"You're a fat Nazi bitch, why do I feel I want to make out with you?”
Cold Open: Dole & Rodman In '96
3 Stars
Bob Dole announces his running mate
Bob Dole is 20 points behind in the polls, he's losing women and young people. He's decided to pick his running mate early and he's going with a proven winner, a leading defender of the African American community and the leading rebounder in the NBA, Dennis Rodman. A promising start to a sketch fizzles as soon as Rodman opens his mouth and tries to act. The only laughs I got from the sketch were when Rodman turned around to reveal a Bob Dole tattoo on his back and when Dole said that Rodman would help with the ladies.
"Hell, Bob Dole has half a mind to go for a roll in the hay with him himself."
Christine Baranski Monologue
Bob Dole is 20 points behind in the polls, he's losing women and young people. He's decided to pick his running mate early and he's going with a proven winner, a leading defender of the African American community and the leading rebounder in the NBA, Dennis Rodman. A promising start to a sketch fizzles as soon as Rodman opens his mouth and tries to act. The only laughs I got from the sketch were when Rodman turned around to reveal a Bob Dole tattoo on his back and when Dole said that Rodman would help with the ladies.
"Hell, Bob Dole has half a mind to go for a roll in the hay with him himself."
Christine Baranski Monologue
3 Stars
Christine denies some old Polish stereotypes
Christine quickly goes to the old reliable 'questions from the audience' monologue. The first question is whether her name is Polish. The next questions are all Polish jokes disguised as questions.
"I heard your people don't know how to make ice cubes because they lost the recipe, is that true?"
She says that these jokes can be hurtful, especially because her family is here. We cut to 3 people trying to change a light bulb. This was cute for what it was.
Rerun of A.M. Ale
The Courtney Love Show
Christine quickly goes to the old reliable 'questions from the audience' monologue. The first question is whether her name is Polish. The next questions are all Polish jokes disguised as questions.
"I heard your people don't know how to make ice cubes because they lost the recipe, is that true?"
She says that these jokes can be hurtful, especially because her family is here. We cut to 3 people trying to change a light bulb. This was cute for what it was.
Rerun of A.M. Ale
The Courtney Love Show
3 Stars
Courtney Love interviews Marge Schott and Julie Andrews
Are you a cast member on SNL with a celebrity impression? Have that celebrity host a talk show. Who cares if it makes no sense why they would ever host a talk show. Molly Shannon comes out as a trashed Courtney Love, she makes out with her stage manager (played by real SNL stage manager Joe Disco), does a half hearted monologue and presents a Top Ten list of the top ten bruises on her body. Her first guest is Cincinnati Reds owner, Marge Schott, who was in the news for saying that Hitler had some good ideas. It's Darrell Hammond in drag, they make out. Her next guest is Christine Baranski as Julie Andrews who was in the news for refusing her Tony nomination for Victor/Victoria. They sing Do-Re-Mi together, Love passes out and the show is over. This was fine but this talk show format is completely played out.
Get Off The Shed!
Are you a cast member on SNL with a celebrity impression? Have that celebrity host a talk show. Who cares if it makes no sense why they would ever host a talk show. Molly Shannon comes out as a trashed Courtney Love, she makes out with her stage manager (played by real SNL stage manager Joe Disco), does a half hearted monologue and presents a Top Ten list of the top ten bruises on her body. Her first guest is Cincinnati Reds owner, Marge Schott, who was in the news for saying that Hitler had some good ideas. It's Darrell Hammond in drag, they make out. Her next guest is Christine Baranski as Julie Andrews who was in the news for refusing her Tony nomination for Victor/Victoria. They sing Do-Re-Mi together, Love passes out and the show is over. This was fine but this talk show format is completely played out.
Get Off The Shed!
4 Stars
A birthday party at the Henderson's turns violent
Of all the sketches to be recurring, I was never expecting to get another visit from the Get Off The Shed family. The kids are on top of the tool shed again and mom and dad are screaming for them to get off. The jokes this time are way funnier than the first time.
"I will drive you out into the desert and leave you out there for the entire month of August!"
"I will take you to the Philippines and sell your kidneys on the black market!"
"I will douse you in gasoline and light you on fire like that Buddhist monk in Vietnam!"
"I will take you into a dark alley and fight you!"
The kids eventually come in from the house. They were in their room playing Nintendo the whole time.
20 Years And One Week
Of all the sketches to be recurring, I was never expecting to get another visit from the Get Off The Shed family. The kids are on top of the tool shed again and mom and dad are screaming for them to get off. The jokes this time are way funnier than the first time.
"I will drive you out into the desert and leave you out there for the entire month of August!"
"I will take you to the Philippines and sell your kidneys on the black market!"
"I will douse you in gasoline and light you on fire like that Buddhist monk in Vietnam!"
"I will take you into a dark alley and fight you!"
The kids eventually come in from the house. They were in their room playing Nintendo the whole time.
20 Years And One Week
4 Stars
Barbara Walters looks back on some old interviews
Barbara Walters takes us through some memorable interviews from the past. Tony Orlando claims that 'Tie A Yellow Ribbon' will not be his biggest hit, Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson say they will be in love forever and Stroker Ace will win Burt an Oscar and Abe Lincoln taunts his detractors. Barbara's hair keeps changing through the years. In the late 70s she has Princess Leia hair and in the early 80s she has Bo Derek's cornrows.
The Cure
Barbara Walters takes us through some memorable interviews from the past. Tony Orlando claims that 'Tie A Yellow Ribbon' will not be his biggest hit, Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson say they will be in love forever and Stroker Ace will win Burt an Oscar and Abe Lincoln taunts his detractors. Barbara's hair keeps changing through the years. In the late 70s she has Princess Leia hair and in the early 80s she has Bo Derek's cornrows.
The Cure
"Mint Car"
The Cure is a band I always think I don't like, then I hear a song and I like it. I don't know what band I'm thinking about that I don't like. I think it's just the lead singer's hair that puts me off.
The Cure is a band I always think I don't like, then I hear a song and I like it. I don't know what band I'm thinking about that I don't like. I think it's just the lead singer's hair that puts me off.
Weekend Update
This raises an interesting question, how do you tell if a British guy is gay?
A powerful aphrodisiac is one of the ingredients in the new soda, Josta, being marketed to teens. This is to solve a problem that has flummoxed scientists for years, how to make teenagers more horny.
Dennis Rodman is quoted as saying the NBA is 50% sex, I gotta stop leaving at half time.
Macaulay Culkin called police after his father slapped him. Officers raced to the scene and immedialtey joined in slapping Macaulay Culkin.
The winner of the WU “Why My Mom Is The Best” essay contest is Jennifer Hunter. Last place was a tie between Erik and Lyle Menendez.
Gary MacDonald gets his own shot at Weekend Update as a present to Norm's mother. He stammers and sweats for a while and I giggle like a school girl.
Dennis Rodman shows up to shamelessly promote his book. Norm points out that he is completely naked, the illusion is destroyed very early on as we can see the towel he’s wearing around his waist. The bit also falls apart because Rodman is not a good actor.
Nightclub Singer
3 Stars
A woman lives her dream of singing
Christine starts singing to a crowd but cracks on her final note. The audience starts booing her and telling her she sucks.
“I’m sorry. I’m not a singer by trade. I’ll get off the stage now and go back to the hospital.”
She tells them that she is very sick, in fact dying. She apologizes that her children had to see this but thanks them for letting her live her lifelong dream of singing in front of a crowd. They want her to come back but as she starts singing her next song they start booing again. The sketch was definitely missing a turn. I was hoping she would be conning the audience or there would be an extra beat but for what is literally a one joke sketch, this was fine.
Christine starts singing to a crowd but cracks on her final note. The audience starts booing her and telling her she sucks.
“I’m sorry. I’m not a singer by trade. I’ll get off the stage now and go back to the hospital.”
She tells them that she is very sick, in fact dying. She apologizes that her children had to see this but thanks them for letting her live her lifelong dream of singing in front of a crowd. They want her to come back but as she starts singing her next song they start booing again. The sketch was definitely missing a turn. I was hoping she would be conning the audience or there would be an extra beat but for what is literally a one joke sketch, this was fine.
Spade In America
2 Stars
Lucien Callow and Fagan go on a date with Spade
We’re still trying to keep this bit alive. Last week we resorted to a guy in drag, this week we’re putting recurring characters into it. Spade announces that the winners of the “win a date with David Spade” contest are Lucien Callow and Fagan. It is a deliciously moist thrill for them and we cut to a remote piece where Spade takes the two fops to the GAP where they do a dress-up montage and to a strip club. When we come back they are sitting on his desk bare ass naked. If Spade seemed to have any interest in this it may have been fun but he is obviously just running out the clock.
We’re still trying to keep this bit alive. Last week we resorted to a guy in drag, this week we’re putting recurring characters into it. Spade announces that the winners of the “win a date with David Spade” contest are Lucien Callow and Fagan. It is a deliciously moist thrill for them and we cut to a remote piece where Spade takes the two fops to the GAP where they do a dress-up montage and to a strip club. When we come back they are sitting on his desk bare ass naked. If Spade seemed to have any interest in this it may have been fun but he is obviously just running out the clock.
Death Row
3 Stars
4 death row inmates dish about each other after they go to the chair
Quinn, Ferrell, Meadows and Kattan are all awaiting execution. As each one goes to the chair the remaining inmates gossip about the recently deceased. I started zoning out during this one. The premise was fine, I just don’t find Quinn to be a captivating sketch performer.
Quinn, Ferrell, Meadows and Kattan are all awaiting execution. As each one goes to the chair the remaining inmates gossip about the recently deceased. I started zoning out during this one. The premise was fine, I just don’t find Quinn to be a captivating sketch performer.
Goat Boy Sings Popular Songs Of The '80s
3 Stars
A medically altered goat/human hybrid released an album
We get the origin of Goat Boy before finding out that he released an album of hits from the 80s. He sings Safety Dance, I Can Dream About You and She Blinded Me With Science. He sings a little and then brays before being prodded by scientists and eating a hat. This was short and silly. I started enjoying the absurd logic to this. Why did they create this thing? Then, how and why did he get a record deal? I wanted another sketch explaining the concept of this sketch.
We get the origin of Goat Boy before finding out that he released an album of hits from the 80s. He sings Safety Dance, I Can Dream About You and She Blinded Me With Science. He sings a little and then brays before being prodded by scientists and eating a hat. This was short and silly. I started enjoying the absurd logic to this. Why did they create this thing? Then, how and why did he get a record deal? I wanted another sketch explaining the concept of this sketch.
New Traits
4 Stars
A man's performance review gets absurd
Jim Breuer sits down with his bosses for his progress report.
“We have some problems with your personality. We don't like you and we'd like you to change.”
Jim takes offense to this.
“Settle down fella, there's muscles under this suit and I'll use them if I have to.”
They suggest that from now on he will always speak in an English accent, change his name to Prailine, grow muttonchops, divorce his wife and marry a woman twice his age. Three months later he has adopted all the recommended mannerisms. They still don’t like him. He is told to change his name to Tom Muttonchops, enter each room by saying ‘Bippity Boppity’ and use a big wheel as his only form of transportation. Two months later he gets fired. There was a beautiful absurd logic to this sketch that I loved, not only from Jim but from Will and Christine. He is told at one point that if he doesn’t conform he will be fired, sued and all his possessions will be burned.
Jim Breuer sits down with his bosses for his progress report.
“We have some problems with your personality. We don't like you and we'd like you to change.”
Jim takes offense to this.
“Settle down fella, there's muscles under this suit and I'll use them if I have to.”
They suggest that from now on he will always speak in an English accent, change his name to Prailine, grow muttonchops, divorce his wife and marry a woman twice his age. Three months later he has adopted all the recommended mannerisms. They still don’t like him. He is told to change his name to Tom Muttonchops, enter each room by saying ‘Bippity Boppity’ and use a big wheel as his only form of transportation. Two months later he gets fired. There was a beautiful absurd logic to this sketch that I loved, not only from Jim but from Will and Christine. He is told at one point that if he doesn’t conform he will be fired, sued and all his possessions will be burned.
The Cure returns with Inbetween Days which is another pleasant song. I don't know why I think I don't like this band. I just might start downloading some Cure tunes
1-600-LANSING
3 Stars
Hot sexy Michigan girls are waiting for your call
This is a sister sketch to the 1-600-AUSSIE sketch from the Elle McPherson episode. This one wasn’t as fun but it had some funny moments. I liked Walls and Koechner talk about how “hawt” they were getting. There’s also a girl on girl line where you can hear Nancy and Molly talk about sales at the hardware store.
This is a sister sketch to the 1-600-AUSSIE sketch from the Elle McPherson episode. This one wasn’t as fun but it had some funny moments. I liked Walls and Koechner talk about how “hawt” they were getting. There’s also a girl on girl line where you can hear Nancy and Molly talk about sales at the hardware store.
Fuzzy Memories
4 Stars
There used to be a house on our street we thought was haunted. There would be people screaming inside and those who went in never came out. Later we found out it was just a murderer's house. A very slender Jim Gaffigan comes out as the murderer. Coincidentally, Gaffigan and Baranski would star in a quickly cancelled CBS sitcom together in a few years.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Even though you are universally hated you are good at your job"
Average
3.25 Stars
MVP
Will Ferrell
A.M. Ale, Get Off The Shed!, 20 Years And One Week, Nightclub Singer, Death Row, New Traits, 1-600-LANSING
A.M. Ale, Get Off The Shed!, 20 Years And One Week, Nightclub Singer, Death Row, New Traits, 1-600-LANSING
Best Sketch
New Traits
Worst Sketch
Spade In America
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
I have nothing bad to say about the placement of sketches this week. They started off with the talk show, then the recurring character and they saved the silly sketches for the end of the night. The only thing I would change in the show are things I would cut. Get rid of that Dennis Rodman piece in Update and get rid of Spade In America.
Host Analysis
I thought Baranski did a real nice job. She wasn't that memorable but looking over the sketches she appeared in, she was funny and good. The start of the show they just used her how they use most female hosts. She got her celebrity impression with Julie Andrews, which wasn't accurate or entertaining, then she played second fiddle to Will Ferrell, then she wore a wig to play Loni Anderson. When she got her stand out piece in Nightclub Singer she was very effective. Then she played a nice straight woman in New Traits. All around a good hosting effort.
Final Thoughts
I was surprised that the sketch average was so high until I looked back at the individual sketches. This was an episode where everything was good but nothing was great.
Up Next
Jim Carrey hosts the season finale.
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