"No food tastes as good as being thin feels"
Cold Open: Good Breath
3 Stars
Bush demonstrates what great shape he is in
George Bush assures America that he’s doing just fine after being diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. His heartbeat is now normal and being monitored. He pulls out a machine and demonstrates how fast he can get his heart pumping by picturing his wife in a black satin teddy. He doesn’t want anyone to be scared for him and he points out that many presidents had diseases. Andrew Jackson had diverticulitis, Madison suffered from rickets, Buchanan, rabies, Cleveland, head lice, Zachary Taylor, elephant man disease, to name a few. Bush considers himself the healthiest man to ever hold office and to further demonstrate he runs on a treadmill before saying, “Live from New York...”. Probably could have skipped the last part but this was pretty funny. I especially liked all the sexy talk regarding Barbara Bush.
George Bush assures America that he’s doing just fine after being diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. His heartbeat is now normal and being monitored. He pulls out a machine and demonstrates how fast he can get his heart pumping by picturing his wife in a black satin teddy. He doesn’t want anyone to be scared for him and he points out that many presidents had diseases. Andrew Jackson had diverticulitis, Madison suffered from rickets, Buchanan, rabies, Cleveland, head lice, Zachary Taylor, elephant man disease, to name a few. Bush considers himself the healthiest man to ever hold office and to further demonstrate he runs on a treadmill before saying, “Live from New York...”. Probably could have skipped the last part but this was pretty funny. I especially liked all the sexy talk regarding Barbara Bush.
Delta Burke Monologue
2 Stars
Delta's monologue takes on a Miss America feel
Delta mentions that she is in her 5th season of Designing Women and also mentions that she was in a Miss America pageant. So that's all the information that the writers needed to throw together a monologue. Phil comes out as an emcee who tells the audience about Delta's whirlwind week. She met with the writers, went through a grueling rehearsal process, got her hair and makeup professionally done, went to the NBC gift shop where she was allowed to pick out anything under 15 dollars and had time to offer encouragement to a group of Kurdish refugees. We cut back and she is wearing a sash and crown and holding flowers. I had no idea Delta Burke was famous for being a beauty contestant (or if she actually was) maybe if I had this knowledge or it was set up better I would have enjoyed it more.
Balz-Off
Delta mentions that she is in her 5th season of Designing Women and also mentions that she was in a Miss America pageant. So that's all the information that the writers needed to throw together a monologue. Phil comes out as an emcee who tells the audience about Delta's whirlwind week. She met with the writers, went through a grueling rehearsal process, got her hair and makeup professionally done, went to the NBC gift shop where she was allowed to pick out anything under 15 dollars and had time to offer encouragement to a group of Kurdish refugees. We cut back and she is wearing a sash and crown and holding flowers. I had no idea Delta Burke was famous for being a beauty contestant (or if she actually was) maybe if I had this knowledge or it was set up better I would have enjoyed it more.
Balz-Off
3 Stars
Testosterone suppressor for the woman on the go
Jan enters her home as a hard working woman. She had a long day at work and her kids are bouncing off the walls but her husband has dinner ready thanks to Balz-Off. Two tablets with breakfast and your husband will be home for hours. He takes a message from her mother and offers to drive her somewhere. He also skips his poker night as it's just an excuse to drink beer, smoke cigars and talk about women, which he now finds unnecessary.
Wayne's World
Jan enters her home as a hard working woman. She had a long day at work and her kids are bouncing off the walls but her husband has dinner ready thanks to Balz-Off. Two tablets with breakfast and your husband will be home for hours. He takes a message from her mother and offers to drive her somewhere. He also skips his poker night as it's just an excuse to drink beer, smoke cigars and talk about women, which he now finds unnecessary.
Wayne's World
5 Stars
Wayne and Garth have a shared dream about Madonna
It's spring, when a young man's thoughts turn to fancy, so Wayne and Garth present their list of top ten babes. Some of their favorite babes include Julia Roberts, Elle Macpherson, Betty Rubble, Heather Locklear and Garth's mom but number 1 is Madonna. Wayne says that he has "had her" but Garth says that could only happen in his dreams so they go to a dream sequence where the boys are in Madonna's bedroom ala the Justify My Love music video. Madonna asks the boys to play truth or dare and Wayne dares Madonna to make out with him. She does while Garth gets accosted by some dominatrices. This all becomes too much for Garth who asks to break the dream sequence. They return to their basement where they say it was all a dream, or was it? Garth stands up to reveal he is in the black spandex outfit with the big unit from the video. This was all very fun and I like that it was a continuation from the John Goodman episode where they watched the video. That means I didn't have to do any research to enjoy this sketch.
NRA Theater
It's spring, when a young man's thoughts turn to fancy, so Wayne and Garth present their list of top ten babes. Some of their favorite babes include Julia Roberts, Elle Macpherson, Betty Rubble, Heather Locklear and Garth's mom but number 1 is Madonna. Wayne says that he has "had her" but Garth says that could only happen in his dreams so they go to a dream sequence where the boys are in Madonna's bedroom ala the Justify My Love music video. Madonna asks the boys to play truth or dare and Wayne dares Madonna to make out with him. She does while Garth gets accosted by some dominatrices. This all becomes too much for Garth who asks to break the dream sequence. They return to their basement where they say it was all a dream, or was it? Garth stands up to reveal he is in the black spandex outfit with the big unit from the video. This was all very fun and I like that it was a continuation from the John Goodman episode where they watched the video. That means I didn't have to do any research to enjoy this sketch.
NRA Theater
5 Stars
A dramatization of life after the Brady Bill
Charlton Heston hosts a show that demonstrates what life will be like if the Brady Bill passes, which would enforce a mandatory 7 day waiting period before purchasing a hand gun to conduct a criminal background check. We cut to a small town family who are reading in the paper that old Doc Peterson was shot through the head by a burglar. Their son, Farley, says he couldn't have football practice because their coach was also shot in the head. The father feels that it is about time they get a handgun for protection. The next day he goes to Hank's Gun Shop but is told he needs to wait 7 days to purchase a gun thanks to the Brady Bill, even though he's known the kindly old gun shop owner since they were children. He is provided a loaner weapon for the time being, a ball with spikes on it attached to a stick. Six days later he and his wife are lying in bed together and he says that he should have his new gun in time for breakfast. Then a window is heard breaking from downstairs. He runs down with his mace to see Tim and Rock holding Farley at gunpoint. Tim shoots the mace out of the father's hand before shooting Farley. Farley falls back and then forward through the coffee table in a priceless reaction. We cut back to Heston who says that a lot of fun was had here but there was also an important message to be learned. He also says how much he enjoyed that big kid getting shot, makes him proud to be an actor. This was terrific. The entire cast was great and the exaggeration of how gun rights activists actually feel was very well done.
We get a Deep Thoughts about a cowboy who loved the land so much that he made a woman out of dirt and married her. When he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later at the funeral when the preacher said "dust to dust" the cowboy shot him. At his hanging he told the crowd that he would we waiting for them all in heaven with a gun.
Chris Isaak
"Wicked Game"
This song is eerily beautiful but is missing the visuals of the music video that probably had a lot to do with the song becoming a hit. Watching Chris Isaak sing it on stage just doesn't have the same allure.
Weekend Update
"The Empire State Building turned 60. Still pretty erect for 60."
There has been a lot of talk about the re-release of Spartacus and how it includes a then deleted homoerotic nude bathing scene that was cut at the time for sexuality. Not to be outdone, the re-release of Ocean's Eleven, from the same year, also includes a bathing scene. Phil is playing Frank Sinatra who is bathing Sammy Davis, Jr., played by Tim. Frank starts getting some kooky thoughts in his head about Sammy getting out of that tub, putting on a dress and joining him for a steak dinner. Sammy tells him that some cats dig chicks and some cats dig cats and if it's all right with you then it's all right with the man upstairs. Frank checks out Sammy's ass as he gets out of the tub. This was funny and brief. They didn't belabor the joke, it was just a quick and silly gag.
Karaoke Bar
Weekend Update
We get a comparison of Bush's heart graph and Dan Quayle's brainwave chart. NBC News has been getting criticism for standing by their decision to reveal the name of the Kennedy compound rape victim. Miller says that viewers should have all the facts and says he will be giving out the telephone number and address of NBC News president on next week's show.
Adam Sandler can't be with his mom on Mother's Day so he's going to act out his half of their conversation so she can record it and play it back at a restaurant. He starts out by just saying things like, "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I see. You said that?". Then he helps his mom as she's choking and talks her through an affair she's having with a Latin man. He agrees to not tell dad if she buys him a Harley.
Weight Watchers Meeting
Adam Sandler can't be with his mom on Mother's Day so he's going to act out his half of their conversation so she can record it and play it back at a restaurant. He starts out by just saying things like, "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I see. You said that?". Then he helps his mom as she's choking and talks her through an affair she's having with a Latin man. He agrees to not tell dad if she buys him a Harley.
Weight Watchers Meeting
1 Star
People at a Weight Watchers meeting discuss their problems
This feels like someone went to a Weight Watchers meeting and met a few colorful characters and put them all in a sketch. Delta plays the overeager woman who keeps talking about the food plan and how many of a certain type of food she can eat. Farley is a cop who was forced to join because of his girth but is not taking it seriously as he comes in with a 6 pack of beer and a big slice of pizza. Stuart Smalley is also there as an over eater who keeps comparing this group to over eaters anonymous. Julia is the group leader who keeps turning everything into a mantra. The performances were all good here but they forgot to write any jokes.
Hollywood Minute
This feels like someone went to a Weight Watchers meeting and met a few colorful characters and put them all in a sketch. Delta plays the overeager woman who keeps talking about the food plan and how many of a certain type of food she can eat. Farley is a cop who was forced to join because of his girth but is not taking it seriously as he comes in with a 6 pack of beer and a big slice of pizza. Stuart Smalley is also there as an over eater who keeps comparing this group to over eaters anonymous. Julia is the group leader who keeps turning everything into a mantra. The performances were all good here but they forgot to write any jokes.
Hollywood Minute
4 Stars
A homoerotic scene cut from Ocean's Eleven
There has been a lot of talk about the re-release of Spartacus and how it includes a then deleted homoerotic nude bathing scene that was cut at the time for sexuality. Not to be outdone, the re-release of Ocean's Eleven, from the same year, also includes a bathing scene. Phil is playing Frank Sinatra who is bathing Sammy Davis, Jr., played by Tim. Frank starts getting some kooky thoughts in his head about Sammy getting out of that tub, putting on a dress and joining him for a steak dinner. Sammy tells him that some cats dig chicks and some cats dig cats and if it's all right with you then it's all right with the man upstairs. Frank checks out Sammy's ass as he gets out of the tub. This was funny and brief. They didn't belabor the joke, it was just a quick and silly gag.
Karaoke Bar
2 Stars
A karaoke host doesn't like to share the mic
Chris Isaak is singing Escape (The Pina Colada Song) poorly. The KJ, Delta, gives him a hand and invites Jan up to sing next. Jan says she's going to sing Reunited but Delta says she's gonna sing a song first. She starts to sing Reunited to the chagrin of Jan. She does the same thing to Phil who wants to sing Lady only to have Delta sing it first. At their table, the two plot what can be done. This lady needs to be stopped. She never lets them sing and the only reason Chris Isaak gets to sing is because he's a kiss ass who helps her put the discs away. They start plotting murder but eventually just try to wrestle the microphone away from her. We cut to one hour later and Chris Isaak is singing Escape again while he has everyone held at gunpoint. This had the makings of a really great sketch but they just kind of gave up after the premise. I have been in situations like this, where the person running karaoke sings a long song in a busy bar or seems to be letting their friends sing more. I was getting excited to see how far these desperate singers would go to get on stage but nothing ended up happening. What a waste of an opportunity.
Chris Isaak is singing Escape (The Pina Colada Song) poorly. The KJ, Delta, gives him a hand and invites Jan up to sing next. Jan says she's going to sing Reunited but Delta says she's gonna sing a song first. She starts to sing Reunited to the chagrin of Jan. She does the same thing to Phil who wants to sing Lady only to have Delta sing it first. At their table, the two plot what can be done. This lady needs to be stopped. She never lets them sing and the only reason Chris Isaak gets to sing is because he's a kiss ass who helps her put the discs away. They start plotting murder but eventually just try to wrestle the microphone away from her. We cut to one hour later and Chris Isaak is singing Escape again while he has everyone held at gunpoint. This had the makings of a really great sketch but they just kind of gave up after the premise. I have been in situations like this, where the person running karaoke sings a long song in a busy bar or seems to be letting their friends sing more. I was getting excited to see how far these desperate singers would go to get on stage but nothing ended up happening. What a waste of an opportunity.
Chris Isaak returns with "Diddley Daddy" which is a toe-tapping honky tonk song.
Coffee Talk
Coffee Talk
2 Stars
Paul Baldwin and his ex chat with callers
Paul Baldwin hosts a show where they talk about coffee, New York, daughters, dogs, no big whoop. On today's show he has invited a friend who lives in his building. They used to have "a thing" but now they're just friends. Callers ask about coffee makers, if dogs can drink coffee and Darryl Strawberry. The show's over and a lot of funny accents were heard.
Shouting Mothers
Paul Baldwin hosts a show where they talk about coffee, New York, daughters, dogs, no big whoop. On today's show he has invited a friend who lives in his building. They used to have "a thing" but now they're just friends. Callers ask about coffee makers, if dogs can drink coffee and Darryl Strawberry. The show's over and a lot of funny accents were heard.
Shouting Mothers
1 Star
Two mothers shout at their children
In a precursor to Will Ferrell's 'Get off the shed' sketch but without anything funny happening, Delta and Jan are gossiping to each other but take breaks to yell at their kids. They tell them to put things down. That's it. They gossip and talk about how they need to switch to low tar cigarettes and then periodically yell at their kids. There's no punchline, there are no jokes. They just pan out at the end as if enough time had passed and they got tired of the sketch.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Well, I hope we made our point and got a few laughs along the way"
In a precursor to Will Ferrell's 'Get off the shed' sketch but without anything funny happening, Delta and Jan are gossiping to each other but take breaks to yell at their kids. They tell them to put things down. That's it. They gossip and talk about how they need to switch to low tar cigarettes and then periodically yell at their kids. There's no punchline, there are no jokes. They just pan out at the end as if enough time had passed and they got tired of the sketch.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Well, I hope we made our point and got a few laughs along the way"
Average
2.8 Stars
MVP
Chris Farley
Monologue, NRA Theater, Weight Watchers Meeting
Monologue, NRA Theater, Weight Watchers Meeting
Best Sketch
NRA Theater
Worst Sketch
Shouting Mothers
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
The only weird part about this episode is that the host was absent from most of it and then all of a sudden she was in every sketch. I may have put Karaoke Bar or Coffee Talk before Update just so Delta could have had a sketch up front. So let's start with NRA Theater then go to Karaoke Bar and Coffee Talk. Chris Issak and Update then Wayne's World, Weight Watchers, Hollywood Minute and Shouting Mothers.
Host Analysis
This is an instance where after watching this episode I could not remember a single thing Delta Burke did. In fact, the best sketches didn't include her. She was not in Wayne's World or Hollywood Minute and she barely appeared in NRA Theater. Her biggest moments came later in the show with Weight Watchers
Final Thoughts
A solid first half made up for a pretty weak back half. The highs of this episode were really high but the lows were pretty low. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this was a very average episode.
Up Next
The last time George Wendt hosted was that weird Francis Ford Coppola episode in season 11. He's back next week for what was surprisingly his last time hosting. He made numerous cameos as part of the Superfans but only hosted the SNL twice.
With George Bush Snr dying this weekend is abit surreal to see Dana as him as the top pic and about his good heart aswell.
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