"A funny thing happened on my way here tonight. I killed 3 white people."
Cold Open: Studio Tour
3 Stars
Tommy Flanagan guides Jay through backstage
Jay Leno can't find his way through the studio. He goes into one room and Randy Quaid is drinking with the band, he goes into another room where special guest Mike The Dog is getting his makeup applied, then he runs into Tommy Flanagan. Tommy says he's the executive producer of the show and know every inch of the building, except that wall, that must be new. He takes Jay around, making up stories the whole time. When they get to home base Jay asks how the show usually starts to which Tommy replies, a big dance number. No, Jay says, it starts when I say, Live From New York... Tommy is only slightly getting old, he's always funny but it's getting the point where I am expecting him rather than pleased to see him. This whole thing had a bit of an improvisational feel and was a nice quick way to start the show.
Jay Leno Monologue
Jay Leno Monologue
3 Stars
Jay does some stand up
Jay Leno may be the quintessential 1980s stand up comedian. There he is with the sleeves rolled up on his sport coat and telling jokes about all of life's little oddities. TV Guide is the most read periodical in America? What's with these numbskulls? You ever watch The People's Court? More like Attack Of The Pinheads. He also talks about dumb game shows, celebrity spokespeople and Charles Manson at his parole hearing. He's telling jokes at breakneck speed, barely pausing long enough to catch his breath. Stand up has changed in 30 years, this is less about joke structure and more about pointing out things you may have noticed. It illicited some good laughs and I can definitely see why he got so popular.
Target Earth
Target Earth
3 Stars
Aliens threaten to take over the planet
A spaceship lands in Oregon and two aliens emerge from the hatch. They are played by Leno and Robert Downey, you know two of the biggest hams ever. Their performances are mildly irritating. They give Randy Quaid a book that is very valuable and explains their civilization and their plans for takeover. Quaid takes the book to Washington where they find that their planet is actually far less advanced than ours. They have absolutely nothing to teach us as their main occupation is sheep herding. They also gather that there is no way they could have built their spaceship and they must have found it. Quaid gets pissed because of how smug they acted and marches back to them. The aliens return saying they need slaves to build more of their dirt roads because they keep vanishing after it rains and if we refuse we have to face the awesome power of their muskets. Quaid shows them a sub machine gun and they leave to conquer them another time when it is more convenient. This was a bit long but pretty cute when it got to the payoff and thankfully didn't belabor the joke.
Dinner With Mike
Dinner With Mike
3 Stars
Mike The Dog has dinner with his former owner
Wait, what? This dog was so famous that he got a special guest spot on SNL. He has an IMDB page and is listed as starring in Down And Out In Beverly Hills and a TV movie called Spot Marks The X. I don't know how that translates to international super stardom but here we are. A waiter is offering a bottle of wine to a patron and we pan out and it's Mike The Dog, sitting down for a nice Italian meal. Randy Quaid comes in as an old friend, shakes hands with Mike and they reminisce about old times. They haven't seen each other in 2 years which for Mike must seem like 14 years. Quaid is jealous of Mike's success and sorry that he gambled him away in a poker game years ago. He asks Mike if he can come by the set on his next movie to which Mike shakes his head. For how stupid this was, I actually really enjoyed it. Mike The Dog is a true professional, hitting his marks and shaking or nodding his head on command and Quaid does an excellent job of making this awkward setting conversational as if he's really conversing with Mike.
The Neville Brothers
"The Big Chief"
We open with a guy banging on what looks to be a cheese grater. Where's the lead singer, you ask? He's behind the bongos with a poorly positioned microphone that falls off the stand when he starts to sing. Then the cheese grater guy starts to sing, then the guitarist starts to sing. It's like the Neville Brothers got together, wrote a song and then picked and chose what each of them would do.
What can I do in the song?
Here, bang on this cheese grater.
I can sing too?
Sure, this song is mostly just a saxophone solo anyway.
Weekend Update With Dennis Miller
"I'm just fascinated by that USA Today weather map"
Not much going on in Update this week, my favorite joke was about Walter Mondale. This guy only got 3 more electoral votes than me and I didn't even run. I didn't spend a dime and almost tied him. We get another visit from the Weekend Update dancers who are here to interpret the bad flu season to the tune of 'Living In America'. It's dumb and I never see it coming. Senior correspondent A. Whitney Brown returns for another installment of The Big Picture. He talks about the Iran Iraq war and makes some jokes about big a threat Saddam Hussein is. He thinks that they are fighting because their names sound too similar. His jokes are good but I was getting a little tired of how much he was cracking himself up.
Star Search
2 Stars
Ed McMahon introduces some acts
Randy Quaid comes on as Ed McMahon and then they pretty much act out an entire episode of Star Search. Terry Sweeney sings 'Over The Rainbow', Nora Dunn comes on a spokes model finalist, Robert Downey does a bad mime act, Dennis Miller and Joan Cusack act out a scene from 'The Coffee Shop' which is the Olympia restaurant 'cheeseburger, cheeseburger' sketch, Jay Leno sings 'Brother, Can You Spare A Dime' in a military outfit, Danitra Vance demonstrates skeet shooting, Jon Lovitz comes out as an old Jewish comedian and Damon Wayans ends it as an angry black comic. In between each bit we cut back to Ed who is either eating Alpo out of a can or drinking a beer. This had some fun moments but was so damn long.
Evil Twin
Randy Quaid comes on as Ed McMahon and then they pretty much act out an entire episode of Star Search. Terry Sweeney sings 'Over The Rainbow', Nora Dunn comes on a spokes model finalist, Robert Downey does a bad mime act, Dennis Miller and Joan Cusack act out a scene from 'The Coffee Shop' which is the Olympia restaurant 'cheeseburger, cheeseburger' sketch, Jay Leno sings 'Brother, Can You Spare A Dime' in a military outfit, Danitra Vance demonstrates skeet shooting, Jon Lovitz comes out as an old Jewish comedian and Damon Wayans ends it as an angry black comic. In between each bit we cut back to Ed who is either eating Alpo out of a can or drinking a beer. This had some fun moments but was so damn long.
Evil Twin
3 Stars
Cusack and Leno come back from a date, they went to see An Unmarried Woman. Leno offers her some tea before they read aloud from Our Bodies Ourselves and then asks her if she would like to make love afterwards. She says she doesn't want to have sex until they really get to know each other. Jay says that he is glad to hear that and only asked because he was testing her true commitment to feminism. He leaves to get tea and returns with a mustache. He spills beer on her shirt and asks for some sex. This isn't Jay, it's his evil twin, Wade. She runs away screaming and Jay rips off the mustache, turns to the camera and explains that he likes to pull this evil twin scheme when women won't put out. On one hand, I'm glad they got out of the sketch before the joke got stale but on the other hand, I feel like the sketch was just getting started. He says he is off to Hef's place to scare up some tail, what did he do when he got there?
Stand-Ups
3 Stars
Annoying stand up comics converse backstage as they would in their acts
Lovitz, Miller and Wayans are riffing on life's little mysteries. Why do they call it a sports jacket? They should call it a walking around jacket. What's the deal with dinner jackets? What if you wear it to lunch? What do coffee tasters in Columbia do on their coffee break? Then Lovitz breaks in with, Do you ever think about the existence of God? That question is quickly forgotten and replaced with, What's the deal with Fred Flintstone's feet? Then Jay comes in as Jackie Meadows, an old school comic, to congratulate them on their comedy styles.
In my day we just hit somebody with a pie, you kids want to know what's the pie's motivation?
He also refers to Wayans as the colored fella, does some shtick and leaves. I really like these characters. They are just an excuse to make lame observational humor but they always make me laugh.
Man Beat
2 Stars
Lyle Alzado shows a kid how to advertise his magazine
Downey wants you to subscribe to Man Beat magazine while Lyle Alzado, remember him?, intimidates him. I didn't quite understand what the joke was here but later on Terry Sweeney breaks in as Sandy the telephone operator who tells us that if we order now we'll also get a carrying case, and that made me smile. Other than that, this was stupid.
The Neville Brothers return to sing The Midnight Key which I liked a lot better than the first song. It's a repetitive funk song but something tells me that the white guy who takes front and center during his guitar solo is not an authentic Neville brother.
The Further Adventures Of Biff And Salena
The Neville Brothers return to sing The Midnight Key which I liked a lot better than the first song. It's a repetitive funk song but something tells me that the white guy who takes front and center during his guitar solo is not an authentic Neville brother.
The Further Adventures Of Biff And Salena
1 Star
Two mentally challenged people at a diner
Cusack is a waitress serving Jay Leno some coffee. He leaves and in walks Jon Lovitz. He asks for a mug of Jello and they flirt. I think the joke here is that they are both retarded. I have no idea what this was and I hope to not see any further adventures.
FINAL ANALYSIS
FINAL ANALYSIS
"You remind me of Slap Meat Higgins"
Average
2.5 Stars
MVP
Randy Quaid
Cold Open, Target Earth, Dinner With Mike, Star Search, Man Beat
Cold Open, Target Earth, Dinner With Mike, Star Search, Man Beat
Best Sketch
Target Earth
Worst Sketch
The Further Adventures Of Biff And Salena
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Things were going really well until after Update. Only Stand Ups was worthy of watching a second time. Everything else was very lackluster. If Star Search or Evil Twin was earlier in the night then maybe the show wouldn't have ground to a halt.
Host Analysis
Jey hammed it up in sketches but handled himself well. His monologue was funny and he was quite fun in sketches. There were some moments where he played a generic part that could have been played by an extra like in Star Search or The Further Adventures Of Biff And Salena. It is kind of weird that he is so famous as a stand up and there were 2 sketches featuring stand ups that he didn't feature.
Final Thoughts
Despite a couple of stinkers, and even the good stuff wasn't that great, I enjoyed this episode. Star Search was a really long and meandering sketch but I got to see the whole cast do something individually so it was fun on that level. I hated The Further Adventures Of Biff And Salena but it was nice to see Lovitz and Cusack trying something and they seem to have good chemistry. I think I was prepared for a trainwreck season and what I got was something that wasn't great but something that wasn't all that bad.
Up Next
Griffin Dunne hosts. This is the episode that got Damon Wayans fired. So at least I'll have something to write about.
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