"It feels like there's a flying saucer in my pants"
Cold Open: The X-Files
4 Stars
Janet Reno opens up about her crush on Fox Mulder
Last time Duchovny hosted we got an X-Files cold open and this year we open with an X-Files cold open. He's playing Fox Mulder and is anxiously awaiting an informant he has only talked to on the phone who identities himself as "Deep Throat". There's a knock on the door and in storms Janet Reno. Mulder thinks she has proof of an alien conspiracy but Janet says that she's only interested in him for sex.
"You said you had videotapes of aliens."
"Aliens is one of my favorite movies. I thought you could come over and watch and have brie."
He finds out that the UFO she promised him was actually an unbelievable ferocious orgasm and when she promised him an opportunity to examine an amazing out of this world body she was referring to her own rockin' bod. As for her codename, Deep Throat was her old sorority nickname. Molly comes in as Agent Scully and is karate chopped by Janet. Fox insists that Janet leave but before she does she plants a big kiss on his lips. It's too late for Fox though as Janet has already moved on to another FBI agent, Krycek. I have only casually watched The X-Files so I had to look up who this man was but it was a dude who played another FBI agent on the show. Fox punches Krycek, Janet punches Fox, Janet says 'Sweet dreams, whore!' to Scully and screams the sign on. It got a little muddy at the end and could have definitely been condensed but it was still fun. I'm also always a fan of when they get the self referential stuff out of the way in the cold open rather than getting an X-Files sketch that feels like a MAD magazine parody.
David Duchovny Monologue
Last time Duchovny hosted we got an X-Files cold open and this year we open with an X-Files cold open. He's playing Fox Mulder and is anxiously awaiting an informant he has only talked to on the phone who identities himself as "Deep Throat". There's a knock on the door and in storms Janet Reno. Mulder thinks she has proof of an alien conspiracy but Janet says that she's only interested in him for sex.
"You said you had videotapes of aliens."
"Aliens is one of my favorite movies. I thought you could come over and watch and have brie."
He finds out that the UFO she promised him was actually an unbelievable ferocious orgasm and when she promised him an opportunity to examine an amazing out of this world body she was referring to her own rockin' bod. As for her codename, Deep Throat was her old sorority nickname. Molly comes in as Agent Scully and is karate chopped by Janet. Fox insists that Janet leave but before she does she plants a big kiss on his lips. It's too late for Fox though as Janet has already moved on to another FBI agent, Krycek. I have only casually watched The X-Files so I had to look up who this man was but it was a dude who played another FBI agent on the show. Fox punches Krycek, Janet punches Fox, Janet says 'Sweet dreams, whore!' to Scully and screams the sign on. It got a little muddy at the end and could have definitely been condensed but it was still fun. I'm also always a fan of when they get the self referential stuff out of the way in the cold open rather than getting an X-Files sketch that feels like a MAD magazine parody.
David Duchovny Monologue
3 Stars
David wants to sing a song on the guitar his father bought him
David says that he's having a great time visiting New York for the first time. Then he reveals that he's lying, he grew up in New York and has been here numerous times. He chalks it up to nerves which is why he's brought his security blanket, a guitar his dad bought him at a flea market in 1969. He wants to play a song dedicated to his father but loses the pick in the belly. He tries to shake it out but can't get it. He gets so frustrated that he smashes his guitar and screams about how he hates his father for buying him such a cheap guitar. This was a weird one but I liked it. Duchovny has a very monotone delivery but once he exploded in rage it provided a nice contrast.
Cheerleading Camp
David says that he's having a great time visiting New York for the first time. Then he reveals that he's lying, he grew up in New York and has been here numerous times. He chalks it up to nerves which is why he's brought his security blanket, a guitar his dad bought him at a flea market in 1969. He wants to play a song dedicated to his father but loses the pick in the belly. He tries to shake it out but can't get it. He gets so frustrated that he smashes his guitar and screams about how he hates his father for buying him such a cheap guitar. This was a weird one but I liked it. Duchovny has a very monotone delivery but once he exploded in rage it provided a nice contrast.
Cheerleading Camp
2 Stars
Craig and Arianna meet their idol, Paula Abdul
David is addressing people at a cheerleading camp, so at least I know what to expect. He introduces Craig and Arianna who do a cheer. They somehow get scores from an unseen judge who gives them a 0.3 in creativity, 0.6 in athleticism, 0.0 in difficulty but they do get a perfect 10 for lameness. I have no idea why they would be special guests at a cheerleading camp, seeing as how they are not official members of any cheerleading squad. We also find out later from Paula Abdul that they haven't paid their registration fees. None of this adds up at all. Molly and Ana tell them that their squad is ineligible as they need 4 people to be able to compete. David asks if he can be part and for their 4th, Paula Abdul flies in on a helicopter to join them for a cheer. The four of them dance around to Play That Funky Music. This may be the last time I have to talk about the Spartans so I just want to ask, was anyone still excited for this after 3 years? Did Will and Cheri still want to do it or did they consider it an obligation? I remember watching the show live during this period and when the cheerleaders came on I would usually flip over to see what MADtv was up to.
The Ambiguously Gay Duo
David is addressing people at a cheerleading camp, so at least I know what to expect. He introduces Craig and Arianna who do a cheer. They somehow get scores from an unseen judge who gives them a 0.3 in creativity, 0.6 in athleticism, 0.0 in difficulty but they do get a perfect 10 for lameness. I have no idea why they would be special guests at a cheerleading camp, seeing as how they are not official members of any cheerleading squad. We also find out later from Paula Abdul that they haven't paid their registration fees. None of this adds up at all. Molly and Ana tell them that their squad is ineligible as they need 4 people to be able to compete. David asks if he can be part and for their 4th, Paula Abdul flies in on a helicopter to join them for a cheer. The four of them dance around to Play That Funky Music. This may be the last time I have to talk about the Spartans so I just want to ask, was anyone still excited for this after 3 years? Did Will and Cheri still want to do it or did they consider it an obligation? I remember watching the show live during this period and when the cheerleaders came on I would usually flip over to see what MADtv was up to.
The Ambiguously Gay Duo
2 Stars
Ace and Gary seek answers to why people don't respect them
This picks up right after the last one as Ace and Gary fly out of the ice giant's ass. They wonder why nobody fully appreciates them and look at them funny. They go to the Fortress Of Privacy and input a crystal (that looks like a big cock) into a contraption (that looks like an ass) which brings out an entity that resembles Marlon Brando from Superman. The entity is confused as to how the fortress is decorated and how friendly Ace and Gary seem to be with each other. While this is happening, super villains and the police are talking about how gay they are. This one didn't work for me as well as some others and it doesn't give us an ending at all. The villains break in, Ace and Gary try to shove the crystal into the ass faster and we get a title card that says "Have an ambiguously rocking summer".
Jeopardy!
This picks up right after the last one as Ace and Gary fly out of the ice giant's ass. They wonder why nobody fully appreciates them and look at them funny. They go to the Fortress Of Privacy and input a crystal (that looks like a big cock) into a contraption (that looks like an ass) which brings out an entity that resembles Marlon Brando from Superman. The entity is confused as to how the fortress is decorated and how friendly Ace and Gary seem to be with each other. While this is happening, super villains and the police are talking about how gay they are. This one didn't work for me as well as some others and it doesn't give us an ending at all. The villains break in, Ace and Gary try to shove the crystal into the ass faster and we get a title card that says "Have an ambiguously rocking summer".
Jeopardy!
4 Stars
Sean Connery, Minnie Driver and Jeff Goldblum compete on the trivia game show
This is the first outing of Jeopardy without Norm but the first incarnation with Sean Connery so it's a solid trade off. Connery confuses "Therapists" with "The rapists", Minnie thinks you drink water out of a toilet, Jeff continuously looks amazed at his buzzer. Final Jeopardy is letters of the alphabet where they are asked to write a letter. Connery drew a middle finger, Minnie drew a picture of an eye, Jeff wrote the number 2. Alex tells us that all the charities they were playing for have been deprived of money. Darrell's Connery was hilarious, Molly's Minnie Driver had her moments but the joke was just that she was dumb so it could have been anyone, Duchovny's Goldblum was one of the more bizarre impressions I have seen on the show. It's definitely a notch above Matthew Perry's Michael Keaton but it's still not good.
Puff Daddy
This is the first outing of Jeopardy without Norm but the first incarnation with Sean Connery so it's a solid trade off. Connery confuses "Therapists" with "The rapists", Minnie thinks you drink water out of a toilet, Jeff continuously looks amazed at his buzzer. Final Jeopardy is letters of the alphabet where they are asked to write a letter. Connery drew a middle finger, Minnie drew a picture of an eye, Jeff wrote the number 2. Alex tells us that all the charities they were playing for have been deprived of money. Darrell's Connery was hilarious, Molly's Minnie Driver had her moments but the joke was just that she was dumb so it could have been anyone, Duchovny's Goldblum was one of the more bizarre impressions I have seen on the show. It's definitely a notch above Matthew Perry's Michael Keaton but it's still not good.
Puff Daddy
"Come With Me"
We start with a close up of the sheet music to Come With Me on the conductor's podium as he cues a violin orchestra. This reminded me of a Todd Barry joke where he talks about Guns N' Roses playing with a symphony. Slash can master the song but the lead cellist with the New York Philharmonic is having trouble. It really makes little sense why the need the sheet music since they really only have to play the same hook over and over again, in this case Kashmir by Led Zeppelin. I actually liked this song when it came out but that's mostly because the music was good. Jimmy Page plays the same few notes repeated while Puff Daddy raps over it. Since the music behind Puffy is so repetitive, Jimmy Page's presence seems really unnecessary. I think he's just there so it looks like he gave his blessing to the plagiarism, much like how Sting appeared with him to sing I'll Be Missing You.
Weekend Update
We start with a close up of the sheet music to Come With Me on the conductor's podium as he cues a violin orchestra. This reminded me of a Todd Barry joke where he talks about Guns N' Roses playing with a symphony. Slash can master the song but the lead cellist with the New York Philharmonic is having trouble. It really makes little sense why the need the sheet music since they really only have to play the same hook over and over again, in this case Kashmir by Led Zeppelin. I actually liked this song when it came out but that's mostly because the music was good. Jimmy Page plays the same few notes repeated while Puff Daddy raps over it. Since the music behind Puffy is so repetitive, Jimmy Page's presence seems really unnecessary. I think he's just there so it looks like he gave his blessing to the plagiarism, much like how Sting appeared with him to sing I'll Be Missing You.
Weekend Update
"Who's gonna go out with a scab hooker?"
The desk pieces this week were so lame that they made Colin look good in comparison. More on that in a second but first, I actually liked some of the jokes this week enough to write them down.
Chelsea Clinton's new boyfriend told Bill that he was his role model. Bill responded by saying he doesn't want the kid seeing his daughter anymore.
Bob Dole stated that he was one of the test subjects for Viagra. You can read more about it in his wife's new book "The Horrors Of Viagra".
Bill Gates paid 38 million dollars for a painting but he still refuses to pay more than 4 bucks for a haircut.
Tracy comes out as Dominican Lou a super of an apartment in the Bronx. He's here to talk about Bill Clinton and Kenneth Starr. He thinks Clinton should beat up Starr to send him a message. That's what he did to the super across the street from him, but he got beat up instead and broke his arm. He goes on to talk about Alfredo, the super he no like, how he let tenants throw garbage out the window and always make trouble. When Colin asks him what all this has to do with Clinton he responds, nothing, he just wanted to say something bad about Alfredo on live TV. Not a fan of this at all.
Cinder Calhoun makes her 4th appearance this season. This time she sings a song called "Unshackle My Legs" which she wrote after she was sent home from work for not wearing pantyhose. She finds her legs are already protected by nature's thick wooly coating of leg hair. I don't find this character funny at all but I usually do like the songs. This song offered little to nothing, it was short with no punchline. Unshackle my legs was the title, the chorus and really the only joke.
Mango
Cinder Calhoun makes her 4th appearance this season. This time she sings a song called "Unshackle My Legs" which she wrote after she was sent home from work for not wearing pantyhose. She finds her legs are already protected by nature's thick wooly coating of leg hair. I don't find this character funny at all but I usually do like the songs. This song offered little to nothing, it was short with no punchline. Unshackle my legs was the title, the chorus and really the only joke.
Mango
2 Stars
David Duchovny gets infatuated by Mango
Mango is on a bridge being chased by a gaggle of men. He jumps off the bridge into the river to escape them. David is jogging along and jumps in the river to save him. 20 minutes later, Mango is on a stretcher thanking David for saving his life. He gets up and enchants him with his dancing. Later on, David is having a glass of wine with a lady but his thoughts drift to Mango, he is being interviewed by Matt Lauer but he can only think about Mango, as he storms off the set we see that Matt is also hypnotized by an alluring dancing man, Al Roker. David sneaks into the hospital dressed as a doctor and asks Mango to run away with him. Then for some reason John Goodman rushes in to try to get a piece of that sweet sweet Mango. They both leave in tears and Mango is left wallowing in self pity. Did you see the last Mango sketch? Here it is again.
Oprah
Mango is on a bridge being chased by a gaggle of men. He jumps off the bridge into the river to escape them. David is jogging along and jumps in the river to save him. 20 minutes later, Mango is on a stretcher thanking David for saving his life. He gets up and enchants him with his dancing. Later on, David is having a glass of wine with a lady but his thoughts drift to Mango, he is being interviewed by Matt Lauer but he can only think about Mango, as he storms off the set we see that Matt is also hypnotized by an alluring dancing man, Al Roker. David sneaks into the hospital dressed as a doctor and asks Mango to run away with him. Then for some reason John Goodman rushes in to try to get a piece of that sweet sweet Mango. They both leave in tears and Mango is left wallowing in self pity. Did you see the last Mango sketch? Here it is again.
Oprah
2 Stars
Oprah unites Goat Boy with his long lost brother
I mentioned this during the Greg Kinnear episode but I am always put off when hosts copy a cast member's shtick. Kinnear did his Ted Koppel impression next to Darrell Hammond and now Duchovny does his Goat Boy next to Jim Breuer. Tim plays Oprah here, once again I don't know why Tim repeatedly played Oprah. This is not an impression as much as it is a guy in a wig. There's no reason this sketch needed Oprah, it could have been any generic talk show host. Her guest is Goat Boy who is announcing his summer concert tour but she really brought him on to meet his brother Goat Boy Number 2. David comes out in a Goat Boy costume and does the same thing as Jim, braying between all his lines. Things get silly as they drink out of a bottle with two nipples, Oprah also has a drink from a bottle and David starts humping Jim before being cattle prodded. Some nice weird moments here but the concept was too stupid for me to like. I can just imagine David Duchovny talking to Jim and saying something like,
"I like that Goat Boy thing you do, can I do that?"
"No David, I do Goat Boy."
"Could I be Goat Boy's brother?"
Interbank
I mentioned this during the Greg Kinnear episode but I am always put off when hosts copy a cast member's shtick. Kinnear did his Ted Koppel impression next to Darrell Hammond and now Duchovny does his Goat Boy next to Jim Breuer. Tim plays Oprah here, once again I don't know why Tim repeatedly played Oprah. This is not an impression as much as it is a guy in a wig. There's no reason this sketch needed Oprah, it could have been any generic talk show host. Her guest is Goat Boy who is announcing his summer concert tour but she really brought him on to meet his brother Goat Boy Number 2. David comes out in a Goat Boy costume and does the same thing as Jim, braying between all his lines. Things get silly as they drink out of a bottle with two nipples, Oprah also has a drink from a bottle and David starts humping Jim before being cattle prodded. Some nice weird moments here but the concept was too stupid for me to like. I can just imagine David Duchovny talking to Jim and saying something like,
"I like that Goat Boy thing you do, can I do that?"
"No David, I do Goat Boy."
"Could I be Goat Boy's brother?"
Interbank
4 Stars
A bank that will go to extreme measures for their customers
Will and Molly talk about their trip to North Africa. Their dream vacation turned into a nightmare when someone stole their traveler's checks. Interbank not only refunded their money but found out who stole them and hunted them down like an animal, a filthy dirty animal. They also hunted down their relatives and set fire to their homes. Their methods may not exactly be legal but they are effective. Cute and short, don't know why this wasn't post monologue like all the other commercial parodies.
From The Earth To The Area Around The Earth: The Story Of The Space Shuttle
Will and Molly talk about their trip to North Africa. Their dream vacation turned into a nightmare when someone stole their traveler's checks. Interbank not only refunded their money but found out who stole them and hunted them down like an animal, a filthy dirty animal. They also hunted down their relatives and set fire to their homes. Their methods may not exactly be legal but they are effective. Cute and short, don't know why this wasn't post monologue like all the other commercial parodies.
From The Earth To The Area Around The Earth: The Story Of The Space Shuttle
2 Stars
Nobody seems to care about the space shuttle
We join this docuseries in part 14 where they talk about the Space Shuttle Columbia in 1998. We're left to assume that parts 1-13 covered all the major milestones and now we're focusing on how the pituitary gland responds to weightlessness and how rodents respond to root beer when weightless. On the ground, Will and Tim can barely hide the fact that they don't care. We also get news footage from Darrell Hammond where stories of the space shuttle are coming up after Japan stock market news, the Tony nominees, the creator of Ben Casey's death and pleated skirts making a comeback. It ends with the president congratulating the crew but it's actually Will and Tim doing a poor impression of Clinton and giggling.
"Hi, I'm the president. President Clinton. I like sex. I'm Clinton. I have lots of sex with women. Look at me, I'm Clinton. Whee!"
It took me two watches to really understand the joke of this sketch. Nobody cares about space travel anymore. I didn't really get the joke until it was over.
The Golords
We join this docuseries in part 14 where they talk about the Space Shuttle Columbia in 1998. We're left to assume that parts 1-13 covered all the major milestones and now we're focusing on how the pituitary gland responds to weightlessness and how rodents respond to root beer when weightless. On the ground, Will and Tim can barely hide the fact that they don't care. We also get news footage from Darrell Hammond where stories of the space shuttle are coming up after Japan stock market news, the Tony nominees, the creator of Ben Casey's death and pleated skirts making a comeback. It ends with the president congratulating the crew but it's actually Will and Tim doing a poor impression of Clinton and giggling.
"Hi, I'm the president. President Clinton. I like sex. I'm Clinton. I have lots of sex with women. Look at me, I'm Clinton. Whee!"
It took me two watches to really understand the joke of this sketch. Nobody cares about space travel anymore. I didn't really get the joke until it was over.
The Golords
4 Stars
James Cameron and his army of DiCaprios are thwarted by The Golords
Sissy is naked being drawn by Leonardo DiCaprio. He turns a lever, flipping the couch upside down and sending her through a trap door. There she meets James Cameron who has anointed himself King Of The World and explains his plan to force women into slavery with his army of Leonardo DiCaprio clones. Meanwhile, Mike is looking for clues and accidentally falls down the trap door himself. He pulls a gun on Cameron, James releases his DiCaprios, Sissy breaks out of her cage, cuts one Leo in half, boils another in acid and crushes another's head exposing its brain. Mike is about to shoot Cameron but Sissy says she is against violence so they let him go. Cameron releases all the girls and throws a big party. I don't know if we're going to see the Golords again but I enjoyed them this season, especially once they just dove into over the top puppet violence.
We officially end with The Lost Deep Thoughts that asks why we don't have baby traps instead of mouse traps. Not to harm the babies but just to hold them down until they can be removed.
FINAL ANALYSIS
Sissy is naked being drawn by Leonardo DiCaprio. He turns a lever, flipping the couch upside down and sending her through a trap door. There she meets James Cameron who has anointed himself King Of The World and explains his plan to force women into slavery with his army of Leonardo DiCaprio clones. Meanwhile, Mike is looking for clues and accidentally falls down the trap door himself. He pulls a gun on Cameron, James releases his DiCaprios, Sissy breaks out of her cage, cuts one Leo in half, boils another in acid and crushes another's head exposing its brain. Mike is about to shoot Cameron but Sissy says she is against violence so they let him go. Cameron releases all the girls and throws a big party. I don't know if we're going to see the Golords again but I enjoyed them this season, especially once they just dove into over the top puppet violence.
We officially end with The Lost Deep Thoughts that asks why we don't have baby traps instead of mouse traps. Not to harm the babies but just to hold them down until they can be removed.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Then the day is mine"
Average
2.9 Stars
MVP
Will Ferrell
The X-Files, Cheerleading Camp, Jeopardy, Interbank, From The Earth..., The Golords
The X-Files, Cheerleading Camp, Jeopardy, Interbank, From The Earth..., The Golords
Best Sketch
Jeopardy
Worst Sketch
Cheerleading Camp
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
This episode was all recurring sketches except for the bit about the space shuttle so my advice would be to come up with maybe one original idea. Cheerleaders, Ambiguously Gay Duo, Jeopardy, Mango, Goat Boy and The Golords, no matter what order you put these sketches in they are still the same sketches I have already seen over and over this season.
Host Analysis
David Duchovny always struck me as one of the most bland television stars. He has a very dry delivery that made him good as a humorless FBI agent but that was his style in pretty much everything else I have ever seen him in. I didn't find him particularly funny this episode but he wasn't terrible as he just had to play second fiddle to a bunch of recurring characters. He would have to be really terrible to bring this one down.
Final Thoughts
Final Thoughts
The season ended on a whimper rather than a bang. I haven't looked back a lot while I was watching this season's episodes but there were many sketches I absolutely loved. The thing I dislike most about this era of SNL is how often they rested on their laurels. Don't have a good idea for this week? What did you do last month? Just do that again.
Up Next
Lists, lists and more lists. Best ofs, worsts ofs and a cast breakdown.
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