"I like you, a lot. Do you like me? If so, check the yes box. I like the yes box."
Cold Open: Janet's Bedroom
3 Stars
Janet Reno dreams of Bill Clinton
Janet Reno is laying on her bed with her stuffed animal, a big lion cub named Simba. She's watching White House videotapes to see if President Clinton committed campaign finance fraud while visiting with Chinese businessmen. She is growing tired of her duties.
"Only 48 more White House video tapes and then we can watch Harriet The Spy"
She then starts pretending she's sailing on a raft with Simba ala Judy Miller. She pretends Simba is Clinton, they kiss and get married. Eventually Bill Clinton enters her bedroom via a ladder from outside. He begs her not to indite him because with his good looks he wouldn't last long in prison. He declares his love for Janet and they kiss but it was all a dream and Janet wakes up kissing Simba. So far, Janet Reno seems to be the most authentic Will Ferrell character. You can see glimmers of Ron Burgundy and other future Ferrell characters in the way he portrays the former attorney general.
Brendan Fraser Monologue
Janet Reno is laying on her bed with her stuffed animal, a big lion cub named Simba. She's watching White House videotapes to see if President Clinton committed campaign finance fraud while visiting with Chinese businessmen. She is growing tired of her duties.
"Only 48 more White House video tapes and then we can watch Harriet The Spy"
She then starts pretending she's sailing on a raft with Simba ala Judy Miller. She pretends Simba is Clinton, they kiss and get married. Eventually Bill Clinton enters her bedroom via a ladder from outside. He begs her not to indite him because with his good looks he wouldn't last long in prison. He declares his love for Janet and they kiss but it was all a dream and Janet wakes up kissing Simba. So far, Janet Reno seems to be the most authentic Will Ferrell character. You can see glimmers of Ron Burgundy and other future Ferrell characters in the way he portrays the former attorney general.
Brendan Fraser Monologue
2 Stars
Brendan tells us things he likes
Fraser comes swinging on stage ala George Of The Jungle. Fraser says people seem to recognize him as George Of The Jungle but they don't know the real him so he'd like to tell us things about himself. He likes the tender love of a good woman, giving to charity, milk, slacks with a built-in belt, watching Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo with the sound off, licking the window outside The Today Show, scrambled eggs made with love, tonight's musical guest Bjork and saying "We got a great show tonight so stick around, we'll be right back".
Lemon Glow
Fraser comes swinging on stage ala George Of The Jungle. Fraser says people seem to recognize him as George Of The Jungle but they don't know the real him so he'd like to tell us things about himself. He likes the tender love of a good woman, giving to charity, milk, slacks with a built-in belt, watching Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo with the sound off, licking the window outside The Today Show, scrambled eggs made with love, tonight's musical guest Bjork and saying "We got a great show tonight so stick around, we'll be right back".
Lemon Glow
4 Stars
A clean floor can make even a hardened criminal a happy mom
Molly is a frazzled stay at home mom but luckily clean up is a breeze thanks to Lemon Glow.
"Only 10 years ago I was sleeping in doorways and unlocked cars and had a nasty speed habit. I'd do anyone that owned a motorcycle. Wow, look at that shine!"
She goes on to say that this whole family thing started as a con. When she met her husband she was gonna sell his telescope for pot but now that she has Lemon Glow, she thinks she'll stay.
Xena: Warrior Princess
Molly is a frazzled stay at home mom but luckily clean up is a breeze thanks to Lemon Glow.
"Only 10 years ago I was sleeping in doorways and unlocked cars and had a nasty speed habit. I'd do anyone that owned a motorcycle. Wow, look at that shine!"
She goes on to say that this whole family thing started as a con. When she met her husband she was gonna sell his telescope for pot but now that she has Lemon Glow, she thinks she'll stay.
Xena: Warrior Princess
2 Stars
Xena battles another female warrior
Molly, as Xena: Warrior Princess, breaks down the door of a tavern. She is with her traveling companion who she slaps on the butt. Patrons of the tavern tell her that another warrior princess is looking for her to do battle with, which is when Chris Kattan comes in wearing a dress. She is the traveling companion of the other warrior princess and in comes Fraser, dressed as Xena, who says there is only room in this town for one big breasted 6 foot brunette. They draw swords and do some clumsy battling while we hear their voice-overs about how they are sexually attracted to each other. Fraser has some hard times finding his marks as he is constantly out of view of the camera. Their battle eventually leads to Fraser's wig falling off which causes everyone to break. They see that their traveling companions have taken a liking to one another, they laugh, the end. It's always sad when a mistake is the best part of the sketch. If Fraser's wig hadn't have fallen off this sketch would have nothing going for it, with the goof, it's mildly enjoyable for a brief moment.
Issues
Molly, as Xena: Warrior Princess, breaks down the door of a tavern. She is with her traveling companion who she slaps on the butt. Patrons of the tavern tell her that another warrior princess is looking for her to do battle with, which is when Chris Kattan comes in wearing a dress. She is the traveling companion of the other warrior princess and in comes Fraser, dressed as Xena, who says there is only room in this town for one big breasted 6 foot brunette. They draw swords and do some clumsy battling while we hear their voice-overs about how they are sexually attracted to each other. Fraser has some hard times finding his marks as he is constantly out of view of the camera. Their battle eventually leads to Fraser's wig falling off which causes everyone to break. They see that their traveling companions have taken a liking to one another, they laugh, the end. It's always sad when a mistake is the best part of the sketch. If Fraser's wig hadn't have fallen off this sketch would have nothing going for it, with the goof, it's mildly enjoyable for a brief moment.
Issues
2 Stars
Two potheads host a political talk show
Jim and Brendan are two stoners who host a show that is usually dedicated to the legalization of marijuana but today they are interviewing a community organizer who wants to promote a local festival. As she tries to talk about the festivities, Brendan giggles, Jim eats chips and loses his train of thought. Cheech & Chong these guys are not. I've never been a fan of "stoner comedy". Things are usually funnier when you're high but watching people pretend to be high is universally unfunny.
The Delicious Dish
Jim and Brendan are two stoners who host a show that is usually dedicated to the legalization of marijuana but today they are interviewing a community organizer who wants to promote a local festival. As she tries to talk about the festivities, Brendan giggles, Jim eats chips and loses his train of thought. Cheech & Chong these guys are not. I've never been a fan of "stoner comedy". Things are usually funnier when you're high but watching people pretend to be high is universally unfunny.
The Delicious Dish
3 Stars
A quiet NPR show talks about food
It's finally turtleneck time again and grab on to your safety bar because this is gonna be a culinary roller coaster as the ladies from The Delicious Dish talk about squash. Their guest is the author of "Acorn Squash: Life Cycle and Planting Season" and he has some wild ideas that are gonna shake things up like extending the planting season into the first week of November. They quietly talk about squash and gourds, the joke is that they are so soft spoken and dull and amuse themselves more than anybody who would be listening. As a fan of National Public Radio, the spoof is spot on and even though the sketch can drag sometimes because it's comedy from awkwardness I always get some joy from Molly and Ana as they do this.
The Golords
It's finally turtleneck time again and grab on to your safety bar because this is gonna be a culinary roller coaster as the ladies from The Delicious Dish talk about squash. Their guest is the author of "Acorn Squash: Life Cycle and Planting Season" and he has some wild ideas that are gonna shake things up like extending the planting season into the first week of November. They quietly talk about squash and gourds, the joke is that they are so soft spoken and dull and amuse themselves more than anybody who would be listening. As a fan of National Public Radio, the spoof is spot on and even though the sketch can drag sometimes because it's comedy from awkwardness I always get some joy from Molly and Ana as they do this.
The Golords
4 Stars
The Golords investigate a missing warhead
The Golords are tracking a downed jet that had a nuclear warhead on board. They find the jet but the warhead is missing, the deduce that it must have been stolen by Bill Gates. They bust in on him gloating about how he will rule the world, a lot more than he already does, and how he uses $100 bills to wipe his ass. He releases his army of robots on our heroes. The Golords find their bullets are useless so they try nudity as robots can't deal with nakedness. Sissy removes her clothes, eats a banana and washes a car causing all the robot heads to explode, including Gates himself who was a robot all along.
Monday Night Football
The Golords are tracking a downed jet that had a nuclear warhead on board. They find the jet but the warhead is missing, the deduce that it must have been stolen by Bill Gates. They bust in on him gloating about how he will rule the world, a lot more than he already does, and how he uses $100 bills to wipe his ass. He releases his army of robots on our heroes. The Golords find their bullets are useless so they try nudity as robots can't deal with nakedness. Sissy removes her clothes, eats a banana and washes a car causing all the robot heads to explode, including Gates himself who was a robot all along.
Monday Night Football
1 Star
Frank Gifford drops hints about his unhappy life during a broadcast
Frank Gifford, Al Michaels and Dan Dierdorf are calling tonight's game between the 49ers and the Jaguars. Frank keeps cutting off the other two commentators. He calls the relationship between the Jaguars and their manager a marriage made in heaven but like in all marriages, it went terribly wrong. Gifford was in the headlines at this time for cheating on his wife, Kathie Lee Gifford, and that's where this sketch was born. Hammond as Gifford talks about the two teams but keeps making obvious allusions to his current predicament, like how the Jaguars had a momentary lapse in judgement and have to watch the 49ers on TV every morning talking to Regis. They bring out former Rams running back Eric Dickerson who says one word before being interrupted by Frank. Hammond has a speedy and dry delivery that killed a few of the more subtle jokes but once you get the point it's like they keep hitting you on the head with a hammer with the setup until the sketch fades out.
Pharmacy
Frank Gifford, Al Michaels and Dan Dierdorf are calling tonight's game between the 49ers and the Jaguars. Frank keeps cutting off the other two commentators. He calls the relationship between the Jaguars and their manager a marriage made in heaven but like in all marriages, it went terribly wrong. Gifford was in the headlines at this time for cheating on his wife, Kathie Lee Gifford, and that's where this sketch was born. Hammond as Gifford talks about the two teams but keeps making obvious allusions to his current predicament, like how the Jaguars had a momentary lapse in judgement and have to watch the 49ers on TV every morning talking to Regis. They bring out former Rams running back Eric Dickerson who says one word before being interrupted by Frank. Hammond has a speedy and dry delivery that killed a few of the more subtle jokes but once you get the point it's like they keep hitting you on the head with a hammer with the setup until the sketch fades out.
Pharmacy
3 Stars
A woman on a lot of pills refills some prescriptions
Collette Reardon, a twitchy woman with frazzled hair and makeup in disarray, is at the pharmacy to refill some prescriptions. The pharmacist is confused by the amount of pills, Valium, Adderall, Morphine patches and a 5 gallon drum of prison quality Crystal Meth. He calls the doctor who prescribed the medication and we get a Bob Newhart style one-sided phone call where he says he is not a cop and tells the doctor to "Keep on truckin'". Fraser makes an okay straight man but this sketch only exists so Cheri can put on a silly wig and act all crazy. It's enjoyable for what it is.
Weekend Update
Collette Reardon, a twitchy woman with frazzled hair and makeup in disarray, is at the pharmacy to refill some prescriptions. The pharmacist is confused by the amount of pills, Valium, Adderall, Morphine patches and a 5 gallon drum of prison quality Crystal Meth. He calls the doctor who prescribed the medication and we get a Bob Newhart style one-sided phone call where he says he is not a cop and tells the doctor to "Keep on truckin'". Fraser makes an okay straight man but this sketch only exists so Cheri can put on a silly wig and act all crazy. It's enjoyable for what it is.
Weekend Update
"Vince Foster's death was confirmed a suicide. Foster was deeply depressed because President Clinton was trying to murder him"
Tonight's top story: Does President Clinton have a bent penis? The doctor who examined the president says his genitals are 100% normal although it should be noted that the doctor has a bent penis.
Johnny Depp and supermodel Kate Moss are engaged. Moss is so excited she hasn't eaten any thing in 23 years.
A new ordinance will force exotic dancers to keep 4 feet away from their clients in Shoreline, Washington or as Norm calls it Nazi, Germany.
The Rolling Stones are back on tour and Keith Richards is happy to be doing what he's been doing best for the past 25 years, cheating death.
Chicago Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray is here to talk about the World Series between the Florida Marlins and the Cleveland Indians. He compares the teams by their mascots, the marlin is pound for pound the smartest fish in the ocean and the Indian is an untrustworthy savage who will try to steal your land as soon as you look the other way. When Norm asks about the players Harry says they won't be a factor and then shows him a book of Indian scalps he has in his personal collection. I would be surprised if anyone today knew who Harry Caray was. I grew up loving baseball and the Pittsburgh Pirates. Their games weren't broadcast on ESPN regularly so the only games I saw on TV were on TBS if they were playing the Atlanta Braves or WGN if they were playing the Chicago Cubs so I was familiar with Caray but I doubt the average person was. To them it was probably just a silly voice Will Ferrell came up with.
Bjork
"Bachelorette"
Bjork comes out with a whole string section to perform this pretty but warbling song. I suppose the song is fine but I don't know what mood you have to be in to enjoy Bjork. One time I was riding in a car with a friend and he had a Bjork CD in his car. I remember thinking, do you speed down the highway blaring Bjork? Who listens to Bjork in their car?
Biography
Biography
4 Stars
Courtney Love's story doesn't lineup with witnesses
Tonight on Biography it's the story of Hole front woman and widow of Kurt Cobain, Courtney Love. Love presents herself as a normal well-adjusted woman but interviews with her friends and family point to the contrary. Love says she had a happy and normal childhood and then her mother tells us that she actually invented crack with a little chemistry set. When Love talks about her days stripping she describes it as something she did to survive not because she was a crazy, horny slut. Then her manager at The Kit Kat Club describes her as a crazy, horny slut who refused a paycheck for stripping and organizes the annual stripper reunions. We then get footage of Courtney passed out at the VMAs and making out with stage manager, Joe Disco, all the while telling the cameras that she was in complete control of her life. Molly Shannon is very funny here both as the out of control Courtney and the put together persona she is putting on.
Mango
Tonight on Biography it's the story of Hole front woman and widow of Kurt Cobain, Courtney Love. Love presents herself as a normal well-adjusted woman but interviews with her friends and family point to the contrary. Love says she had a happy and normal childhood and then her mother tells us that she actually invented crack with a little chemistry set. When Love talks about her days stripping she describes it as something she did to survive not because she was a crazy, horny slut. Then her manager at The Kit Kat Club describes her as a crazy, horny slut who refused a paycheck for stripping and organizes the annual stripper reunions. We then get footage of Courtney passed out at the VMAs and making out with stage manager, Joe Disco, all the while telling the cameras that she was in complete control of her life. Molly Shannon is very funny here both as the out of control Courtney and the put together persona she is putting on.
Mango
2 Stars
A businessman can't help but dream of a hypnotic male stripper
Brendan has been dragged to a male strip club by his female co-workers. When the mystery known as Mango comes out to dance, Fraser is transfixed. The next day he is giving a business presentation but his thoughts drift off to Mango, he is eating a sandwich but dreams of Mango dancing, his wife tells him she's pregnant and he pictures Mango in his head. He eventually beats down Mango's dressing room door to meet his infatuation. He brings Mango roses and asks him to come away with him but Mango refuses.
"Can you touch a rainbow? Can you put the wind in your pocket? Such is Mango."
As Brendan leaves, Mango reaches back and looks longingly as if he feels that this may be a true love but his spirit is unattainable. I never really thought Mango was very amusing and it's a sketch that is very very repetitive.
The Shark Channel
Brendan has been dragged to a male strip club by his female co-workers. When the mystery known as Mango comes out to dance, Fraser is transfixed. The next day he is giving a business presentation but his thoughts drift off to Mango, he is eating a sandwich but dreams of Mango dancing, his wife tells him she's pregnant and he pictures Mango in his head. He eventually beats down Mango's dressing room door to meet his infatuation. He brings Mango roses and asks him to come away with him but Mango refuses.
"Can you touch a rainbow? Can you put the wind in your pocket? Such is Mango."
As Brendan leaves, Mango reaches back and looks longingly as if he feels that this may be a true love but his spirit is unattainable. I never really thought Mango was very amusing and it's a sketch that is very very repetitive.
The Shark Channel
4 Stars
Commercial for a shark-centric television network
This week on the Shark Channel we are going to see documentaries like "Great White: Inside The Jaws Of Death" and "Great White: Teeth Of Terror" but we are also going to see The Shark Report which contains financial news and shark entertainment as well as Cooking With Ramona which promises creative ways to use chum. Then a shark sitcom, Roscoe & The Boys and a late night show, Midnite Hour starring a tiger shark interviewing tonight's guest, Rob Schneider. Silly and stupid and quick.
Buddy Songs
This week on the Shark Channel we are going to see documentaries like "Great White: Inside The Jaws Of Death" and "Great White: Teeth Of Terror" but we are also going to see The Shark Report which contains financial news and shark entertainment as well as Cooking With Ramona which promises creative ways to use chum. Then a shark sitcom, Roscoe & The Boys and a late night show, Midnite Hour starring a tiger shark interviewing tonight's guest, Rob Schneider. Silly and stupid and quick.
Buddy Songs
2 Stars
Brendan sings some songs about his best buddy, Will
Brendan brings the cast out to tell them he's had a great time but has become very close with one person in particular, Will Ferrell. He considers Will his best buddy in the whole wide world and wants to sing a song about him. The lyrics include lines like 'My buddy Will's got his hand on my leg and I'm starting to believe in friendship' and 'Nothing's better than a buddy's warm hand on your leg'. The cast looks disturbed, except for Norm who has a big dumb grin on his face, as Will stares blankly at the camera as Brendan strums a guitar and sings about his friendship. Norm is touched and wants to sing with them and be another one of Brendan's buddy. They painfully try to harmonize as the sketch fades out. I didn't really get what this one was going for.
FINAL ANALYSIS
Brendan brings the cast out to tell them he's had a great time but has become very close with one person in particular, Will Ferrell. He considers Will his best buddy in the whole wide world and wants to sing a song about him. The lyrics include lines like 'My buddy Will's got his hand on my leg and I'm starting to believe in friendship' and 'Nothing's better than a buddy's warm hand on your leg'. The cast looks disturbed, except for Norm who has a big dumb grin on his face, as Will stares blankly at the camera as Brendan strums a guitar and sings about his friendship. Norm is touched and wants to sing with them and be another one of Brendan's buddy. They painfully try to harmonize as the sketch fades out. I didn't really get what this one was going for.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"I have nails for dinner and for desert I eat A-bombs"
Average
Average
2.7 Stars
MVP
Molly Shannon
Lemon Glow, Xena: Warrior Princess, The Delicious Dish, Biography, Mango, Buddy Songs
Lemon Glow, Xena: Warrior Princess, The Delicious Dish, Biography, Mango, Buddy Songs
Best Sketch
Biography
Worst Sketch
Monday Night Football
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Again, this episode feels packed with content, which is a great thing. This had 13 rateable segments, Weekend Update and only one musical performance. I would have swapped Biography with Xena: Warrior Princess. I thought Xena was a very weak sketch to start off the episode. A bad lead off sketch can really set the bar for a stinker, then they follow it with Issues and I am already thinking that this episode is gonna be crap. I didn't start liking it until Biography and by that point it was too late to correct course.
Host Analysis
Fraser was fine but I wouldn't be anxious to see him again. He went back and forth between straight man and giggling goon. He played both adequately but nothing he did in this episode would lead me to say he did a great job hosting.
Final Thoughts
Once again, only one musical guest segment gives the episode a really nice flow. This felt jam packed with stuff, not great stuff, but still stuff. A fairly mediocre episode, I doubt anything here will make my best of list but nothing here stunk so bad that it would make my worst.
Up Next
Up Next
Oh man, I had this episode on VHS tape. Chris Farley hosts with musical guest The Mighty Mighty Bosstones. Sadly, this would be the last time Farley appeared on SNL as he would be dead two months afterwards.
Poor Brendan Fraser everyone hates on him but he seems like a charming and likeable guy.
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