"Are you saying seals are Mormons?"
Cold Open: Equal Time TV
Cold Open: Equal Time TV
2 Stars
NBC President, Jeff Zucker promises all democratic candidates equal time
Jimmy is playing Jeff Zucker with over the top hand movements, for some reason. I looked on YouTube for clips of Jeff Zucker and could not find one where he talked with his hands at all. I guess Jimmy's doing it as an exaggeration and I'm supposed to go, "Oh yeah, Jeff Zucker does talk with his hands". Anyway, since Al Sharpton is running for president and hosting tonight's episode, the other democratic candidates are expecting equal time on the network. Zucker teases some upcoming shows like Law & Order SVU with special guest John Kerry, Joe Lieberman's Hanukkah In Connecticut, Wesley Clark on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, Dennis Kucinich on Average Joe, Carol Moseley Brown on Whoopi (remember when Whoopi Goldberg had a sitcom?), Crossing Over with John Edward and John Edwards, Dick Gephardt on Friends and Howard Dean eating a camel rectum on Fear Factor. Then he screams the sign on into the camera like he's just done a line of cocaine. This wasn't the funniest piece and was hampered by just having Jimmy talk into the camera but I gotta give credit to this kid, he seems to really want to be here.
Al Sharpton Monologue
Jimmy is playing Jeff Zucker with over the top hand movements, for some reason. I looked on YouTube for clips of Jeff Zucker and could not find one where he talked with his hands at all. I guess Jimmy's doing it as an exaggeration and I'm supposed to go, "Oh yeah, Jeff Zucker does talk with his hands". Anyway, since Al Sharpton is running for president and hosting tonight's episode, the other democratic candidates are expecting equal time on the network. Zucker teases some upcoming shows like Law & Order SVU with special guest John Kerry, Joe Lieberman's Hanukkah In Connecticut, Wesley Clark on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, Dennis Kucinich on Average Joe, Carol Moseley Brown on Whoopi (remember when Whoopi Goldberg had a sitcom?), Crossing Over with John Edward and John Edwards, Dick Gephardt on Friends and Howard Dean eating a camel rectum on Fear Factor. Then he screams the sign on into the camera like he's just done a line of cocaine. This wasn't the funniest piece and was hampered by just having Jimmy talk into the camera but I gotta give credit to this kid, he seems to really want to be here.
Al Sharpton Monologue
3 Stars
Al Sharpton and his former self can still get down
Al says that the days of the flamboyant Al Sharpton are behind him when out comes Tracy Morgan in a tracksuit. Funny how Tracy has to do a guest spot for this when Kenan would be making it one of his staples in upcoming years. Old Al Sharpton things new Al has lost his ways but Al wants to show that he can still get down with his bad stuff. The two of them sing James Brown's I Feel Good and Al does a James Brown dance that I gotta say was pretty impressive.
Mom Jeans
Al says that the days of the flamboyant Al Sharpton are behind him when out comes Tracy Morgan in a tracksuit. Funny how Tracy has to do a guest spot for this when Kenan would be making it one of his staples in upcoming years. Old Al Sharpton things new Al has lost his ways but Al wants to show that he can still get down with his bad stuff. The two of them sing James Brown's I Feel Good and Al does a James Brown dance that I gotta say was pretty impressive.
Mom Jeans
4 Stars
Giving up? Put on your Mom Jeans
A 9 inch zipper and casual front pleats. Mom will love to wear these jeans to a soccer game or a night on the town. The jeans that say, I'm not a woman anymore, I'm a mom.
Michael Jackson In A Roller Coaster
A 9 inch zipper and casual front pleats. Mom will love to wear these jeans to a soccer game or a night on the town. The jeans that say, I'm not a woman anymore, I'm a mom.
Michael Jackson In A Roller Coaster
3 Stars
Michael Jackson and his attorneys meet on a roller coaster
Michael Jackson's lawyers, including newly acquired Johnny Cochran, are warning him that he's running out of money. Michael just says that we'll have to buy more money. He's also joined by his friend Elizabeth Taylor and a stranger who has no lines in the sketch, just Horatio with a mustache. We get a moment where Michael's baby, Blanket is thrown to him and he throws him up into the air and out of the roller coaster. Then it kind of just ends, nothing gets resolved. A fun but forgettable one.
Brian Fellow's Safari Planet
Michael Jackson's lawyers, including newly acquired Johnny Cochran, are warning him that he's running out of money. Michael just says that we'll have to buy more money. He's also joined by his friend Elizabeth Taylor and a stranger who has no lines in the sketch, just Horatio with a mustache. We get a moment where Michael's baby, Blanket is thrown to him and he throws him up into the air and out of the roller coaster. Then it kind of just ends, nothing gets resolved. A fun but forgettable one.
Brian Fellow's Safari Planet
3 Stars
Brian Fellow and his brother, Ryan, welcome animals to their show
I guess if Tracy's in the building, they're gonna get their money's worth. He brings back Brian Fellow, an enthusiastic young man with a 6th grade education who is not an accredited zoologist. He is joined by his brother, Ryan and their first guest is a seal. They heard seals like to party, always clubbing with Eskimos. The seal's handler assures Brian and Ryan that clubbing seals is something entirely different. Ryan really wanted to get Frosty The Snowman on the show but Brian refuses as he is not an animal. During a visit with a bat, they both dream of Frosty who threatens to show then his "snowballs". Can't really complain about bringing this back. I never thought I would miss having Tracy Morgan in the cast. Both he and Al have the same oddball delivery of their lines and they actually make a good team.
Three Wise Men
I guess if Tracy's in the building, they're gonna get their money's worth. He brings back Brian Fellow, an enthusiastic young man with a 6th grade education who is not an accredited zoologist. He is joined by his brother, Ryan and their first guest is a seal. They heard seals like to party, always clubbing with Eskimos. The seal's handler assures Brian and Ryan that clubbing seals is something entirely different. Ryan really wanted to get Frosty The Snowman on the show but Brian refuses as he is not an animal. During a visit with a bat, they both dream of Frosty who threatens to show then his "snowballs". Can't really complain about bringing this back. I never thought I would miss having Tracy Morgan in the cast. Both he and Al have the same oddball delivery of their lines and they actually make a good team.
Three Wise Men
2 Stars
The three wise men get pulled over on their way to see Jesus
Al, Kenan and Tracy (Man, Finesse must have been frustrated this week) are playing the three wise men on their way to see the new born king. They get pulled over by a cop for having a busted saddle bag. The officer is skeptical as to why 3 men are out in the middle of a night, following a star to see a baby they don't know. He thinks they're high but they insist that the smell is just frankincense. Then an angel comes by but doesn't help matters by saying his robe is covered in angel dust. They all flee and we get a graphic to call VVV-IIXI if anyone has any information on the three men. Roman numeral jokes? Jeez. And the joke about not knowing what myrrh is has got to, literally, be the oldest joke in the world.
Pink
"Trouble"
I always liked Pink's voice. It's got a raspy, smoky sound to it. Sounds like she got into a bar fight the night before.
Weekend Update
Al, Kenan and Tracy (Man, Finesse must have been frustrated this week) are playing the three wise men on their way to see the new born king. They get pulled over by a cop for having a busted saddle bag. The officer is skeptical as to why 3 men are out in the middle of a night, following a star to see a baby they don't know. He thinks they're high but they insist that the smell is just frankincense. Then an angel comes by but doesn't help matters by saying his robe is covered in angel dust. They all flee and we get a graphic to call VVV-IIXI if anyone has any information on the three men. Roman numeral jokes? Jeez. And the joke about not knowing what myrrh is has got to, literally, be the oldest joke in the world.
Pink
"Trouble"
I always liked Pink's voice. It's got a raspy, smoky sound to it. Sounds like she got into a bar fight the night before.
Weekend Update
"For the punchline of this joke, tune in next week when we have a different host"
Again, I'm tired of writing about Weekend Update. The two of them together don't make the segment go by any faster, if anything it makes it feel longer. It does give them the opportunity to play of each other which is sometimes fun but sometimes pointless. Jimmy will make a joke that bombs and Tina will comment on it. I did like the bit they had this week where they talked trash about the cities that are refusing to show tonight's episode due to Sharpton's appearance. They go through a list of cities and say things like "the fart capital of the world" or Snoozeville, USA". It was all worth it to hear Don Pardo say "Suck it, Des Moines". Finally, the Linda Tripp jokes from Tina left me feeling uneasy. Linda Tripp is marrying her childhood sweetheart and the joke is that he is blind and the preacher pronounced them "man and that". I just felt like Linda was probably not in the news at the moment but they wanted to get a few more ugly jokes in. You may not agree with her politics but she's still a person.
I am proud to say that I never watched a second of The Simple Life nor did I see Paris Hilton's sex tape. She shows up to talk to Jimmy but they are not going to be discussing any sort of scandal. She is just here to talk about her father's hotels. When she says that there is a Hilton in Paris, Jimmy starts asking vaguely sexual questions about the Paris Hilton like, "Is it hard to get into?", "Do they allow double occupancy?", "Can I go in the back entrance?" and "Can I have my balls held there?". Not a bad concept but Paris isn't really the best person to throw the ball to in a comedy piece.
Black Stereotypes
4 Stars
Black actors in an old movie resent how they are represented
Maya, Al, Kenan, Tracy and Finesse are singing a song in black and white about how much they miss their mammy and things like fried chicken, watermelon, being shiftless and lazy and shooting dice at a whorehouse on payday. Al thinks that this movie perpetuates negative stereotypes, Finesse agrees but says he needs the job to feed his 37 children. Al addresses the camera and says that a lot of fun has been had here but there is still a long way to go to end racism.
"And sexism" adds Maya, but Al doesn't seem to interested in that.
Then they wheel out Will in a big cauldron and give Al a spear to get ready for the next sketch, which Tracy thinks is hilarious. Being racist to point out racism can be a tricky rope to walk but this sketch pulled it off.
Reverend Al Sharpton's Casa de Sushi
Maya, Al, Kenan, Tracy and Finesse are singing a song in black and white about how much they miss their mammy and things like fried chicken, watermelon, being shiftless and lazy and shooting dice at a whorehouse on payday. Al thinks that this movie perpetuates negative stereotypes, Finesse agrees but says he needs the job to feed his 37 children. Al addresses the camera and says that a lot of fun has been had here but there is still a long way to go to end racism.
"And sexism" adds Maya, but Al doesn't seem to interested in that.
Then they wheel out Will in a big cauldron and give Al a spear to get ready for the next sketch, which Tracy thinks is hilarious. Being racist to point out racism can be a tricky rope to walk but this sketch pulled it off.
Reverend Al Sharpton's Casa de Sushi
3 Stars
Al doesn't like sushi but he'll serve it to you for money
"I love fish. Catfish, salmon, cooked fish. Some goofy son of a bee stings like to eat that stuff raw."
That's why Al has opened his own sushi restaurant. Then Amy, Kenan, Will and Maya come out to sing the theme song to Al's Casa De Sushi, set to California Love by Tupac.
"Al Sharpton's Casa De Sushi/We don't like it/But we'll serve it to you/And charge you money"
Al goes on to advertise but doesn't shy away from his hatred of sushi.
"This stuff is nasty, but if you're a weirdo come to my place. Octopus, Gross. Squid, Yuck. Eel, Heck, No!"
Then Horatio comes out as Harvey Fierstein, freaks out when he finds out Nell Carter is dead and falls through a table. I have no idea what that was about but it just added to the absurdity that was this sketch.
Candidate Party
"I love fish. Catfish, salmon, cooked fish. Some goofy son of a bee stings like to eat that stuff raw."
That's why Al has opened his own sushi restaurant. Then Amy, Kenan, Will and Maya come out to sing the theme song to Al's Casa De Sushi, set to California Love by Tupac.
"Al Sharpton's Casa De Sushi/We don't like it/But we'll serve it to you/And charge you money"
Al goes on to advertise but doesn't shy away from his hatred of sushi.
"This stuff is nasty, but if you're a weirdo come to my place. Octopus, Gross. Squid, Yuck. Eel, Heck, No!"
Then Horatio comes out as Harvey Fierstein, freaks out when he finds out Nell Carter is dead and falls through a table. I have no idea what that was about but it just added to the absurdity that was this sketch.
Candidate Party
2 Stars
The other democratic candidates gather to watch the show
We pull out from a TV running the previous sketch to a room where Joe Lieberman (Chris), Howard Dean (Jeff) and Wesley Clarke (Jimmy) are all watching and wondering why they weren't asked to host. John Edwards (Will) comes out with some snacks, the doorbell rings and in walks John Kerry (Seth) and Dick Gephardt (Darrell). They all talk a little trash about each other. They call Edwards a suck-up just looking for a VP nod and Gephardt an 8 time loser. Then they try to get Dean riled up to see if he'll punch a hole in the wall. This felt like the cast auditioning their presidential nominee impressions. The only ones I found amusing were Chris's Lieberman and Will's Edwards.
Pink returns to sing God Is A DJ. Lyrics include "God is a DJ and life is a dance floor", not the deepest song but it's fun and catchy. There's also a lot of women in this band which I liked. The bass player, keyboardist and back up singers all lead by Pink who just seems like a super cool and fun person.
The LaToya Jackson Show
We pull out from a TV running the previous sketch to a room where Joe Lieberman (Chris), Howard Dean (Jeff) and Wesley Clarke (Jimmy) are all watching and wondering why they weren't asked to host. John Edwards (Will) comes out with some snacks, the doorbell rings and in walks John Kerry (Seth) and Dick Gephardt (Darrell). They all talk a little trash about each other. They call Edwards a suck-up just looking for a VP nod and Gephardt an 8 time loser. Then they try to get Dean riled up to see if he'll punch a hole in the wall. This felt like the cast auditioning their presidential nominee impressions. The only ones I found amusing were Chris's Lieberman and Will's Edwards.
Pink returns to sing God Is A DJ. Lyrics include "God is a DJ and life is a dance floor", not the deepest song but it's fun and catchy. There's also a lot of women in this band which I liked. The bass player, keyboardist and back up singers all lead by Pink who just seems like a super cool and fun person.
The LaToya Jackson Show
1 Star
LaToya Jackson welcomes her father, Chaka Khan and an MJ impersonator to her show
LaToya is hosting a show about her brother Michael's legal troubles. Her first guest is her father, Joe, who thinks Michael is innocent as if he were a pedophile he'd beat him with his belt. Then Kenan comes out as Chaka Khan. She sings "I'm Every Woman" but the backing track is too fast and she gets winded. As she gets interviewed she keeps trying to catch her breath. Didn't find this funny and also didn't understand it, wondering if it was based on something that really happened. Finally she brings out Fred as a Michael Jackson impersonator from Belgium. Didn't like anything in here.
Town Car
LaToya is hosting a show about her brother Michael's legal troubles. Her first guest is her father, Joe, who thinks Michael is innocent as if he were a pedophile he'd beat him with his belt. Then Kenan comes out as Chaka Khan. She sings "I'm Every Woman" but the backing track is too fast and she gets winded. As she gets interviewed she keeps trying to catch her breath. Didn't find this funny and also didn't understand it, wondering if it was based on something that really happened. Finally she brings out Fred as a Michael Jackson impersonator from Belgium. Didn't like anything in here.
Town Car
1 Star
Vasquez Gomez-Vasquez drives around Al Sharpton
According to SNL Archives, this is the 6th appearance of Vasquez Gomez-Vasquez. I am only familiar with him from the Cooking Class sketch in the Jack Black episode. He lives with his grandma and like peanut butter and jelly. He's driving Al Sharpton around, filling in for his cousin Hector who got arrested for picking up a transvestite hooker. Al makes nice to him as Vasquez talks about his grandma, Ruben Studdard farting in his car and how he fell asleep on the toilet last night eating mac and cheese. This character irritated me more than he amused me.
Rerun of Cryogenix
According to SNL Archives, this is the 6th appearance of Vasquez Gomez-Vasquez. I am only familiar with him from the Cooking Class sketch in the Jack Black episode. He lives with his grandma and like peanut butter and jelly. He's driving Al Sharpton around, filling in for his cousin Hector who got arrested for picking up a transvestite hooker. Al makes nice to him as Vasquez talks about his grandma, Ruben Studdard farting in his car and how he fell asleep on the toilet last night eating mac and cheese. This character irritated me more than he amused me.
Rerun of Cryogenix
Unearthed
1 Star
Johnny Cash sells his latest CD from Heaven
Darrell plays Johnny Cash who is recently deceased. Just because he's dead doesn't mean he can't release a new album though and he his box set is available in stores now. He talks about leg wrestling Jesus and jamming with Jimi Hendrix all while playing Folsom Prison Blues and singing the occasional lyric. This just rambled and meandered to the point where it felt like Darrell was just filling time. He also seems to be smiling and giggling a lot to the point where I questioned what exactly happened to this guy. Did he just spend too much time on the show and stopped caring? He used to be the dry one. He would do impressions and never get too silly. He carried himself with more respect than everyone else. Now he's giggling at himself and winking at the camera, unable to keep a straight face. Spending too much time with Jimmy?
FINAL ANALYSIS
Darrell plays Johnny Cash who is recently deceased. Just because he's dead doesn't mean he can't release a new album though and he his box set is available in stores now. He talks about leg wrestling Jesus and jamming with Jimi Hendrix all while playing Folsom Prison Blues and singing the occasional lyric. This just rambled and meandered to the point where it felt like Darrell was just filling time. He also seems to be smiling and giggling a lot to the point where I questioned what exactly happened to this guy. Did he just spend too much time on the show and stopped caring? He used to be the dry one. He would do impressions and never get too silly. He carried himself with more respect than everyone else. Now he's giggling at himself and winking at the camera, unable to keep a straight face. Spending too much time with Jimmy?
FINAL ANALYSIS
"I hope tonight America laughed together maybe then we can learn how to live together"
Average
2.4 Stars
MVP
Tracy Morgan
Monologue, Brian Fellow's Safari Planet, Three Wise Men, Black Stereotypes
Monologue, Brian Fellow's Safari Planet, Three Wise Men, Black Stereotypes
Best Sketch
Black Sterotypes
Worst Sketch
Unearthed
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Nothing after the second musical guest worked but you couldn't really move any of those sketches anywhere else in the night. So I guess the only thing to do is let the show die a slow and quiet death.
Host Analysis
Al Sharpton acquitted himself as well as a non-actor can. He stayed pretty glued to the cue cards all night but still managed to have a good delivery and hit the punchlines when he needed to. I'd compare him favorably to Steve Forbes, he's kind of a weird dude and when you just make him say funny things it comes out funny.
Final Thoughts
So far I am not really enjoying this season and I think the main reason is the oddball choice of hosts. Aside from Jack Black and Alec Baldwin we haven't had anybody known for comedy. Justin Timberlake was a gamble that paid off but Halle Berry, Kelly Ripa, Andy Roddick and Al Sharpton haven't left the most favorable impressions. Some were better than others but this season really needs to kick it up a notch.
Up Next
Elijah Wood hosts the last show of 2003 with musical guest Jet. While Elijah isn't really known for comedy, at least he's an actor who should know how to deliver lines.
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