"Them damn hobos are everywhere!"
Cold Open: Late Night Snack
2 Stars
Bill Clinton makes some depressed late night phone calls
Old Slick Willie is up late raiding the fridge and calling people. He calls a conservative columnist and apologizes for his presidency. He does the same with Jesse Jackson and Colin Powell. While he's doing this he's stuffing his face with sandwiches, Pepsi and at one point an entire can of whipped cream. Tim Meadows delivers a pizza to him and tells him that everything will be fine and that Bill has his vote (now that Colin Powell has dropped out of the race). This was fine but a little mean spirited. Maybe there was something in the news at the time that spawned this sketch but as it stands now this is Darrell Hammond's Clinton impression's first outing and they make Bill a sad, fat loser.
Quentin Tarantino Monologue
Old Slick Willie is up late raiding the fridge and calling people. He calls a conservative columnist and apologizes for his presidency. He does the same with Jesse Jackson and Colin Powell. While he's doing this he's stuffing his face with sandwiches, Pepsi and at one point an entire can of whipped cream. Tim Meadows delivers a pizza to him and tells him that everything will be fine and that Bill has his vote (now that Colin Powell has dropped out of the race). This was fine but a little mean spirited. Maybe there was something in the news at the time that spawned this sketch but as it stands now this is Darrell Hammond's Clinton impression's first outing and they make Bill a sad, fat loser.
Quentin Tarantino Monologue
2 Stars
Quentin sings a rock song from an episode of 'Bewitched'
Quentin wants to do something special with his monologue. He wants to reenact the greatest moment in television history. He mentions the assassination of JFK, John Boy saluting but when forced to pick TV's greatest moment he singles out one episode of Bewitched. There was an episode where a rock song was sang called 'Blow You A Kiss In The Wind'. So he sings it and does a little dance. So to give a little backstory. In 1995, Quentin Tarantino inspired me to be a film maker. He was this geeky video store clerk who wrote movies, got them made, they hit with audiences and critics and he became a superstar. I wanted to do that. What I didn't want to do is a spastic dance on SNL. This bummed me out. It was like being at Disney World and you see Goofy take his head off to take a smoke break. Quentin was my hero but he has a definite talent behind the camera that doesn't translate to being on screen. This was a sad omen for what I'm about to experience.
BugOff
Quentin wants to do something special with his monologue. He wants to reenact the greatest moment in television history. He mentions the assassination of JFK, John Boy saluting but when forced to pick TV's greatest moment he singles out one episode of Bewitched. There was an episode where a rock song was sang called 'Blow You A Kiss In The Wind'. So he sings it and does a little dance. So to give a little backstory. In 1995, Quentin Tarantino inspired me to be a film maker. He was this geeky video store clerk who wrote movies, got them made, they hit with audiences and critics and he became a superstar. I wanted to do that. What I didn't want to do is a spastic dance on SNL. This bummed me out. It was like being at Disney World and you see Goofy take his head off to take a smoke break. Quentin was my hero but he has a definite talent behind the camera that doesn't translate to being on screen. This was a sad omen for what I'm about to experience.
BugOff
5 Stars
Instead of killing roaches, torture and humiliate them
At least the commercial parody hit it out of the park. Will Ferrell introduces us to BugOff which doesn't kill roaches but instead tortures them by ripping off their legs and beating them with them, stuffing cotton balls in all of their orrifices and burning off their reproductive organs all while dangling a delicious piece of food just out of reach. None of this will actually kill the roach but will show them who's boss. All the torture is shown in cartoon-y CGI. This was really fun.
Football Game
4 Stars
Two cheerleaders support their team from the parking lot
It's always interesting to see how things begin. I was in high school when everybody was talking about the Spartan cheerleaders. It definitely hit a cultural nerve in my school. I remember two people did this bit on the morning announcements and two different people did it for the annual talent show. Not sure what talent is involved in stealing other people's material. Anyway, sometimes when I watch the show I get excited to see a new cast member's first thing. We've seen Ferrell and Oteri in sketches before and they have already displayed a natural chemistry but these characters right off the bat seem like natural recurring characters. They have a shtick that can easily be applied to multiple situations. More recently I remember seeing Jay Pharaoh do Denzel Washington or Kate McKinnon's first episode where she did Penelope Cruz and thinking, "Oh, this person is gonna be a star on the show.". So I'm sure you know the Spartan cheerleaders. They do routines to get the crowd pumped, they yell at people in the stands and then it's revealed that they aren't even part of the squad. Here, Quentin comes out and screams at them to give back their uniforms. And after watching this sketch I get the joke and am okay if I never see this again. Oh goodness, we're gonna get this 5 more times this season.
Clara Turley's Bible Challenge
It's always interesting to see how things begin. I was in high school when everybody was talking about the Spartan cheerleaders. It definitely hit a cultural nerve in my school. I remember two people did this bit on the morning announcements and two different people did it for the annual talent show. Not sure what talent is involved in stealing other people's material. Anyway, sometimes when I watch the show I get excited to see a new cast member's first thing. We've seen Ferrell and Oteri in sketches before and they have already displayed a natural chemistry but these characters right off the bat seem like natural recurring characters. They have a shtick that can easily be applied to multiple situations. More recently I remember seeing Jay Pharaoh do Denzel Washington or Kate McKinnon's first episode where she did Penelope Cruz and thinking, "Oh, this person is gonna be a star on the show.". So I'm sure you know the Spartan cheerleaders. They do routines to get the crowd pumped, they yell at people in the stands and then it's revealed that they aren't even part of the squad. Here, Quentin comes out and screams at them to give back their uniforms. And after watching this sketch I get the joke and am okay if I never see this again. Oh goodness, we're gonna get this 5 more times this season.
Clara Turley's Bible Challenge
5 Stars
Stan Hooper takes advantage of some good hearted people
Nancy Walls hosts a bible challenge game show. We're introduced to Quentin and Molly Shannon as contestants and then the third contestant is Norm MacDonald as Stan Hooper, smoking and scarfing down McDonald's cheeseburgers. 6 months ago he was living in the church's halfway house doing odd jobs but now he has become the world's foremost biblical scholar. The first question is how many years were the Israelites in Egypt and before any one can answer Nancy tells them that the answer is 430. She asks if anyone knew that. Quentin says he didn't, Molly says she didn't but Norm rings his bell and says that he did know that and he gets $20 cash. The joke repeats a couple times with different variations. At one point Molly says that she also knew the answer but Norm says he knew it first. At one point Quentin points out that Norm may be lying. He says he's not lying and then Quentin apologizes for even bringing it up. This was beautiful and reminds me of a sketch we saw earlier this season that I didn't like. In the David Schwimmer episode we got a sketch starring Nancy Walls as a conceited skinny girl mocking fat people and the reason that sketch didn't work is because there was no comeuppance for her character. Here, Stan Hooper openly cheats these people but the joke is clear that he's an evil man taking advantage of good people.
Directors On Directing
Nancy Walls hosts a bible challenge game show. We're introduced to Quentin and Molly Shannon as contestants and then the third contestant is Norm MacDonald as Stan Hooper, smoking and scarfing down McDonald's cheeseburgers. 6 months ago he was living in the church's halfway house doing odd jobs but now he has become the world's foremost biblical scholar. The first question is how many years were the Israelites in Egypt and before any one can answer Nancy tells them that the answer is 430. She asks if anyone knew that. Quentin says he didn't, Molly says she didn't but Norm rings his bell and says that he did know that and he gets $20 cash. The joke repeats a couple times with different variations. At one point Molly says that she also knew the answer but Norm says he knew it first. At one point Quentin points out that Norm may be lying. He says he's not lying and then Quentin apologizes for even bringing it up. This was beautiful and reminds me of a sketch we saw earlier this season that I didn't like. In the David Schwimmer episode we got a sketch starring Nancy Walls as a conceited skinny girl mocking fat people and the reason that sketch didn't work is because there was no comeuppance for her character. Here, Stan Hooper openly cheats these people but the joke is clear that he's an evil man taking advantage of good people.
Directors On Directing
2 Stars
Quentin hosts a round table panel about directors and their actresses
OK, first let me describe the sketch and then talk about why I felt gross after watching it. I think you'll probably understand if you've seen any news about Hollywood that came out in 2017. Quentin hosts a show as himself where he interviews other directors. Tim Meadows plays Spike Lee, David Koechner is Oliver Stone and Mark McKinney is Gus Van Sant. The topic is directors and their relationship to their actresses. Quentin says that it's an interesting relationship because most Hollywood actresses are drop dead gorgeous and the average director is butt ugly. He asks Spike Lee if he "jammed" Kim Basinger after she came out in support of Do The Right Thing. He then asks Oliver Stone if he does movies about Asian women just to meet Asian babes. Then he moves over to Gus Van Sant and asks if he boned Keanu Reeves on the set of My Own Private Idaho. The directors start to take offense over this line of questioning and ask Quentin if he "jammed" Uma Thurman. He says he jammed every chick on that set and if any of them ever cast him in a movie he'd jam every chick on that set too. Do you see why I'm uncomfortable? The whole sketch seems to say that it's okay for a "butt ugly" guy with power to force himself on an attractive lady. Ironically the #metoo movement started with Harvey Weinstein who distributed a little film called Pulp Fiction which propelled Quentin to super stardom.
The Smashing Pumpkins
"Bullet With Butterfly Wings"
Once again, I owned the album. Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness was a CD I would listen to very often. This is one of those songs I always liked because 1. It rocked and 2. The title of the song is never mentioned in the lyrics. For some reason I always liked that, Stone Temple Pilots did that a lot. I think I liked feeling smarter than everybody else. Some kid would say, "Oh I like that song 'Rat In A Cage'." and I could say, "Well, actually it's called..."
Weekend Update
OK, first let me describe the sketch and then talk about why I felt gross after watching it. I think you'll probably understand if you've seen any news about Hollywood that came out in 2017. Quentin hosts a show as himself where he interviews other directors. Tim Meadows plays Spike Lee, David Koechner is Oliver Stone and Mark McKinney is Gus Van Sant. The topic is directors and their relationship to their actresses. Quentin says that it's an interesting relationship because most Hollywood actresses are drop dead gorgeous and the average director is butt ugly. He asks Spike Lee if he "jammed" Kim Basinger after she came out in support of Do The Right Thing. He then asks Oliver Stone if he does movies about Asian women just to meet Asian babes. Then he moves over to Gus Van Sant and asks if he boned Keanu Reeves on the set of My Own Private Idaho. The directors start to take offense over this line of questioning and ask Quentin if he "jammed" Uma Thurman. He says he jammed every chick on that set and if any of them ever cast him in a movie he'd jam every chick on that set too. Do you see why I'm uncomfortable? The whole sketch seems to say that it's okay for a "butt ugly" guy with power to force himself on an attractive lady. Ironically the #metoo movement started with Harvey Weinstein who distributed a little film called Pulp Fiction which propelled Quentin to super stardom.
The Smashing Pumpkins
"Bullet With Butterfly Wings"
Once again, I owned the album. Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness was a CD I would listen to very often. This is one of those songs I always liked because 1. It rocked and 2. The title of the song is never mentioned in the lyrics. For some reason I always liked that, Stone Temple Pilots did that a lot. I think I liked feeling smarter than everybody else. Some kid would say, "Oh I like that song 'Rat In A Cage'." and I could say, "Well, actually it's called..."
Weekend Update
"When will people realize that he is not a good doctor?"
I have a new theory. Weekend Update is infinitely better when the show sucks. I get a couple bad sketches and a mildly irritating host but thank god for Norm.
The U.S. will default on its loans. Their advice to everyone: Don't answer the phone.
Marcia Clark and Christopher Darden are going to receive "battle pay" for their part in the O.J. Simpson trial. Their pay would have been higher except for the fact that they let a killer go free.
The peso hit an all time low this week as it showed up drunk to a family reunion and hit on its cousin.
Christie Brinkley states that football players should wear special gloves that will light up their helmets so you would know who had the ball. You can read all about this in Christie's new book, "I'm An Idiot".
Desk Pieces
Tim Meadows shows up as Don King which is not so much an impression as it is a big funny wig.
Leg Up
2 Stars
Ann Miller and Debbie Reynolds interview Quentin
As soon as I see the opening graphics my immediate reaction is "Too soon". We just saw this in the season premiere and usually absence makes the heart grow fonder, I haven't been given enough time to miss them yet. I should point out that I probably watch SNL wrong. I hate recurring characters. I much prefer well written sketches rather than the familiarity of one I've seen before. They introduce Quentin as a hot new choreographer because of the dance sequence in Pulp Fiction. He gushes over Debbie Reynolds but is not very familiar with Ann Miller. The energy that Oteri and Shannon bring to these characters in insane. I loved the moment where they tell Quentin that flattery will get him everywhere and they uncross their legs in unison. Other than that the sketch left me with nothing. I remember seeing a segment on Entertainment Tonight promoting the David Schwimmer episode and they showed a clip of Schwimmer on Leg Up doing the dance he does from the opening of Friends. That sketch didn't appear in the live broadcast so I can only assume that this was repackaged from that. It ends with Quentin doing the Pulp Fiction dance and Debbie and Ann make another crack about how ugly he is.
White Trash Around A Campfire Dealing With An Overabundance Of Fluids
As soon as I see the opening graphics my immediate reaction is "Too soon". We just saw this in the season premiere and usually absence makes the heart grow fonder, I haven't been given enough time to miss them yet. I should point out that I probably watch SNL wrong. I hate recurring characters. I much prefer well written sketches rather than the familiarity of one I've seen before. They introduce Quentin as a hot new choreographer because of the dance sequence in Pulp Fiction. He gushes over Debbie Reynolds but is not very familiar with Ann Miller. The energy that Oteri and Shannon bring to these characters in insane. I loved the moment where they tell Quentin that flattery will get him everywhere and they uncross their legs in unison. Other than that the sketch left me with nothing. I remember seeing a segment on Entertainment Tonight promoting the David Schwimmer episode and they showed a clip of Schwimmer on Leg Up doing the dance he does from the opening of Friends. That sketch didn't appear in the live broadcast so I can only assume that this was repackaged from that. It ends with Quentin doing the Pulp Fiction dance and Debbie and Ann make another crack about how ugly he is.
White Trash Around A Campfire Dealing With An Overabundance Of Fluids
1 Star
Um, I think the title says it all
Quentin, Ferrell, Koechner, Breuer and Fred Wolf are sitting around a campfire swapping dumb stories. Quentin says he's gonna make himself an egg. When he cracks the egg into his pan a whole bunch of egg yolk shoots out. The guys are amazed by this and ask him to do it again. He does with the same results. Then Breuer smacks a mosquito and a whole bunch of blood shoots out. Koechner squishes another mosquito and the same thing happens. Will opens up a beer and it gushes like a fountain. Fred Wolf shoots a humming bird but accidentally shoots off Quentin's hand and it gushes blood. The title of the sketch pops up and we are told that we just watched White Trash Around A Campfire Dealing With An Overabundance Of Fluids. This is one of those sketches that makes me think I would be a terrible SNL host. To Quentin's credit he goes along with this bizarre premise but the writer of this sketch would have to sit me down and explain what the hell the point of this was.
"OK, you see, every time someone does something that expels liquid there is a comical amount of liquid."
"I don't get it. Why is that funny?"
"Because there's a lot of fluid."
"Still not seeing the joke."
See, imagine if you cracked an egg and instead of a little bit of yolk coming out a big geyser of yolk shot out."
"What the hell is funny about that?"
Spade In America
4 Stars
Spade plays 'This Is Your Life' with Quentin
Holy crap, I actually liked a Spade In America. This proves that I'm not just a cynical old bastard. When thought and effort is put into a piece it's good. When it's just David Spade doing lame bits cut out of his stand-up act it sucks. 5 episodes in and we get our first good outing from Spade. I'm not saying this was brilliant by any means but it was 100% better than anything he's done this season. First he makes a joke about Billy Corgan looking like the kid from 'Powder' which I laughed at and then he brings out Quentin to play a little 'This Is Your Life'. He asks him if he recognizes a voice from his old video store days asking if anyone has returned RoboCop. It's a guy who used to rent videos from Quentin when he was 12. The next voice is from Quentin's favorite Sweathog. Not Barbarino played by his Pulp Fiction star John Travolta but Robert Hegyes the guy who played Epstein. He comes out and is eager to share his ideas for films with Quentin. He then hears Jay Leno's voice but it is actually just Darrell Hammond doing a Leno impression. Finally we hear the voice of his waitress from Scores, the New York strip club. This was very funny and Spade's seeming contempt for all celebrities was really fun when he was standing right next to a celebrity.
The Smashing Pumpkins return with "Zero". I first listened to this song at a party where me and my high school girlfriend got into a fight. Some drunk dude played it for her as I looked at him quizzically. It was one of those moments where he's like, "Oh my god, have you heard this song?" but the subtext was "Maybe we could listen to it together while you give me a handjob.". Sorry that was unnecessary, this song just brought back awkward memories. Anyway, this was a good performance. Don't you love it when someone apologizes when they go off topic? I could just as easily delete everything I just wrote.
All Aboard!
Holy crap, I actually liked a Spade In America. This proves that I'm not just a cynical old bastard. When thought and effort is put into a piece it's good. When it's just David Spade doing lame bits cut out of his stand-up act it sucks. 5 episodes in and we get our first good outing from Spade. I'm not saying this was brilliant by any means but it was 100% better than anything he's done this season. First he makes a joke about Billy Corgan looking like the kid from 'Powder' which I laughed at and then he brings out Quentin to play a little 'This Is Your Life'. He asks him if he recognizes a voice from his old video store days asking if anyone has returned RoboCop. It's a guy who used to rent videos from Quentin when he was 12. The next voice is from Quentin's favorite Sweathog. Not Barbarino played by his Pulp Fiction star John Travolta but Robert Hegyes the guy who played Epstein. He comes out and is eager to share his ideas for films with Quentin. He then hears Jay Leno's voice but it is actually just Darrell Hammond doing a Leno impression. Finally we hear the voice of his waitress from Scores, the New York strip club. This was very funny and Spade's seeming contempt for all celebrities was really fun when he was standing right next to a celebrity.
The Smashing Pumpkins return with "Zero". I first listened to this song at a party where me and my high school girlfriend got into a fight. Some drunk dude played it for her as I looked at him quizzically. It was one of those moments where he's like, "Oh my god, have you heard this song?" but the subtext was "Maybe we could listen to it together while you give me a handjob.". Sorry that was unnecessary, this song just brought back awkward memories. Anyway, this was a good performance. Don't you love it when someone apologizes when they go off topic? I could just as easily delete everything I just wrote.
All Aboard!
4 Stars
A man paints model trains and tells stories about killing hobos
The toy train this man is painting reminds him of a funny old hobo he once encountered named Lonesome Joe. He found Joe on his train one day and took turns with his buddies beating him in the head with a sledgehammer. He gets up to reveal blood on his pants but assures us that it's not his blood but the blood from a hobo he found today putting mail in his mailbox. He shows us a pair of bolt rippers that can be used to effectively rip off the nose of a hobo. He then shows us pictures of hobos to look out for which are actually pictures of a policeman, a priest and a doctor. The sketch ends with Quentin beating a hobo doll that he constructed himself. This was weird and offbeat and Tarantino's performance not withstanding was a fun way to end the night.
FINAL ANALYSIS
The toy train this man is painting reminds him of a funny old hobo he once encountered named Lonesome Joe. He found Joe on his train one day and took turns with his buddies beating him in the head with a sledgehammer. He gets up to reveal blood on his pants but assures us that it's not his blood but the blood from a hobo he found today putting mail in his mailbox. He shows us a pair of bolt rippers that can be used to effectively rip off the nose of a hobo. He then shows us pictures of hobos to look out for which are actually pictures of a policeman, a priest and a doctor. The sketch ends with Quentin beating a hobo doll that he constructed himself. This was weird and offbeat and Tarantino's performance not withstanding was a fun way to end the night.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Stan Hooper is an inspiration for us all"
Average
3.1 Stars
MVP
Norm MacDonald
Clara Turley's Bible Challenge, Weekend Update
Clara Turley's Bible Challenge, Weekend Update
Best Sketch
Clara Turley's Bible Challenge
Worst Sketch
White Trash Around A Campfire Dealing With An Overabundance Of Fluids
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
My biggest problem with this episode was the cold open and the monologue but it's not like you can move those around. It's amazing how a bad start to a show can taint everything that follows. Looking back on the sketches we had a great Norm MacDonald sketch, the best commercial parody of the season, the first outing of the Spartan cheerleaders, a really funny and bizarre 10-1 sketch and the only decent Spade In America but thinking about the episode as a whole I think of it as a loss. That's mostly because of Quentin.
Host Analysis
Which brings us to Quentin as a host. Like I said, Quentin Tarantino was one of my childhood heroes. I remember the first time I watched Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs and then had to wait a few years to get Jackie Brown while he dabbled in acting. He's just not a very charismatic guy. The underdog aspect of his life was charming for a while but every time he played himself in a sketch I got a real 'asshole' vibe and every time he played a character I was reminded of the fact that he's not a good actor. It wouldn't be that bad except for the fact that he was all over this episode. Some hosts are able to blend into the ensemble but this felt like The Quentin Tarantino Show featuring the cast of Saturday Night Live.
Final Thoughts
The good outweighed the bad in this episode. A couple of really great sketches boosted the average but still I keep having the feeling that I didn't enjoy it. Even though some of these sketches will probably end up in my best ofs at the end of the season I strangely walked away from this episode thinking it stunk. It's a weird feeling but I'm glad we only hear from Quentin when he has a new movie out now.
Up Next
Laura Leighton hosts with musical guest Rancid. I don't understand that sentence.
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