"I'll thank you to shut the fuck up and go make me a mother fucking sandwich"
Cold Open: Defense Team
4 Stars
Ted Kaczynski's brother has hired the best legal team money can buy
I love Will Ferrell's chipper Ted Kaczynski. He decided to not even try an impression and instead go with creating an absurd Will Ferrell characters with a scraggly beard. Ted's brother feels bad about turning him in so he's collected a legal dream team including Johnnie Cochran, F. Lee Bailey, Leslie Abramson, who defended the Menendez brothers and the bald guy from Murder One, who nobody identifies by name nor have they seen his show. Cochran's defense is going after the postal workers who delivered the mail bombs.
"You didn't want to hurt these people. You thought those mailboxes were big blue garbage cans and you were trying to throw them away. I'm not gonna play the race card, I'm gonna play the post card."
Leslie wants to blame the letter bombs on sexual molestation by Ted's parents, F. Lee Bailey is too drunk to be of help and the bald guy from Murder One can only assert that he is in fact the bald guy from Murder One. This was silly and fun and a good excuse to bring back Johnnie Cochran even if he's not in the news anymore.
Teri Hatcher Monologue
I love Will Ferrell's chipper Ted Kaczynski. He decided to not even try an impression and instead go with creating an absurd Will Ferrell characters with a scraggly beard. Ted's brother feels bad about turning him in so he's collected a legal dream team including Johnnie Cochran, F. Lee Bailey, Leslie Abramson, who defended the Menendez brothers and the bald guy from Murder One, who nobody identifies by name nor have they seen his show. Cochran's defense is going after the postal workers who delivered the mail bombs.
"You didn't want to hurt these people. You thought those mailboxes were big blue garbage cans and you were trying to throw them away. I'm not gonna play the race card, I'm gonna play the post card."
Leslie wants to blame the letter bombs on sexual molestation by Ted's parents, F. Lee Bailey is too drunk to be of help and the bald guy from Murder One can only assert that he is in fact the bald guy from Murder One. This was silly and fun and a good excuse to bring back Johnnie Cochran even if he's not in the news anymore.
Teri Hatcher Monologue
3 Stars
Teri has trouble recognizing people in glasses
Teri talks about her role on Lois And Clark and how she finds it silly that Lois can't tell the difference between Clark Kent and Superman. Then Will comes out to read a nice letter he wrote her but when he puts on his reading glasses she thinks he's a stranger. Nancy comes out wearing glasses and the joke repeats. They put the glasses on Teri and she can't recognize herself in the monitor. Then Tim Meadows comes out with glasses and she doesn't recognize him, he takes the glasses off and she still has no idea who he is.
"I've been in the cast for like 8 years."
"What are some of your hit characters?"
"I don't really have any."
It's a one joke monologue but it was executed adequately. It was nice for what it was.
Teri talks about her role on Lois And Clark and how she finds it silly that Lois can't tell the difference between Clark Kent and Superman. Then Will comes out to read a nice letter he wrote her but when he puts on his reading glasses she thinks he's a stranger. Nancy comes out wearing glasses and the joke repeats. They put the glasses on Teri and she can't recognize herself in the monitor. Then Tim Meadows comes out with glasses and she doesn't recognize him, he takes the glasses off and she still has no idea who he is.
"I've been in the cast for like 8 years."
"What are some of your hit characters?"
"I don't really have any."
It's a one joke monologue but it was executed adequately. It was nice for what it was.
Rerun of Old Glory Insurance
West Side Story
West Side Story
3 Stars
Mary Katharine Gallagher ruins West Side Story
Will and Teri are playing Tony and Maria in West Side Story but are routinely interrupted by the exuberant prop girl, Mary Katherine Gallagher. At one point Mary pushes Teri out of the way, tackles Will and does the scene with him. This was just fine but nothing exceptional. I did like Shannon's over the top delivery when she grabs the imaginary gun and points it at him but if you've seen one of these you've seen them all and this is right in the middle of the barrel.
Night Time Music
Will and Teri are playing Tony and Maria in West Side Story but are routinely interrupted by the exuberant prop girl, Mary Katherine Gallagher. At one point Mary pushes Teri out of the way, tackles Will and does the scene with him. This was just fine but nothing exceptional. I did like Shannon's over the top delivery when she grabs the imaginary gun and points it at him but if you've seen one of these you've seen them all and this is right in the middle of the barrel.
Night Time Music
3 Stars
A couple gets sexy through dance
Kattan and Teri are getting comfy on the couch when he asks if she would like some mood music. He puts on a couple of different songs and does a couple of different "sexy" dances. At one point he starts humping the couch across the room. None of this is getting Teri in the mood so she tells him to sit down and let her show him how it's done. She does a sultry dance to 'You Can Leave Your Hat On' which causes Kattan to laugh at her.
"What the hell are you doing with your body there?"
She gets upset and leaves. I was always impressed with how Kattan had a knack for putting himself in sketches where the sexy female host would grind on him or vice versa. I can just imagine him in the writer's room saying, "Hey I got an idea. What if the two of us do a parody of The Blue Lagoon and we're both naked and dry humping?"
The Princess And The Homeboy
Kattan and Teri are getting comfy on the couch when he asks if she would like some mood music. He puts on a couple of different songs and does a couple of different "sexy" dances. At one point he starts humping the couch across the room. None of this is getting Teri in the mood so she tells him to sit down and let her show him how it's done. She does a sultry dance to 'You Can Leave Your Hat On' which causes Kattan to laugh at her.
"What the hell are you doing with your body there?"
She gets upset and leaves. I was always impressed with how Kattan had a knack for putting himself in sketches where the sexy female host would grind on him or vice versa. I can just imagine him in the writer's room saying, "Hey I got an idea. What if the two of us do a parody of The Blue Lagoon and we're both naked and dry humping?"
The Princess And The Homeboy
4 Stars
A new sitcom coming to NBC
Apparently NBC's Monday night lineup at the time consisted of The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air starring Will Smith and a sitcom starring LL Cool J. I don't remember the LL Cool J sitcom, looked it up on Wikipedia and found that it got cancelled after 2 seasons and then moved to UPN. Anyway, a new brother is moving to the hood in G-Dogg. He's a foul mouthed rapper who moves in with a conservative family. We get a commercial for their new show complete with a blurb from USA Today.
"Me and my homeys have never laughed so hard. This is my new favorite hood, even though I'm not black and I never watch TV and I'm an idiot."
It ends with the princess swearing at her dad and Mark McKinney looking into the camera and saying, "Oh double dear" in his best lame white guy voice. It was a simple premise executed nicely unfortunately there weren't many laughs after the setup.
Math Competition
Apparently NBC's Monday night lineup at the time consisted of The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air starring Will Smith and a sitcom starring LL Cool J. I don't remember the LL Cool J sitcom, looked it up on Wikipedia and found that it got cancelled after 2 seasons and then moved to UPN. Anyway, a new brother is moving to the hood in G-Dogg. He's a foul mouthed rapper who moves in with a conservative family. We get a commercial for their new show complete with a blurb from USA Today.
"Me and my homeys have never laughed so hard. This is my new favorite hood, even though I'm not black and I never watch TV and I'm an idiot."
It ends with the princess swearing at her dad and Mark McKinney looking into the camera and saying, "Oh double dear" in his best lame white guy voice. It was a simple premise executed nicely unfortunately there weren't many laughs after the setup.
Math Competition
3 Stars
Craig gets his big chance at being a real Spartan
Craig and Arianna are cheering a math competition when they are interrupted by Teri Hatcher. She's on the official Spartan squad and is offering Craig a place on the team. Arianna is left crushed as Craig leaves. Later at the basketball game, Teri gets mad at Craig for having too much spirit. He flashes back to memories of him and Arianna and decides to go back to her.
"Who's that Spartan looking so lonely?"
"It's me. It's me."
They do a cheer together and the sketch ends. I appreciated that this one had a story line that wasn't just someone comes over and yells at them but I still find these characters perfectly average. I don't hate them but I don't like them.
Weekend Update
Craig and Arianna are cheering a math competition when they are interrupted by Teri Hatcher. She's on the official Spartan squad and is offering Craig a place on the team. Arianna is left crushed as Craig leaves. Later at the basketball game, Teri gets mad at Craig for having too much spirit. He flashes back to memories of him and Arianna and decides to go back to her.
"Who's that Spartan looking so lonely?"
"It's me. It's me."
They do a cheer together and the sketch ends. I appreciated that this one had a story line that wasn't just someone comes over and yells at them but I still find these characters perfectly average. I don't hate them but I don't like them.
Weekend Update
You think that gerbil story is true?
Shocking update in the OJ Simpson case. There was a police conspiracy to frame OJ for the murders but they called it off when they got to the scene and found that OJ already did it.
Marlon Brando met with Jewish leaders to apologize for his remarks that Jews run Hollywood. Jewish leaders accepted his apology and announced that Brando is now free to work again.
In a highly unusual ruling the California State Supreme Court has declared that Alan Dershowitz is one ugly bastard.
Next Thursday is take your daughter to work day or as Aaron Spelling calls it, Thursday.
Greg "The Shark" Norman is here to talk about the Masters tournament. He had a big lead going into the last day but squandered it and lost. Hence, he thinks that his nickname of 'The Shark' isn't that accurate. He comes up with some other nicknames like The Trout, The Submissive Trout and The Little Girl before coming up with The Crab. The crab is just a little fearsome. If you see one you might think twice about coming any closer but you're not really scared. Cute, but not hilarious.
Dave Matthews Band
"Too Much"
Spade In America
2 Stars
"David Spade" interviews "Teri Hatcher"
Teri Hatcher introduces herself as David Spade and she is here to interview Teri Hatcher. Out comes David Spade in a dress in a last ditch attempt at comedy. When all else fails, put some fake boobs and a wig on. They go back and forth insulting each other, Spade as Hatcher makes passes at Hatcher as Spade but Hatcher as Spade says he's into guys. She ends the piece, as Spade, saying
"This piece isn't going the way I expected. Then again, nothing I've done this year has been funny." My sentiments exactly.
The Local News
Teri Hatcher introduces herself as David Spade and she is here to interview Teri Hatcher. Out comes David Spade in a dress in a last ditch attempt at comedy. When all else fails, put some fake boobs and a wig on. They go back and forth insulting each other, Spade as Hatcher makes passes at Hatcher as Spade but Hatcher as Spade says he's into guys. She ends the piece, as Spade, saying
"This piece isn't going the way I expected. Then again, nothing I've done this year has been funny." My sentiments exactly.
The Local News
2 Stars
Joe Blow hosts a show from his basement
Joe Blow hosts a show from his basement. I don't like this character and this is like a sad Wayne's World as his wife comes downstairs to do laundry, his sexist uncle won't stop making passes at the guests and his son doesn't respect him. The only bright spot was Norm coming in as himself wondering why he was there.
Fuzzy Memories
Joe Blow hosts a show from his basement. I don't like this character and this is like a sad Wayne's World as his wife comes downstairs to do laundry, his sexist uncle won't stop making passes at the guests and his son doesn't respect him. The only bright spot was Norm coming in as himself wondering why he was there.
Fuzzy Memories
4 Stars
One day in the backyard I told my friend I would give him a million dollars to eat an earthworm. He ate the worm but I never gave him the money. As of last week all I've given him was $9,840.
Rummage Sale
2 Stars
Gail Lafferty meets her match
We're at the St. Gabriel's Rummage Sale and Gail wants to set up her baked goods table. She talks some smack to the other women before being confronted by Teri Hatcher.
"Did you go deaf from being ugly or did you go ugly from being deaf?"
They get into a big fight which could have been more fun if it were set to music. They just beat the crap out of each other for about 90 seconds until Teri throws Nancy through a window. I found this very forgettable.
Dave Matthews Band returns with So Much To Say. I love this song but I'm a biased viewer, they're also a great live band so I thought this was rad.
We're at the St. Gabriel's Rummage Sale and Gail wants to set up her baked goods table. She talks some smack to the other women before being confronted by Teri Hatcher.
"Did you go deaf from being ugly or did you go ugly from being deaf?"
They get into a big fight which could have been more fun if it were set to music. They just beat the crap out of each other for about 90 seconds until Teri throws Nancy through a window. I found this very forgettable.
Dave Matthews Band returns with So Much To Say. I love this song but I'm a biased viewer, they're also a great live band so I thought this was rad.
We end with a rerun of Petchow. This commercial parody is so good but for some reason has only been used as time filler at the end of the night.
FINAL ANALYSIS
FINAL ANALYSIS
Average
3 Stars
MVP
Eh, nobody really stood out this week. Let's go with
Tim Meadows
Cold Open, Monologue, The Princess And The Homeboy
Tim Meadows
Cold Open, Monologue, The Princess And The Homeboy
Best Sketch
Defense Team
Worst Sketch
The Local News
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
I guess placement of the sketches was fine. They put the good stuff before Update and the bad stuff at the end of the night. Most of the episode was forgettable so it's hard to say that rearranging the sketches would have helped anything.
Host Analysis
Like most pretty girls who host the show, she was fine. She played the bitchy girl in every sketch except for Night Time Music where she was just used as eye candy. She wasn't terrible but she could do nothing to elevate the material she was given.
Final Thoughts
A very forgettable episode with so many recurring characters. 5 out of 6 sketches featured recurring characters with only Night Time Music being anything original. We got The Cheerleaders, Mary Katharine Gallager, Gail Lafferty, Joe Blow and G-Dogg, who appeared in the Anthony Edwards episode but in a different capacity. The whole thing felt like a retread. Nothing from this episode will be anything I consider for my best of the season list.
Up Next
We're in the home stretch. Christine Baranski from the Cybill Shepherd sitcom hosts with musical guest The Cure.
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