"I'll take cancer for 100"
Cold Open: Military Briefing
3 Stars
General Subliminal handles questions from the press
A military press conference is turned over to General Subliminal. He is here to talk to the members of the press (pains in the ass) about how the military is picking their targets (crap shoot). U.S. troops have been on the ground for months (horny) and they are ready for action (hookers). He's happy to take any questions (no questions). The press has no questions so General Subliminal opens the show with "Live from New York (Emmy) it's Saturday Night".
Roseanne Barr Monologue
A military press conference is turned over to General Subliminal. He is here to talk to the members of the press (pains in the ass) about how the military is picking their targets (crap shoot). U.S. troops have been on the ground for months (horny) and they are ready for action (hookers). He's happy to take any questions (no questions). The press has no questions so General Subliminal opens the show with "Live from New York (Emmy) it's Saturday Night".
Roseanne Barr Monologue
2 Stars
Roseanne is now officially overexposed
Roseanne is in the middle of being a tabloid sensation. She's a regular topic on Phil Donahue, Oprah Winfrey and in the National Enquirer. She had her disastrous rendition of the National Anthem, numerous scandals surrounding her TV show and backstage drama and has just married Tom Arnold. She talks about all of that and the fact that she is an "insecure ego driven mega star who can't deal with rejection". I was never a fan of Roseanne. I thought her show had moments and did a service of sorts by dealing with issues that had not been on TV to that point and introducing them to a mass audience but I never found her particularly funny. I really didn't like this period of Roseanne. She started out as the loud, brash voice of the middle class but then became rich and famous and nobody wants to hear a rich person bitch about their problems. There are also no real jokes in this monologue. It's just Roseanne screaming.
MetroCard
Roseanne is in the middle of being a tabloid sensation. She's a regular topic on Phil Donahue, Oprah Winfrey and in the National Enquirer. She had her disastrous rendition of the National Anthem, numerous scandals surrounding her TV show and backstage drama and has just married Tom Arnold. She talks about all of that and the fact that she is an "insecure ego driven mega star who can't deal with rejection". I was never a fan of Roseanne. I thought her show had moments and did a service of sorts by dealing with issues that had not been on TV to that point and introducing them to a mass audience but I never found her particularly funny. I really didn't like this period of Roseanne. She started out as the loud, brash voice of the middle class but then became rich and famous and nobody wants to hear a rich person bitch about their problems. There are also no real jokes in this monologue. It's just Roseanne screaming.
MetroCard
4 Stars
A call center operator and a customer have differing stories of their interaction
Phil is giving a testimonial about his experience with MetroCard's 24 hour hotline. He was in Cincinnati on business and lost his credit card and needed a replacement. We cut to Roseanne's version of the story where she was tired of listening to some guy's hard luck story at 3am, he's telling her that he needs a new card like she's the credit card fairy. We go back and forth between Phil and Roseanne, Phil is a mild mannered man praising the interaction and Roseanne is her loud and obnoxious self and their dichotomy is very funny. On a personal level, I manage an IT help desk and I wish I could say that none of my employees are like Roseanne but god help me, I got a few Roseannes on my staff.
Misery II
Phil is giving a testimonial about his experience with MetroCard's 24 hour hotline. He was in Cincinnati on business and lost his credit card and needed a replacement. We cut to Roseanne's version of the story where she was tired of listening to some guy's hard luck story at 3am, he's telling her that he needs a new card like she's the credit card fairy. We go back and forth between Phil and Roseanne, Phil is a mild mannered man praising the interaction and Roseanne is her loud and obnoxious self and their dichotomy is very funny. On a personal level, I manage an IT help desk and I wish I could say that none of my employees are like Roseanne but god help me, I got a few Roseannes on my staff.
Misery II
5 Stars
Dana's biggest fan rescues him and holds him captive
Dana is finishing a stand up set in Colorado and as he says goodbye to the audience he also says goodbye to The Church Lady. It's time to move on from the character so he is killing her off and this was the last audience to see her. As he's driving through the snow with Jon Lovitz, who asks if he can play The Church Lady now, he crashes into a snow bank. He wakes up to Roseanne telling him he had a terrible accident and that she is his number one fan. She saved him from the wreckage but left Mr. Lovitz, as it was for the best. We then get a very funny reveal of Dana's mutilated legs as Roseanne tells him that she just loves The Church Lady and doesn't know what she would do if anything happened to her. She might go completely insane. She ends up dressing Dana up as The Church Lady to act out her favorite bits. Meanwhile, Lorne is calling Colorado sheriffs because the show is about to start and he needs Dana for his Bush impression. Once he gives up on finding Dana he asks the sheriff if he thinks Richmeister is funny enough for a cold open. Back in Colorado, Dana eventually gets the upper hand and starts choking his captor but she refuses to die. Jon Lovitz eventually bursts in and shoots her.
"Jon, I thought you were dead."
"Acting!"
The sketch ends with Jon shooting Dana, grabbing the Church Lady wig and glasses and looking into camera and saying, "Well, isn't that special?".
This is one of those rare SNL sketches that I feel was strong enough to sustain an entire episode. Possibly because they were following the basic plot of a film and condensing it but if they wanted to break form and do an entire episode that revolved around this sketch I think they could have pulled that off. Having Lorne in the mix as the producer who both wants to find his star but is also being realistic and trying to form a contingency plan was a great touch.
Sally
4 Stars
Tom Arnold and Roseanne are angry about the television movie about them
Sally Jesse Raphael's guests are Roseanne and Tom Arnold who are upset about the unauthorized television movie airing on CBS called "Roseanne and Tom: After The Laughter". They feel that it is filled with inaccuracies and falsehoods. Sally shows a clip where Victoria Jackson, playing Roseanne, is seen arguing with a writer and then Farley, playing Tom Arnold, fires him. Then they make out awkwardly. The real Tom and Roseanne say that the scene never happened in real life. Tom would never wear that sweater and he never said 'kiss my ass', Roseanne said that, not Tom. Tom is also upset that the movie makes no reference to the time he choked a guy or that he was a cocaine addict. We get two more clips, one of Tom and Roseanne making out in a restaurant after he convinces her to fire her manager and one of Tom beating a paparazzi to death. The real life couple again denounce these scenes as factually untrue. Tom would never wear a sweater like that and they don't even eat at that restaurant because the food is terrible. Despite the appearance of Tom Arnold, this sketch was pretty funny. I'm glad that they can poke fun at themselves.
Deee-Lite and Bootsy Collins & The Rubber Band
"World Clique"
I was not a fan of this. Repetitive dance music has a place but I don't think SNL is that place.
Weekend Update
I was not a fan of this. Repetitive dance music has a place but I don't think SNL is that place.
Weekend Update
"Saddam told Iraqi citizens to prepare for the mother of all surrenders"
Again, and as to be expected, the war dominated the headlines. There was a very fun bit of silliness when Miller put everything on pause to critique a letter to US Weekly where a reader was upset that the magazine said that Bart Simpson was "out" and Bullwinkle was "in". Miller's advice to the reader, "Do us a favor, break into your savings account and buy a clue".
We get a visit from Iraqi Pete who is a new SNL character that embodies all the worst stereotypes of the Iraqi people and is meant to act as a scapegoat where Americans can focus their rage. Sandler plays Iraqi Pete like a wrestling villain as he pulls the head off a Cabbage Patch Kid and claims that when he woke up this morning he spit on the American flag. Miller issues a disclaimer after the piece and says that Iraqi Pete is a stereotype written by people who have no understanding of different cultures.
Pat
2 Stars
A female coworker tries to figure out Pat's gender
The last time we saw Pat I shared my possibly unpopular opinion of liking the It's Pat movie, I still haven't liked a Pat sketch though. The first one was okay but this one is the same joke repeated and I was not a fan of adding Dana Carvey as Pat's equally sexually ambiguous partner, Chris. Roseanne keeps asking leading questions and Pat keeps deflecting and then Chris comes out in a flowing shirt and wig. Chris says that he/she has cramps...because he/she was working out on the Stairmaster. I'm not sold on the character yet. I may never be in sketch form but I do think the movie explored facets of Pat's character that I enjoyed. I also don't think this particular sketch plays well today. Now that we, as a culture, are more open to gender fluidity it makes everyone seem mean. Is Pat a man or a woman? It's really nobody's business. The movie handles this better by making everyone who questions Pat's sexuality either a mean person or, in the case of the incredible performance by Charles Rocket, an obsessed sociopath.
McIntosh Jr.
The last time we saw Pat I shared my possibly unpopular opinion of liking the It's Pat movie, I still haven't liked a Pat sketch though. The first one was okay but this one is the same joke repeated and I was not a fan of adding Dana Carvey as Pat's equally sexually ambiguous partner, Chris. Roseanne keeps asking leading questions and Pat keeps deflecting and then Chris comes out in a flowing shirt and wig. Chris says that he/she has cramps...because he/she was working out on the Stairmaster. I'm not sold on the character yet. I may never be in sketch form but I do think the movie explored facets of Pat's character that I enjoyed. I also don't think this particular sketch plays well today. Now that we, as a culture, are more open to gender fluidity it makes everyone seem mean. Is Pat a man or a woman? It's really nobody's business. The movie handles this better by making everyone who questions Pat's sexuality either a mean person or, in the case of the incredible performance by Charles Rocket, an obsessed sociopath.
McIntosh Jr.
4 Stars
Kids show off what their homework looks like on computers
A couple of kids are having lunch in the cafeteria and one shows off what he can do on his computer. He shows printouts of the alphabet that he's made as well as pictures of a dinosaur eating an army man and a dive bomber crashing into a volcano. The coup de grace of his work is a brochure to the 'Pubic Library', it said public but he changed it. As he leaves the other two kids lament their situation.
"You know, my dad got me a computer but I can't do stuff like that. Maybe I'm just stupid."
"No, we're not stupid. Our dads just got us crummy computers. We got crummy dads."
McIntosh Jr. - "The power to crush the other kids"
A President's Day Remembrance
A couple of kids are having lunch in the cafeteria and one shows off what he can do on his computer. He shows printouts of the alphabet that he's made as well as pictures of a dinosaur eating an army man and a dive bomber crashing into a volcano. The coup de grace of his work is a brochure to the 'Pubic Library', it said public but he changed it. As he leaves the other two kids lament their situation.
"You know, my dad got me a computer but I can't do stuff like that. Maybe I'm just stupid."
"No, we're not stupid. Our dads just got us crummy computers. We got crummy dads."
McIntosh Jr. - "The power to crush the other kids"
A President's Day Remembrance
3 Stars
Scenes from Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln's tumultuous relationship
A historian tells us that while much has been documented about Lincoln's public life, we only know little about his private life. We do know that Abe suffered from depression and Mary Todd was an intense woman who suffered plagues of anxiety. We go to a scene of the two of them on a typical evening where we see Mary Todd beating Abe, then hitting him with a chair. Abe is eventually circling Mary while holding a torch, she is coming at him with a knife. Their fight is so violent that they crash through the wall where the historian is narrating. Roseanne is really only good at yelling so might as well put her strengths to good use.
Happy Fun Ball
5 Stars
A seemingly innocent toy has a lot of warnings
"It's happy! It's fun! It's Happy Fun Ball!"
Only $14.95 but be warned,
Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled or looked at.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
"It's happy! It's fun! It's Happy Fun Ball!"
Only $14.95 but be warned,
Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled or looked at.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.
Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
But it does come with a lifetime guarantee, so that's something.Iraqi Pete
3 Stars
Iraqi Pete is back for more
We haven't heard the last from Iraqi Pete as he takes a framed picture of American Gothic and puts his head through it. The audience is booing Iraqi Pete but TV Guide loves it as we get a blurb from the cheers and jeers section.
We haven't heard the last from Iraqi Pete as he takes a framed picture of American Gothic and puts his head through it. The audience is booing Iraqi Pete but TV Guide loves it as we get a blurb from the cheers and jeers section.
Comedy Killers
3 Stars
3 Stars
A game show based on topics that are never funny
2 stand up comedians compete on a quiz show where the categories consist of cancer, violence against women, the Holocaust, recent plane crashes, the Kennedys and child abuse.
"A certain part of the body is usually a big laugh but not when afflicted with cancer."
"What is rectal cancer?"
"Correct. Rectal, usually a big laugh. Rectal cancer, real comedy killer."
We get a lightning round where the answers consist of Brian Piccolo, crack babies, John Hinckley, Jr. and Michael Dukakis, The latter being a comedy killer if brought up at the Democratic National Convention. The final joke is self referential as Roseanne writes "the National Anthem" as the biggest comedy killer of all time and we figure out why this sketch exists. Roseanne wanted to make light of her recent controversy. The sketch itself is okay, I liked Rob Schneider as an unapologetic hammy comedian but centering a comedy sketch around topics that are not funny is itself kind of a comedy killer.
Deee-Lite returns to perform "The Power Of Love" and again, if you like this type of music I can't blame you. If I was at a dance club I might enjoy it but sitting on my couch in the middle of a comedy sketch show isn't the best way to experience it.
Victoria's Secrets
Victoria's Secrets
4 Stars
Victoria tells us some of her secrets
Victoria has 3 secrets she wants to share. The first two aren't really secrets, more like questions she gets. When people ask her if she's as dumb as she appears on the show she tells them she doesn't watch the show so she has no idea. The second question she gets from men is, "How do you like it?". When she gets this question she asks them what they are referring to, when they say sex she asks them to clarify if they are referring to her gender or intercourse. When they say the second one she asks them to repeat the question because she forgot which one was the second one. Then they usually get mad and walk away. Her final secret is that she's not wearing anything under her bra, except for skin and under that are two saline implants. I will be honest, we are 13 episodes into the season and I forgot that Victoria was on the show so it was nice to see her doing something funny.
Opposites Attract
4 Stars
Trailer for an upcoming romantic comedy
He’s a millionaire, she’s a prostitute. He's the heir to a fortune, she has syphilis. He's engaged to a debutante, she has hepatitis. He's a connoisseur of fine wine, she has the clap. A spot on parody of not only Pretty Woman, which was out at the time, but also pretty much every romantic comedy trailer. Whoever played the prostitute was very funny, especially her end line when she is having trouble with a lobster.
"You've never had lobster before?"
"No, just crabs."
White Trash History Minute
"You've never had lobster before?"
"No, just crabs."
White Trash History Minute
3 Stars
Story of the first tuna noodle casserole
Farley comes out in his underwear to tell his ma that he's hungry. She tells him that there's a beer in the fridge. When he still claims to be hungry she tells him that there's a can of tuna under her bed, he can go next door to borrow some noodles and go to the store to buy a cheap can of mushroom soup. This was the story of the first tuna noodle casserole. As a kid who grew up on tuna noodle casserole, I feel like I should be offended but then again, we were pretty poor.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Go ahead and boo me, it makes me want to dance"
Average
3.5 Stars
MVP
Chris Farley
Sally, White Trash History Minute
Sally, White Trash History Minute
Best Sketch
Misery II
Worst Sketch
Pat
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
What are all these great commercial parodies doing so late in the show? I say you lead with Happy Fun Ball, move MetroCard to after Update and save Opposites Attract and McIntosh Jr. for another episode. I hate when the show throws to a rerun of a commercial parody so save a good one for when you got nothing for that week. With that said, I did appreciate the flow of this episode. There were 14 sketches as opposed to the usual 10. That's because instead of having fewer, longer sketches they had more short and sweet ones. Not just the pre-filmed bits but things like White Trash History Minute, Iraqi Pete and President's Day Remembrance were just quick little bits of silly that didn't outstay their welcome. There was nothing this week where I found myself wanting it to be over.
Host Analysis
What are all these great commercial parodies doing so late in the show? I say you lead with Happy Fun Ball, move MetroCard to after Update and save Opposites Attract and McIntosh Jr. for another episode. I hate when the show throws to a rerun of a commercial parody so save a good one for when you got nothing for that week. With that said, I did appreciate the flow of this episode. There were 14 sketches as opposed to the usual 10. That's because instead of having fewer, longer sketches they had more short and sweet ones. Not just the pre-filmed bits but things like White Trash History Minute, Iraqi Pete and President's Day Remembrance were just quick little bits of silly that didn't outstay their welcome. There was nothing this week where I found myself wanting it to be over.
Host Analysis
I have never been a fan of Roseanne. I just don't find loud and obnoxious funny. The show used that well though. She got to scream and shout as Mary Todd Lincoln but in an absurd way where she's circling Abe Lincoln with a knife. She got to act obnoxious in MetroCard but the joke was that she's a terrible person so it worked. In fact, the only time I didn't like her was in the monologue where she basically just gloated about being loud and obnoxious. Throughout the show she delivered very measured performances, especially in Misery II where I couldn't really see that sketch working with any other host, outside of possibly Kathy Bates.
Final Thoughts
Despite a host that I really can't stand, this was a really good episode. There were a few stinkers mixed in and not everything was terrific but nothing was really bad. My least favorite sketch was Pat but that's mostly because the joke didn't age well. I'm sure in 1990, I would be laughing along with everyone else.
Up Next
Despite a host that I really can't stand, this was a really good episode. There were a few stinkers mixed in and not everything was terrific but nothing was really bad. My least favorite sketch was Pat but that's mostly because the joke didn't age well. I'm sure in 1990, I would be laughing along with everyone else.
Up Next
Alec Baldwin hosts with musical guest Whitney Houston. That sounds like a perfect episode on paper, let's see.
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