"If family values means stealing the tax payer's money and sniffing model glue, I'm way into family values."
Cold Open: Class Reunion
4 Stars
The Unabomber Ted Kaczynski visits his former classmates
It’s the Harvard class of 1967 reunion and in walks Will Ferrell as Unabomber Ted Kaczynski, in handcuffs, chains and followed by two FBI guards. His former classmates are excited to see him and curious as to what he’s been up to.
“Do they still call you Casanova Kaczynski?”
“No, I have a different nickname these days.”
Norm comes out on crutches with a bandaged head. Apparently he was Ted’s biggest bully in school and used to play pranks on him. All is forgiven though and he has even brought along the package that Ted sent him. He wants to open it in front of everybody. A silly and morbid concept is boosted incredibly by a great performance by Ferrell and great support by the entire cast.
Fred Wolf gets his first mention in the opening credits as a featured player
Steve Forbes Monologue
It’s the Harvard class of 1967 reunion and in walks Will Ferrell as Unabomber Ted Kaczynski, in handcuffs, chains and followed by two FBI guards. His former classmates are excited to see him and curious as to what he’s been up to.
“Do they still call you Casanova Kaczynski?”
“No, I have a different nickname these days.”
Norm comes out on crutches with a bandaged head. Apparently he was Ted’s biggest bully in school and used to play pranks on him. All is forgiven though and he has even brought along the package that Ted sent him. He wants to open it in front of everybody. A silly and morbid concept is boosted incredibly by a great performance by Ferrell and great support by the entire cast.
Fred Wolf gets his first mention in the opening credits as a featured player
Steve Forbes Monologue
4 Stars
Steve takes some questions from the audience
Before Steve Forbes goes to the old dependable ‘questions from the audience’ bit he gets one more plug for his flat tax proposal. He turns to the camera and says 'flat tax' in what I’m assuming is supposed to be a Church Lady impression but I’m really not sure. This guy has the charisma of a malfunctioning alien robot. He wants to know if anyone has any questions about the flat tax but all the questions are about his wealth.
“If you crashed your Ferrari would you just walk away and buy a new one?”
“Why don’t you just buy Bosnia and tell everyone to stop fighting or you’ll kick them out?”
“When you watch Gilligan’s Island do you see Thurston Howell and think, I could buy and sell that guy?”
Steve wants to assure us all that even though he’s a rich publishing tycoon that ran for president he’s just like us.
“Just like you I get frustrated when I lock my car in my helicopter. I hate this cold winter, the moat around my mansion freezes, making it easier for marauders to get pass.”
The audience starts crying and Steve tells us to enjoy some nice poached salmon while we watch the show. Steve’s off-putting and almost creepy stage presence works to his benefit here. He has no idea how to sell a joke but they used that to their advantage by making him seem creepy and out of touch.
Before Steve Forbes goes to the old dependable ‘questions from the audience’ bit he gets one more plug for his flat tax proposal. He turns to the camera and says 'flat tax' in what I’m assuming is supposed to be a Church Lady impression but I’m really not sure. This guy has the charisma of a malfunctioning alien robot. He wants to know if anyone has any questions about the flat tax but all the questions are about his wealth.
“If you crashed your Ferrari would you just walk away and buy a new one?”
“Why don’t you just buy Bosnia and tell everyone to stop fighting or you’ll kick them out?”
“When you watch Gilligan’s Island do you see Thurston Howell and think, I could buy and sell that guy?”
Steve wants to assure us all that even though he’s a rich publishing tycoon that ran for president he’s just like us.
“Just like you I get frustrated when I lock my car in my helicopter. I hate this cold winter, the moat around my mansion freezes, making it easier for marauders to get pass.”
The audience starts crying and Steve tells us to enjoy some nice poached salmon while we watch the show. Steve’s off-putting and almost creepy stage presence works to his benefit here. He has no idea how to sell a joke but they used that to their advantage by making him seem creepy and out of touch.
Rerun of Grayson Moorhead Securities
Drill Sergeant
3 Stars
The new drill sergeant is hard to understand
Some army recruits are awaiting their new drill sergeant and in walks Chris Kattan who is impossible to understand as he speaks in gibberish. That's the sketch, Kattan says something nonsensical and the soldiers question him. I enjoyed Mark McKinney crying and Fred Wolf thinking that Kattan was asking if he likes Gordon Lightfoot. I liked this better than the substitute teacher sketch from the John Goodman episode. I thought it worked better with Kattan as an unquestionable authority figure. It's still just a one joke sketch though, but it's funny.
Nightline
Some army recruits are awaiting their new drill sergeant and in walks Chris Kattan who is impossible to understand as he speaks in gibberish. That's the sketch, Kattan says something nonsensical and the soldiers question him. I enjoyed Mark McKinney crying and Fred Wolf thinking that Kattan was asking if he likes Gordon Lightfoot. I liked this better than the substitute teacher sketch from the John Goodman episode. I thought it worked better with Kattan as an unquestionable authority figure. It's still just a one joke sketch though, but it's funny.
Nightline
5 Stars
A new book has sparked debate over who the mysterious author is
A new book has just come out called Election Colors, it is a behind the scenes look at the Republican primary that was written by an anonymous author. Here to talk about the book are Bob Dole, Pat Buchanan and Steve Forbes. The book seems to paint Forbes in such a good light that eyes are pointed towards him. One passage is exceptionally flattering.
"Teve Torbes had Washington insiders running scared. He also had an undeniable animal magnetism that drove the ladies crazy. It was clear Teve Torbes had it goin' on."
Further passages are even more glaring.
"The ladies loved Teve Torbes' brilliant tax plan. That and the fact that he had a musky Victor Mature like scent. No. Teve Torbes was definitely not a geek with a crooked smile. He was a babe magnet. Did I mention how much the ladies love me? I mean him?"
A new book has just come out called Election Colors, it is a behind the scenes look at the Republican primary that was written by an anonymous author. Here to talk about the book are Bob Dole, Pat Buchanan and Steve Forbes. The book seems to paint Forbes in such a good light that eyes are pointed towards him. One passage is exceptionally flattering.
"Teve Torbes had Washington insiders running scared. He also had an undeniable animal magnetism that drove the ladies crazy. It was clear Teve Torbes had it goin' on."
Further passages are even more glaring.
"The ladies loved Teve Torbes' brilliant tax plan. That and the fact that he had a musky Victor Mature like scent. No. Teve Torbes was definitely not a geek with a crooked smile. He was a babe magnet. Did I mention how much the ladies love me? I mean him?"
Forbes is flattered and feels that the description of a dynamic and virile leader of men fits him perfectly but he is adamant that he didn't write the book. He posits that maybe it represents someone named Leev Norbes. The other candidates are represented by the names At Buchanan, Dob Bole and Lamar Alexander Number 2. Dole and Buchanan cast blame at Forbes and are upset at how they are depicted.
"I saw At Buchanan kick his Nicaraguan gardener and then say 'Teve Torbes, I enjoy your Victor Mature like scent'."
Not even Nightline host Ted Koppel is safe from the author's journalistic digging.
"I was on Ched Choppel's show 'Pightline'. During the commercial break Ched confessed to me that he enjoys auto-erotic asphyxiation."
This was a brilliant and silly and stupid sketch that I loved completely. All the performances were terrific. I was especially surprised with Forbes himself who nails all of his lines.
Screen Door
3 Stars
Mrs. DelVecchio takes a meeting with a college recruiter
Mrs. DelVecchio, the lady who screams at kids from her front porch is getting a visit from a college recruiter from Penn State. Her son has been accepted and they are going over the scholarships. She keeps getting interrupted by people banging on her screen door. At first a child then Chris Kattan coming to pick up her daughter and a girl selling candy. She disposes of them in comical ways like throwing water on their face or hitting them with a shoe. Finally, the recruiter has finished his business so he leaves but returns for his forgotten briefcase. He accidentally knocks on the screen door and punches a hole in it. He gives an "uh-oh" that may be the worst line reading I've ever heard on an episode of SNL. But he's playing an awkward guy and he's not an actor so I give it a pass. This was fine for what it was. I'm not a fan of this character but it wasn't hard to sit through.
Forbes On Forbes
Mrs. DelVecchio, the lady who screams at kids from her front porch is getting a visit from a college recruiter from Penn State. Her son has been accepted and they are going over the scholarships. She keeps getting interrupted by people banging on her screen door. At first a child then Chris Kattan coming to pick up her daughter and a girl selling candy. She disposes of them in comical ways like throwing water on their face or hitting them with a shoe. Finally, the recruiter has finished his business so he leaves but returns for his forgotten briefcase. He accidentally knocks on the screen door and punches a hole in it. He gives an "uh-oh" that may be the worst line reading I've ever heard on an episode of SNL. But he's playing an awkward guy and he's not an actor so I give it a pass. This was fine for what it was. I'm not a fan of this character but it wasn't hard to sit through.
Forbes On Forbes
3 Stars
Steve and Steve debate each other
Mark McKinney as Steve Forbes debates his best friend Steve Forbes as Steve Forbes. This is one of those 'the person who does the impression meets the real person' things that the show loves to do. I always find these painfully forced but this one wasn't that excruciating. McKinney asks Forbes if the candidacy had to end when it did and if he ever considered the Mark McKinney factor. McKinney has created a hit character only to have it end unceremoniously, he further concludes that the entire Forbes campaign was all just an attempt to screw Mark McKinney. You get exactly what you expect here.
Continuation of Grayson Moorhead Securities
Weekend Update
Mark McKinney as Steve Forbes debates his best friend Steve Forbes as Steve Forbes. This is one of those 'the person who does the impression meets the real person' things that the show loves to do. I always find these painfully forced but this one wasn't that excruciating. McKinney asks Forbes if the candidacy had to end when it did and if he ever considered the Mark McKinney factor. McKinney has created a hit character only to have it end unceremoniously, he further concludes that the entire Forbes campaign was all just an attempt to screw Mark McKinney. You get exactly what you expect here.
Continuation of Grayson Moorhead Securities
Weekend Update
The Unabomber has been caught. He was a genius with degrees from Harvard and Michigan. Now it's time to focus on our real enemy, fancy book learning.
Marlon Brando said on Larry King that Hollywood was run by Jews. In response, outraged Jewish organizations made it snow in New York in April.
MC Hammer is suing the LA police department after he and his entourage were mistakenly handcuffed. The most shocking part of this story, MC Hammer has an entourage.
Four prisoners in Pennsylvania successfully escaped in their underwear. Officials were surprised the escape worked because the four scantily clad prisoners frequently stopped to rape each other.
Montel Williams has a new book called 'Mountain Get Out Of My Way'. Publishers expect it to outsell his first book, 'Hair Get Off Of My Head'. This is the dumbest joke I have ever heard and I loved it.
Fred Wolf is here with a bit from his stand up act, I mean, a commentary on helping the unfortunate. It's pretty funny but nothing I wouldn't miss. The ending was good where he got a letter from the American Lung Association asking him for $2.
"Are they that close to a cure? Imagine being in the doctor's office. Well Mr. Henderson, we'd love to cure you but we're 2 bucks short. We've written Fred Wolf for help."
Rage Against The Machine
“Bulls On Parade”
This is a rap/rock group with excellent guitar riffs. I never owned a Rage Against The Machine album but I always liked and respected them. In true rock and roll fashion they said "Fuck the Man" and hung upside down American flags on their amps to protest the presence of Steve Forbes. I must have the rerun version of this episode because I didn't notice anything but apparently they were asked not to perform a 2nd song and they weren't allowed to stick around for the goodnights.
Roofers
5 Stars
3 roofers talk about what they will do when they strike it rich
Forbes, Quinn and Koechner are all blue collar working stiffs on lunch break. Quinn has to move out of his house for a while to avoid a common law marriage. It's not so bad except without an old lady around you have to cook for yourself. That's when Forbes goes out and gets himself a 10 gallon tub of goldfish crackers. Forbes then gets upset at the rich ass pulling into his driveway with an above ground pool and a tripped up Firebird in the garage. They're gonna strike it rich soon though because they all have their lottery tickets. The first thing Forbes is gonna do is pay a million dollars to Chuck Norris to kick the boss in the face. Koechner is gonna get a box made of gold and melt it down. Quinn wants to but the Budweiser frogs to take them to parties to meet girls. Their boss comes up to dock their pay for goofing off and Forbes kicks him off the roof. I loved this. Forbes's stilted and awkward delivery and dreams of being rich were hilarious and having him be named Slug was a nice touch too.
Seattle Today
Forbes, Quinn and Koechner are all blue collar working stiffs on lunch break. Quinn has to move out of his house for a while to avoid a common law marriage. It's not so bad except without an old lady around you have to cook for yourself. That's when Forbes goes out and gets himself a 10 gallon tub of goldfish crackers. Forbes then gets upset at the rich ass pulling into his driveway with an above ground pool and a tripped up Firebird in the garage. They're gonna strike it rich soon though because they all have their lottery tickets. The first thing Forbes is gonna do is pay a million dollars to Chuck Norris to kick the boss in the face. Koechner is gonna get a box made of gold and melt it down. Quinn wants to but the Budweiser frogs to take them to parties to meet girls. Their boss comes up to dock their pay for goofing off and Forbes kicks him off the roof. I loved this. Forbes's stilted and awkward delivery and dreams of being rich were hilarious and having him be named Slug was a nice touch too.
Seattle Today
5 Stars
Stan Hooper displays his lack of success with being a sketch artist
Stan Hooper, the composite sketch artist who drew the picture of the Unabomber, is the guest on Seattle Today. His sketch helped catch Ted Kaczynski but oddly they didn't find any hooded sweatshirts or sunglasses in his shack. This doesn't surprise Stan though as no eye witness mentioned sunglasses or a hood. They described a guy with scraggly hair, a big bushy beard and dark piercing eyes. He's not that good with eyes and hair though so he uses various techniques to compensate for his limitations.
"I could no more draw dark penetrating eyes than I could the Mona Lisa or a big bushy beard so I drew giant mirrored sunglasses, that way who's to say what his eyes look like."
We also get some views at his other famous sketches like The Ten Gallon Hat Killer and The Chef Hat Killer, neither of which were ever known to wear a hat. The nicknames came from the sketches. This was a pitch perfect Norm MacDonald sketch.
Fuzzy Memories
Stan Hooper, the composite sketch artist who drew the picture of the Unabomber, is the guest on Seattle Today. His sketch helped catch Ted Kaczynski but oddly they didn't find any hooded sweatshirts or sunglasses in his shack. This doesn't surprise Stan though as no eye witness mentioned sunglasses or a hood. They described a guy with scraggly hair, a big bushy beard and dark piercing eyes. He's not that good with eyes and hair though so he uses various techniques to compensate for his limitations.
"I could no more draw dark penetrating eyes than I could the Mona Lisa or a big bushy beard so I drew giant mirrored sunglasses, that way who's to say what his eyes look like."
We also get some views at his other famous sketches like The Ten Gallon Hat Killer and The Chef Hat Killer, neither of which were ever known to wear a hat. The nicknames came from the sketches. This was a pitch perfect Norm MacDonald sketch.
Fuzzy Memories
4 Stars
When you're 10 years old and you get splashed with water by a car it's hard to decide whether you should go home and change and be late or go to school in wet clothes. While he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again.
Beauty School
4 Stars
4 Stars
T-Bone tries to graduate from barber college
Steve Forbes wants to make sure this haircut is free. T-Bone is excited because he's gonna learn a lot on this head of hair. He asks if he wants the Jennifer Aniston look or maybe T-Bone's hairstyle, nobody would know it but it's actually a comb-over. Sometimes people like to share intimate secrets with their barbers. T-Bone asks him to open up, he'll start and tell him about the time he found a dead body and figured, hell, nobody needs that shirt anymore. Forbes gets so upset that he decides to leave until he is reminded that he'll have to pay for it and we see a cartoon dollar bill flying away. The two of them enjoy a couple shots of barbicide and the sketch fades out. I like the T-Bone character and both he and Forbes had good chemistry here as the crazy character and the straight man.
Fast Talk
Steve Forbes wants to make sure this haircut is free. T-Bone is excited because he's gonna learn a lot on this head of hair. He asks if he wants the Jennifer Aniston look or maybe T-Bone's hairstyle, nobody would know it but it's actually a comb-over. Sometimes people like to share intimate secrets with their barbers. T-Bone asks him to open up, he'll start and tell him about the time he found a dead body and figured, hell, nobody needs that shirt anymore. Forbes gets so upset that he decides to leave until he is reminded that he'll have to pay for it and we see a cartoon dollar bill flying away. The two of them enjoy a couple shots of barbicide and the sketch fades out. I like the T-Bone character and both he and Forbes had good chemistry here as the crazy character and the straight man.
Fast Talk
2 Stars
A waitress and an ex-con express their love through metaphors
Molly is a waitress at a bar where she meets her old flame, Dapper Johnny Jones. The talk in that super fast, ultra clever, Howard Hawks style, like a screwball comedy from the 1940s. That's basically the sketch. It was more cute than funny. I respected the fact that they didn't seem to be relying on cue cards but I also didn't laugh that much. There was never a comment on why they were doing the sketch in this style they just did it.
Florida Bugs
Molly is a waitress at a bar where she meets her old flame, Dapper Johnny Jones. The talk in that super fast, ultra clever, Howard Hawks style, like a screwball comedy from the 1940s. That's basically the sketch. It was more cute than funny. I respected the fact that they didn't seem to be relying on cue cards but I also didn't laugh that much. There was never a comment on why they were doing the sketch in this style they just did it.
Florida Bugs
2 Stars
A driver is accosted by the bugs he smashed with his car
Forbes and Molly come back from a long road trip when there is a knock on the door. Jim Breuer shows up in a bug costume and yells at him for hitting so many of his buddies on the road. Kattan comes in as another bug with a broken wing. They argue for a bit, Breuer tells him to watch out because he knows a lot of crazy mosquitoes who will have him scratching in places he didn't know existed. The sketch ends in a meta moment. Steve says that was weird.
"3 weeks ago I'm running for president, now I'm on TV with a guy in a bug suit."
FINAL ANALYSIS
Forbes and Molly come back from a long road trip when there is a knock on the door. Jim Breuer shows up in a bug costume and yells at him for hitting so many of his buddies on the road. Kattan comes in as another bug with a broken wing. They argue for a bit, Breuer tells him to watch out because he knows a lot of crazy mosquitoes who will have him scratching in places he didn't know existed. The sketch ends in a meta moment. Steve says that was weird.
"3 weeks ago I'm running for president, now I'm on TV with a guy in a bug suit."
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Respectfully Mr. Forbes, can you shut up about the flat tax?"
Average
Average
3.7 Stars
MVP
Norm MacDonald
Cold Open, Nightline, Weekend Update, Seattle Today
Cold Open, Nightline, Weekend Update, Seattle Today
Best Sketch
Seattle Today
Worst Sketch
Fast Talk
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Leading of with Drill Sergeant gave me the false impression that this was gonna be a run of the mill episode. If the show started off with Nightline I would have been on board right from the beginning. It's a small complaint but I really enjoyed Steve Forbes in every sketch, I wanted him right out in front.
Host Analysis
Comparing this to the recent Donald Trump hosted episode. This is leaps and bounds better. Forbes seemed able to poke fun at himself and not just in that way of, well everybody makes fun of me for this so I'll pretend to play along. Forbes seemed game for everything. He couldn't act worth a lick but they used that to his advantage. He at least tried in every sketch and I commend the effort. The first few sketches he was in he played himself or another stiff but then when that Roofers sketch aired I was considering this guy as one of my favorite hosts of the season.
Final Thoughts
Final Thoughts
I was insanely surprised with not only how the writers stepped up their game but how a host with no comedic timing whatsoever was able to be front and center of one of my favorite episode of the season. It seems that Forbes put complete trust in the writers and the cast to make him seem funny and it payed off. The whole episode had a fun atmosphere to it and Steve seemed to be having fun too, as much fan as a creepy millionaire can have on a Saturday night. He had a Christopher Walken like approach to hosting where it sometimes seemed like he didn't get the joke but he also never thought the joke was on him.
Up Next
Up Next
Teri Hatcher star of Lois And Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman hosts with musical guest Dave Matthews Band. Did I listen to Dave Matthews Band in 1996? Yes I did. Excuse me for being alive in the 90s and having two ears connected to a heart.
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