"It goes together like Dr. Pepper and trout"
Cold Open: Inside Politics
3 Stars
Steve Forbes is ahead in the polls, much to the chagrin of Bob Dole
Steve Forbes (Mark McKinney) is being interviewed for CNN. He says the reason he is doing so well in the polls is because he's a political outsider. He has no political experience and just decided to give it a whirl one day. We then cut to Bob Dole grimacing. Dole makes some gay innuendos about Forbes and then mocks Bobbie Battista's lazy eye by singing 'The Wanderer'. This was fine but just felt like it has all been done before and better. The last sketch where Bob Dole called somebody a fruit was funnier.
Steve Forbes (Mark McKinney) is being interviewed for CNN. He says the reason he is doing so well in the polls is because he's a political outsider. He has no political experience and just decided to give it a whirl one day. We then cut to Bob Dole grimacing. Dole makes some gay innuendos about Forbes and then mocks Bobbie Battista's lazy eye by singing 'The Wanderer'. This was fine but just felt like it has all been done before and better. The last sketch where Bob Dole called somebody a fruit was funnier.
Danny Aiello Monologue
2 Stars
Aiello sings 'Chubby Clementine'
Aiello says the he was watching the show a few weeks ago and saw Christopher Walken sing in his monologue. He decided that if he ever hosted he wants to sing too. Now it's his turn and he asked Lorne if he could sing 'Chubby Clementine' by Bobby Darin. Lorne said 'No' because Walken just sang two weeks ago. Danny threatened physical violence and Lorne let him sing. He then goes on to sing the song unironically. It feels like bad karaoke.
Aiello says the he was watching the show a few weeks ago and saw Christopher Walken sing in his monologue. He decided that if he ever hosted he wants to sing too. Now it's his turn and he asked Lorne if he could sing 'Chubby Clementine' by Bobby Darin. Lorne said 'No' because Walken just sang two weeks ago. Danny threatened physical violence and Lorne let him sing. He then goes on to sing the song unironically. It feels like bad karaoke.
The Sauce
2 Stars
An Italian mama slaps her son around
Aiello, Ferrell, Breuer and Hammond are Italian goombahs sitting around a dinner table eating spaghetti. Mama comes in with another bowl. Aiello says she must have put something new in the sauce and she slaps him in the head. This joke keeps repeating with different variations. She comes back and punches him in the face, she breaks a bottle over his head, she spits on him, she gives him some karate chops and finally beats him over the head with his gun. It's not any funnier than it sounds. I did like Cheri Oteri as the mother though, she had a good energy to her character.
Aiello, Ferrell, Breuer and Hammond are Italian goombahs sitting around a dinner table eating spaghetti. Mama comes in with another bowl. Aiello says she must have put something new in the sauce and she slaps him in the head. This joke keeps repeating with different variations. She comes back and punches him in the face, she breaks a bottle over his head, she spits on him, she gives him some karate chops and finally beats him over the head with his gun. It's not any funnier than it sounds. I did like Cheri Oteri as the mother though, she had a good energy to her character.
The Kevin Franklin Show
2 Stars
A talk show hosted by a guy who doesn't seem to know anything
Kevin Franklin is given no introduction before he introduces his first guest, Danny Aiello. He asks him about Do The Right Thing and then asks him if he felt guilty taking that part away from a black actor. Aiello tells him that the part he played was meant to be played by a white actor and it wouldn't make sense if a black actor played him. Kevin apologizes for his ignorance. His next guest is Coolio and asks him how he feels about the fact that rap is a dead genre that peaked with The Fat Boys. Coolio tells him that rap is bigger than ever. Kevin apologizes for his ignorance. Then we get a caller who is upset that on last week's show Kevin said that there should be mandatory drug testing at the Special Olympics. Kevin apologizes for his ignorance. This character was completely boring. He gets to the point of interesting and then apologizes for being interesting. I think the funnier way to go would be to have him stand by his irrational statements. This is a 'No, But' sketch. A character says something crazy, another character tells him he's wrong, the crazy character apologizes.
Kevin Franklin is given no introduction before he introduces his first guest, Danny Aiello. He asks him about Do The Right Thing and then asks him if he felt guilty taking that part away from a black actor. Aiello tells him that the part he played was meant to be played by a white actor and it wouldn't make sense if a black actor played him. Kevin apologizes for his ignorance. His next guest is Coolio and asks him how he feels about the fact that rap is a dead genre that peaked with The Fat Boys. Coolio tells him that rap is bigger than ever. Kevin apologizes for his ignorance. Then we get a caller who is upset that on last week's show Kevin said that there should be mandatory drug testing at the Special Olympics. Kevin apologizes for his ignorance. This character was completely boring. He gets to the point of interesting and then apologizes for being interesting. I think the funnier way to go would be to have him stand by his irrational statements. This is a 'No, But' sketch. A character says something crazy, another character tells him he's wrong, the crazy character apologizes.
Time-Life Valentine's Day Arguments
2 Stars
A video collection of Valentine's Day fights
Nancy Walls reprises her character of Cindy, the Time Life operator from the Laura Leighton episode. I never expected this character to be recurring. She's standing by to take your orders for their new video filled with couple fights for people who are alone on Valentine's Day. You'll get hits like 'I'd rather fuck the dog' and 'A toaster doesn't say I love it says make me fucking toast'. We get dramatizations from Molly Shannon and Will Ferrell, all of them ending with Ferrell knocking over his dinner plate and yelling, "Fuck this, I'm leaving".
Super Bowl MVP Larry Brown shows up and Norm is going to ask him the tough question. They didn't cover the spread, what went wrong? Did you huddle in the locker room and think, people who bet on us are going to lose a lot of money? Larry reminds him that they did win the game. Norm assures him that he has nothing to be ashamed of, without his two interceptions they wouldn't have come close to covering the spread. Norm then asks to borrow $25,000 because some guys are coming to kill him.
Coolio
Nancy Walls reprises her character of Cindy, the Time Life operator from the Laura Leighton episode. I never expected this character to be recurring. She's standing by to take your orders for their new video filled with couple fights for people who are alone on Valentine's Day. You'll get hits like 'I'd rather fuck the dog' and 'A toaster doesn't say I love it says make me fucking toast'. We get dramatizations from Molly Shannon and Will Ferrell, all of them ending with Ferrell knocking over his dinner plate and yelling, "Fuck this, I'm leaving".
Bus
2 Stars
Althea annoys the bus driver
Didn't need this one again. Althea, Cheri Oteri's hyperactive little girl character, asks the bus driver a lot of questions including 'how many testicles do you have?'. He keeps making sharp turns that send Althea to the side of the bus. Eventually he opens the doors and sends her flying out of the bus.
Didn't need this one again. Althea, Cheri Oteri's hyperactive little girl character, asks the bus driver a lot of questions including 'how many testicles do you have?'. He keeps making sharp turns that send Althea to the side of the bus. Eventually he opens the doors and sends her flying out of the bus.
Weekend Update
The FDA has banned Ben And Jerry's new flavor, 'Stuff From Ben's Beard'
Magic Johnson returns to the Lakers 4 years after learning he has AIDs, other players are assured that they have nothing to worry about as long as they remember that when they are guarding Magic not to have sex with him.
Amtrak dropped its speed limit to 69 mph, the speed was agreed upon by train safety experts and giggling high school kids.
McDonald's reps who wanted to put a restaurant in a historic district were booed by angry residents but they were cheered by the town fat guy.
Chess champion Gary Kasparov is set to face a chess playing computer. No matter who wins, one thing is certain, no one give a crap about chess.
Norm's brother, Gary MacDonald is back. He's here to give his thoughts on the Republican nominees.
"You hear about Bob Dole? Dole? What is he a pineapple?"
"Phil Gramm? Like graham crackers?"
"Alan Keyes, I hope he doesn't get locked in his car."
Magic Johnson returns to the Lakers 4 years after learning he has AIDs, other players are assured that they have nothing to worry about as long as they remember that when they are guarding Magic not to have sex with him.
Amtrak dropped its speed limit to 69 mph, the speed was agreed upon by train safety experts and giggling high school kids.
McDonald's reps who wanted to put a restaurant in a historic district were booed by angry residents but they were cheered by the town fat guy.
Chess champion Gary Kasparov is set to face a chess playing computer. No matter who wins, one thing is certain, no one give a crap about chess.
Norm's brother, Gary MacDonald is back. He's here to give his thoughts on the Republican nominees.
"You hear about Bob Dole? Dole? What is he a pineapple?"
"Phil Gramm? Like graham crackers?"
"Alan Keyes, I hope he doesn't get locked in his car."
Nervous and sweating he resorts to impressions. What if Steve Forbes was John Wayne? Hey pilgrim, here's your flat tax. Imagine if Pat Buchanan was Jack Nicholson. What if Lamar Alexander was Edith Bunker?
Norm takes a look at his notes which just say, 'Dear God, please don't let me hang by my fear's rope'. It's very hard to make intentionally unfunny jokes hilarious but David Koechner just nails it with this character.
Norm takes a look at his notes which just say, 'Dear God, please don't let me hang by my fear's rope'. It's very hard to make intentionally unfunny jokes hilarious but David Koechner just nails it with this character.
Super Bowl MVP Larry Brown shows up and Norm is going to ask him the tough question. They didn't cover the spread, what went wrong? Did you huddle in the locker room and think, people who bet on us are going to lose a lot of money? Larry reminds him that they did win the game. Norm assures him that he has nothing to be ashamed of, without his two interceptions they wouldn't have come close to covering the spread. Norm then asks to borrow $25,000 because some guys are coming to kill him.
Coolio
"1, 2, 3, 4"
There was always a fun attitude with Coolio that I enjoyed. I feel like I just got invited to an awesome house party. This is actually much better than the actual recorded version as he's aided by a live band, which is a rarity in hip hop.
Spade In America
There was always a fun attitude with Coolio that I enjoyed. I feel like I just got invited to an awesome house party. This is actually much better than the actual recorded version as he's aided by a live band, which is a rarity in hip hop.
Spade In America
2 Stars
Spade and Farley shamelessly promote Black Sheep
Spade wants to talk politics so he brings out Newt Gingrich. Out comes one of my heroes, Chris Farley. They do some sloppily rehearsed material before Spade drops the facade and tells Farley that his Gingrich impression doesn't sound anything like him, nor does he look like him, he's wearing a Rip Taylor wig. Farley doesn't even know who Newt Gingrich is, he was shown 3 different pictures and asked to point out Newt and he pointed at Billy Ray Cyrus. Spade tells him to say why he's really here and Farley sheepishly says it's to tell people that Black Sheep is in theaters now. Coincidentally, Black Sheep was one of the first times I was ever disappointed in a movie theater. I love Farley but this bit was uninspired and made me kind of sad. It also seemed painfully unplanned, like Farley showed up at the last minute drunk and they threw him on stage.
Hi-C & Turkey
Spade wants to talk politics so he brings out Newt Gingrich. Out comes one of my heroes, Chris Farley. They do some sloppily rehearsed material before Spade drops the facade and tells Farley that his Gingrich impression doesn't sound anything like him, nor does he look like him, he's wearing a Rip Taylor wig. Farley doesn't even know who Newt Gingrich is, he was shown 3 different pictures and asked to point out Newt and he pointed at Billy Ray Cyrus. Spade tells him to say why he's really here and Farley sheepishly says it's to tell people that Black Sheep is in theaters now. Coincidentally, Black Sheep was one of the first times I was ever disappointed in a movie theater. I love Farley but this bit was uninspired and made me kind of sad. It also seemed painfully unplanned, like Farley showed up at the last minute drunk and they threw him on stage.
Hi-C & Turkey
3 Stars
An insurance agent wants a specific snack
Koechner and Walls are talking to a life insurance salesman. He asks if he could have something to eat and requests Hi-C and turkey. Before going any further, I hope you think the words Hi-C and turkey are hilarious because this sketch says that about 6,000 times. Walls says she is all out of Hi-C and turkey but could offer him a sandwich and some tea. Aiello insists on Hi-C and turkey.
"Why don't we just move up to the bedroom, kick off our shoes, watch a western movie and have some Hi-C and turkey?"
Neither of them want to do that and they also reiterate that they don't have any Hi-C and turkey. Aiello gives their son $20 to go down to the store and get some Hi-C and turkey, the son who, according to Aiello, has goat eyes and stinks. Eventually he holds the family hostage unless he gets his Hi-C and turkey. He is shot and we find out that this was actually a commercial for the American Hi-C and Turkey Council. This was almost silly enough to work, Aiello's 'lost in the shadow' delivery almost worked, the repetition of the joke almost worked, everything almost worked, but there was something about it that didn't work.
Koechner and Walls are talking to a life insurance salesman. He asks if he could have something to eat and requests Hi-C and turkey. Before going any further, I hope you think the words Hi-C and turkey are hilarious because this sketch says that about 6,000 times. Walls says she is all out of Hi-C and turkey but could offer him a sandwich and some tea. Aiello insists on Hi-C and turkey.
"Why don't we just move up to the bedroom, kick off our shoes, watch a western movie and have some Hi-C and turkey?"
Neither of them want to do that and they also reiterate that they don't have any Hi-C and turkey. Aiello gives their son $20 to go down to the store and get some Hi-C and turkey, the son who, according to Aiello, has goat eyes and stinks. Eventually he holds the family hostage unless he gets his Hi-C and turkey. He is shot and we find out that this was actually a commercial for the American Hi-C and Turkey Council. This was almost silly enough to work, Aiello's 'lost in the shadow' delivery almost worked, the repetition of the joke almost worked, everything almost worked, but there was something about it that didn't work.
Coolio returns with Gangsta's Paradise. Everybody in 1995 loved this song. I did not own this album but the first album I ever bought with my own money was 'Weird Al' Yankovic's Bad Hair Day which featured the parody Amish Paradise.
Martha Stewart Living
3 Stars
Martha's past comes back to haunt her
Martha is going to show you how to make homemade Valentine's Day cards. She's already made the paper by chopping down an old birch tree and sending it to the paper mill in her bathroom. When she can't find her scissors she brings out a scared Cheri Oteri. Oteri says she must have misplaced the scissors and she can go run and get them but Martha tells her it is too late and she has already ruined the show. Martha has a treat for us. She has invited her great aunt Rebecca to make a special meal. Instead of Aunt Rebecca, in walks Ronnie Pilaski who is Martha's old buddy from Nutley, New Jersey. He asks her where the pierogis are and wants to reminisce about the time she went skinny dipping with Eddie Dibitski. Martha eventually goes all Jersey on his ass and kicks him off the show.
Martha is going to show you how to make homemade Valentine's Day cards. She's already made the paper by chopping down an old birch tree and sending it to the paper mill in her bathroom. When she can't find her scissors she brings out a scared Cheri Oteri. Oteri says she must have misplaced the scissors and she can go run and get them but Martha tells her it is too late and she has already ruined the show. Martha has a treat for us. She has invited her great aunt Rebecca to make a special meal. Instead of Aunt Rebecca, in walks Ronnie Pilaski who is Martha's old buddy from Nutley, New Jersey. He asks her where the pierogis are and wants to reminisce about the time she went skinny dipping with Eddie Dibitski. Martha eventually goes all Jersey on his ass and kicks him off the show.
"You been bustin' my ass since communion. I'm Martha frigging Stewart!". It wasn't the greatest sketch but it was far better than most of the other stuff on the show.
Fuzzy Memories
I used to think you could jump off the roof of the house using an umbrella as a parachute. Cut to him giving the umbrella to his little brother and the ambulance taking him away. I thought my little brother could anyway.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"I'm going to a place where the Hi-C flows like wine and the turkey struts around like Saigon whores"
Average
2.4 Stars
MVP
Cheri Oteri
The Sauce, Bus, Martha Stewart Living
The Sauce, Bus, Martha Stewart Living
Best Sketch
Hi-C And Turkey
Worst Sketch
The Kevin Franklin Show
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
When I saw the first two sketches after the monologue I couldn't help but think, 'What the hell is this stuff doing before Update?'. These only have the flimsiest of premises. Then I watched the rest of the show and understood. They had nothing this week. You could blame it on a weak host but I started to feel bad for Aiello because he had nothing of substance behind him. It doesn't really matter where you put any of these sketches in the lineup. A turd is a turd no matter what time of day you see it. I would have started off with Martha Stewart Living and moved The Kevin Franklin Show to the end of the night.
Host Analysis
Wow, I think we found our winner for worst host of the season. Danny Aiello was a vacuum of charisma. He's a fine actor, just not a funny guy. Guys like this can be hilarious if you use them correctly but they put an unfunny host in unfunny sketches and the whole thing was just...unfunny.
Final Thoughts
This was a stinker. My main problems with last week's episode was that there were too many recurring sketches. This is an episode where I could have used Danny Aiello breaking up the cheerleaders or have him co-host the Joe Pesci show. This was the least fun I've had with an SNL episode in quite some time.
Up Next
Things don't sound much rosier as next week we're getting Tom Arnold with musical guest Tupac Shakur. Can you imagine how awkward that cast party was?
I can't find the hi-c and turkey skit ANYWHERE!!. It's not even on the nbc.com's site for all skits in the episode and it's not on YouTube.
ReplyDeleteDanny Aiello has died today aged 86.
ReplyDelete