anxiety medication. I'll take a Ted Koppel cold open any day of the week, glad to see this over Hardball. It was also mercifully short, even with all the participants.
Colin Firth Monologue
3 Stars
The women and Hugh Grant are excited to see Colin host
The female cast is really happy that Colin is hosting as they are all fans of Pride & Prejudice. Amy wants to act out a scene with him, Maya wants to do the balcony scene from Romeo & Juliet, Rachel drops all pretense and just says she always wanted to put on a corset and go to town on some English dude. Maya mentions that Colin is the first "real actor" they've had on the show in a long time, and after sitting through episodes hosted by Christina Aguilera and Jessica Simpson, I completely agree with her. I would have been fine to end with the women but then Seth comes out as Hugh Grant, Colin's Love Actually costar, and talks to him about being amorous with his leading ladies. Then Seth drops the act and says he really just wanted to show of his great impression to Colin, and Colin gets the best line of the sketch, "Oh really, let's hear it". One too many things going on here but, like Maya, I am also excited to have a real actor at the wheel.
Accents
4 Stars
The female cast is really happy that Colin is hosting as they are all fans of Pride & Prejudice. Amy wants to act out a scene with him, Maya wants to do the balcony scene from Romeo & Juliet, Rachel drops all pretense and just says she always wanted to put on a corset and go to town on some English dude. Maya mentions that Colin is the first "real actor" they've had on the show in a long time, and after sitting through episodes hosted by Christina Aguilera and Jessica Simpson, I completely agree with her. I would have been fine to end with the women but then Seth comes out as Hugh Grant, Colin's Love Actually costar, and talks to him about being amorous with his leading ladies. Then Seth drops the act and says he really just wanted to show of his great impression to Colin, and Colin gets the best line of the sketch, "Oh really, let's hear it". One too many things going on here but, like Maya, I am also excited to have a real actor at the wheel.
Accents
4 Stars
An English actor does an unconvincing American accent
Colin is playing a Georgian peach farmer returning from the Civil War but is having trouble with the accent. He embraces Amy but sounds like Paul Lynde as he calls her his "little southern hoochie coo". The director is not pleased and asks to speak to his dialect coach, Seth who also sounds like Paul Lynde. We find out that the other actors in the film are also foreign, Chris is Chinese, Amy is Australian and Finesse has a stutter. They do the scene again, all in their original accents which gives the director an idea. We cut to a Variety headline that says "Project scrapped". A quick and funny sketch that got out before the joke had run its course. Colin showed some good comedic chops here
¡Show Biz Grande Explosion!
2 Stars
Colin is playing a Georgian peach farmer returning from the Civil War but is having trouble with the accent. He embraces Amy but sounds like Paul Lynde as he calls her his "little southern hoochie coo". The director is not pleased and asks to speak to his dialect coach, Seth who also sounds like Paul Lynde. We find out that the other actors in the film are also foreign, Chris is Chinese, Amy is Australian and Finesse has a stutter. They do the scene again, all in their original accents which gives the director an idea. We cut to a Variety headline that says "Project scrapped". A quick and funny sketch that got out before the joke had run its course. Colin showed some good comedic chops here
¡Show Biz Grande Explosion!
2 Stars
Fericito helps Colin with his comedic timing
After some Weekend Update appearances last season, Fericito gets his own talk show. He makes jokes punctuated with a rimshot and his trademark, "I'm just kidding!". He interviews Colin and asks him, as one foreigner to another, if he can believe how many men in America are circumcised. He says that the locker room at his gym looks like a mushroom farm. Colin adds that it sounds like his gym has a lot of fun guys (fungi). Fericito does not understand the joke as it was not punctuated with a rimshot or an exclamation of "Ay dios mio!". He tells Colin that he needs to shoot imaginary guns or stick out his tongue so the audience knows when he is telling a joke. I don't quite get this. Colin seems to be having a fun time, though.
Cartoons And Your Government
4 Stars
After some Weekend Update appearances last season, Fericito gets his own talk show. He makes jokes punctuated with a rimshot and his trademark, "I'm just kidding!". He interviews Colin and asks him, as one foreigner to another, if he can believe how many men in America are circumcised. He says that the locker room at his gym looks like a mushroom farm. Colin adds that it sounds like his gym has a lot of fun guys (fungi). Fericito does not understand the joke as it was not punctuated with a rimshot or an exclamation of "Ay dios mio!". He tells Colin that he needs to shoot imaginary guns or stick out his tongue so the audience knows when he is telling a joke. I don't quite get this. Colin seems to be having a fun time, though.
Cartoons And Your Government
4 Stars
Due to Nipplegate, cartoons are now being censored for your enjoyment
In an effort to curb the tide of indecency, the FCC will now be blurring out and censoring some of the more sexually explicit cartoons. We get footage of Donald Duck, Bugs Bunny, Fred Flintstone and other with pixelated genitalia. We also get footage of the Oscars with a censored crotch and George W. Bush with a censored face as to avoid anyone being offended. The FCC chairman delivering this news then has his body erased and replaced with a naked woman's only to have it erased again and replaced with a nude man's body with a Ken doll like crotch. We pan out and it's been Howard Stern the whole time animating this as he gives the Looney Tunes send off, "Ain't I a stinker?".
Trial
4 Stars
In an effort to curb the tide of indecency, the FCC will now be blurring out and censoring some of the more sexually explicit cartoons. We get footage of Donald Duck, Bugs Bunny, Fred Flintstone and other with pixelated genitalia. We also get footage of the Oscars with a censored crotch and George W. Bush with a censored face as to avoid anyone being offended. The FCC chairman delivering this news then has his body erased and replaced with a naked woman's only to have it erased again and replaced with a nude man's body with a Ken doll like crotch. We pan out and it's been Howard Stern the whole time animating this as he gives the Looney Tunes send off, "Ain't I a stinker?".
Trial
4 Stars
Tim Calhoun stands accused of misdeeds
Tim Calhoun makes his only appearance outside of the Update desk as he sits in front of a panel investigating money laundering at the ATF, where he works. He is physically uncomfortable answering questions without his lawyer whispering in his ear. When asked if he had any knowledge about the money laundering he says he doesn't recall until a tape is played with his voice on it.
"Maybe this tape will better your recollection."
"Here are your laundered moneys."
"Thank you Senor Calhoun."
"It's Tim Calhoun. Just like it says on my ATF ID card. I hope you enjoy the cocaine. I know I did."
Tim's lawyer is upset with this new information and refuses to work with him. Now on his own, Tim asks if his case would be different if they did not have the tape.
"Well we do have the tape."
"Oh no."
This is pure performance by Will that makes this work as well as it does.
Norah Jones
"Sunrise"
Or Laura Jones, as Colin Firth calls her. This is that pleasant and inoffensive, coffee shop music that's easy to listen to but also easy to ignore. It's nice but pretty forgettable. I enjoyed listening to it but couldn't hum the tune moments after hearing it.
Weekend Update
"It's bad news for Jews and good news for Jews"
Meh. That's all I can muster for the Tina Fey/Jimmy Fallon Update anymore. There's an exceptionally weak moment where Jimmy tells Tina he wants to try out a new nickname for himself, "J-Rod", and Tina tells him that he can't give himself a nickname but has to earn one, like the ones he already has "Queer Boner", "Flounder Tits" and "J-Hole".
Maya Rudolph reports live from a Connecticut suburb where white women are looting and rioting after the Martha Stewart verdict. She describes the violence as a bunch of women run wild behind her with toasters and Cuisinarts.
There's a knock at the Update door and in walks Peter Jackson and Elijah Wood. They are both fresh off their Oscar wins and are here to pick up their award. Peter wants Elijah to win something so Jimmy gives him his piece of Big Red gum. Peter gives it to Elijah for excellence in being a hobbit which makes him happy.
Former president Bill Clinton drops by to talk about John Kerry locking up the democratic nomination and gives him a few suggestions for his running mate. He thinks John Edwards is so boring he'll probably have sex in the Oval Office with his wife in the missionary position, Howard Dean is crazy, Dennis Kucinich deserves a noogie and calls Hillary Clinton smart, talented and sexy as hell before revealing that he's really talking about Anna Nicole Smith. Finally he just suggests himself because imagine how much fun it would be to have Bill in the White House with even less responsibility.
Hotel Wilson
There's a knock at the Update door and in walks Peter Jackson and Elijah Wood. They are both fresh off their Oscar wins and are here to pick up their award. Peter wants Elijah to win something so Jimmy gives him his piece of Big Red gum. Peter gives it to Elijah for excellence in being a hobbit which makes him happy.
Former president Bill Clinton drops by to talk about John Kerry locking up the democratic nomination and gives him a few suggestions for his running mate. He thinks John Edwards is so boring he'll probably have sex in the Oval Office with his wife in the missionary position, Howard Dean is crazy, Dennis Kucinich deserves a noogie and calls Hillary Clinton smart, talented and sexy as hell before revealing that he's really talking about Anna Nicole Smith. Finally he just suggests himself because imagine how much fun it would be to have Bill in the White House with even less responsibility.
Hotel Wilson
3 Stars
A too helpful bellhop assists a man with some professional company
Colin checks into a hotel and asks his bellhop if he knows where he can find some company for the evening. The bellhop, Kenan, assumes that he is asking for him personally so offers to take his pants off for $100. He takes out some condoms but Colin says he's not interested, leading Kenan to think it's a racial thing.
"I like black people."
"Good because you're getting ready to love one. Randall's gonna rock your world."
Colin calls for the manager who comes in and tries to assist in taking off Colin's pants. A police officer comes in and tries to get in on the action as well and they all start dancing around to Crazy In Love by Beyonce. After throwing money at them all to get them to leave, Colin calls his friend in an adjoining room to tell him about all this craziness but his friend is in bed with Fred, and enjoying himself. This had some laughs, may have been the first thing I liked Kenan in all season, but the gay panic left a bad taste in my mouth.
Meet The Press
3 Stars
Colin checks into a hotel and asks his bellhop if he knows where he can find some company for the evening. The bellhop, Kenan, assumes that he is asking for him personally so offers to take his pants off for $100. He takes out some condoms but Colin says he's not interested, leading Kenan to think it's a racial thing.
"I like black people."
"Good because you're getting ready to love one. Randall's gonna rock your world."
Colin calls for the manager who comes in and tries to assist in taking off Colin's pants. A police officer comes in and tries to get in on the action as well and they all start dancing around to Crazy In Love by Beyonce. After throwing money at them all to get them to leave, Colin calls his friend in an adjoining room to tell him about all this craziness but his friend is in bed with Fred, and enjoying himself. This had some laughs, may have been the first thing I liked Kenan in all season, but the gay panic left a bad taste in my mouth.
Meet The Press
3 Stars
Tim Russert interviews John Edwards
Something tells me this was a cold open that was pushed back. Tim Russert, a Darrell Hammond impression very similar to his Chris Matthews, is talking to John Edwards about his campaign for democratic nominee for president. He says that Edwards wasn't very critical about John Kerry and thinks that he was really campaigning for vice president. He shows some Edwards campaign commercials to prove his point. One just blatantly flaunts Kerry's military record, another one calls him a workaholic and the last says he will be the tallest and leanest president in history which ends with the tagline, "Edwards for President, or Vice President". Russert calls him a kiss ass and Edwards admits that he's right and congratulates him on being such a good interviewer. Not bad, short, but seemed an odd fit for so close to the end of the show.
The Sopranos
3 Stars
Something tells me this was a cold open that was pushed back. Tim Russert, a Darrell Hammond impression very similar to his Chris Matthews, is talking to John Edwards about his campaign for democratic nominee for president. He says that Edwards wasn't very critical about John Kerry and thinks that he was really campaigning for vice president. He shows some Edwards campaign commercials to prove his point. One just blatantly flaunts Kerry's military record, another one calls him a workaholic and the last says he will be the tallest and leanest president in history which ends with the tagline, "Edwards for President, or Vice President". Russert calls him a kiss ass and Edwards admits that he's right and congratulates him on being such a good interviewer. Not bad, short, but seemed an odd fit for so close to the end of the show.
The Sopranos
3 Stars
The cast of The Sopranos can't remember what they were doing last season
It's been 15 months since the last episode of The Sopranos and the wait is over. Watch the season premiere where nobody can remember what's happened since the last episode. They think Ralphie was killed, until he shows up in their kitchen, Steven Van Zandt thought the show was cancelled so he's been touring with Bruce Springsteen and has brought Clarence Clemons with him. They all gather to watch the last season on VHS but still can't figure it out. Not bad, I've never seen an episode of The Sopranos but I could still get the joke.
Norah Jones returns with What Am I To You? which either sounds almost exactly like the last song or I have forgotten what the last song sounds like. Again, pleasant but not the most exciting thing to see on live TV.
Jesus: Hollywood Vs. History
It's been 15 months since the last episode of The Sopranos and the wait is over. Watch the season premiere where nobody can remember what's happened since the last episode. They think Ralphie was killed, until he shows up in their kitchen, Steven Van Zandt thought the show was cancelled so he's been touring with Bruce Springsteen and has brought Clarence Clemons with him. They all gather to watch the last season on VHS but still can't figure it out. Not bad, I've never seen an episode of The Sopranos but I could still get the joke.
Norah Jones returns with What Am I To You? which either sounds almost exactly like the last song or I have forgotten what the last song sounds like. Again, pleasant but not the most exciting thing to see on live TV.
Jesus: Hollywood Vs. History
3 Stars
Footage from a film about Jesus directed by Benny Hill
I remember a viral video that came out around this time that had this same joke but seeing as how this episode came out on March 6th and The Passion Of The Christ was released on February 25th, I'll give Will credit for getting there first. Colin plays Liam Neeson who introduces us to the most controversial film about Christ that was never released. It was directed by Benny Hill, the English comedian known for his bawdy sexual humor. We see Will as Benny on the cross, the robes falls off of his disciples and they are girls in bikinis who chase him around. For a pre-filmed bit, I wish this had more lunacy but it was quick and to the point. Colin, as Liam, calls it unwatchable and not good and says its failure left Benny emotionally crushed, dying 18 years later.
FINAL ANALYSIS
I remember a viral video that came out around this time that had this same joke but seeing as how this episode came out on March 6th and The Passion Of The Christ was released on February 25th, I'll give Will credit for getting there first. Colin plays Liam Neeson who introduces us to the most controversial film about Christ that was never released. It was directed by Benny Hill, the English comedian known for his bawdy sexual humor. We see Will as Benny on the cross, the robes falls off of his disciples and they are girls in bikinis who chase him around. For a pre-filmed bit, I wish this had more lunacy but it was quick and to the point. Colin, as Liam, calls it unwatchable and not good and says its failure left Benny emotionally crushed, dying 18 years later.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"You have the right to remain horny"
Average
3.2 Stars
MVP
Will Forte
Nightline, Trial, Meet The Press, The Sopranos, Jesus: Hollywood Vs. History
Nightline, Trial, Meet The Press, The Sopranos, Jesus: Hollywood Vs. History
Best Sketch
Trial
Worst Sketch
¡Show Biz Grande Explosion!
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
I would have swapped Meet The Press with ¡Show Biz Grande Explosion!, for one, I've never been a huge fan of Fericito and seeing him too early in the night made me think the episode was going downhill fast and two, Meet The Press is just two people talking politics, that needs to be up front so we can save the weirder stuff for the end. Also, pre-film The Sopranos and put it after the monologue as a sleek commercial parody and cut a little bit out of Weekend Update so we can really have some fun with Benny Hill as Jesus.
Host Analysis
Colin Firth is not a comedic titan but he is Milton Berle and Sid Caesar rolled into one when compared to some of the hosts we've gotten this season. He had an easy going feel to him, you could tell he was just trying to have fun and go with the flow. They kept him in straight man roles for most of the show, which was probably the wisest move, except for his first sketch, Accents, which I thought he was really funny in.
Final Thoughts
I know I'm probably really high on this episode because it came right after two really horrible ones but this was my favorite episode of the season. Every sketch worked, even my least favorite one had some things to like. Nothing bombed and a 3.2 sketch average places it just above the Megan Mullally and Justin Timberlake episodes. If I factored in Weekend Update and the musical guest, it would be a bit lower but that's why I don't include them. I had no idea that the Colin Firth episode would be my favorite of the season but comedy is all about timing and a halfway decent episode after two really bad ones makes a good episode into a great one. Hopefully this signifies an upwards swing in the last crop of episodes.
Up Next
Future 5 timers club member, Ben Affleck hosts for the second time with musical guest N.E.R.D.
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