"How's the poontang back east?"
Cold Open: The New Iraqi Government
Cold Open: The New Iraqi Government
1 Star
George W. Bush lays out the new Iraq constitution
Darrell Hammond returns as George W. Bush and provides the same basic results. He's nowhere near as funny as Will Ferrell. His delivery is full of pregnant pauses and stumbling which I think is intentional but just comes off sloppy. The new Iraq government is coming along and he goes over the branches of government, all will be headed by a dictator who will have total control over the country's media to crush all dissent. So it sounds a lot like the old Iraqi government but this one will have a minister of trade who will handle the secret biological weapons program and ensure the weapons get in the hands of terrorists. This was long and fairly boring, mostly due to Darrell.
Alec Baldwin Monologue
Darrell Hammond returns as George W. Bush and provides the same basic results. He's nowhere near as funny as Will Ferrell. His delivery is full of pregnant pauses and stumbling which I think is intentional but just comes off sloppy. The new Iraq government is coming along and he goes over the branches of government, all will be headed by a dictator who will have total control over the country's media to crush all dissent. So it sounds a lot like the old Iraqi government but this one will have a minister of trade who will handle the secret biological weapons program and ensure the weapons get in the hands of terrorists. This was long and fairly boring, mostly due to Darrell.
Alec Baldwin Monologue
2 Stars
Alec talks to the band and the boom operator
Alec says that this is his 11th time hosting. 2 more and he will have fulfilled his community service. This gets Jimmy and Horatio, who have been sitting in with the band, to laugh hysterically. Alec tells a couple more jokes which they also laugh at and then offer to help him out with funny sounds. They give him some trombone and horn joke assistance. I was kind of enjoying this. Jimmy and Horatio's constant giggling worked well for characters who are supposed to constantly giggle. Then for some reason Mike Myers comes out as the boom operator and shamelessly plugs The Cat In The Hat. He asks Alec if he's going to mention the movie he has coming out on November 21st. Alec tells him to quit playing around and we start the show. So a promising concept turned into an SNL alum plugging their turd of a movie.
Rerun of Huggies Thong
Alec says that this is his 11th time hosting. 2 more and he will have fulfilled his community service. This gets Jimmy and Horatio, who have been sitting in with the band, to laugh hysterically. Alec tells a couple more jokes which they also laugh at and then offer to help him out with funny sounds. They give him some trombone and horn joke assistance. I was kind of enjoying this. Jimmy and Horatio's constant giggling worked well for characters who are supposed to constantly giggle. Then for some reason Mike Myers comes out as the boom operator and shamelessly plugs The Cat In The Hat. He asks Alec if he's going to mention the movie he has coming out on November 21st. Alec tells him to quit playing around and we start the show. So a promising concept turned into an SNL alum plugging their turd of a movie.
Rerun of Huggies Thong
Plastic Surgeon
4 Stars
A woman consults with a doctor about breast implants
Amy comes to Alec for a breast augmentation. She just wants to go up a cup size but Alec insists on big giant stripper breasts. Things get absurd pretty quickly.
"Do you know Catherine Bell from JAG?"
"No."
"Damn, I wanted to meet her."
He offers to put a beach ball sized implant inside her and also says they can mash both of her current boobs together to make one big one. Amy, seemingly cognizant that she is in a sketch, keeps getting offended and saying that she will only stay for a few more jokes. This was a writer's sketch. No real game to speak of, just throw a bunch of jokes at the wall and see what sticks. Alec and Amy both did really well here.
Zinger Vs. Burns
Amy comes to Alec for a breast augmentation. She just wants to go up a cup size but Alec insists on big giant stripper breasts. Things get absurd pretty quickly.
"Do you know Catherine Bell from JAG?"
"No."
"Damn, I wanted to meet her."
He offers to put a beach ball sized implant inside her and also says they can mash both of her current boobs together to make one big one. Amy, seemingly cognizant that she is in a sketch, keeps getting offended and saying that she will only stay for a few more jokes. This was a writer's sketch. No real game to speak of, just throw a bunch of jokes at the wall and see what sticks. Alec and Amy both did really well here.
Zinger Vs. Burns
3 Stars
A scientist known for his "zingers" meets his nemesis
Seth is playing Dr. Dave Clinger who prefers to be called Dave Zinger on account of his awesome "zings". He'll make fun of someone and then punctuate it with an action, like waving an imaginary sword and giving the mark of Zingo or pretend to be fishing an catch a 10 pound zing. It reminded me of the Shhh and Zip It scenes in the Austin Powers movies. Seth is part of a team gathered to fix a billion dollar satellite and also on the team is his nemesis Dr. Greg Burns. He also likes to punctuate his trademark "burns" with pantomime. The two go after each other enough to make the head scientist, Chris, declare a best of 3 Zing/Burn off with the winner being declared either Zing-master or Burn-master. Seth and Alec are both fun here but the real MVP is Chris who hangs on their every insult despite the situation around him. When Maya says that they really need to focus on the satellite he explodes with rage at her.
"Not now, Sheila! It's 1 to 1. Next zinger or burn decides it!"
The Tony Bennett Show
Seth is playing Dr. Dave Clinger who prefers to be called Dave Zinger on account of his awesome "zings". He'll make fun of someone and then punctuate it with an action, like waving an imaginary sword and giving the mark of Zingo or pretend to be fishing an catch a 10 pound zing. It reminded me of the Shhh and Zip It scenes in the Austin Powers movies. Seth is part of a team gathered to fix a billion dollar satellite and also on the team is his nemesis Dr. Greg Burns. He also likes to punctuate his trademark "burns" with pantomime. The two go after each other enough to make the head scientist, Chris, declare a best of 3 Zing/Burn off with the winner being declared either Zing-master or Burn-master. Seth and Alec are both fun here but the real MVP is Chris who hangs on their every insult despite the situation around him. When Maya says that they really need to focus on the satellite he explodes with rage at her.
"Not now, Sheila! It's 1 to 1. Next zinger or burn decides it!"
The Tony Bennett Show
3 Stars
Tony Bennett interviews Robert Durst and a guy he met on a plane
This is the 2nd appearance of The Tony Bennett Show, so I guess after 10 times hosting they just let you do whatever you want. Tony brings out a guy he met on a plane who made him laugh with a joke not appropriate for television.
"That's a real shame. It's a great, great joke. Couldn't you maybe change up a few of the words a little bit? Change that one word to "kitty cat" and that other word to "rooster sucker"."
His next guest is Robert Durst, the millionaire who chopped up his neighbor in his apartment complex. He provides a word from his sponsor, Stay Free Maxi Pads, and calls Richie Sambora demanding an apology. I don't completely get this character but Alec seems to be having fun doing it.
Rerun of Gaystrogen
This is the 2nd appearance of The Tony Bennett Show, so I guess after 10 times hosting they just let you do whatever you want. Tony brings out a guy he met on a plane who made him laugh with a joke not appropriate for television.
"That's a real shame. It's a great, great joke. Couldn't you maybe change up a few of the words a little bit? Change that one word to "kitty cat" and that other word to "rooster sucker"."
His next guest is Robert Durst, the millionaire who chopped up his neighbor in his apartment complex. He provides a word from his sponsor, Stay Free Maxi Pads, and calls Richie Sambora demanding an apology. I don't completely get this character but Alec seems to be having fun doing it.
Rerun of Gaystrogen
The Falconer
5 Stars
Ken Mortimer's falcon rescues his from a trap
In 1992, Ken Mortimer was an ad exec in Baltimore when for no discernible reason he left his wife and career and moved deep into the forest, only to be know as The Falconer. That's the set up for this bat shit crazy sketch that I loved every second of. Will is hanging upside down after getting ensnared in his own coyote trap talking to his trust falcon, Donald.
"For four days I have dangled here like a urine-soaked pinata. If only a gaggle of Mexican children wielding sticks would come along and put me out of my misery. That's not racist, pinatas are of Mexican origin. Fine, a gaggle of children of all creeds and colors. Just go, get me a knife, an ax, anything I can use to cut this rope."
Donald flies off to rescue his master and friend but gets sidetracked at the casino where he helps Alec win Blackjack, hits a jackpot on a slot machine, uses Ken's credit card at the craps table and wins, does some cocaine and has a threesome with Alec and an old lady. If I neglected to mention, this is all done with a very cheap bird puppet. Donald finally returns to Ken, who is being beaten with sticks by Mexican children, and gives him his credit card which Ken promises to use the sharpest of its 4 dull edges to cut his rope and ensure his freedom in a matter of weeks. What a sublimely stupid sketch. Holy hell, did I love this.
Missy Elliott
"Pass That Dutch"
In 1992, Ken Mortimer was an ad exec in Baltimore when for no discernible reason he left his wife and career and moved deep into the forest, only to be know as The Falconer. That's the set up for this bat shit crazy sketch that I loved every second of. Will is hanging upside down after getting ensnared in his own coyote trap talking to his trust falcon, Donald.
"For four days I have dangled here like a urine-soaked pinata. If only a gaggle of Mexican children wielding sticks would come along and put me out of my misery. That's not racist, pinatas are of Mexican origin. Fine, a gaggle of children of all creeds and colors. Just go, get me a knife, an ax, anything I can use to cut this rope."
Donald flies off to rescue his master and friend but gets sidetracked at the casino where he helps Alec win Blackjack, hits a jackpot on a slot machine, uses Ken's credit card at the craps table and wins, does some cocaine and has a threesome with Alec and an old lady. If I neglected to mention, this is all done with a very cheap bird puppet. Donald finally returns to Ken, who is being beaten with sticks by Mexican children, and gives him his credit card which Ken promises to use the sharpest of its 4 dull edges to cut his rope and ensure his freedom in a matter of weeks. What a sublimely stupid sketch. Holy hell, did I love this.
Missy Elliott
"Pass That Dutch"
"When I say 'pass', you say 'dutch'"
"Pop that, pop that, jiggle that fat. Don't stop 'til your clothes get wet."
Missy brings out some break dancers who do an exercise routine in the middle. Not my favorite style of music but fun to watch and much better than the last time I saw her in season 23.
Weekend Update
"Pop that, pop that, jiggle that fat. Don't stop 'til your clothes get wet."
Missy brings out some break dancers who do an exercise routine in the middle. Not my favorite style of music but fun to watch and much better than the last time I saw her in season 23.
Weekend Update
"She has a blood alcohol content of 1.75 and a gravy content of 3.40"
Only 6 episodes in and I am officially tired of talking about Weekend Update. Some jokes are better than others but for the most part, I don't like this pairing of Tina and Jimmy. Near the end we go to a phone interview with Christian Slater (voiced by Jimmy) who is hanging out with his good friend Jack Nicholson (also voiced by Jimmy in the same voice). Christian Slater and Jack Nicholson sound the same, never noticed that.
Will Forte is here to review Paris Hilton's sex tape. He's seen it 80 or 90 times but promises something new in the line of semi-celebrity sex tapes. A tape so hot it will melt your VCR, Will has made his own sex tape. He shows a clip of Will in night vision with his genitals censored, dancing, working out with a Thigh Master, pouring honey on his nipples and crotch and finally getting ready to make love to Fred Armisen. You can get your own copy for only $79.95 at Best Buy, or rather the sidewalk outside of Best Buy.
Press Conference
Press Conference
3 Stars
Prince Charles's private secretary takes questions about a gay scandal
I remember a story about Prince Charles involving gay stuff but couldn't recall the specifics but you don't really need to know that to get this sketch. Alec plays the secretary to Prince Charles and is answering questions about an alleged event that may or may not have included a member of the royal family. British slander laws forbid him from commenting on the prince's sexuality or discussing the matter in detail so the reporters have to get more clever with their line of questioning.
"Say the prince had a keyboard recital and a gentleman brought flowers. Would the prince prefer roses on the piano or tulips on his organ?"
"If there were a draft in the prince's country home would he enjoy having his crack filled with caulk?"
"Would the prince like to take a job as a manhole inspector?"
"Is his favorite actor Peter O'Toole?"
"Can he not drive over 68 kmh because at 69 he blows a rod?"
Silly and short and just filled with euphemisms for gay sex. Alec made an excellent straight man.
Keen Corporation
I remember a story about Prince Charles involving gay stuff but couldn't recall the specifics but you don't really need to know that to get this sketch. Alec plays the secretary to Prince Charles and is answering questions about an alleged event that may or may not have included a member of the royal family. British slander laws forbid him from commenting on the prince's sexuality or discussing the matter in detail so the reporters have to get more clever with their line of questioning.
"Say the prince had a keyboard recital and a gentleman brought flowers. Would the prince prefer roses on the piano or tulips on his organ?"
"If there were a draft in the prince's country home would he enjoy having his crack filled with caulk?"
"Would the prince like to take a job as a manhole inspector?"
"Is his favorite actor Peter O'Toole?"
"Can he not drive over 68 kmh because at 69 he blows a rod?"
Silly and short and just filled with euphemisms for gay sex. Alec made an excellent straight man.
Keen Corporation
2 Stars
Business partners lament their recent one night stand
Alec and Amy are late for a pitch meeting and they come in looking disheveled. They routinely put their presentation on hold to duck behind their hastily put together chart and yell at each other about last night. They both blame each other for a night of drunken debauchery that ended in the two of them having sex. Their other partner, Seth, tries to get them to act professional but Alec has another idea. He's decided that Amy has put the spice back into his life and he wants to tell the world how he feels. He grabs her, throws her on the desk and they start making out. The people gathered to watch the presentation leave abruptly. Not bad, but not great.
Missy Elliott returns with Work It. I don't want to speak out of turn but I think this song might be about sex.
Roy Returns
Missy Elliott returns with Work It. I don't want to speak out of turn but I think this song might be about sex.
Roy Returns
2 Stars
Roy returns to the stage after his accident
It's been several months since Roy was attacked by a tiger and he's ready to get back on the horse. As he triumphantly walks on stage, Amy sits down in her seat, we hear some screaming and she gets covered with blood. A severed leg lands in the hands of his partner, Siegfried. 13 months later, Roy returns again, this time with a turtle. He tries to get the turtle to jump through a hoop but it bites his eyeball causing blood to start shooting out of his head. As soon as this sketch started I knew exactly where it was going and then it repeated the same joke twice. It really needed a stinger or something sillier to happen at the end.
Scheinwald Studios
It's been several months since Roy was attacked by a tiger and he's ready to get back on the horse. As he triumphantly walks on stage, Amy sits down in her seat, we hear some screaming and she gets covered with blood. A severed leg lands in the hands of his partner, Siegfried. 13 months later, Roy returns again, this time with a turtle. He tries to get the turtle to jump through a hoop but it bites his eyeball causing blood to start shooting out of his head. As soon as this sketch started I knew exactly where it was going and then it repeated the same joke twice. It really needed a stinger or something sillier to happen at the end.
Scheinwald Studios
3 Stars
3 generations of movie executives try to sign a screenwriter for their new picture
Seth is a producer meeting with Fred, a screenwriter. He's excited to make a deal over his new script but is interrupted by his father (Alec) and grandfather (Rachel) who are both old school creeps who want movies starring ladies with big jugs. We find out that they passed on The Matrix and The Lord Of The Rings because they didn't see the appeal but they did make such fine pictures as Naked Ski Patrol, Hot Tub Academy and NIT: Nipple Institute of Technology. Both Alec and Rachel are very funny and Seth makes a good straight man. A pre-#metoo commentary on movie executives.
FINAL ANALYSIS
Seth is a producer meeting with Fred, a screenwriter. He's excited to make a deal over his new script but is interrupted by his father (Alec) and grandfather (Rachel) who are both old school creeps who want movies starring ladies with big jugs. We find out that they passed on The Matrix and The Lord Of The Rings because they didn't see the appeal but they did make such fine pictures as Naked Ski Patrol, Hot Tub Academy and NIT: Nipple Institute of Technology. Both Alec and Rachel are very funny and Seth makes a good straight man. A pre-#metoo commentary on movie executives.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"I once made love to Angie Dickinson for seven hours then a security guard came in and said 'Mr. Bennett, Madame Tussauds is closing'."
Average
2.8 Stars
MVP
Will Forte
The Falconer, Weekend Update
The Falconer, Weekend Update
Best Sketch
The Falconer
Worst Sketch
Roy Returns
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Forget that George W. Bush cold open and just start with Roy Returns. That was a short topical sketch without an ending. Having Alec, covered in blood scream the sign on would be a much more fun way to start the show. Everything else was good. This episode had a really nice flow to it.
Host Analysis
Alec was solid in every sketch he appeared in, no surprise, there's a reason the guy has hosted more than anyone else.
Final Thoughts
A pretty fun episode all around. The weak cold open and monologue bring down the sketch average but other than those, this was solid from beginning to end. No sketches disappointed and while the only sketch that I would call a classic would be The Falconer, everything had something to offer. Even the worst sketch wasn't terrible.
Up Next
The weird selection of hosts continues as Al Sharpton hosts. After Halle Berry, Kelly Ripa, Andy Roddick and now Sharpton I could really use a comedian at the helm.
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