"How can anyone laugh when there is so much suffering on Earth?"
Disclaimer
Don Pardo explains why the show is not live
On October 25th, the day this episode was set to air, the New York Mets won game 6 of the World Series in the 10th inning. This caused SNL to be preempted and instead of going on later live the show was taped at 1:30am and broadcast two weeks later. This is the first, and so far only, episode of SNL to not be broadcast live. Don Pardo explains all of this in voice over and Ron Darling, pitcher for the Mets who at the time of actual airing had gone on to win the series, apologizes. He says that when they entered the locker room after the game and found out the show was delayed they were all distraught. He goes on to say that he would gladly give back his World Series ring to bring the show back. This is not a rateable segment but I'm glad they kept it included in the rerun version I have.
Cold Open: Dressing Room
4 Stars
Rosanna Arquette rehearses with the "producer"
Jan comes in to wish Rosanna good luck on hosting and is curious why she's wearing a pink negligee. Rosanna says that it's for the sketch that was just added entitled 'neck with the producer'. Jan leaves to let Rosanna rehearse and in walks producer Lorne Michaels only it's not Lorne, it's pathological liar Tommy Flanagan. Rosanna doesn't quite understand the scene where she says one line and then kisses him for 5 minutes but Tommy assures her that it is actually a cleverly written scene with hidden undertones that include an impassioned plea for the homeless. Tommy goes on to brag about all the television shows he's produced until the real Lorne walks in and Tommy quickly scrams. Lorne apologizes and then takes a gander at the neck with the producer sketch and thinks it has potential, he especially likes the message about the homeless. Rosanna gives a look of frustration before turning to the camera to scream, "Live from New York...". I always like these types of cold opens that put the host out front and center so we can see them as themselves before the monologue. It's something I wish the show would do more of today.
Rosanna Arquette Monologue
Jan comes in to wish Rosanna good luck on hosting and is curious why she's wearing a pink negligee. Rosanna says that it's for the sketch that was just added entitled 'neck with the producer'. Jan leaves to let Rosanna rehearse and in walks producer Lorne Michaels only it's not Lorne, it's pathological liar Tommy Flanagan. Rosanna doesn't quite understand the scene where she says one line and then kisses him for 5 minutes but Tommy assures her that it is actually a cleverly written scene with hidden undertones that include an impassioned plea for the homeless. Tommy goes on to brag about all the television shows he's produced until the real Lorne walks in and Tommy quickly scrams. Lorne apologizes and then takes a gander at the neck with the producer sketch and thinks it has potential, he especially likes the message about the homeless. Rosanna gives a look of frustration before turning to the camera to scream, "Live from New York...". I always like these types of cold opens that put the host out front and center so we can see them as themselves before the monologue. It's something I wish the show would do more of today.
Rosanna Arquette Monologue
2 Stars
Rosanna wants to talk politics but the censors won't let her
First off, cool hat. It's got a floral violin right out in front. Rosanna really wants to do some political humor in her monologue but says that the network, due to the equal time rule, won't let her name specific people or even say what party she is affiliated with. She goes on to say that someone we all know is really ruining this country. She can't say what position he holds but it is high up. I liked the concept of this but it just fizzled out and seemed lazy and rushed.
The People's Court
First off, cool hat. It's got a floral violin right out in front. Rosanna really wants to do some political humor in her monologue but says that the network, due to the equal time rule, won't let her name specific people or even say what party she is affiliated with. She goes on to say that someone we all know is really ruining this country. She can't say what position he holds but it is high up. I liked the concept of this but it just fizzled out and seemed lazy and rushed.
The People's Court
5 Stars
A hairdresser who signed a contract with the devil sues on TV
Vonda is suing the devil for breach of contract after she promised him her soul in exchange for success with her hairdressing business. Judge Wapner presides over the hearing.
"Sever months ago the defendant appeared to you in the form of a large dog and you agreed to sell your mortal soul in exchange for success?"
He has a copy of the contract, written in blood. The devil stats that he gave Vonda tax planning advice as well as $2,700 for new equipment. Vonda is joined by her mother who states that her occupation is 'barfly'. The reason Vonda is unhappy is because her business began to lose money a few months after it was opened.
"I made her a great hairdresser. Her coifs were unparalleled. Once you got one, you would never need another."
"So there was no repeat business?"
"Yes. It's a thing I do. I'll give someone eternal youth and then sentence them to life in prison. It's standard. I'm the devil."
Vonda also claims she has been harassed by the devil as he has been visiting her in the form of a black cat and throwing garbage on her lawn.
"I'm Mephistopheles, prince of darkness. When I start to harass you, you'll know it."
They start to scream at each other until Judge Wapner decides that he must rule in favor of the plaintiff. Afterwards the two are interviewed outside the court. Vonda says she will only sell her soul again for something really nice like eternal youth or a really nice car. The devil is upset and tells everyone watching to worship him. I loved everything about this sketch. It was a perfect lead off for the night.
Church Chat
"Sever months ago the defendant appeared to you in the form of a large dog and you agreed to sell your mortal soul in exchange for success?"
He has a copy of the contract, written in blood. The devil stats that he gave Vonda tax planning advice as well as $2,700 for new equipment. Vonda is joined by her mother who states that her occupation is 'barfly'. The reason Vonda is unhappy is because her business began to lose money a few months after it was opened.
"I made her a great hairdresser. Her coifs were unparalleled. Once you got one, you would never need another."
"So there was no repeat business?"
"Yes. It's a thing I do. I'll give someone eternal youth and then sentence them to life in prison. It's standard. I'm the devil."
Vonda also claims she has been harassed by the devil as he has been visiting her in the form of a black cat and throwing garbage on her lawn.
"I'm Mephistopheles, prince of darkness. When I start to harass you, you'll know it."
They start to scream at each other until Judge Wapner decides that he must rule in favor of the plaintiff. Afterwards the two are interviewed outside the court. Vonda says she will only sell her soul again for something really nice like eternal youth or a really nice car. The devil is upset and tells everyone watching to worship him. I loved everything about this sketch. It was a perfect lead off for the night.
Church Chat
3 Stars
Edna interviews Rosanna Arquette, Ric Ocasek and a sinner who skipped church
Congratulations Dana, you officially have the first recurring character of season 12. 3 episodes in and we get our 2nd appearance from The Church Lady. I suppose Tommy Flanagan was the first official recurring character but he was a holdover from last season. It's interesting that they put this sketch right after the devil. I almost wish she made a comment about how much Satan there is on SNL. Her first guest is Victoria Jackson who missed church last week because she was visiting her boyfriend's grandmother in the hospital. Edna accuses her of copulating on the Lord's day and kicks her off the set. The next guest is Rosanna Arquette, star of Desperately Seeking Satan, er, Susan. She wants to talk about corporate America dumping chemicals and her fundraiser for Democrats (oh, now her monologue makes sense. I didn't know Arquette was political). The Church Lady thinks she wants to get Satan elected to congress and tells her to move down. The last guest is Ric Ocasek who is here to promote his VHS compilation of music videos. She slaps him on the hand for being the anti-Christ. Rosanna calls Church Lady a sexually repressed, closed minded, vicious, little bitch and The Church Lady says her catchphrases one more time. I like this character but I feel that it's not gonna be long before I grow tired of seeing her every week. The jokes are always the same and the sketch has too many repeatable catchphrases. Once you've seen one, you've seen them all. What's your favorite Church Lady sketch? The one where she says 'Satan' and 'Well, isn't that special?'? Yeah, me too.
Helmsley Spook House
Helmsley Spook House
2 Stars
Leona Helmsley spares no expense on HalloweenI'll admit, I have no idea who Leona Helmsley was. I only know of her because of SNL. For all I know she could have just been a hilarious Nora Dunn character. I'm pretty sure she was rich. I also think she did something illegal. What exactly? I'm not sure. In this commercial parody she is showing her elaborate spook house complete with real skeletons, never plastic, live rats and real human blood. It's short and sweet but a little light on laughs mainly because Dunn is not my favorite person to headline a sketch.
Ric Ocasek
"Emotion In Motion"
My first exposure to Ric Ocasek was this episode of SNL and seeing him getting scolded by The Church Lady. I always thought he was a Marilyn Manson style rocker who was scary or inappropriate for children. It wasn't until my teenage years when I discovered The Cars and was corrected. This tune is a slow love ballad that even your church going grandma could bop her head to.
Pork
3 Stars
Kevin Nealon is shown pole vaulting. He says he spent 8 years training for the next 8 seconds and he could have chosen anything for lunch but he chose pork, because his body can handle it. A voice over says to eat pork while you're still healthy. This was cute but I'm not 100% sure I get the joke.
Weekend Update
Weekend Update
"What is tat? Where do I get it? How do I turn it in for the other thing?"
Dennis Miller says he is newsman, hear him roar. He does a slightly cruel visual gag about Joan Rivers resembling Wayland Flowers's puppet Madame. There was also a scientist in Malaysia who thought he cured cancer but actually just made it worse. My favorite gag was the last words of the guy who discovered vitamin C, "I guess this stuff doesn't work.".
A. Whitney Brown is here with another installment of The Big Picture. He starts off talking about Ed Meese which is all way over my head. Then he talks about television censorship.
"I don't want to sit here and say that I'm against morality but I will if nobody else will. I like dirty pictures."
He goes on to say that network censorship is silly because Rosanna Arquette can't say 'suck' in the wrong context on this show but if you flip over to HBO you can see her fully naked in 'The Executioner's Song'. This of course isn't fully true as HBO is actually showing C.H.U.D. for the 47th time right now. Maybe it's because I finally understood what he was talking about as the piece wasn't entirely too topical but this was the first A. Whitney Brown segment I really enjoyed.
Two Sammies
A. Whitney Brown is here with another installment of The Big Picture. He starts off talking about Ed Meese which is all way over my head. Then he talks about television censorship.
"I don't want to sit here and say that I'm against morality but I will if nobody else will. I like dirty pictures."
He goes on to say that network censorship is silly because Rosanna Arquette can't say 'suck' in the wrong context on this show but if you flip over to HBO you can see her fully naked in 'The Executioner's Song'. This of course isn't fully true as HBO is actually showing C.H.U.D. for the 47th time right now. Maybe it's because I finally understood what he was talking about as the piece wasn't entirely too topical but this was the first A. Whitney Brown segment I really enjoyed.
Two Sammies
3 Stars
Two hapless buddies talk about what they won't accomplish
Dana and Kevin play two guys named Sammy who seem to only like watching TV and drinking beer. They reminded me a lot of the Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest characters from season 10 who would say 'unbelievable'. They have a catchphrase too. They say, 'Aw, beautiful' as they lay back on the couch and kick their feet in the air. Kevin's Sammy says that he is gonna start exercising by doing 100 sit ups a day, running and swimming before admitting to himself that he's not really serious.
"Who am I kidding? There's another thing I'm never gonna do."
Dana's Sammy says that this is finally the year that he gets his own place. He's gonna go into the woods and build a cabin.
"Who am I kidding? There's another thing I'm never gonna do."
This was nothing too memorable but I liked Dana and Kevin's chemistry and having Phil as the sister's straight-laced and motivated boyfriend was a good addition to the sketch. I'm only assuming, knowing SNL, that we will see the two Sammies at least one more time.
Dog Baseball
"Who am I kidding? There's another thing I'm never gonna do."
Dana's Sammy says that this is finally the year that he gets his own place. He's gonna go into the woods and build a cabin.
"Who am I kidding? There's another thing I'm never gonna do."
Kevin's sister comes down stairs because her new boyfriend wanted to meet him. They offer him a beer but he says he needs to stay sharp as he's opening a chain of clothing stores and tomorrow he is flying to the west coast to meet with potential investors. They don't believe him and they chide him as he and the sister leave. He comes back later as he's reconsidered having that beer. He says he really likes Sammy's sister and intends to marry her one day but then retracts his statement.
"Who am I kidding? There's another thing I'm never gonna do."This was nothing too memorable but I liked Dana and Kevin's chemistry and having Phil as the sister's straight-laced and motivated boyfriend was a good addition to the sketch. I'm only assuming, knowing SNL, that we will see the two Sammies at least one more time.
Dog Baseball
4 Stars
A short film about dog baseballI have no idea who made this but I really liked it. Some dude gets a bunch of dogs together to play dog baseball where he sets up a team of dogs to play defense and he is the opposing team. He narrates the film like a mixture of Jack Handey and Forrest Gump. He sees a dog catching a ball and that's a good dog but then we see a dog chewing on a glove and that's a bad dog. Eventually he has the team together and he hits two home runs against them and wins the game. The actual baseball playing is done through actual trained dogs and mostly cheap editing and camera tricks. This was perplexing but also pretty funny.
Make Joan Baez Laugh
3 Stars
Nobody has yet to win America's hardest game show
Big Bill Franklin, who also hosts Quiz Masters, is a very busy man in SNL's fictional universe. Make Joan Baez Laugh is the longest running game show in television history and the jackpot is currently at $2,560,000. Dunn comes out as Baez and sings a song while looking very solemn. Franklin tries to tell her a joke to make her smile, even resorting to tickling her to no avail. Tonight's contestant is Howie Mandel, played by Lovitz in a hilarious impression. He does the old surgical glove blown up on the head which makes Baez do a spit take and bust out laughing. This was a lot of set up to a satisfying punchline. The punchline being that Howie Mandel was incredibly unfunny. I have no idea how he had a career. He was like a parody of a bad 80s stand-up. Or maybe I have the joke backwards, maybe Howie was such a treasure that he could pierce even the coldest heart.
Pork
Pork
3 Stars
In a continuation from the last commercial parody we see Victoria and Nora working out in a gym as a voice over asks what the reason is as to why they stay in shape. The answer: pork. Think of it as a reward.
Ric Ocasek returns with "Keep On Laughin'" which is a fine if forgettable pop song.
Miss Connie's Fable Nook: The Adventures Of Koko, Mishu & Lebee
1 Star
2 clowns and a giant learn a lessonJan Hooks plays Miss Connie and she's going to tells us a story. It's about two clowns and a giant. They skip around until they come to a stream to take a drink of water. The clowns ask the giant if he would like a drink but then they tell him he can't have any. They are trying to teach him a lesson about patience. Then they skip around some more and Jan sings a song to end the sketch. This was downright bad. It's only the 3rd episode of the season but I have a strong candidate for worst of the year. I'm not sure which was worse the fact that this seemed unrehearsed and poorly written or Dennis Miller as Koko the clown giggling and mugging to the audience. It's clear that he can't act but his 'give no shits' attitude can be fun in places. This was not an instance where I thought he was trying to save a turd. This was an instance where I wondered why anyone bothered with this.
I Saw God
2 Stars
A girl sings a song about her spiritual momentPhil is a father telling his daughter, Rosanna, to come home and call her mother. He leaves and Rosanna starts singing. The song is how about she saw God and he told her to do things like record an album, dye her hair and order the tuna melt. It's weird, I want to say this is interesting but it really isn't. Arquette handles herself well but she's not an incredible singer and the song isn't all that funny so I'm left wondering what the point of this was.
Instead of Pango, Giant Dog Of Tokyo which is listed on the SNL Archives I get Coffee & Cigarettes the Jim Jarmusch short film starring Roberto Benigni and Steven Wright. What a crappy way to end the show.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"We all had a good day and afterwards we bobbed for apples and bones."
Average
2.9 Stars
MVP
Jon Lovitz
Dressing Room, The People's Court, Make Joan Baez Laugh
Dressing Room, The People's Court, Make Joan Baez Laugh
Best Sketch
The People's Court
Worst Sketch
Miss Connie's Fable Nook: The Adventures Of Koko, Mishu & Lebee
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
With how much Lorne likes to repackage his live shows for reruns by cutting bits and rearranging sketches, I'm surprised this episode wasn't better. Sure it was filmed live but they had 2 weeks to edit this. They couldn't have cut Miss Connie's Fable Nook and replace it with something that might have worked a little better at dress rehearsal? The placement of sketches was such that the show started off at a high and then gradually petered out to fairly bad. I'm not sure how to fix that, maybe save Dog Baseball or Two Sammies for the end of the night and move I Saw God up a little bit. I walked away from this episode thinking it completely sucked but then I had to go back and remember that it included The People's Court which is one of the best so far this season. One great sketch doesn’t make a great episode though.
Host Analysis
Host Analysis
Rosanna didn't do much of anything. She only appeared in 3 sketches aside from the cold open and the monologue. She was very funny, and paired well with Jan Hooks, in The People's Court, she just played herself in Church Chat and for some reason sang a song at the end of the night. It's weird to see an episode like this now as this would be something unheard of with the current show. Nowadays the host appears in the majority of sketches but sometimes it's a good thing to have them backstage for most of the show. Do you really watch SNL for the host? Sometimes, sure, but usually they just step on the natural comedic rhythms of the professional comedians. Why would you intentionally put someone unfunny in your comedy show? I did like her though, she had a nice presence.
Final Thoughts
Final Thoughts
A step down in quality from last week. Aside from The People's Court and the trivia about the show being taped, there isn't anything I'm gonna remember for long.
Up Next
Sam Kinison gets his chance to host after being a special guest comedian numerous times.
Sam Kinison gets his chance to host after being a special guest comedian numerous times.
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