“You might want to Google it before Nana gets raped”
2 Stars
Kate plays Jeff Sessions as Forrest Gump. I liked the line about life being like a box of chocolate because there sure are a lot of brown ones in there but I’m not quite sure I get the juxtaposition of references. Is he Forrest Gump just because he’s a dumb guy from the south? Or did they just want to do a Forrest Gump parody 20 years later? We get another visit from shirtless Putin and we end with our host reprising her role from The Help and feeding Sessions a shit pie.
Octavia Spencer Monologue
1 Star
On a positive note, this is an actual monologue. No interruptions from cast members, no song and dance, no random cameo. But it’s just Octavia reading bad jokes off a cue card. I never thought I’d say this but, why can’t Pete or Leslie show up in this?
Courage, Compassion, Country: The TBD Story
2 Stars
A trailer for the movie about the one Republican brave enough to stand up to Trump. Unfortunately none have done so yet so they haven’t cast the lead yet.
Drug Company Hearing
1 Star
Oof, right out the gate with a stinker. Octavia is suing a drug company because all their products are named after her family. Like her daughter Seasonique and cousin Allegra. Black people sure do have funny names as we learned in a Season 20 Damon Wayans sketch. Guys, you’re ripping off Season 20, what are we even doing here?
Girl At A Bar
3 Stars
Cecily gets hit on by a series of guys all claiming to be feminists. As soon as she turns them down they call her a bitch. A bit repetitive but fun performances throughout and well edited.
Kate as Kellyanne Conway is seen kneeling in front of the next set. A running joke spoofing a real photo that was criticized in the news. I can’t remember why, she was kneeling on a couch in the Oval Office and apparently that was a scandal.
Zoo-opolis Voice Actors
3 Stars
People do impressions of celebrities in a voice-over booth. Octavia does Oprah, Viola Davis, Jodie Foster, and Judi Dench (only her Dench was impressive), Alex does Hugh Grant and Bill Walton, Kenan throws in a Tracy Morgan, and Melissa gets to show off her Jennifer Lopez, Kathy Griffin, Owen Wilson, and not one but three SNL alums with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Kristen Wiig, and Kate McKinnon. I shouldn’t like this because it’s the barest bones premise to hang some celebrity impressions off of and Kenan won’t stop giggling, but it was fast paced. It also tells you exactly what it is at the beginning so you can’t get disappointed that it’s not a real sketch.
Youngblood
3 Stars
An old Kenan tries to teach young Pete a lesson through chess but Kenan knows nothing about the game. At one point pulling out a troll doll and using it as a piece. A well paced short with a fairly weak ending. He asks Pete for money so he can pay for chess lessons.
Kellyanne Conway is seen kneeling again as we go to commercial.
Father John Misty
"Total Entertainment Forever"
Weekend Update
Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump talk about their father’s business. We’ve seen Alex’s Eric Trump before but I think this is the first time he’s gone full blown dummy with it. He’s eating Cheerio’s out of a zip-lock bag, unable to open a Capri Sun pouch, and parroting every movement his brother makes.
Laura Parsons is back with the kid’s news. She talks about innocent things like hand jobs, transgender bathrooms, Kim Jong Un’s murder, and sexual abuse in nursing homes. 8th and final appearance for this character and I don’t think I ever grew tired of her.
We get one more Kellyanne Conway runner as she’s seen kneeling on the Update desk as we pan away.
Sticky Bun
3 Stars
Things aren’t going well with the new Sticky Bun trainees. They greet every customer with “Will you eat?”, call milk “cold cow piss”, and tell stories about their dead teachers. Fun performances, bit of a weak ending but at least it has one. Turns out since this is an airport they weren’t concerned with training in the first place.
Bar Centrale
0 Stars
Cecily has brought Octavia to her girls brunch because she feels bad for not knowing when Black History Month was. Cecily talks up her new wild black friend but she’s actually boring. A not great premise that is executed poorly. I got nothing out of this and they didn’t even have the decency to slap an ending on it. They all just dance to Mambo #5. Granted, that is the best numbered mambo but you get no consolation star for Lou Bega.
Father John Misty returns with "Pure Comedy"
The Chocolate Man
0 Stars
Two goose eggs in a row. I don’t enjoy giving out 0 star ratings but I didn’t like this sketch and I didn’t like the premise. Beck enters his office singing songs and bearing gifts of chocolate. We later learn that he was fired for bringing a gun to work and harassing his co-workers. So he’s trying to apologize but nobody wants to hear it. Then he pisses his pants. Then we circle in on his face as the sketch limps to an end. I feel like this was going for a darker tone but it totally whiffed it in that department plus everyone starts giggling which completely ruins this sketch that already had nothing going for it.
Spencer's Gifts
0 Stars
Keep them goose eggs coming. Octavia’s last name is Spencer. So what if she was the CEO of Spencer’s Gifts, that store in the mall that sells gag gifts and anime shirts. People pitch gag ideas to her like poop keychains and hillbilly teeth. Another one where I don’t think the premise is funny and you can be they don’t have a decent punchline. She was wearing a bikini t-shirt under her jacket. That’s the funny part. Only thing of interest was Octavia saying “buh-bye” to one of her employees which made me wonder if that was an intentional reference.
FINAL ANALYSIS
“I’m-a put my pee-pee in a chihuahua and make it explode”
Average
1.6 Stars
MVP
Alex Moffat
Drug Company Hearing, Girl At A Bar, Zoo-opolis Voice Actors, Weekend Update, Bar Centrale, The Chocolate Man
Best Sketch
Sticky Bun
Worst Sketch
The Chocolate Man
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Swap Sticky Bun with Drug Company Hearing and put a big Out Of Order sign up after Weekend Update. Those last 3 sketches were a huge bummer as was Father John Misty’s second song.
Host Analysis
I liked her in the cold open and Sticky Bun but she showed a complete lack of comedic timing in every other sketch. She came off as a seemingly nice woman who was entirely out of her element.
Final Thoughts
A 1.6 sketch average? That’s nearing Neon Deion territory, but at least that was a fascinating trainwreck. This isn’t even an interesting failure. It’s just a bad episode with weak sketches and a bland host. This goes in the pile with Glenn Close, Halle Berry, and Catherine O’Hara of actresses I admire who just weren’t good on this show. The two pre-filmed pieces were cute and it was nice to see Melissa get a showcase. But I started to get a bad feeling during the monologue, then that first sketch was awful. Then the middle was fine but I didn’t expect it to crash completely. The bad outweighs the good and the good ain’t that great to begin with.
Up Next
Scarlett Johansson joins the 5-Timer’s Club.
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