"You've forgotten the true meaning of Valentine's Day, getting loaded and having bathroom sex with whoever walks in"
Cold Open: Endorsement
Cold Open: Endorsement
1 Star
Al Gore wants to support John Kerry
Al Gore calls John Kerry late at night to tell him he is officially endorsing him for president. At first he endorsed Howard Dean but that didn't work out and then he tried to endorse all the other candidates but they turned him down. Kerry thinks Gore is delusional and gives him the wrong state for the DNC convention. Al asks about a vice president job and Kerry hangs up. I don't remember Al Gore being seen as a pariah but between this sketch and the Howard Dean one from a few episodes back he must have had that reputation at the time. The real problem with this sketch is that both Darrell's Gore and Seth's Kerry are so slow and boring impressions that the two of them talking to each other just drags the pace of this to a halt. Another lazy throw to the sign on. Tipper tells Al to come to bed and Al turns to the camera.
"I just wanted to say that Live From New York..."
I feel that the sign on line has to be integrated well or not at all. You can either make it part of a sentence or drop all character and scream it. It doesn't work for me when it's half-assed.
Drew Barrymore Monologue
Al Gore calls John Kerry late at night to tell him he is officially endorsing him for president. At first he endorsed Howard Dean but that didn't work out and then he tried to endorse all the other candidates but they turned him down. Kerry thinks Gore is delusional and gives him the wrong state for the DNC convention. Al asks about a vice president job and Kerry hangs up. I don't remember Al Gore being seen as a pariah but between this sketch and the Howard Dean one from a few episodes back he must have had that reputation at the time. The real problem with this sketch is that both Darrell's Gore and Seth's Kerry are so slow and boring impressions that the two of them talking to each other just drags the pace of this to a halt. Another lazy throw to the sign on. Tipper tells Al to come to bed and Al turns to the camera.
"I just wanted to say that Live From New York..."
I feel that the sign on line has to be integrated well or not at all. You can either make it part of a sentence or drop all character and scream it. It doesn't work for me when it's half-assed.
Drew Barrymore Monologue
1 Star
Drew is visited by E.T. and other 80s characters
Drew is quickly joined by E.T. who is in town to do a spot on VH1's I Love The '80s. Then C-3PO comes out, followed by Zelda Rubinstein from Poltergeist and Darth Vader. They all think that Drew was in their movie even though she insists that she wasn't. Darth tells her that he's her father and reads her a Valentine's Day care he wrote. None of this made sense and they didn't seem to care if it did. It felt like they had the costumes already and decided to throw something together very last minute.
A Very Special Valentine's Versace
Drew is quickly joined by E.T. who is in town to do a spot on VH1's I Love The '80s. Then C-3PO comes out, followed by Zelda Rubinstein from Poltergeist and Darth Vader. They all think that Drew was in their movie even though she insists that she wasn't. Darth tells her that he's her father and reads her a Valentine's Day care he wrote. None of this made sense and they didn't seem to care if it did. It felt like they had the costumes already and decided to throw something together very last minute.
A Very Special Valentine's Versace
1 Star
Donatella Versace hangs out with Elton John, Madonna and Courtney Love on Valentine's Day
Donatella Versace is hosting a Valentine's Day special, with Elton John providing the musical accompaniment. Her first guest is Madonna, who gives her a children's book she wrote. Then Drew comes crashing in the window as Courtney Love. She's drunk and wants to trash the place. She does and the two scream at each other and call each other bitches. None of this worked for me, least of all was Drew's performance which weaved between terrible and giggling at herself.
Jarret's Room
Donatella Versace is hosting a Valentine's Day special, with Elton John providing the musical accompaniment. Her first guest is Madonna, who gives her a children's book she wrote. Then Drew comes crashing in the window as Courtney Love. She's drunk and wants to trash the place. She does and the two scream at each other and call each other bitches. None of this worked for me, least of all was Drew's performance which weaved between terrible and giggling at herself.
Jarret's Room
2 Stars
Jarret has a crush on Gobi's sister
It's Valentine's Day and Gobi has found a girl for his buddy Jarret, his sister. Drew comes in and Jarret falls in love. He imagines his life with her which involves them smoking weed and sleeping together. He wakes up from the dream. I'm sorry, I've lost all interest in recapping Jimmy Fallon sketches. This one is much easier to get through than Z105 but not by much.
Access Hollywood
It's Valentine's Day and Gobi has found a girl for his buddy Jarret, his sister. Drew comes in and Jarret falls in love. He imagines his life with her which involves them smoking weed and sleeping together. He wakes up from the dream. I'm sorry, I've lost all interest in recapping Jimmy Fallon sketches. This one is much easier to get through than Z105 but not by much.
Access Hollywood
2 Stars
Pat O'Brien interviews Charlize Theron
Charlize Theron has been nominated for an Oscar for playing serial killer, Aileen Wuornos in Monster. Pat mentions that many beautiful actresses ugly themselves up to win Oscars, like Halle Berry and Nicole Kidman. Charlize says that's not why she does it but shows clips from her next movies where she plays a woman with an ax through her face, a woman with a pig nose and Captain Lou Albano. She gets upset when she hears Renee Zellweger got the part in The Elephant Girl. Jimmy's Pat O'Brien character annoys me, this had a semi-clever premise but, again, I just don't find Drew Barrymore funny in this.
Octane
Charlize Theron has been nominated for an Oscar for playing serial killer, Aileen Wuornos in Monster. Pat mentions that many beautiful actresses ugly themselves up to win Oscars, like Halle Berry and Nicole Kidman. Charlize says that's not why she does it but shows clips from her next movies where she plays a woman with an ax through her face, a woman with a pig nose and Captain Lou Albano. She gets upset when she hears Renee Zellweger got the part in The Elephant Girl. Jimmy's Pat O'Brien character annoys me, this had a semi-clever premise but, again, I just don't find Drew Barrymore funny in this.
Octane
2 Stars
A trailer for a Fast & Furious-esque action film
I didn't quite get this one. It's a trailer for a film in the style of Biker Boyz, The Fast & Furious and Torque. We see a lot of unrelated scenes and all the action scenes are done with toys. Maybe there's nothing more to this but I wanted more.
Kelis
"Milkshake"
I didn't quite get this one. It's a trailer for a film in the style of Biker Boyz, The Fast & Furious and Torque. We see a lot of unrelated scenes and all the action scenes are done with toys. Maybe there's nothing more to this but I wanted more.
Kelis
"Milkshake"
I have the same opinion of this song now as I did in 2004. It is unlistenable garbage.
Weekend Update
Weekend Update
"She is expected to be delicious"
While I still am not a fan of the Fey/Fallon Update, at least this one was short.
Diana Ross is interviewed via satellite from a women's prison. She's been sentenced for drunk driving and has been in jail for 20 minutes and already doesn't think she's gonna make it. Her cellmate, Finesse, sulks behind her.
Mike's Bar
2 Stars
George W. Bush and John Kerry meet at a bar
John Kerry is enjoying his leave from Vietnam, George W. Bush has just graduated. They meet at a bar. Kerry doesn't understand humor, Bush is stupid, Clinton comes in stoned with two ladies, Hillary Rodham comes in and harshes everyone's buzz but John Kerry takes her to an art museum to get rid of her. Clinton offers Bush some weed but George doesn't touch the stuff, preferring cocaine instead. This was...fine. I didn't really enjoy it but I didn't hate it either. It was just kind of there, like the rest of this episode.
John Kerry is enjoying his leave from Vietnam, George W. Bush has just graduated. They meet at a bar. Kerry doesn't understand humor, Bush is stupid, Clinton comes in stoned with two ladies, Hillary Rodham comes in and harshes everyone's buzz but John Kerry takes her to an art museum to get rid of her. Clinton offers Bush some weed but George doesn't touch the stuff, preferring cocaine instead. This was...fine. I didn't really enjoy it but I didn't hate it either. It was just kind of there, like the rest of this episode.
Larry King Live
1 Star
Larry King interviews Anna Nicole Smith
Jimmy Fallon plays Larry King, in a pretty terrible impression, not to be outdone, Drew plays Anna Nicole Smith, in an even worse impression. He asks her how she lost so much weight, to which she can't remember because she was a train-wreck and a drug addict and now she's dead. I am really, really, really hating this episode, maybe more so than Deion Sanders, which has been my standard for worst SNL episode ever. I know this is hindsight talking here but I found it in bad spirits that Drew, a recovered drug addict would make fun of both Courtney Love and Anna Nicole for having drug problems. It feels like punching down.
Spy Glass
Jimmy Fallon plays Larry King, in a pretty terrible impression, not to be outdone, Drew plays Anna Nicole Smith, in an even worse impression. He asks her how she lost so much weight, to which she can't remember because she was a train-wreck and a drug addict and now she's dead. I am really, really, really hating this episode, maybe more so than Deion Sanders, which has been my standard for worst SNL episode ever. I know this is hindsight talking here but I found it in bad spirits that Drew, a recovered drug addict would make fun of both Courtney Love and Anna Nicole for having drug problems. It feels like punching down.
Spy Glass
2 Stars
An English gossip show
It's like a 2nd Weekend Update, which is not a good thing as I didn't much care for the first. I don't like being negative but this episode has just been a top to bottom bummer to watch. I like Seth and Amy's chemistry and I liked this sketch the first time they aired it but it's just at the tail end of a bad episode and it ends with Jimmy Fucking Fallon, who refuses to sit down this episode, as Pat O'Brien again.
The World Of Scott Wainio
It's like a 2nd Weekend Update, which is not a good thing as I didn't much care for the first. I don't like being negative but this episode has just been a top to bottom bummer to watch. I like Seth and Amy's chemistry and I liked this sketch the first time they aired it but it's just at the tail end of a bad episode and it ends with Jimmy Fucking Fallon, who refuses to sit down this episode, as Pat O'Brien again.
The World Of Scott Wainio
What the fuck is this?
I was so confused. I thought my copy of this episode just cut to a different show. I actually enjoyed this but I'm not giving it a rating as it would artificially inflate this episode's average. Scott Wainio interviews people on the street without a microphone. So it's just a bunch of people talking into his hand as if nothing is unusual. He shakes hands with one guys before using the same hand to put in front of his face as an invisible microphone. He also keeps asking the question, do you think people are less observant nowadays. Fun stuff.
The White Stripes
1 Star
The White Stripes are called to stop a crime but are too busy jamming
Hey, did you know Jimmy played guitar? There's a bank robbery in progress so the chief of police calls The White Stripes. They say they'll be right there after they play their theme song. They start playing Seven Nation Army but the chief calls and says they're too late and they shouldn't always sing their theme song before they go fight crime. Boo.
Kelis returns with Trick Me which is a whole lot better than Milkshake. That's not saying much, I once accidentally farted into a trombone and it sounded better than Milkshake.
Prince Show
Hey, did you know Jimmy played guitar? There's a bank robbery in progress so the chief of police calls The White Stripes. They say they'll be right there after they play their theme song. They start playing Seven Nation Army but the chief calls and says they're too late and they shouldn't always sing their theme song before they go fight crime. Boo.
Kelis returns with Trick Me which is a whole lot better than Milkshake. That's not saying much, I once accidentally farted into a trombone and it sounded better than Milkshake.
Prince Show
2 Stars
Prince welcomes Pink and George Clinton to his show
Fred's Prince is funny here but...it's a talk show. I am so tired of celebrity impersonations hosting talk shows and talking to other celebrity impersonations. It's the laziest thing. Drew comes out as Pink and screams, Kenan comes out as George Clinton which is, whatever. That's all I got to say about that.
FINAL ANALYSIS
Fred's Prince is funny here but...it's a talk show. I am so tired of celebrity impersonations hosting talk shows and talking to other celebrity impersonations. It's the laziest thing. Drew comes out as Pink and screams, Kenan comes out as George Clinton which is, whatever. That's all I got to say about that.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"I am become death, destroyer of worlds"
Average
1.5 Stars
MVP
Jimmy Fallon
I'm begrudgingly giving him the MVP even though I disliked him in everything
Jarret's Room, Access Hollywood, Weekend Update, Larry King Live, Spy Glass, The White Stripes
I'm begrudgingly giving him the MVP even though I disliked him in everything
Jarret's Room, Access Hollywood, Weekend Update, Larry King Live, Spy Glass, The White Stripes
Best Sketch
The World Of Scott Wainio
Worst Sketch
Larry King Live
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Ugh. Nope. I have not the energy.
Host Analysis
Abysmally unfunny and trying too hard to boot. I thought she was fine as Jimmy's love interest in Jarret's Room but that's it. Everything else, I found her to be a black hole of funny. Comedy would exist around her but get sucked inside her and die.
Final Thoughts
At long last I found an equal to Deion Sanders, season 20. A 1.5 average ties that infamously bad episode. It may be rose colored glasses but I found myself getting nostalgic for Neon Deion dancing to Must Be The Money. I would rather see that than anything in this episode. Absolutely nothing worked here, it made me upset, I hated watching it, I wanted to stop watching. Not just this episode but this whole season, SNL in general.
Up Next
Up Next
Come on! After the worst episode I have ever seen, you're gonna give me Christina Aguilera. Real quick, let's run down the hosts from season 29. Jack Black, solid choice. Justin Timberlake, gamble that paid off. Alec Baldwin, of course. Jennifer Aniston and Megan Mullally, stars of the top rated sitcoms. Elijah Wood and Halle Berry, actors not known for comedy but you never know. Kelly Ripa, Andy Roddick, Al Sharpton, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. Looking forward in the season I'm about to watch Aguilera, Donald Trump, Janet Jackson, Snoop Dogg and The Olsen Twins. Dear SNL, funny people should be on your comedy show.
Wow seems like a terrible episode,I feel for you l
ReplyDeleteThis season is really bad
ReplyDeleteIf you ever get around to Season 6 the Malcom McDowell episode is considered one of the worst in the show's history.
ReplyDeleteGod yeah season 6 was a bad one too
ReplyDeleteYou must be a lot of fun at parties. 8|
ReplyDelete