Cold Open: Remington Shavers
3 Stars
Victor Kiam introduces some new Remington products
This seemed topical and I have no idea who Victor Kiam was so I did some research. There was a famous commercial where Victor Kiam said his wife gave him a Remington Shaver and he liked it so much that he bought the company. He was also the owner of the New England Patriots. In 1990, a female sports journalist sued the team for sexual harassment after a few players waved their genitals at her in the locker room. Kiam called the woman a 'classic bitch', later apologizing and said what he actually said was 'classy bitch'. So that's what this sketch is about. Hartman plays Kiam who says that he meant 'classic bitch' in a good way and to prove it he is now selling a new line of Classic Bitch Electric Shavers. Phil was fun in this and provided a good energy to start the show.
Susan Lucci Monologue
This seemed topical and I have no idea who Victor Kiam was so I did some research. There was a famous commercial where Victor Kiam said his wife gave him a Remington Shaver and he liked it so much that he bought the company. He was also the owner of the New England Patriots. In 1990, a female sports journalist sued the team for sexual harassment after a few players waved their genitals at her in the locker room. Kiam called the woman a 'classic bitch', later apologizing and said what he actually said was 'classy bitch'. So that's what this sketch is about. Hartman plays Kiam who says that he meant 'classic bitch' in a good way and to prove it he is now selling a new line of Classic Bitch Electric Shavers. Phil was fun in this and provided a good energy to start the show.
Susan Lucci Monologue
4 Stars
Susan gets jealous backstage when the cast shows off their Emmys
So, if you don't know the context behind this either, the big running joke about Susan Lucci was that she got nominated every year for an Emmy but always lost. This was a joke in 1990 and continued until she finally won in 1999. Lucci says that she can't think of a bigger thrill than hosting SNL, except maybe winning an Emmy. She then flashes back to what happened right after dress rehearsal. She was getting in hair and makeup and noticed the Emmy sitting on the table. The woman doing her makeup tells her that it's not a big deal. You're bound to win 1 or 3 if you've been in the business for as long as she has (5 years). Then we get a plethora of sight gags. Kevin comes out wearing an Emmy on a gold chain, Jan props a wobbly table up with an Emmy, a stage hand is fixing an air duct by pounding on it with an Emmy, David Spade is using 2 Emmys as corn cob holders and Mike challenges everyone to an Emmy fight. Susan passes out and we come back to present time where she says she was fine after her fall after the doctor whacked her on the head with an Emmy. A pretty fun way to start the show. I love seeing the backstage and I love when they get the referential stuff out of the way in the monologue.
Live With Regis And Kathie Lee
So, if you don't know the context behind this either, the big running joke about Susan Lucci was that she got nominated every year for an Emmy but always lost. This was a joke in 1990 and continued until she finally won in 1999. Lucci says that she can't think of a bigger thrill than hosting SNL, except maybe winning an Emmy. She then flashes back to what happened right after dress rehearsal. She was getting in hair and makeup and noticed the Emmy sitting on the table. The woman doing her makeup tells her that it's not a big deal. You're bound to win 1 or 3 if you've been in the business for as long as she has (5 years). Then we get a plethora of sight gags. Kevin comes out wearing an Emmy on a gold chain, Jan props a wobbly table up with an Emmy, a stage hand is fixing an air duct by pounding on it with an Emmy, David Spade is using 2 Emmys as corn cob holders and Mike challenges everyone to an Emmy fight. Susan passes out and we come back to present time where she says she was fine after her fall after the doctor whacked her on the head with an Emmy. A pretty fun way to start the show. I love seeing the backstage and I love when they get the referential stuff out of the way in the monologue.
Live With Regis And Kathie Lee
2 Stars
Regis and Kathie Lee interview Susan Lucci and a karate expert
This felt long. It felt like I watched a full episode of Regis and Kathie Lee. The joke is that the show is lame so they do that by being lame, which isn't very fun for a sketch. They read the papers, Regis tells a story about sitting behind Tom Brokaw at an event, Kathie Lee talks about her son, Cody. Then they welcome their first guest, Susan Lucci. She comes out and Regis only wants to talk about the time he guest starred on All My Children. They show a clip of Lucci walking past Regis and after the clip they thank Susan for being on the show but they are out of time. Interestingly enough, I remember seeing this exact same thing happen to Chris Farley on Regis and Kathie Lee. They really were horrible interviewers. A celebrity would come on their show and they would talk about some inane stuff and you can tell the celebrity is just like, "can we talk about me or my movie or something?". Then they bring out Mike as a karate expert. Before he can demonstrate any moves, Regis puts on a karategi and dances around and hurts his back. As he gets taken out on a gurney, Frank Gifford comes out to tell the audience that he'll make a full recovery. Like I said, this was long. Dana and Jan both have fantastic energy but the sketch just felt endless and limp.
All My Luggage
This felt long. It felt like I watched a full episode of Regis and Kathie Lee. The joke is that the show is lame so they do that by being lame, which isn't very fun for a sketch. They read the papers, Regis tells a story about sitting behind Tom Brokaw at an event, Kathie Lee talks about her son, Cody. Then they welcome their first guest, Susan Lucci. She comes out and Regis only wants to talk about the time he guest starred on All My Children. They show a clip of Lucci walking past Regis and after the clip they thank Susan for being on the show but they are out of time. Interestingly enough, I remember seeing this exact same thing happen to Chris Farley on Regis and Kathie Lee. They really were horrible interviewers. A celebrity would come on their show and they would talk about some inane stuff and you can tell the celebrity is just like, "can we talk about me or my movie or something?". Then they bring out Mike as a karate expert. Before he can demonstrate any moves, Regis puts on a karategi and dances around and hurts his back. As he gets taken out on a gurney, Frank Gifford comes out to tell the audience that he'll make a full recovery. Like I said, this was long. Dana and Jan both have fantastic energy but the sketch just felt endless and limp.
All My Luggage
1 Star
An airline losing someone's luggage is played like a soap opera
Come on, now. This feels like the laziest excuse for a sketch but for some reason the audience was eating this up. So, Kevin very dramatically tells Susan Lucci that they lost her bags. She starts demanding her bags in an over the top fashion, eventually going to church to pray for their safe return. He comes in and tells her that they have been found...in Milwaukee. She screams and the sketch is over. Doesn't sound very funny and it wasn't but what was fascinating about this was the studio audience. A woman legit screams with laughter at the title card of 'All My Luggage'. That's not even a good pun but you can hear people rolling around in the aisles. I'm watching this stupid sketch dumbfounded but the audience is hooting and hollering at every single line. I was more concerned for their well being than I was focusing on the lame jokes in the sketch.
Great Love Stories
4 Stars
4 couples tell us how they got together
Kevin talks about how he met Jan when he was hired to throw battery acid in her face, Farley met Susan Lucci when he, his dad and his brother found her camping with her boyfriend, murdered her boyfriend and abducted her, then he killed his brother and dad and married Susan 3 months later. Rock and Victoria met in the New England Patriots locker room when Rock dropped his towel and told her to step on up to the mic. Phil met Mike when he was hunting with his pa and found him camping with his girlfriend. He murdered the girlfriend and they were married 3 months later. Get it, they're gay. This was short, sweet and funny. Farley was particularly hilarious making the most of every line he had.
Hothouse Flowers
"Give It Up"
I had never heard of these guys and I really liked them. They look like Spin Doctors but sound like jazzy up tempo and happy Bruce Springsteen. A real fun song.
Weekend Update
"Maybe we missed the point of why he wore a sheet over his head."
The impending government shutdown was the big news item of the week as well as David Souter's confirmation to the Supreme Court. Dennis did something really cool this week when he waved a joke off from the cue cards. I've never seen that done before but he looked at it for a second and then went, "that joke is odd" and went to the next one after mentioning that he was doing some on the fly editing. It's always cool to get a peek into the process.
Mr. Subliminal is here to talk about the MPAA's new NC-17 rating for movies with explicit content (hot sex) by artistic filmmakers (perverts) and the rating is designed to prevent children from seeing them (sneak in the back door).
Chris Rock shows up to talk about prisoners on death row. He says he watched a special Geraldo about death row inmates and didn't see one black person. That's because black people aren't crazy. If you hear a story about a guy who chopped off a woman's head, drank her blood and used her toes as a pool cue, that's a white guy. If you hear a story about a guy kicking an old lady down a flight of stairs for her welfare check, that's a black guy. You know you always wait for the film after the story to see what color the guy is. White people are watching it thinking, "I betcha it's a black guy", while black people are watching it thinking, "please don't be a black guy". If it's a black guy you have to go into work the next day and your boss is like, "so did you know Wayne Williams?". Obviously a bit recycled from his stand-up act but very funny.
Then with no pretense of a setup comes Grumpy Old Man with a commentary. He talks about the old days and how they didn't have hair dryers and would have to stand outside during a hurricane and get pieces of wood embedded in their skulls if they wanted dry hair. They also didn't have wigs and would have to face scorn if they were bald freaks and they didn't have thin latex condoms but instead had to wrap a rabbit skin around their privates and tie it off with a bungee cord. But that's the way it was and he liked it.
Game Breakers
Mr. Subliminal is here to talk about the MPAA's new NC-17 rating for movies with explicit content (hot sex) by artistic filmmakers (perverts) and the rating is designed to prevent children from seeing them (sneak in the back door).
Chris Rock shows up to talk about prisoners on death row. He says he watched a special Geraldo about death row inmates and didn't see one black person. That's because black people aren't crazy. If you hear a story about a guy who chopped off a woman's head, drank her blood and used her toes as a pool cue, that's a white guy. If you hear a story about a guy kicking an old lady down a flight of stairs for her welfare check, that's a black guy. You know you always wait for the film after the story to see what color the guy is. White people are watching it thinking, "I betcha it's a black guy", while black people are watching it thinking, "please don't be a black guy". If it's a black guy you have to go into work the next day and your boss is like, "so did you know Wayne Williams?". Obviously a bit recycled from his stand-up act but very funny.
Then with no pretense of a setup comes Grumpy Old Man with a commentary. He talks about the old days and how they didn't have hair dryers and would have to stand outside during a hurricane and get pieces of wood embedded in their skulls if they wanted dry hair. They also didn't have wigs and would have to face scorn if they were bald freaks and they didn't have thin latex condoms but instead had to wrap a rabbit skin around their privates and tie it off with a bungee cord. But that's the way it was and he liked it.
Game Breakers
2 Stars
A game show slowly turns into a soap opera
Susan Lucci plays her All My Children character Erica Kane as a contestant on a quiz show. She starts coming on to the host, Phil, who starts letting her win. He gets a voice over questioning his ethics. We go to commercial and we come back Phil and Susan are in bed together and eventually Don Pardo is officiating their wedding. It is interrupted by Match Game host Gene Rayburn who brought along Siegfried and Roy who also have a panther that mauls Erica. As I'm typing all of that out, it sounds really funny. This suffered from way too much set up though. We get a lot of the game show before we get to the absurdity. It also got messy at the end as Siegfried and Roy were given a cutaway before they were introduced. So, Gene Rayburn comes out and I'm already confused then we cut to Dana and Spade in blonde wigs and I'm like, "what the hell is going on here?". Then he introduces them as Siegfried and Roy and before I can ask, "what do Siegfried and Roy have to do with this premise?" Susan Lucci is rolling around with a stuffed panther on her face. It was interesting premise but too dull for most of it. It got good right before it was over and Lucci isn't really selling the comedy.
Womanhood
1 Star
A girl getting her first period gets no help from her family
Victoria is pouting. It's her big sister's birthday party and she doesn't fit in. She's a large, awkward, 12 year old girl and her mother appears to be a huge bitch. Lucci plays the mother who constantly tells her daughter how big she is and gives her unhelpful and unfunny advice. Victoria is getting her first period but is routinely embarrassed when her mother tells the caterer, her sister and Uncle Rob. She also explains sex to her which only seems to confuse things further. It ends with her assuring her daughter that things will be okay, as long as she loses 30 pounds by Christmas. Not every sketch has to be funny but they should at least be entertaining. This was down right maudlin.
I Will Not Cry
Victoria is pouting. It's her big sister's birthday party and she doesn't fit in. She's a large, awkward, 12 year old girl and her mother appears to be a huge bitch. Lucci plays the mother who constantly tells her daughter how big she is and gives her unhelpful and unfunny advice. Victoria is getting her first period but is routinely embarrassed when her mother tells the caterer, her sister and Uncle Rob. She also explains sex to her which only seems to confuse things further. It ends with her assuring her daughter that things will be okay, as long as she loses 30 pounds by Christmas. Not every sketch has to be funny but they should at least be entertaining. This was down right maudlin.
I Will Not Cry
1 Star
A worker at an office refuses to show his emotions
It's Mike's last day at work and the girls at his office are throwing a going away party. Mike promised himself he wouldn't cry so he does his best to hold back tears as they are bringing out the cake and giving him presents. If you like Myers getting all verklempt for an entire sketch then this may entertain you. I found it unwatchably awkward. I got a sense that everyone involved knew this was bombing and just riding it out. After the same joke repeated several times, Myers goes into the other room to collect himself but loses it and shoots himself. His ghost appears, flies to heaven where meets Jesus and he tries to hold back tears in front of him too. A long sketch that got weird towards the end but it was too late to save.
Hothouse Flowers returns with a cover of Johnny Nash's "I Can See Clearly Now". It's not as good as the original or the Jimmy Cliff cover. So, if you wanted to hear the 3rd best version of the song...
The Sound Of Music
Hothouse Flowers returns with a cover of Johnny Nash's "I Can See Clearly Now". It's not as good as the original or the Jimmy Cliff cover. So, if you wanted to hear the 3rd best version of the song...
The Sound Of Music
2 Stars
MC Hammer stars in The Sound Of Music
I didn't really get this but thought it was just silly enough to be enjoyable. Rock comes out and dances in hammer pants to the bass line to 'U Can't Touch This' but instead of saying the title to that song he says 'Sound of Music' or different random parts of 'My Favorite Things'. As he does this some critics blurbs pop up about how terrible this is except for Ebony magazine which calls it a brilliant tour de force. It ends rather awkwardly as Chris just keeps dancing as if he's stalling for time. It eventually just fades away, gone as quickly as it began.
FINAL ANALYSIS
FINAL ANALYSIS
"You may not like the classic bitch, but you'll respect it."
Average
Average
2.2 Stars
MVP
Chris Rock
Great Love Stories, Weekend Update, The Sound Of Music
Great Love Stories, Weekend Update, The Sound Of Music
Best Sketch
Great Love Stories
Worst Sketch
All My Luggage
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
I think placement of sketches was fine in this episode. There's not much else you can do. They started with the recurring characters in Regis and Kathie Lee then went to the soap opera parody. They buried all the crappy stuff towards the end so if you went to bed after Update, you probably thought this episode was alright. I would have tossed out All My Luggage and put Game Breakers in that spot. Having two sketches parodying soap operas was a bit much so just go with the better one.
Host Analysis
Susan Lucci was a bit of a dud. She was famous for two things, being on a soap opera and never winning an Emmy so they made fun of both of those things and then had nothing to do after that. This would have been a great excuse to have her play the straight woman to whatever crazy characters the cast had yet to introduce to the show. Instead they put her out front and center and the show really suffered for that.
Final Thoughts
It didn't take us long to get our first stinker of the season. I can't put all the blame on Lucci either. She certainly didn't help matters with her lack of comedic timing but there wasn't much she could have done. The writing this week was very mediocre and not even a better actress could save it. Quick Susan Lucci story: One year I spent the summer with my grandmother and she watched All My Children every day so I watched it with her and got into it. We were at a Toys 'R' Us and I saw an All My Children board game. I got it that year for Christmas and found out it was a murder mystery party game. My grandma made me take it to a New Year's Eve party and I spent the whole party trying to avoid getting her to insist I play it because I was embarrassed for two reasons. 1: I didn't want anyone knowing I watched a soap opera and 2: I didn't want to be that lame kid who insisted that everybody play a murder mystery game.
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