"They're all here. They're all freaks."
Cold Open: Iranian National Assembly
3 Stars
A senate style hearing in Iran
A panel of bearded Iranians are holding a hearing to figure out what the Ayatollah knew and when he knew it. They are questioning Jon Lovitz who is told to raise his right hand and place his left hand on his beard to quote the oath which is just a bunch of screaming. They begin to hold a senate committee where they are questioning Iranians as Americans would.
"I'm just the simple son of a camel driver but I gotta go back to my constituents, may of whom are terrorists and explain all of this."
The performances here are all really funny and this is another instance this season where I am seeing a sketch that I can't possibly see the show pulling off today. Most of the joke is that they are playing this completely straight. If you put Leslie Jones or Pete Davidson in this sketch and they giggled or broke character just once it would completely ruin everything. It may seem like it is in bad taste, and it is, it's kinda racist, but everyone here was completely committed to it and I really respected that.
Steve Guttenberg Monologue
A panel of bearded Iranians are holding a hearing to figure out what the Ayatollah knew and when he knew it. They are questioning Jon Lovitz who is told to raise his right hand and place his left hand on his beard to quote the oath which is just a bunch of screaming. They begin to hold a senate committee where they are questioning Iranians as Americans would.
"I'm just the simple son of a camel driver but I gotta go back to my constituents, may of whom are terrorists and explain all of this."
The performances here are all really funny and this is another instance this season where I am seeing a sketch that I can't possibly see the show pulling off today. Most of the joke is that they are playing this completely straight. If you put Leslie Jones or Pete Davidson in this sketch and they giggled or broke character just once it would completely ruin everything. It may seem like it is in bad taste, and it is, it's kinda racist, but everyone here was completely committed to it and I really respected that.
Steve Guttenberg Monologue
3 Stars
Guttenberg straps on his axe to jam with the band
Guttenberg starts out by lamenting that when he went to his 10 year high school reunion he was still looked on as a nerd even though he has a few hit movies under his belt. The social dynamics in high school still exist 10 years later. All the cheerleaders are now overweight and living in the same town but he's still the goofy tuba player he was in high school. To prove his coolness he brings out his tuba to play Edwin Starr's "War" with the SNL band. The song is repetitive as all they do is repeat the chorus but this was still fun and there were a couple moments where Steve weakly blew into his tuba which were amusing.
Commercial: McSooshi
Guttenberg starts out by lamenting that when he went to his 10 year high school reunion he was still looked on as a nerd even though he has a few hit movies under his belt. The social dynamics in high school still exist 10 years later. All the cheerleaders are now overweight and living in the same town but he's still the goofy tuba player he was in high school. To prove his coolness he brings out his tuba to play Edwin Starr's "War" with the SNL band. The song is repetitive as all they do is repeat the chorus but this was still fun and there were a couple moments where Steve weakly blew into his tuba which were amusing.
Commercial: McSooshi
3 Stars
Sushi is now fast and affordable
A McDonald's style commercial for fast food sushi chains. Everyone is excited to be eating raw fish a Japanese guy is seen shrugging in the restaurant and Kevin Nealon gets the best line.
"Who'd a thunk I'd get yellowtail right here in Wyoming?"
A McDonald's style commercial for fast food sushi chains. Everyone is excited to be eating raw fish a Japanese guy is seen shrugging in the restaurant and Kevin Nealon gets the best line.
"Who'd a thunk I'd get yellowtail right here in Wyoming?"
This was short and amusing.
Derek Stevens
Derek Stevens
3 Stars
Derek is told he is worth more dead than alive
Phil Hartman doesn't want to have another Derek Stevens album bomb so he has brought in Kevin Nealon who is a marketing troubleshooter. Kevin tells them that he could quadruple his sales if he were dead. He compares the careers of Jim Morrison and Peter Frampton, Morrison's sales shot up after his death while Frampton, by not dying, has been in a slow and steady decline. Derek thinks they want him to just fake his death but Phil thinks that would be dishonest.
"Think about your fans."
"But I don't want to die."
Derek says his new song is so good that they don't have to go through with this plan. He sits at the piano and plays a song about his little woman. Just like the first sketch, I don't get the joke. It sounds like he's making up the song as he goes but that's never clear. Phil seems to enjoy the song. They still think the death plan is the way to go though so they ask him to think it over and as a gift he can drive home in a brand new Ferrari, it's the silver one parked on top of the steep hill. This had a lot of funny, especially with Nealon and Hartman as straight men, but I just don't quite have a handle on who Derek Stevens is. Is he a successful artist? Is he a good artist? In the universe of this sketch are his songs supposed to be good or bad?
Blind Man
"Think about your fans."
"But I don't want to die."
Derek says his new song is so good that they don't have to go through with this plan. He sits at the piano and plays a song about his little woman. Just like the first sketch, I don't get the joke. It sounds like he's making up the song as he goes but that's never clear. Phil seems to enjoy the song. They still think the death plan is the way to go though so they ask him to think it over and as a gift he can drive home in a brand new Ferrari, it's the silver one parked on top of the steep hill. This had a lot of funny, especially with Nealon and Hartman as straight men, but I just don't quite have a handle on who Derek Stevens is. Is he a successful artist? Is he a good artist? In the universe of this sketch are his songs supposed to be good or bad?
Blind Man
1 Star
A gay guy tries to seduce a blind man
Guttenberg and Lovitz are in their underwear in bed together, Lovitz is blind and Guttenberg is talking in a high feminine voice. As they lay down in bed together and touch, Jon freaks out. He was under the assumption that Steve was a lady. Steve says he's a homosexual and is really attracted to Jon and didn't know another way of getting him into bed. Defeated, Steve grabs his clothes and leaves but opens and shuts the door and climbs back into bed. Jon freaks out again and threatens to call the police. Steve says they are already there and does the voices of the cops behind the door and mimes his arrest only to sneak back in to bed. We then break the fourth wall as Steve addresses the camera.
"Hello, I'm Steve Guttenberg. We've had some laughs during this scene but this is a serious point. The kind of thing is not a nice thing to do to somebody. I don't know if it's ever happened but it did then it shouldn't. We're not calling for any legislation or anything. This is more about common sense."
Huh? A vaguely homophobic sketch ends with a PSA about something that has never happened? This reeks of a sketch they couldn't find an ending for so they got all meta at the end. Something like this really belongs at the end of the night.
The Pretenders
"Hello, I'm Steve Guttenberg. We've had some laughs during this scene but this is a serious point. The kind of thing is not a nice thing to do to somebody. I don't know if it's ever happened but it did then it shouldn't. We're not calling for any legislation or anything. This is more about common sense."
Huh? A vaguely homophobic sketch ends with a PSA about something that has never happened? This reeks of a sketch they couldn't find an ending for so they got all meta at the end. Something like this really belongs at the end of the night.
The Pretenders
"Don't Get Me Wrong"
Guttenberg says that this is network television debut for The Pretenders. I don't have anything else to say other than this song is rad.
Sideshow Of The Stars
2 Stars
You loved Circus Of The Stars now all your favorite celebs have turned into freaks
Penn introduces us to Casey Kasam as Baboon Boy, Don Adams as The Indian Rubber Man, Tyne Daly as The Bearded Lady, Sally Kellerman as The Human Pin Cushion and finally Charlton Heston as The Missing Link who recites a sonnet and then bites the head off a chicken. It was a terrific premise that I wish was more fun. It had some decent sight gags but I kept feeling that I should be liking this more. Hartman biting the head off that chicken was well worth the price of admission though.
Weekend Update
"The White House Christmas Tree: Twice as old as the president and three times as bright"
Penn introduces us to Casey Kasam as Baboon Boy, Don Adams as The Indian Rubber Man, Tyne Daly as The Bearded Lady, Sally Kellerman as The Human Pin Cushion and finally Charlton Heston as The Missing Link who recites a sonnet and then bites the head off a chicken. It was a terrific premise that I wish was more fun. It had some decent sight gags but I kept feeling that I should be liking this more. Hartman biting the head off that chicken was well worth the price of admission though.
Weekend Update
"The White House Christmas Tree: Twice as old as the president and three times as bright"
There were way too many dated topical jokes this week that flew over my head. I only wrote one of them down.
"Bud McFarland sold a farm. CI-CIA."
I have no idea what this means.
We go live to the National Spelling Bee that is currently in progress. Victoria correctly spells "scaggy" but Steve incorrectly spells "aiieeeee".
International sex kitten Babette is here to talk about the relationship between the U.S. and France. She says that France is like a woman and needs to be romanced. The United States should call France late at night and make love to them over the phone. She then acts out said late night phone call which gets her all hot and bothered to the point where she needs a cigarette.
Movie Talk
2 Stars
Steve Guttenberg meets his girlfriend's parents
Victoria and Steve are getting ready to go to a concert when her parents come downstairs. They ask him what he does and he says he is a movie star. He lists his filmography but they are unfamiliar. They did see Oh, God! and The Sting but Steve wasn't in either of those. They also suggest that he should make a movie about their cousin Gordon, he likes to listen to his police scanner. As they are leaving Dad goes to get a book about movies, "The Films Of Mickey Rooney" he also asks if he wants Gordon's phone number. I liked Jan and Phil's chemistry as the parents but this sketch was real light on laughs and had the barest bones of a premise.
Penn & Teller
Penn & Teller
2 Stars
Penn and Teller perform the world's most expensive card trick. Penn is with two people in Times Square while Teller is in studio operating the big screen. Penn gets the couple to pick a card, shows the rest of the deck to the camera where Teller sees that the four of diamonds is missing. He then puts the four of diamonds on the screen so Penn can see it and tell them their card. The couple is impressed but more impressed when they turn around and see the screen as well. It was simple and cute but not the most exciting visit from the pair.
The Back Page
2 Stars
The hard working reporters who write the fluff pieces
It's the late 1930s and we are in the back office of a newspaper. Kevin Nealon comes in covered in soot and tells them that the Hindenburg just exploded outside. They tell him to go down the hall to the front page. They think of an angle though all that soot is gonna travel over to Passaic, New Jersey. They also get news of a pregnant pup in Poughkeepsie and they all rush out of the office when they hear of a new A&P opening in The Bronx. Cute, but not particularly funny. Some of the performances won me over, especially Hartman, but as a whole this was really forgettable.
The Pretenders return with "How Much Did You Get For Your Soul?" which I didn't like as much as the first song but it was still a pretty awesome performance. They're definitely faring better than the comedy this week.
Casting Director
The Pretenders return with "How Much Did You Get For Your Soul?" which I didn't like as much as the first song but it was still a pretty awesome performance. They're definitely faring better than the comedy this week.
Casting Director
2 Stars
A busy casting director meets with a client
Kevin is a casting director taking a phone call when Victoria comes in his office. She hands him her resumé and he signals her to turn around. While still on the call he starts giving the person he's talking to directions and he's using his hands to gesture. Victoria keeps doing movements to correspond with his gestures, eventually hopping backwards and falling out the window. This was so quick it should have been used as the cold open or an intro to the musical guest. Or, it could have had a better ending. It was cute but I was left wondering what the point of building this set was.
Bob Roberts
Kevin is a casting director taking a phone call when Victoria comes in his office. She hands him her resumé and he signals her to turn around. While still on the call he starts giving the person he's talking to directions and he's using his hands to gesture. Victoria keeps doing movements to correspond with his gestures, eventually hopping backwards and falling out the window. This was so quick it should have been used as the cold open or an intro to the musical guest. Or, it could have had a better ending. It was cute but I was left wondering what the point of building this set was.
Bob Roberts
2 Stars
A conservative folk singer entertains the masses
Tim Robbins stars in this short mockumentary about Bob Roberts, a conservative folk singer who sings songs with a political view. He doesn't want people to smoke in public and he encourages wise investments. A rock and roll critic calls him a crypto facist and yuppie scum. The joke was never clear and the comedy was very dry. I was never quite sure what I was watching. This would inspire a film written and directed by Robbins made in 1993.
Al-Anon
3 Stars
A father with issues is really excited about Christmas
Phil comes home with a Christmas tree, even though the house already has one. His kids come downstairs and he says they should open a present early. His wife says that Christmas is still 2 weeks away. He tells everyone they are going to Hawaii and then we pan out to Nora Dunn who urges people to call Al-Anon if someone in their family has a drinking problem. A quick little sketch with a nice reveal. Hartman's performance is great in hindsight as the joke that he was drunk the whole time wasn't spelled out until the end gag.
Chrissie Hynde and Buster Poindexter
Chrissie Hynde and Buster Poindexter
"Rockin' Good Way"
Chrissie and Buster sing a song in wedding outfits. The lyrics are about kissing and hugging and rocking in a good way. They seem to be having fun together but I thought this was pretty lame.
FINAL ANALYSIS
Average
2.3 Stars
MVP
Phil Hartman
Iranian National Assembly, Derek Stevens, Sideshow Of The Stars, Movie Talk, The Back Page, Al-Anon
Iranian National Assembly, Derek Stevens, Sideshow Of The Stars, Movie Talk, The Back Page, Al-Anon
Best Sketch
Derek Stevens
Worst Sketch
Blind Man
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Blind Man needs to be an end of the night sketch. It's slightly offensive to both gay people and people with visual disabilities and it doesn't have an ending so leading off the episode with it was a big mistake. Problem is, I don't know what to replace it with. There wasn't really anything in the back section of the show that would be a good opener. I would also find a better ending to the Casting Director sketch or use it as a link to introduce The Pretenders. Maybe Victoria falls out of the window on to Steve Guttenberg who catches her and throws to the musical guest.
Host Analysis
Guttenberg was fine but nothing special. I don't blame him for this episode being weak, I blame the writing. He seemed to be having fun, especially in the monologue and The Back Page sketch, he was just given very little.
Final Thoughts
As I was searching for what I was gonna name my best sketch of the night I landed on Derek Stevens and thought, sure, I guess. Nothing in this episode stood out as memorable. The worst sketch of the night was bad, the best sketch was just fine, everything else was either a miss or not anything I will remember by the next episode.
Up Next
William Shatner hosts the next episode. This is an episode I have seen before as it has the famous 'Get A Life' sketch and the alternate ending to 'It's A Wonderful Life'. I also remember a Star Trek restaurant sketch and a T.J. Hooker sketch. I must have had this episode on tape or something because I shouldn't be able to recall so many sketches from a 30 year old episode.
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