"You don’t think they’d let you host the show again, do you? Imagine the ratings."
Cold Open: Live With Regis And Kathie Lee
2 Stars
Regis and Kathie Lee do their show live from Saudi Arabia
Regis and Kathie Lee are entertaining the U.S. soldiers in Saudi Arabia. Regis was unhappy with his hotel and the amount of sand in his shoes. Kathie Lee doesn't like having to wear a burka around town. Her son, Cody, has to be slathered head to toe in sunscreen. I'm not a fan of this recurring bit but I did get a laugh when they would cut to stock footage of bored soldiers and eventually soldiers slowly walking away.
Dennis Hopper Monologue
Regis and Kathie Lee are entertaining the U.S. soldiers in Saudi Arabia. Regis was unhappy with his hotel and the amount of sand in his shoes. Kathie Lee doesn't like having to wear a burka around town. Her son, Cody, has to be slathered head to toe in sunscreen. I'm not a fan of this recurring bit but I did get a laugh when they would cut to stock footage of bored soldiers and eventually soldiers slowly walking away.
Dennis Hopper Monologue
4 Stars
Dennis plays 'This Is Your Life'
Dennis thought he was here to host SNL but that was all a ruse to get him on 'This Is Your Life' where Bert Parks is going to reunite him with some of friends and family from yesteryear. The first person brought out is Hopper's college roommate. Hopper has no recollection of this man. You see, the 50's are a bit of a gray area for Hopper, what with the copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. He also doesn't know Jack Nicholson despite starring with and directing him in Easy Rider. They go as far as to show a clip of the two of them in the film but it doesn't jog his memory. Then they bring out his mother whom he seems to be familiar with but has no idea who the lady with her is, it's his daughter. He asks if they could concentrate on events after 1984, the year he got sober. This was fun, I wish Hopper wasn't so glued to the cue cards during it though. The biggest laugh I got was when Bert said he starred in such films as Rebel Without A Cause and Giant and Hopper responded with, "Oh yeah?". There was a genuine look of confusion on his face that really tickled me.
Nikey Turkey
Dennis thought he was here to host SNL but that was all a ruse to get him on 'This Is Your Life' where Bert Parks is going to reunite him with some of friends and family from yesteryear. The first person brought out is Hopper's college roommate. Hopper has no recollection of this man. You see, the 50's are a bit of a gray area for Hopper, what with the copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. He also doesn't know Jack Nicholson despite starring with and directing him in Easy Rider. They go as far as to show a clip of the two of them in the film but it doesn't jog his memory. Then they bring out his mother whom he seems to be familiar with but has no idea who the lady with her is, it's his daughter. He asks if they could concentrate on events after 1984, the year he got sober. This was fun, I wish Hopper wasn't so glued to the cue cards during it though. The biggest laugh I got was when Bert said he starred in such films as Rebel Without A Cause and Giant and Hopper responded with, "Oh yeah?". There was a genuine look of confusion on his face that really tickled me.
Nikey Turkey
3 Stars
A turkey you can pump up
Rock is rapping at the dinner table about the turkey being too small. The family pumps it up via a little button near the stuffing hole. Then he travels to the first Thanksgiving where they do the same thing. This was stupid but short and really nailed the stupid sneaker commercials of the time. Remember those pump sneakers? I was a kid and my parents could never afford them but I recall people pressing a button on their shoe before strenuous activity. That was supposed to make you super powerful. That was bullshit, right?
Toonces, The Cat Who Could Drive A Car
Toonces, The Cat Who Could Drive A Car
4 Stars
Toonces has a dream
I can't believe this stupid sketch is opening the show. Don't get me wrong, I always loved Toonces, that little cat puppet who always drives his family's car off a cliff, but this belongs at the end of the night. This is just too stupid for a lead off sketch. Especially this incarnation. Toonces is sleeping and we see what he is dreaming about. He's got a new job watching baby ducks unsupervised but then his college professor comes out to give him an exam but he hasn't studied and is in his underwear. Then he takes his owner out for a drive where he reveals he can speak French and then drives the car off a cliff. It's funny but I feel like setting it within a dream took away some of its silliness. When it was just a family who let their cat drive it was absurd. Since this is a dream anything can happen and it lacks a little craziness.
Inflatable Doll Party
I can't believe this stupid sketch is opening the show. Don't get me wrong, I always loved Toonces, that little cat puppet who always drives his family's car off a cliff, but this belongs at the end of the night. This is just too stupid for a lead off sketch. Especially this incarnation. Toonces is sleeping and we see what he is dreaming about. He's got a new job watching baby ducks unsupervised but then his college professor comes out to give him an exam but he hasn't studied and is in his underwear. Then he takes his owner out for a drive where he reveals he can speak French and then drives the car off a cliff. It's funny but I feel like setting it within a dream took away some of its silliness. When it was just a family who let their cat drive it was absurd. Since this is a dream anything can happen and it lacks a little craziness.
Inflatable Doll Party
2 Stars
A man holds a party for his buddies and his sex dolls
Hopper, in a tucked in shirt and khaki pants that combined with his crew cut make him look an old, weird and deranged Bart Simpson, is throwing a party for his guy friends. On the couch are a number of inflatable love dolls and they are all ready for action, except for Carol, she's spoken for by Hopper. The guys seem to be only interested in Carol, asking if she does any tricks or is into open relationships. During an argument, Dennis notices that Kevin is dancing with his 'woman' and goes to break it up but Carol pops and deflates. Heart broken, he seeks comfort in Denise, another doll, and all the guys suddenly take an interest to her. For a sketch that hovers on the line of bad taste, this was pretty tame. Maybe it was too early in the night to get dirty but I felt that this would have been a terrific sketch for something like Mr. Show but SNL wasn't quite edgy enough to pull it off. Schneider making out with one of the dolls was as dirty as they could get. I'm not calling for a blow up doll sex party on SNL by any means, but I wanted a little punch.
Paul Simon
Hopper, in a tucked in shirt and khaki pants that combined with his crew cut make him look an old, weird and deranged Bart Simpson, is throwing a party for his guy friends. On the couch are a number of inflatable love dolls and they are all ready for action, except for Carol, she's spoken for by Hopper. The guys seem to be only interested in Carol, asking if she does any tricks or is into open relationships. During an argument, Dennis notices that Kevin is dancing with his 'woman' and goes to break it up but Carol pops and deflates. Heart broken, he seeks comfort in Denise, another doll, and all the guys suddenly take an interest to her. For a sketch that hovers on the line of bad taste, this was pretty tame. Maybe it was too early in the night to get dirty but I felt that this would have been a terrific sketch for something like Mr. Show but SNL wasn't quite edgy enough to pull it off. Schneider making out with one of the dolls was as dirty as they could get. I'm not calling for a blow up doll sex party on SNL by any means, but I wanted a little punch.
Paul Simon
“The Obvious Child”
Paul sings and plays guitars with a bunch of African drummers. It was pleasant and I enjoyed it but I wasn't really getting into it. The two styles of music played at the same time wasn't meshing for me and I started to get bored.
Weekend Update
Weekend Update
"Dan Quayle was in Japan this week and clumsily knocked out a Japanese teenager going for the bouquet at an official state wedding"
Remember when Dan Quayle was an idiot and we all thought of that as a bad thing. There was even talk about Bush dumping him before the elections and others said Quayle may have cost Bush votes in his re-election loss in 92. Makes you wonder just what has changed. Now our leaders are dumb and people say, "Yeah, me too. He's got my vote!". There were a couple of jokes good enough that I wrote them down this week. I liked when he lip synced a story about Milli Vanilli and when he showed man's evolutionary chart to prep us for the upcoming Rocky V. My favorite was a story about complaints filed by many people in the Witness Protection Program, including Mary Shankman at 391 Wellington Road.
Chris Rock is here to talk about taxes and crime. He used to work at McDonald's for minimum wage, or as he calls if 'If I could pay you less, I would'. He hates the fact that taxes are printed on his check because it teases him and he can physically see the $50 he's not getting. Then he transitions to prison overcrowding.
"I hate the electric chair because it's electric, electricity costs money, my $50. Stabbing don't cost nothing."
Miller seems to nudge him as he gets close to the end of his bit, possibly signalling him to wrap it up.
Bowman’s Retirement Party
"I hate the electric chair because it's electric, electricity costs money, my $50. Stabbing don't cost nothing."
Miller seems to nudge him as he gets close to the end of his bit, possibly signalling him to wrap it up.
Bowman’s Retirement Party
3 Stars
Office workers enact vulgar sex moves behind their co-workers backs
Julia is worried that people in the office will think of her differently if they found out that she hooked up with Paul Simon at an office party. She meets him at the copy machine and makes awkward small talk. Kevin tries to eavesdrop and makes a sexual hand gesture to signal to Rock that the two of them had sex. Before you know it the entire cast is making lewd gestures behind their backs. They turn around and everyone stops. Then Victoria and Dennis Hopper enter and tell everyone that they hooked up at the party last night and are going to start dating. Everyone congratulates them. This sketch took a while to get started, had a really funny bit in the middle and then ended awkwardly. Can't say it's perfect but it made me laugh.
The Civil War
Julia is worried that people in the office will think of her differently if they found out that she hooked up with Paul Simon at an office party. She meets him at the copy machine and makes awkward small talk. Kevin tries to eavesdrop and makes a sexual hand gesture to signal to Rock that the two of them had sex. Before you know it the entire cast is making lewd gestures behind their backs. They turn around and everyone stops. Then Victoria and Dennis Hopper enter and tell everyone that they hooked up at the party last night and are going to start dating. Everyone congratulates them. This sketch took a while to get started, had a really funny bit in the middle and then ended awkwardly. Can't say it's perfect but it made me laugh.
The Civil War
1 Star
Civil War generals pose for a picture
It's 1863 and it's time to take a group picture. They're all waiting for Hopper though. He shows up late because he thought they were posing at another tent. They start to pose but now Mike is missing because he went looking for Dennis. Finally, they're all here and ready. Dana poses them and then there's a bit of an awkward pause when Dennis forgets his line. Dana queues him by saying, "Does anybody have anything to say?" to which Dennis snaps to and says, "Oh yeah, I have an idea.". So they argue some more, Kevin thinks it would be fun to have their black servant in the photo which makes everyone else uncomfortable, then Dana snaps the picture but he forgot the iodine. Then he takes another picture. This was a big heap of nothing. No real interesting idea just a bunch of guys in soldier outfits clumsily arguing.
Paul Simon
It's 1863 and it's time to take a group picture. They're all waiting for Hopper though. He shows up late because he thought they were posing at another tent. They start to pose but now Mike is missing because he went looking for Dennis. Finally, they're all here and ready. Dana poses them and then there's a bit of an awkward pause when Dennis forgets his line. Dana queues him by saying, "Does anybody have anything to say?" to which Dennis snaps to and says, "Oh yeah, I have an idea.". So they argue some more, Kevin thinks it would be fun to have their black servant in the photo which makes everyone else uncomfortable, then Dana snaps the picture but he forgot the iodine. Then he takes another picture. This was a big heap of nothing. No real interesting idea just a bunch of guys in soldier outfits clumsily arguing.
Paul Simon
“Proof”
This one was a lot more fun that the first. It's a lively song and I was getting into it as much as Paul was. This little guy was grooving and a-shaking. I also couldn't get over the fact that he was jamming on a woodblock the whole time. He was beating that thing like George Michael Bluth combined with Gene Frenkle.
What Animal Were You Raised By?
What Animal Were You Raised By?
1 Star
A man who was raised by multiple animals is interviewed
Phil is interviewing Hopper who was raised by apes, flamingos and dung beetles, not at the same time. When he was a baby a plane he was on crashed in the jungle and that's where the apes came in. They tried building a plane to get him home but it wasn't good and crashed. Then he was raised by flamingos who also attempted to build a plane but it was worse than the ape plane. Those parents died when he shot him, in between ape parents and flamingo parents he was raised by human hunters and his instinct kicked in. Then he was raised by dung beetles who had no interest in aviation but did eat dung. Dennis gets angry when Phil asks if he ever partook in eating dung. As I'm typing that description it sounds funny and I'm laughing thinking about it but this sketch was very stupid and poorly paced. Hopper again was glued to the cue cards.
Schiller’s Reel
Sudden Pressure
4 Stars
There's a lot of different things going on in this short and I'm not sure if it all came together but I appreciated the jumbled silliness. Tom Schiller introduces tonight's film "Sudden Pressure" that is sponsored by Man-Bra, the bra for men. He throws to the film which is just a man running down the streets. After about 15 seconds we cut to a commercial for the Man-Bra. A bunch of fat guys are playing volleyball, breasts jiggling, and are aided by the man-bra. We then cut back to the film where the man who was running in the streets was just trying to find a bathroom. The movie's over and we get a preview of next week when the movie will be "Gandhi With The Windy". Like I said, silly and stupid but quite effective and quick.
Stan Duffy’s Gambling To Win
4 Stars
Stan Duffy teaches you how to gamble while he is losing
Stan Duffy wants to teach you how to gamble to win. His number one rule is to never dip into your bank roll and have the discipline to walk away. Currently Stan is losing so he dipped, he's not proud of it but his number two rule is 'What the hell, how often do you make it to Vegas?". As the sketch goes on Stan keeps losing and changing the title of the video he's selling. 'Casino buffets and how to sneak in' changes to 'Look like you're gambling to keep getting free drinks' to 'Hiding and creating an alias' to finally 'Alcohol and gambling: Why you can't quit'. Nealon keeps his character's downfall very chipper making a fun contrast to what he's saying and how he's saying it.
Paul Simon
“Late In The Evening”
Paul always needs 3 songs when he guests. I don't know why, but I'd probably rather have this than another sketch where Dennis Hopper stares off camera. This performance was a hoot. Not because of the song but because of Simon. He thinks he's way hipper than he is but that's kind of what makes him hip. He's the oldest and lamest white guy but in a cool way. The balding white guy jamming out on whatever this purple thing is was especially funny.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"If you got hungry enough, believe me, you would eat dung"
Average
2.8 Stars
MVP
Kevin Nealon
Toonces, Inflatable Doll Party, Bowman's Retirement Party, Civil War, Stan Duffy
Toonces, Inflatable Doll Party, Bowman's Retirement Party, Civil War, Stan Duffy
Best Sketch
Stan Duffy's Gambling To Win
Worst Sketch
The Civil War
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
I would basically flip flop the whole episode. Toonces should be near the end of the show just because it's so silly and Inflatable Doll Party should be near the end because it could probably be a little dirtier after dark. Only problem with that is, what do you replace them with? Out of everything in the back half only Bowman's Retirement Party would really fit before Update. So, to sum up, I have no idea what to do here. This whole episode is a collection of 10-1 sketches and there can be only one. I think they made the right choice by ending the show with Stan Duffy.
Host Analysis
I don't think Dennis Hopper actually hosted this episode. You can't really point to anything to prove that he did. Hopper has one of those awkward deliveries that, if taken advantage of, can make for a great host. If they wrote some batshit crazy stuff for him like Christopher Walken or like they did with George Steinbrenner he could have been put to good use. As I write that I think how fun What Animal Were You Raised By? and Inflatable Doll Party would be with Walken in the lead. Hopper really stunk. He stared at the cue cards all night and showed no signs of comedic timing. It almost felt like he was reading these lines for the first time.
Final Thoughts
A real hit and miss episode and I can point to Hopper as the cause. Everything without him was good, everything with him was weak. Bowman's Retirement Party was humming along until it ended awkwardly with Hopper coming out and fumbling over his lines. Combine that with 3 songs from Paul Simon all over varying degrees of quality and you got all the makings for a very uneven episode.
Up Next
John Goodman hosted once a year for 11 seasons in a row, this will be number 2. One thing I like about him is how he blends in with whatever ensemble he is playing with. He is such a large presence that he is able to take over a sketch but he never does. I think he likes playing the straight man just as much as he likes playing the crazy guy.
I wondered why Dennis Hopper's hair looked like he was filming Paris Trout at the time
ReplyDeleteThe “Gambling to Win” sketch was based on this actual series of Gambling videos from the 80s called “So You Wanna be a Gambler”; Nealon’s impression isn’t 100% identical, but it’s there:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyr–G-iQVM