"It doesn't matter how much you drink, only that you drink as much as you can"
Cold Open: Hands Across America
4 Stars
A one legged jogger tries to cut through Hands Across America
Joan Cusack starts up a conversation with Billy Martin during Hands Across America. She asks him why he's here and he says that it's due to the nuclear meltdown at Chernobyl. She corrects him and says that this is to support the homeless. 'Those bums?', Billy responds. Then Randy Quaid shows up as a one legged jogger who is running from Texas to Minnesota to call attention to the dangers of cleats on escalators. He just wants to cut through but the line doesn't want to break holding hands. There were some subtle bits of absurdity here that I loved. Quaid has the same reaction as Billy when he hears they are doing this for the homeless and I liked the fact that he was raising awareness to a cause that seems to be specific to only himself.
Anjelica Huston Monologue
Anjelica Huston Monologue
3 Stars
Anjelica tells some jokes while Billy gets visited by the devil backstage
Anjelica mentions her recent Oscar win, coincidentally she beat out fellow season 11 host Oprah Winfrey. She is worried about the 'Oscar Curse' which seems to be coming to fruition as she is now hosting SNL. We then cut to backstage where Billy Martin gets visited by Jon Lovitz's Devil. The Devil tells Martin that he was only invited here so they could humiliate him. Martin dismisses Satan and Huston comes in, ecstatic about how her monologue went. Billy tells her that she's going to see a 'new Billy Martin' tonight. This seems like a set-up for a running joke, but I'm probably only thinking that because I have knowledge of how the show ends.
The People's Second Choice Awards
The People's Second Choice Awards
3 Stars
Don Pardo reads names of the presenters at the People's 2nd Choice Awards
The list includes names like Flip Wilson, Roger Moore, Dick Sargent, Ringo Starr, Barbara Bush and, my personal favorite, John Byner's tribute to Bud Abbott. Then we get the list of the sponsors which includes Beta-max, Sprite and big boned girls who don't speak much at first. Not much to this but it provided some laughs.
Moments Of Doubt
2 Stars
A family internalizes their issues
Huston and Quaid are eating breakfast and chatting about their daughter going off to college. Huston then drifts off into thought and we hear her voice over. She thinks that maybe she'll go back to college. Quaid has his own internal monologue where he wonders what his life would be like if he never got married and had kids. Joan Cusack comes in as the daughter and has an internal monologue of her own. Then we pan to the dog who is just thinking "Food. Outside. Outside. Food". It's pretty dumb but it got out quick once the joke hit.
Glamorous Drinking
Glamorous Drinking
4 Stars
A sketch to show how wonderful alcohol is
Lorne addresses the audience and tells us that NBC wouldn't let them air the following sketch last week because they felt it glamorized drinking. They appealed and won so they get to air the sketch this week. I know this is a bit but I can't help but wonder what this sketch would have been like with Jimmy Breslin in the Billy Martin part and Marvin Hagler in the Anjelica Huston part. We go to a casino where Billy is holding a large glass of booze and winning at roulette. Lovitz comes to bring him another jumbo drink and compliments him that he drinks like a 'glamorous role model'. He gets several other compliments about his glamour but everyone looks glamorous when they are drinking alcoholic beverages. Anjelica Huston asks him to come look at paintings of alcohol, he accepts but only if they can drink alcohol while they look at paintings of alcohol. He wins again and someone asks him how he does it. His response, "Not by being sober, that's for sure."
National Council Of Liquor And Spirits
We then get a response to the preceding sketch from Frank Hawkins, a spokesman for the National Council Of Liquor And Spirits. They object to the satirical aspect of the sketch and the fake intro by Lorne Michaels. They do not advocate excessive drinking but they do want you to drink a lot. You know, drink, drink, drink and keep on drinking and then before it gets really bad, stop drinking and then start drinking again.
Actors On Film
1 Star
No thanks, I don't want anymore of this. I hate this, I don't get it, if there is something to get I don't want to get it. I find nothing redeemable about it and I want it to stop.
Hallmark
Hallmark
4 Stars
A line of greeting cards specifically for mafioso
Huston plays May Rose Prizzi and she's introducing a new line of Hallmark greeting cards to express the feelings of organized crime. Things like, "You're late with your payments, bada-bing" and "So sorry I put the zats on your husband". It's a one joke sketch that is repeated over and over again but Huston is committed and makes it fun.
George Clinton And The Parliament Funkadelic
George Clinton And The Parliament Funkadelic
"Let's Take It To The Stage"
This was simply rad. There's a repeated chorus saying "you're my little old pussycat" and then they begin to spell P-U-S-S-Y. They have a way of just hitting you in the face with sound and somehow it sounds so good.
Weekend Update With Dennis Miller
"Knock Knock. Who's There? Not Me folks. I am out of here."
I didn't get a lot of jokes this week. Some were too topical while others were just bizarre non-sequiters like the new movie entitled 'Texas Garden Weasel Massacre'. We get one last visit from the Weekend Update dancers, this time they are dressed as the Statue of Liberty while Father Guido Sarducci reads the statue's creed.
Al Franken makes an appearance to basically promote the new movie he's written with Tom Davis, 'One More Saturday Night'. He tells us that it's opening on June 6th in several cities in California and then gives directions on how to get to those theaters.
A. Whitney Brown salutes the graduating class of 1986. He is concerned that illiteracy is on the rise. People in America can't read USA Today and these are probably the people who write for USA Today.
Al Franken makes an appearance to basically promote the new movie he's written with Tom Davis, 'One More Saturday Night'. He tells us that it's opening on June 6th in several cities in California and then gives directions on how to get to those theaters.
A. Whitney Brown salutes the graduating class of 1986. He is concerned that illiteracy is on the rise. People in America can't read USA Today and these are probably the people who write for USA Today.
Lesbian Pick-Ups
3 Stars
A lesbian picks up an engaged woman at a bar
Nora Dunn saddles up to Joan Cusack at a bar and starts hitting on her.
"Are you a lesbian?"
"Yes I am"
"Well, I'm not"
"Not yet"
Cusack tells her that she likes men because they make her feel safe and they have broad shoulders. Dunn says that she has broad shoulders and could make her feel safe. Cusack can't argue with that logic so goes home with her. Robert Downey comes in looking for his fiancee, the bartender, played by Huston, tells her that she just went home with a lesbian. Downey asks Huston out on a date but she is also a lesbian.
"So, you wouldn't want to marry me?"
"Sure I would"
Then they walk off hand in hand. It's a weird little sketch which wouldn't work today but had a quaint little charm to it.
Bocce Ball My Way
"Are you a lesbian?"
"Yes I am"
"Well, I'm not"
"Not yet"
Cusack tells her that she likes men because they make her feel safe and they have broad shoulders. Dunn says that she has broad shoulders and could make her feel safe. Cusack can't argue with that logic so goes home with her. Robert Downey comes in looking for his fiancee, the bartender, played by Huston, tells her that she just went home with a lesbian. Downey asks Huston out on a date but she is also a lesbian.
"So, you wouldn't want to marry me?"
"Sure I would"
Then they walk off hand in hand. It's a weird little sketch which wouldn't work today but had a quaint little charm to it.
Bocce Ball My Way
3 Stars
Commercial for Father Guido Sarducci's self help tape
This was quick and stupid. Sarducci is hocking his tape that teaches you the secrets to bocce ball. It's only $85 and is one of the best instructional videos about bocce ball on the market.
Backstage
3 Stars
The Devil tries to tempt Billy again
Billy is backstage when the devil comes to antagonize him some more. Satan has been sneaking little bottles of booze into Billy's costumes. He lets out an evil laugh but coughs half way through. This is, again, pointless setup for what's to come.
Damon Wayans
Damon Wayans
4 Stars
After getting fired a few episodes ago, Damon returns to SNL to do a stand-up set. He talks about racism and how white people always think he's trying to steal from them. He also tells a story about a white guy in the supermarket who asked him if a watermelon was ripe.
Book Minute
2 Stars
Aquanetta Feinstein wrote a nursery rhyme book
Displeased with Mother Goose and Father Ganger, Aquanetta wrote her own book of nursery rhymes for inner city children. It includes fables like "Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Humpty Dumpty dead" and "Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater. Get a real job".
Movie Theatre
Movie Theatre
Patti LaBelle goes to see a film
Ugh. Quaid and Huston find their seats in a movie theater, they are excited to get a night together to see a film. Terry Sweeney comes in as Patti LaBelle and she is joined by another black woman played by Danitra Vance. Now, I gave Sweeney a pass when he played Diana Ross in the Pee-Wee Herman episode but this is a bit ridiculous. Sweeney is not just in blackface, he is in coal face and it's not like he's doing a Patti LaBelle impression, he's just enacting the old stereotype that black people are loud in movie theaters. Sweeney and Vance chew popcorn loudly, they yell at the screen and act generally obnoxious. Boy, did I not feel good watching this. It was also weird to come right after Damon Wayans doing a stand-up set about racism and a sketch starring Danitra Vance.
My Friend
3 Stars
My Friend
A woman eagerly awaits a visit
Cusack and Vance are talking over coffee. Danitra is having some issues but Joan says she has a valuable support system in her friend. She goes on and on about her "friend" to the point where you think she's talking about God or Jesus. But then there's a knock at the door and her friend is here. It's Billy Martin dressed as Colonel Sanders. Billy stumbles over his lines and asks for a second take. Joan calls him out for being drunk, he only had 2 beers is his defense. Lorne comes out and fires him from the show and we cut to the devil laughing. They are going all in on this but it's more entertaining than the actual sketches the wrote so I'm fine with it.
George Clinton And The Parliament Funkadelic sing Do Fries Go With That Shake which is another rad song. It's a lot of noise that merges together into a beautiful funk symposium.
Fire
George Clinton And The Parliament Funkadelic sing Do Fries Go With That Shake which is another rad song. It's a lot of noise that merges together into a beautiful funk symposium.
Fire
Billy Martin is gonna set this place ablaze
The cast is gathered in the locker room celebrating a season well done. Downey especially is pumped for next year. Somebody smells gasoline and we cut to Billy Martin outside the room pouring gas everywhere. Lorne tries to stop him.
"If you set the cast on fire, they won't be able to do the show next year"
He runs in and comes out with Jon Lovitz and tells him to go wait in his limo. He then ushers in the writers into the burning room, they are they same white guys from the 'That Black Girl' sketch in the Coppola episode. We cut to Huston waving goodbye and then credits roll over the entire cast happily burning. Text pops up asking 'Who Will Survive?' and question marks appear after everyone's name. I'm glad they included the writers here as the cast got a lot of crap for this season but even great actors and comedians can't make a sketch work if it's a complete dud.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"If you set the cast on fire, they won't be able to do the show next year"
He runs in and comes out with Jon Lovitz and tells him to go wait in his limo. He then ushers in the writers into the burning room, they are they same white guys from the 'That Black Girl' sketch in the Coppola episode. We cut to Huston waving goodbye and then credits roll over the entire cast happily burning. Text pops up asking 'Who Will Survive?' and question marks appear after everyone's name. I'm glad they included the writers here as the cast got a lot of crap for this season but even great actors and comedians can't make a sketch work if it's a complete dud.
FINAL ANALYSIS
Average
2.9 Stars
MVP
Jon Lovitz
Monologue, Glamorous Drinking, Backstage, Fire
Monologue, Glamorous Drinking, Backstage, Fire
Best Sketch
Glamorous Drinking
Worst Sketch
Movie Theatre
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
This episode has a nice pace to it, mostly because of the Billy Martin and Devil through-line. I wouldn't really change anything except cut the crappy sketches like Actors On Film, Movie Theatre and Moments Of Doubt.
Host Analysis
Billy Martin was game for everything and really enjoyable in that, non actor reading his lines of cue cards kind of way. Anjelica Huston blended into the ensemble with the exception of the only sketch she headlined. She got to play the wife, the girlfriend and the lesbian bartender. Nothing much was asked of her but she handled herself well.
Final Thoughts
A pretty weird episode that felt a bit uneven. All the Billy Martin stuff was fun but then there were some really half-ass sketches. Killing off the cast at the end of the show was a funny idea but almost made me feel sad. Yeah, Robert Downey and Anthony Michael Hall sucked but did we have to murder them? Then there's guys like Randy Quaid who was a huge asset to the show, he didn't deserve to be burned to death. All in all, I had a good time watching this season. It wasn't anything to rave about but it wasn't the worst thing I've ever seen. I can probably count more sketches from season 42 that made me cringe more than anything this season.
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