"Hey Saddam, why don't you try sodomy?"
Cold Open: Military Briefing
4 Stars
News reporters try to get U.S. military secrets during a press conference
Phil Hartman, doing a pretty good Dick Cheney impression, starts a military briefing with the press by throwing it over to Col. Piersen. Piersen reminds the reporters that there are certain sensitive areas that he can not cover, specifically information that may be useful to the enemy. He then gets a series of questions that cover those exact areas.
"What date are we going to start the ground attack?"
"Where would you say our forces are most vulnerable and how could the Iraqis exploit those weaknesses?"
"There are password our troops use on the front lines, can you give us some examples?"
"Is there anything you could tell us to lower moral of our fighting men?"
For those keeping score, this is the first time Rob Schneider has played another race on TV. There will be many, many more. The man is the Mr. Yunioshi of our day. I thought this sketch was really funny. The joke was obvious and kept repeating but it got funnier every time Nealon would deflect a question and instantly get a dumber one.
Kevin Bacon Monologue
Phil Hartman, doing a pretty good Dick Cheney impression, starts a military briefing with the press by throwing it over to Col. Piersen. Piersen reminds the reporters that there are certain sensitive areas that he can not cover, specifically information that may be useful to the enemy. He then gets a series of questions that cover those exact areas.
"What date are we going to start the ground attack?"
"Where would you say our forces are most vulnerable and how could the Iraqis exploit those weaknesses?"
"There are password our troops use on the front lines, can you give us some examples?"
"Is there anything you could tell us to lower moral of our fighting men?"
"What would be the one piece of information that would be the most dangerous for the Iraqis to know?"
Rob Schneider is in the crowd wearing a keffiyeh and asks in an Arab accent, "Where are your troops and can I go there and count them?"For those keeping score, this is the first time Rob Schneider has played another race on TV. There will be many, many more. The man is the Mr. Yunioshi of our day. I thought this sketch was really funny. The joke was obvious and kept repeating but it got funnier every time Nealon would deflect a question and instantly get a dumber one.
Kevin Bacon Monologue
3 Stars
Bacon uses method acting to calm his nerves
Kevin Bacon is nervous about hosting the show but through his training has learned to control the instrument that is his body to the point where he can lower his pulse, produce more saliva when his mouth is dry and keep his palms from sweating. As he's doing all this he forgot to concentrate on his bladder though and has peed his pants. It seemed like a long way to go for a pee in the pants joke but once we got there I really could have used a reveal. The camera pans out and he covers his trousers with his jacket. I feel like today they would have rigged something to go off to show the audience the wetness. Maybe it was a simpler time back then but I could have used a shot of Bacon's pants covered in pee to really sell the joke. I hate that I'm advocating for such a thing but those were my feelings.
No Commercial
Kevin Bacon is nervous about hosting the show but through his training has learned to control the instrument that is his body to the point where he can lower his pulse, produce more saliva when his mouth is dry and keep his palms from sweating. As he's doing all this he forgot to concentrate on his bladder though and has peed his pants. It seemed like a long way to go for a pee in the pants joke but once we got there I really could have used a reveal. The camera pans out and he covers his trousers with his jacket. I feel like today they would have rigged something to go off to show the audience the wetness. Maybe it was a simpler time back then but I could have used a shot of Bacon's pants covered in pee to really sell the joke. I hate that I'm advocating for such a thing but those were my feelings.
No Commercial
4 Stars
A disclaimer of why there will be no commercial tonight
Because of the current war in the Persian Gulf, the show felt that it would be in bad taste to run the commercial parody they had planned, "Execu-John, the briefcase you can poop in". They hope we understand and enjoy the show. I guess that answers my question of why we didn't see the pee.
Copy Machine
3 Stars
Richmeister's identity is threatened when the copier needs to go in for repairs
I'm gonna call it now, this is way too early to bring this back. Richmeister made his debut in the last episode and is back again with the exact same shtick. I checked the dates and the Sting episode was almost a month before this episode, I'm guessing the gap was due to war coverage on network TV, but still I need a bit of a buffer between Richmeister sketches. He's giving all of his co-workers nicknames and they are all pretending to enjoy it but then the unthinkable happens, the copy machine breaks. It needs to be taken to the Xerox shop to fix. With nobody coming for Rich to harass he thinks fast and grabs the coffee machine from the other room and puts it where the copy machine was. Now he can go back to business as Tim Meadows comes in for some java.
"Tim. Timmy getting some coffee. No cream for the Tim man. Timmy Tim Timinator."
I will say that I'm glad we got some character development from Richmeister. We see how quickly his world can come crashing down when his best friend is taken away. I would have liked to see the sketch get a little darker. What depths would he go to in order to keep giving people nicknames. If there was an extra beat between losing the copier and gaining the coffee machine, maybe he calls some people in the office for a meeting or runs to the bathroom to meet some people at the urinal. I'm armchair quarterbacking a 30 year old sketch at this point, but that's kind of what I'm doing all the time now.
The Dark Side
I'm gonna call it now, this is way too early to bring this back. Richmeister made his debut in the last episode and is back again with the exact same shtick. I checked the dates and the Sting episode was almost a month before this episode, I'm guessing the gap was due to war coverage on network TV, but still I need a bit of a buffer between Richmeister sketches. He's giving all of his co-workers nicknames and they are all pretending to enjoy it but then the unthinkable happens, the copy machine breaks. It needs to be taken to the Xerox shop to fix. With nobody coming for Rich to harass he thinks fast and grabs the coffee machine from the other room and puts it where the copy machine was. Now he can go back to business as Tim Meadows comes in for some java.
"Tim. Timmy getting some coffee. No cream for the Tim man. Timmy Tim Timinator."
I will say that I'm glad we got some character development from Richmeister. We see how quickly his world can come crashing down when his best friend is taken away. I would have liked to see the sketch get a little darker. What depths would he go to in order to keep giving people nicknames. If there was an extra beat between losing the copier and gaining the coffee machine, maybe he calls some people in the office for a meeting or runs to the bathroom to meet some people at the urinal. I'm armchair quarterbacking a 30 year old sketch at this point, but that's kind of what I'm doing all the time now.
The Dark Side
4 Stars
Nat X interviews Colin Powell and Vanilla Ice
We get another installment of the only 15 minute show on TV. Why only 15 minutes? Because the man will give Bob Hope, a man so old he use to own slaves an hour but not Nat. This is the same man who calls a black cat bad luck and a white cat pussy and tells you if you squeeze a black piece of coal long enough it will turn into a white diamond. We get another installment of the 'White Man Cam' and the 'Top 5 List', in this case 'Top 5 reasons black people don't play hockey', number 1 is they don't feel the need to dominate yet another sport. For a show that has been so white really since Eddie Murphy left I'm glad that Rock picked up this mantle and ran with it. Tim Meadows comes out as Colin Powell, Nat thinks he was only given power so George Bush could blame a black man if the world blows up. The out dances Kevin Bacon as Vanilla Ice. After a few shots taken about Vanilla Ice acting black and stealing black music, Nat shows him how to really dance like a black man as he and Colin boogie to 'Thank You (Falettinme By Mice Elf Agin)' by Sly & The Family Stone.
The Sarcastic Clapping Family Of South Hampton
4 Stars
The reading of father's will produces sarcastic clapping
Phil gathers his family in a room to discuss father's will. He gives a passionate speech asking everyone to join in unity to celebrate the man who raised them. When he is finished, Jan gives a sarcastic slow clap and then says dramatically,
"Quite a performance, considering the fact that you hated father and you've been waiting on him to die to get your filthy hands on his money."
Bacon responds to this with a slow sarcastic clap.
"Nice speech, considering you haven't seen father in years."
The rest of the family follows in kind.
"Nice cutting observation"
"Nice sentence"
"Nice clapping"
We then get the title card telling us that we've been watching an episode of The Sarcastic Clapping Family Of South Hampton. This is a sketch I remember from my childhood. Me and my family would do this all the time if one of us did something stupid. A slow clap would be a precursor for a sentence like, "Nice forgetting to tape The Simpsons, Dad" or "Nice burnt meatloaf, Mom". Ours was always done with love though for the most part.
We then get a Deep Thoughts about a man who drove his nephew to a burned down warehouse and told him that Disneyland burned down. He cried but deep down he thought it was a good joke. They started to drive to the real Disneyland but it was getting pretty late.
INXS
"Bitter Tears"
I always liked INXS and this song was short, sweet and rockin'. It cuts off abruptly as if they said all they needed to say and decided it was time to go home.
Weekend Update
Here we see the cover of Sports Illustrated's annual hot air ballooning issue
We got a nice mixture of topical humor about the war and silly stuff this week. We also see a hint of the conservative Dennis Miller we would see in the future when he says, "Why are we even considering a ground war? Why don't we just bomb these guys for the next few years?". Then he goes the opposite way when he talks about how Reagan just turned 80 and is now eligible for all the government programs that were cut during the Reagan administration. As for the silly, The Never Ending Story II opened this week, if the first one never ended, why did they make a sequel? and if Gerard Depardieu is a sex symbol in France, I'm beginning to understand that whole Jerry Lewis thing.
A. Whitney Brown is back with The Big Picture to talk about the war. He feels that if Vietnam was the first television war then Iraq is the first Nintendo war as watching smart bombs fall down chimneys is reminiscent of playing a video game. He also laments that bombs are smarter than high school graduates but warns that if they get too smart they may start questioning why we go to war in the first place. This was some of his best stuff that I have seen so far.
New Roommate
4 Stars
Two new roommates go over their ground rules
Dana is moving in with Kevin Bacon but wants to make sure he's cool with some of his more eccentric habits. Like how he likes to take the tape out of the answering machine, ball it up and throw it out the window or how he likes to take the sheets off his roommates bed and wear them like a diaper. Bacon is cool with all of this and also insists that Dana pee in the sink as he's weird about sharing toilets and only watch the odd TV channels. We then get a visit from Bacon's ex-roommate who apologizes for cutting off Bacon's testicles and using them as clackers. This had some very funny stuff in it and it was nice to see Dana as just a regular guy. He didn't have an accent or a goofy voice he was just relying on his natural comedic timing.
Bomb Messages
3 Stars
Soldiers come up with messages to write on bombs
Phil is a general talking to his men about the messages that they have been writing on bombs that have been dropping on Iraq. The issue is not that they have been writing messages on the bombs but the messages have not been concise. He takes some suggestions on what messages would be good but the soldiers don't quite understand. Bacon keeps suggesting 'brush your teeth with this' while others suggestions include 'Saddam, here's the bomb' and 'Hey Saddam, this bomb looks like your penis'. Farley's suggestion is 'I'm your little son come back to you and I got some exploding to do, in your face!'. Finally they land on 'Peek-a-boo, I see you' for their bomb message which we find out in an interview with Bacon that he misinterpreted it and wrote, 'Peek-a-boo, I'm your toothbrush'. Some real funny stuff here. This apparently was only part of the rerun broadcast as one of the live sketches was edited out and I can not find it online.
SoundStage
3 Stars
A singing duo discusses their influences
Nealon and Bacon are Wolverton and Flamm and they are being interviewed by Jan. They play two songs where Nealon strums guitar and sings while Bacon claps along. Through the interview we find out that not only does Nealon write all the songs but he also produces all of their albums. We then get a glimpse of their brief solo careers, Nealon's album of full length songs and Bacon's album of just rhythmic clapping. We then get more jokes about how Nealon does all the work and Bacon just claps. The joke wasn't really enough to sustain a whole sketch and it could have used something else. Maybe a reason why Nealon keeps Bacon around. As it stands now, once you get the joke that Bacon just claps they repeat it a couple times and then the sketch is over.
INXS returns with "Suicide Blonde" which is another pretty awesome song.
Daily Affirmation
3 Stars
Stuart Smalley apologizes for his previous show and in doing so ruins his current show
We get our first appearance from Stuart Smalley, a member of several 12 step programs but not a licensed therapist who hosts a public access show meant to help people. First thing I liked about this is that it was not a call in show. This was just Stuart Smalley talking straight to camera and without a lot of set up we got the gist of his character. He says that yesterday wasn't his best show because he over prepared, something he is prone to do as a perfectionist. To make up for that he decides to not prepare at all for today's show. He's just going to talk about what is in his head at the moment. He quickly realizes that this is not a good idea as he blanks and can't think of anything to say. He ends by looking in the mirror for his daily affirmation where he tells himself that he is a good person even though this was not his best show. This is such a weird character to become a standout of the show. Obviously Franken has a hold on Stuart and knows him pretty well but I'm a little curious as to where this came from and how it got on the show in the first place.
Cleaning My Rifle
1 Star
A soldier sings a song while cleaning his gun
Bacon is dressed in army fatigues and singing a song.
"Little bit lonesome/little bit blue/cleaning my rifle/and dreaming of you"
The song is not funny at all nor is it memorable nor is it particularly good. At least it was short.
Bacon is dressed in army fatigues and singing a song.
"Little bit lonesome/little bit blue/cleaning my rifle/and dreaming of you"
The song is not funny at all nor is it memorable nor is it particularly good. At least it was short.
According to SNL Archives I am missing a sketch called 'Dance Party USA' from my version it was replaced with 'Bomb Messages' which is not listed on the site at all.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Word to your mother"
Average
3.3 Stars
MVP
Kevin Nealon
Military Briefing, Copy Machine, SoundStage, Cleaning My Rifle
Military Briefing, Copy Machine, SoundStage, Cleaning My Rifle
Best Sketch
New Roommate
Worst Sketch
Cleaning My Rifle
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
This episode pretty much followed the standard playbook of an SNL episode. You start with a political cold open, monologue, commercial parody, recurring sketches, Weekend Update, weird stuff. The only thing that didn't work in this episode was the final sketch. Cleaning My Rifle just had a feel of something that they would do if they had time. If INXS runs long, we can easily cut this but we got nothing else so we might as well throw this on. I would have rather cut that and just ended with another Deep Thoughts.
Host Analysis
Kevin Bacon was a very middle of the road host. He didn't do much of anything to impress me but he also didn't do anything that I disliked. He didn't really get any sketches to shine in but did his part and seemed like a good team player. He wouldn't be on my list of people to ask back immediately but I wouldn't mind seeing him get another crack at it now that he's older and more mature and I would argue a better actor.
Final Thoughts
We're more than halfway through the season and I'm coming around. It started out really good with the Kyle MacLachlan episode and then got really hit and miss with episodes like Susan Lucci, Jimmy Smits and Dennis Quaid but this is the third in a string of really good and enjoyable episodes. We've had Joe Mantegna, Sting and this one to start off the calendar year of 1990 and while I don't see a cast working together I do see several funny people individually shining. That's what makes this an interesting season altogether. The core group is still here but with so many additions you don't have the SNL cast but instead you have 15 people or so all trying to be funny. It still works, just differently.
Up Next
For the record, I disliked Roseanne Barr before America did. I am not excited to see her host the next episode but hope it is better than her really abysmal Season 20 hosting performance I already sat through.
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