"It’s Christmas and I’m as happy as a little girl"
Cold Open: Presidential Address
3 Stars
Bush talks about impending war
At this point, Don Pardo announcing a message from the president of the United States doesn't fill me with excitement. I know exactly what I'm gonna get. Dana Carvey is gonna make wild hand gestures and play the hits of his George Bush impression. We get a 'nagada', a 'wouldn't be prudent at this juncture' and a 'it's bad, bad'. He talks about going to war with Saddam Hussein and the different nations that are behind him. Mexico gave America some salsa, chunky style, to help in our war efforts. It was kinda lazy, even by president talking directly to the camera standards.
Dennis Quaid Monologue
At this point, Don Pardo announcing a message from the president of the United States doesn't fill me with excitement. I know exactly what I'm gonna get. Dana Carvey is gonna make wild hand gestures and play the hits of his George Bush impression. We get a 'nagada', a 'wouldn't be prudent at this juncture' and a 'it's bad, bad'. He talks about going to war with Saddam Hussein and the different nations that are behind him. Mexico gave America some salsa, chunky style, to help in our war efforts. It was kinda lazy, even by president talking directly to the camera standards.
Dennis Quaid Monologue
1 Star
Quaid hides his nerves behind a smile
Per Wikipedia, Dennis Quaid is known for his grin. I did not know this but it is apparently such a staple of his notoriety that they had his monologue revolve around it. He says he uses it to hide his nervousness but it does cost him movie roles, like when he auditioned for The Last Temptation Of Christ. He says that people assume he is at ease in any situation then says that he knows what's coming up and we're in deep trouble. I honestly have no idea what he said, I rewound twice but he stumbled over the cue cards so bad that I couldn't make it out.
A Dysfunctional Family Christmas
Per Wikipedia, Dennis Quaid is known for his grin. I did not know this but it is apparently such a staple of his notoriety that they had his monologue revolve around it. He says he uses it to hide his nervousness but it does cost him movie roles, like when he auditioned for The Last Temptation Of Christ. He says that people assume he is at ease in any situation then says that he knows what's coming up and we're in deep trouble. I honestly have no idea what he said, I rewound twice but he stumbled over the cue cards so bad that I couldn't make it out.
A Dysfunctional Family Christmas
2 Stars
A compilation album with all your favorite dysfunctional songs
The cast is in Christmas sweaters singing songs like 'Let's Pretend We Like Each Other (This Christmas)' and 'I've Got My Drinking Under Control For The Holidays'. While not a bad idea for a sketch, it made me feel sad more than anything. It felt like punching down. Some families have issues and this sketch just mocks them without any real commentary other than the joke that they hate each other. Maybe if they were using the money raised by selling albums to buy electronics they could use to not have to talk to each other...
Sally
The cast is in Christmas sweaters singing songs like 'Let's Pretend We Like Each Other (This Christmas)' and 'I've Got My Drinking Under Control For The Holidays'. While not a bad idea for a sketch, it made me feel sad more than anything. It felt like punching down. Some families have issues and this sketch just mocks them without any real commentary other than the joke that they hate each other. Maybe if they were using the money raised by selling albums to buy electronics they could use to not have to talk to each other...
Sally
2 Stars
Tonight's topic: Narcoleptic hunks
Jan Hooks plays Sally Jesse Raphael and I am so far removed from the talk show boom of the 90s that I couldn't begin to tell you if the impression is accurate. All I can tell you is that the sketch is not funny. She brings on three narcoleptic hunks. There's Dennis, a popular soap opera actor who falls asleep during his love scenes, Phil, an investment banker who is single, and Mike, a waiter who learned of his narcolepsy while making love to a woman. They all fall asleep during their answers just as you would expect them to. The women in the audience only ask questions about their relationship statuses. Rob Schneider is also in the audience, he is narcoleptic but isn't a hunk so the women don't pay attention to him. The sketch ends with Kevin Nealon coming out as a hunky narcoleptic stripper. He does a dance and falls asleep. Maybe narcolepsy was new in 1990, but I knew exactly where this was going as soon as it started.
Ex-Boyfriend
3 Stars
A girl's ex-boyfriend still has a relationship with her parents
Dennis is having breakfast with Jan and Kevin. Victoria comes downstairs and tells him to get out of her house. Turns out the Dennis and Victoria were dating up until recently but Victoria's parents still like him and want to keep the relationship going. Dennis also has a relationship with Victoria's little brother, Adam Sandler, who begs him for a game of catch. Later tonight he's taking her aunt to a Billy Joel concert. The family tries to get the two of them back together and eventually Victoria decides to give it another shot, asking Dennis to take her back. He refuses because he's got other girls lined up but still wants to go out golfing with her dad, who promises his company to him when he retires. I wanted the sketch to get even more absurd but for what it was, it was cute.
The Neville Brothers
Dennis is having breakfast with Jan and Kevin. Victoria comes downstairs and tells him to get out of her house. Turns out the Dennis and Victoria were dating up until recently but Victoria's parents still like him and want to keep the relationship going. Dennis also has a relationship with Victoria's little brother, Adam Sandler, who begs him for a game of catch. Later tonight he's taking her aunt to a Billy Joel concert. The family tries to get the two of them back together and eventually Victoria decides to give it another shot, asking Dennis to take her back. He refuses because he's got other girls lined up but still wants to go out golfing with her dad, who promises his company to him when he retires. I wanted the sketch to get even more absurd but for what it was, it was cute.
The Neville Brothers
"Brother Jake"
For some reason this was not the kind of sound I was expecting from The Neville Brothers. Then I realized that I had seen them before, in the Jay Leno episode from season 11. Then I realized that I am really only familiar with Aaron Neville from impressions of him. His sleeveless jacket, tight pants and muscular arms made it funny to see him jamming on a tambourine. The song was funky and I was digging it.
Weekend Update
"George still turns me on when he talks nasty like that"
Lots of talk about the Persian Gulf war which is exactly a week away. France is going to send 4,000 pain in the ass waiters to help fight Saddam. The segment ends with a sendoff to SNL's network censor who is retiring. "We're gonna miss you, you lovable old jackoff."
We get no intro for Annoying Man he just slides in. He baked Dennis a coffee cake and wants to demonstrate how he made it, by scraping a fork on a metal pan and picking wax from Dennis's ears. Miller calls him annoying and points out that Jon Lovitz quit the show but is still back every week. I remember hearing Lovitz mention this on a podcast. He claims that the show kept asking him back but continued to make jokes that he wouldn't leave. Lovitz of course left SNL to conquer Hollywood and star in Mom And Dad Save The World.
Grumpy Old Man, no relation to Annoying Man, shows up for a commentary. Back in his day they didn't have shopping malls, Christmas caroling or safe toys. They would stand outside and scream at the top of their lungs and children would burst into flames seconds after opening a present.
"Look at Timmy rolling around the carpet trying to put out his fiery head."
Talking Through Touch
We get no intro for Annoying Man he just slides in. He baked Dennis a coffee cake and wants to demonstrate how he made it, by scraping a fork on a metal pan and picking wax from Dennis's ears. Miller calls him annoying and points out that Jon Lovitz quit the show but is still back every week. I remember hearing Lovitz mention this on a podcast. He claims that the show kept asking him back but continued to make jokes that he wouldn't leave. Lovitz of course left SNL to conquer Hollywood and star in Mom And Dad Save The World.
Grumpy Old Man, no relation to Annoying Man, shows up for a commentary. Back in his day they didn't have shopping malls, Christmas caroling or safe toys. They would stand outside and scream at the top of their lungs and children would burst into flames seconds after opening a present.
"Look at Timmy rolling around the carpet trying to put out his fiery head."
Talking Through Touch
2 Stars
An adult education class about massage
Quaid is playing a new age, spiritual dude who is trying to teach the art of massage to an adult education class. The class is full of a bunch of colorful characters, Phil and Jan are an unhappily married couple, Kevin and Victoria are swingers looking for interested couples, Farley is a bus driver with a numb butt and Mike is an English widower. The sketch would have been okay, maybe even good with a better host in the central role. Quaid is bombing this hard, he's having a lot of difficulty with the cue cards and is acting like he's reading it for the first time. The best part of the sketch was when Farley screamed in pain while getting massaged and then didn't want it to stop. I also liked Kevin constantly hinting about swinging and Mike, in yet another accent, asking what to do if he gets sexually aroused while being massaged. The characters were fun but Quaid's fumbling was just too distracting for me to like this.
Mustang Calhoun
5 Stars
A renegade pilot lives life on the edge
Phil and Kevin are monitoring some flying exercises and are keeping an eye out on Mustang Calhoun, he's a reckless pilot but he's also the best. He starts flying upside down and doing barrel rolls but then gets even more reckless by putting tin foil in a microwave, letting his girlfriend cut his hair, adopting a golden retriever puppy while living in a small apartment and joining the Columbia record and tape club. Every time we cut to Quaid in a cockpit performing the action and screaming wildly, "Yee Haw. Yip Yip Yahoo!". It's late in the show but finally Quaid shows some comedic chops. I loved this whole sketch, it kept heightening in absurdity and was the perfect amount of stupid. It ends with Mustang Calhoun safely landing his plane in Texas, going to a diner and ordering sushi.
Sprockets
Phil and Kevin are monitoring some flying exercises and are keeping an eye out on Mustang Calhoun, he's a reckless pilot but he's also the best. He starts flying upside down and doing barrel rolls but then gets even more reckless by putting tin foil in a microwave, letting his girlfriend cut his hair, adopting a golden retriever puppy while living in a small apartment and joining the Columbia record and tape club. Every time we cut to Quaid in a cockpit performing the action and screaming wildly, "Yee Haw. Yip Yip Yahoo!". It's late in the show but finally Quaid shows some comedic chops. I loved this whole sketch, it kept heightening in absurdity and was the perfect amount of stupid. It ends with Mustang Calhoun safely landing his plane in Texas, going to a diner and ordering sushi.
Sprockets
2 Stars
Dieter interviews Henri Hanikierker and Black Pete
Dieter is excited about the first unified German Christmas. He sings 'Silent Night' in German, holding the final note for an uncomfortably long time. This had the potential to be funny in an awkward way but just came off as awkward. I, along with the audience, didn't understand what he was doing until it was over. This predates the 'Sideshow Bob Stepping On Rakes' rule of comedy. 3 rakes isn't funny, 4 rakes, I don't get the joke, 5 rakes is annoying, 9 rakes is sublime. He cuts it off too early to be funny. He brings out the star of the hit sitcom, "Don't Put That Sausage In Your Mouth, Mrs. Nederlander", and the star of "Black American With A Gun". They both touch Dieter's monkey and then it is the time that they dance. I don't get this and this seemed like it was just killing time. Quaid, again, stumbles over all of his lines as he reads them off the cue cards.
The Neville Brothers return with "River Of Life" which is another funky tune that had me tappin' my toes.
Schiller's Reel
"SchillerVision Theatre"
2 Stars
Tom Schiller throws to tonight's presentation and we get the opening credits to 'The Story Of Christmas' then we immediately cut to a commercial for Klinger's 100% human hair yarmulke. When we come back the end credits to the film are playing. This is the same joke we got from the last Schiller's Reel just not as funny. Then we get a commercial for McGinty whiskey where Santa Claus takes a sip while Michael J. Anderson, the little man from another place on Twin Peaks, sits on his lap. Then the New Year's ball comes loose in Times Square, travels to the studio and acts as the bouncing ball for a sing along to Auld Lang Syne. There was way too many things going on here and none of it added up to a complete sketch.
The Specialty Songs Of Cal McLane Jr.
3 Stars
A country singer sings songs specifically to our nation's enemies
This sketch seemed like something that would be done in 2001. It's weird how things have a tendency to become topical again, like a little bit of history repeating. Quaid plays Cal McLane, Jr. who sings songs like 'Message to Saddam', 'Message to Noriega', 'Message to Grenada' and 'Message to the Guy Who Runs North Vietnam'. All of them end with a form of 'kiss my ass'. Quaid was a little better here than he was for most of the show but I would have rather seen any member of the cast take this sketch instead.
FINAL ANALYSIS
This sketch seemed like something that would be done in 2001. It's weird how things have a tendency to become topical again, like a little bit of history repeating. Quaid plays Cal McLane, Jr. who sings songs like 'Message to Saddam', 'Message to Noriega', 'Message to Grenada' and 'Message to the Guy Who Runs North Vietnam'. All of them end with a form of 'kiss my ass'. Quaid was a little better here than he was for most of the show but I would have rather seen any member of the cast take this sketch instead.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Yee haw. Yip yip yahoo!"
Average
2.5 Stars
MVP
Kevin Nealon
Sally, Ex-Boyfriend, Talking Through Touch, Mustang Calhoun
Sally, Ex-Boyfriend, Talking Through Touch, Mustang Calhoun
Best Sketch
Mustang Calhoun
Worst Sketch
Sprockets
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
I wish I could see how dress rehearsal went for this episode. There were times where Quaid felt very comfortable and times where he seemed awkward and unprepared. It seemed like he degraded as the night went on. I’m wondering if you flip flopped the episode if Sprockets and Talking Through Touch would have benefited.
I wish I could see how dress rehearsal went for this episode. There were times where Quaid felt very comfortable and times where he seemed awkward and unprepared. It seemed like he degraded as the night went on. I’m wondering if you flip flopped the episode if Sprockets and Talking Through Touch would have benefited.
Host Analysis
To just cement the fact that Dennis Quaid can’t read cue cards, he ends the show by saying, “Merry Christmas and a happy New York”. I rewound 3 times to confirm but I swear that is what he said. He was pretty terrible in everything except for Mustang Calhoun where he was hilarious, possibly because he had no lines. He may have gotten the looks in the Quaid family but Randy got all the genes for performing for a live audience.
Final Thoughts
Final Thoughts
Episodes like this make me appreciate the antiques factor. I tend to think of this era as flawless but that’s only because I remember things like Chippendales and Wayne’s World. If anybody ever says SNL isn’t as good as it used to be, show them a sketch like Talking Through Touch and say, it was never that good, but at times it could be great.
Up Next
Keeping up the trend of hosts not known for comedy, Joe Mantegna hosts. Expectations are low and are even lower that I will enjoy musical guest Vanilla Ice.
Up Next
Keeping up the trend of hosts not known for comedy, Joe Mantegna hosts. Expectations are low and are even lower that I will enjoy musical guest Vanilla Ice.
Keep up the good work
ReplyDeleteThanks. For some reason it won't let me reply to your last comment but the quotes at the top are just some random quote from the episode that I think makes a good title.
DeleteIt's ok BTW I am from the UK and Saturday Night Live has never aired over here so is nice to read these reviews plus I watch the sketches on Youtube too
DeleteNot a whole lot of Christmas-themed sketches, which surprises me.
DeleteI’ve always loved Mustang Calhoun too. Some of the premise slightly reminds me of the more recent Twilight Zone “Gremlin on the wing” sketch with Jude Law, in which he reacts to the Gremlin doing increasingly goofier things on the wing of the plane.