“You will obey me while I lead you and eat the garbage that I feed you”
2 Stars
Patty Hearst plays Scrabble with her family. I have very little context for this so most of it was lost on me. I did enjoy the meta ending of the family watching TV shows specific to their lives including this cold open which results in Gilda saying “Live from New York…” from a television.
Candice Bergen Monologue
I felt like I was missing context for this as well even though I've seen Casablanca. We get a backstage monologue, who doesn't love those, where Candy is refusing to do the show because she's fallen under John's love spell. Both Jane and Lorne try to coax her out of her dressing room but she doesn't until John knocks on the door. He's dressed like Bogart but not doing an impression (that I can tell) then near the end he starts sounding like Bogart and they walk off together to do the plane scene from Casablanca. I was confused from jump, why is he dressed like Humphrey Bogart? Why doesn't he seem to be doing a Bogart impression? Oh wait, he's doing an impression now, was that the gag? Oh, they're parodying Casablanca. Why are they parodying Casablanca? What's the point of this reference? We're 10 minutes into the show and I'm settling in for a long sit.
Jimmy Carter
3 Stars
I like the no frills approach to this. No set, just put the President-elect on home base next to a bag of peanuts and we all accept that this is Jimmy Carter. He tells the American people that it is impossible to keep all his campaign promises now that he knows what a President should know. He expects things to turn around near the start of his second term, oops.
Santi-Wrap
5 Stars
One I've seen numerous times from SNL Christmas compilations, it still provides solid laughs. Dan tells Laraine about Santi-Wrap, a new product to promote good hygiene when sitting on the lap of a dirty, drunken mall Santa. Love John's belligerent "ho ho ho"s as well as the microscopic look at his knee where his germs look like migrant workers. I also love how this starts out like a sketch before diving straight into Dan's cheesy commercial delivery. A classic.
Frank Zappa
“I’m The Slime”
Consumer Probe
The hits keep coming as we get the debut of Irwin Mainway defending his line of dangerous kid toys like Johnny Switchblade, Bag O'Glass, and Teddy Chainsaw Bear. The character is perfectly crafted right from the beginning with all the beats you'll become familiar with in future sketches. If you've seen one you've seen them all, but they're all good. Dan's attempts to harm himself with "safe" toys were all hilarious specifically choking on a foam ball.
Rerun of K-Put Price-Is-Rite Stamp Gun
Right To Extreme Stupidity League
4 Stars
Not counting a few instances of Chevy playfully giggling in the first season this is probably the first instance of a major break on SNL. It's also the first time where laughing kinda ruins the sketch, but since it's the first (and it's a bit endearing) I let it slide. Gilda is playing a stupid person who pours milk in her purse but when Candy messes up her name it's the most hilarious thing in the world for some reason. So my problems with this is there's nothing inherently funny about Candy's flub and a good actor would just move on and pretend nothing happened. This also sets the precedent that laughing during a sketch is a heck of a lot of fun and without this sketch's existence we may never have gotten the rise of Jimmy Fallon. But, in this case at least, it is fun and the smiles are contagious. I love how Gilda just keeps going and there was something incredibly sweet about the way Candy just looked at her with admiration as she tries to hold back her giggles. In a weird way the breaking kinda helps the sketch, without it there wouldn't be much to say, it's not a very funny sketch in the first place aside from Gilda's delightful enthusiasm about her own stupidity.
Weekend Update
We get a running joke with Tom Schiller hiding under Jane’s desk and a joke about Henry Kissinger looking Chinese.
Ray Basalt brings us the Radioactive Fallout Report. A little long but a good performance from Dan.
We get a slight glitch with the Update graphics as a slide is moved too early. I have nothing to say about this, just want to prove that I’m paying attention to this humorless segment.
FX-70 Cheese Slicer
2 Stars
At first I thought we were getting another one of those Polaroid commercials from Season 1 but this product is a cheese slicer in the shape of a Polaroid camera. Points lost for making me remember those pointless ads but points gained for the misdirect. I wonder if this was an intentional spoof of the joke-free ads from last year. John dressed as a cowboy kid was stupid in a fun way.
Emily Litella makes her 13th appearance but first for this season. Her bit about collecting money for unisex isn’t that great but I liked the ending with Emily asking Jane why she hasn’t been on Update since she took over, culminating in Emily calling Jane a bitch.
Frank Zappa
“Lagoon”
Everything is going fine with Zappa conducting his band until John comes out with a saxophone and a fez to do some weird scatting. It took until the sword came out for me to realize this was Samurai Futaba, I kinda wish it was just a weird John character but this ties it to the show. Plus John’s insane call and response with the band is epic. All the stars, plus 2.
The Killer Trees
Garrett sings O Tannenbaum long enough to make you think this is just one of those times where Garrett sings but then he’s impaled by a Christmas tree. It’s an epic, kinda like Jaws but different. Garrett gets killed, Gilda gets killed, Zappa and Candy also bite it. John and Dan are the detectives in charge of solving the crime. Come to think of it, it’s a lot like Jaws. A lot of good stuff here like Tom Schiller as the police sketch artist, the police line-up with two trees and Zappa, and arresting the stagehand operating the tree as an accomplice.
Diana Nyad
Gary Weis gives us a profile about swimmer Diana Nyad. This isn’t just boring it’s also a poorly made documentary. This woman is known for swimming, so what do we show her doing? Playing racquetball, lifting weights, and crossing the street. We also get a bunch of random women talking about swimming and you’re not sure which one (if any) is Diana Nyad. Turns out she’s none of them and we only hear her in voice over. I know nothing about this woman after watching this, I only know she’s a swimmer because of that Annette Bening movie. If it weren’t for that I would have no idea why this lady got a documentary on SNL. Actually, that’s still a good question, why is this on SNL?
Adopt Belushi For Christmas
3 Stars
The cast is going home to be with their families (and Garrett is going back to Africa, get it, because he’s black) for the holidays but Belushi has nowhere. Candy asks the audience to adopt him. All he wants is a good dinner, a kickin’ stereo system, and access to your 14 year old daughter. Look, I get that the joke is he’s a gross man but we didn’t have to specify the age of the daughter, much less say that he’s cool with 13.
Gary Gilmore
3 Stars
A holiday carol calling for public execution. I had no context for this so I did some research, but didn’t really have to since the prelude to this sketch explains everything. It goes on a little too long but the initial hit of the joke is good.
Frank Zappa closes out the show with “Peaches & Regalia”
At the Goodnights, Candy and the cast ice skate dressed as Dickensian characters starting a semi-regular tradition.
FINAL ANALYSIS
“A lot of little kids who thought they were gonna get a bicycle will end up with a pierced thorax”
3 Stars
MVP
3-way tie
Frank Zappa
I'm The Slime, Lagoon, The Killer Trees, Peaches & Regalia
Dan Aykroyd
Patty Hearst At Home, Jimmy Carter, Santi-Wrap, Consumer Probe, Weekend Update, The Killer Trees, Gary Gilmore
Gilda Radner
Patty Hearst At Home, Right To Extreme Stupidity League, Weekend Update, The Killer Trees, Gary Gilmore
Best Sketch
The Killer Trees
Worst Sketch
Diana Nyad
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
You gotta cut that Diana Nyad film. What dirt does Gary Weis have on you? It totally kills all momentum. I wouldn’t mind trimming the cold open and monologue as well and give Zappa a 4th song.
Host Analysis
Not much to say. Her breaking is a memorable part of the show’s history but I can’t say that’s necessarily a good thing. She was a solid straight man to Irwin Mainway. I thought she was a little too hammy in the Killer Trees. The rest of the night she mostly introduced sketches.
Final Thoughts
So…what happened? Is the show hip again? The past few episodes have been quite un-hip but hopefully this means we’re back on track. This was a classic with some duds. I can’t call it top to bottom great but when you add Zappa into the equation it’s a banger. I don’t count the musical guest into the sketch average but if I did this moves up to a 3.5 which is really what it feels like. A slow start but as soon as Santi-Wrap hits we’re cooking, Zappa turns up the heat, Update obviously cools it down, but we come right back with Killer Trees and more Zappa, then come to a screeching halt with Gary Weis, but end nicely. Plus there’s the Christmas feel which is always oddly comforting. I don’t know why but a Christmas episode of SNL just feels cozy, usually. Too much good stuff not to love and especially after Dick Cavett, Paul Simon, and Jodie Foster this was a nice upgrade. The first classic of the post-Chevy era.
Up Next
The first show of 1977 hosted by Ralph Nader and some new guy joins the cast.
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