"Don't Forget, Two Half Truths Add Up To The Whole Truth"
Cold Open: Drug Testing
2 Stars
NBC president Brandon Tartikoff is going to enforce drug testing this season
Brandon Tartikoff addresses the audience to say that now Lorne Michaels is back at the helm NBC is going to start randomly urine testing the cast and crew because of the history the show has had with substance abuse, you know like John Belushi dying from an overdose. Anthony Michael Hall shows up to drop off his urine sample and takes the NBC pledge that he will remain drug free. This was hard to track down and wasn't on my copy of the episode as it was removed from the rerun. People felt this was in bad taste and Tartikoff himself apologized for taking part in it. I'm not sure why it is in bad taste but it certainly isn't very funny. I get that back in these days there were only 3 networks so apparently network presidents were celebrities, but this is like your boss coming over to your desk to tell you a joke. Your boss isn't funny. Go back to your office and let me do my job.
Opening Credits
The cast is shown randomly doing things around New York City like Dennis Miller hitching a ride on a garbage truck and Terry Sweeney delivering a pizza and for some reason Randy Quaid is trying to feed a baby ice cream. I like the graphics and I'm already transported to an 80s time period. Right off the bat, let me say, I haven't seen anything from this season since I was a kid watching reruns on Comedy Central. Check out this cast though, Robert Downey, Jr., Anthony Michael Hall, Joan Cusack, I'm either in for a bizarre treat or I'm going to regret the next 18 hours of my life.
Madonna Monologue
4 Stars
Madonna shows clips from her wedding
Despite Madonna not having the best comic timing, this was pretty funny. She fairly quickly throws to a video package of her nuptials to Sean Penn, played by Downey. I liked the Father Guido Sarducci cameo as their priest. There's some funny cutaways to Madonna's family, all dressed like Madonna, and Penn's family, all shunning the camera. The press invades, which is shown through clips of the helicopters from Apocalypse Now, and Madonna blows them away with a bazooka. I know this came first but it reminded me of the Shannen Doherty monologue from season 19. Pretty good start to the proceedings.
Commercial: Where You're Going
4 Stars
Young business types are going to pay for their greed
This got me the first time I watched it and held up the second time, even after I knew where it was going. Quaid is congratulating Lovitz for selling his condo for a profit and then we see the cast drinking beer, doing generic business, driving sports cars and laying in tanning beds while an inspirational ballad plays. At first you think this is a parody of a beer commercial or a credit card commercial but it turns out to be a message from God telling you that you are going to hell for your greed, empty ambition and false values. It was nice to see the whole cast in the first commercial parody of the season and the payoff is really funny.
National Inquirer Theatre
National Inquirer Theatre
4 Stars
A Re-enactment of Marilyn Monroe's last day as told by the National Inquirer
Nora Dunn introduces this piece and explains that what we are going to see is a re-enactment of Marilyn's death the way it really happened, as researched by the National Inquirer. She introduces Jon Lovitz as the reporter who broke the story, by collecting rumors. She also talks to Danitra Vance as a mentalist who fact checked the story. This is all a little superfluous as we already get the point of the sketch from the title. The National Inquirer is that magazine in the grocery store that makes up stories, so this re-enactment is going to be completely inaccurate. So now we're in Monroe's hotel room and Joan Cusack, as a maid, blows up her skirt with a vacuum cleaner. Marilyn finally has her life figured out, she's going to take a vacation, write her autobiography and break off her relationship with the Kennedys, not just John and Bobby but Teddy and Joe too. Quaid shows up as JFK, even though Madonna accidentally calls him Ted, with intent to murder her and he is quickly joined by Hall as Bobby and Sweeney as Teddy. They are almost stopped by Downey as Elvis but he is dispatched quickly and force fed some sleeping pills. As Quaid starts to smother Madonna with a pillow we cut back to Dunn who asks why Elvis never came forth with what he knew. Lovitz explains that Elvis knew he would be faking his death in 15 years and didn't want to attract attention to himself. This reminded me a lot of the "First Draft Theater" sketches from last season and I hope we see this again. All the performances were fun, especially Downey's very bad and silly Elvis impression. I could have gone on a few more minutes with this if they kept heightening the absurdity.
Pinklisting
Pinklisting
3 Stars
Gay actor, Clint Weston, tries to pass himself off as straight
Wow, tough way to start a sketch. Al Franken reads a text scrawl detailing McCarthyism and the Hollywood blacklist before transitioning to the new blacklist of the 80s, Pinklisting which is where Hollywood actresses are afraid to do love scenes with gay male actors because of fear of AIDS. We go to the set of a soap opera where Madonna is a temperamental actress who is refusing to do a love scene with an actor she doesn't know. Quaid, as the director, assures her that Clint Weston is the most masculine actor in all of Hollywood. Enter Terry Sweeney, SNL's first openly gay cast member, who compliments Joan Cusack's gazongas after taking off his leather jacket. So the whole sketch is Sweeney, who is obviously gay, overcompensating and trying to act "butch". His performance is really funny, I especially liked when he cried over a Liza Minnelli headline in the paper, but it's hard for me to laugh when you got me thinking about AIDS right out of the gate. He comes out to the crew, who are also all gay, and Madonna confesses that she uses intravenous drugs. Sweeney refuses to do the scene with her and walks off the set. A funny execution but it could have been set up a little better. I like the character and the situation, just not the subtext.
Simple Minds
"Alive And Kicking"
This is one of my favorite 80s jams. This live version is missing just a little something from the album version, energy maybe? Hard to tell, but I was glad to hear this.
Critic
Simple Minds
"Alive And Kicking"
Critic
Trailer for a movie about an honest film critic
Jon Lovitz stars as Victor LaSalle, a New York film critic who isn't afraid to turn down free drinks from movie studios so he can write a scathing review of their film. He also isn't afraid of lambasting a film produced by a media partner of his paper. This was well produced but I was missing the joke. The punchline of all the critics blurbs at the end was something, but not enough. I got a chuckle out of Roger Ebert's quote, "I stuffed my face." but this one went right by me.
The Jones Brothers
3 Stars
Two hoodlums sell their stolen goods
Anthony Michael Hall waits for the drool to fall from his mouth and fall on to his shirt before speaking, which is gross. Wayans and Hall are two crooks who are able to sell products at rock bottom prices because it's all the stuff they stole from other people, like computers, Walkmans and pocketbooks with IDs still in them. Wayans obviously has a hold on his character, Hall seems a little out of place and borderline offensive. But then again, I did laugh at Don Pardo reading the address in a "jive" voice at the end, so I don't mind offensiveness all the time. It was quick and to the point, by the time you got the joke the sketch was pretty much over.
Weekend Update With Dennis Miller
"I care"
Miller's first outing behind the Update desk goes fairly well. The audience is digging it and he has an instant report with the camera. A lot of the jokes were lost on me, probably because I am 30 years removed from the news at the time. There are no season premiere jitters from Miller though, he holds the desk like a pro, probably because this is the only thing he had to focus on all night. My favorite joke involved a Georgia law banning oral and anal sex which would result in prison time, prison being the perfect place to rid yourself of those nasty habits. I also liked the filmed piece where we went to Dennis Miller's Sports Fantasy where he interviews a guy who always wanted to bat against Goose Gossage, cut to Gossage beaning a guy in the head with a baseball. A strong first outing from Miller.
El Spectaculare De Marika
1 Star
Da Fuh?
I can't help but think that something was lost in the translation here, literally, this was 5 minutes of Madonna singing and speaking in Spanish. I have no idea what this was supposed to be. She comes out singing "Take On Me" in a Spanish accent while Sweeney and Hall dance around her. She then gets interviewed by Downey, talks to a duck, brings out St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Joaquin Andujar, then sings Three Times A Lady and dances some more. Remember, this is entirely in Spanish without subtitles or translation so I don't know if that's the joke or if I'm missing something but I'm fairly certain that if I spoke fluent Spanish I would still not find this funny. I haven't been this confused since Cyndi Lauper explained Dylan Thomas in season 10.
Penn & Teller
3 Stars
Penn performs a card trick while Teller holds his breath underwater.
Teller is submerged in water and the tank will not open until Penn can find the card selected by an audience member. Teller can only hold his breath for 3 1/2 minutes so we get a countdown on the screen. Penn can't find the card so Teller dies but the card materializes in his mask as his corpse floats to the top of the tank. Pretty good bit, Penn and Teller's shtick is usually to make you think the trick isn't going correctly but that's only to distract you from the actual illusion they are pulling. This is pretty entertaining and a nice break in the show.
Royal Visit
3 Stars
Prince Charles and Princess Di visit the Reagans
Madonna and Lovitz are Princess Di and Prince Charles and are having a drunken evening with the Reagans played by Quaid as Ronald and Sweeney as Nancy. I was never sure what the joke was here as this seemed more like a little mini play than a sketch. Sweeney is funny as Nancy and Quaid is silly and serviceable as Ronald and I can't help but think that this was either supposed to air earlier in the evening or if this was just to establish the presidential impressions of the new cast. I only assume that because there's no punchline to the sketch and also it's a little late for political humor, which this is completely lacking focus. It would have made a fine cold open but falls flat this late in the show.
The Limits Of The Imagination
The Limits Of The Imagination
Twilight Zone parody where the call is coming from inside the car.
Randy Quaid introduces this as a floating head and makes some silly remarks about the things he can do to mess with your head, ala the opening of The Outer Limits. They can make his voice louder, or softer or make him sound like a woman. We then cut to a filmed piece where Madonna is getting a harassing phone call. The police call her and tell her that they have traced the call to coming from inside the car. We then pan out and Madonna is driving on a car phone. She gets out of the car, pops the hood where a masked Jon Lovitz pops out and attacks her. Quaid then comes out of the trunk and shoots Lovitz. This was interesting but not very funny. I wasn't quite sure what this was spoofing or what the exaggeration was, still an interesting piece for late in the night.
Coloring Book
This is almost unrateable as it feels like obvious time filler. This is the season premiere, I have no idea who this character is but she is here to share the coloring book she created called "I Don't Want A Baby". It's got things for teenagers who are pregnant to learn and also includes pornographic pictures. We don't get to see any of this though, Vance just introduces the coloring book and then says thank you, like the joke is that this coloring book exists. This was so quick and forgettable that it seems like it was thrown out at the last minute to fill time.
Coloring Book
2 Stars
Cabrini Green Jackson hocks her coloring book for expecting parents.
This is almost unrateable as it feels like obvious time filler. This is the season premiere, I have no idea who this character is but she is here to share the coloring book she created called "I Don't Want A Baby". It's got things for teenagers who are pregnant to learn and also includes pornographic pictures. We don't get to see any of this though, Vance just introduces the coloring book and then says thank you, like the joke is that this coloring book exists. This was so quick and forgettable that it seems like it was thrown out at the last minute to fill time.
FINAL ANALYSIS
Average
2.8 Stars
MVP
Terry Sweeney
Where You're Going, National Inquirer Theatre, Pinklisting, El Spectaculare De Marika, Royal Visit
Terry Sweeney
Where You're Going, National Inquirer Theatre, Pinklisting, El Spectaculare De Marika, Royal Visit
Best Sketch
National Inquirer Theatre
National Inquirer Theatre
Worst Sketch
El Spectaculare De Marika
El Spectaculare De Marika
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
The back half of the show fell apart pretty quickly but the front half was really enjoyable. If you moved Royal Visit to the cold open spot that would have given the sketch a little more reason to be but the real problem here wasn't in the placement it was just the lackluster sketches at the end.
The back half of the show fell apart pretty quickly but the front half was really enjoyable. If you moved Royal Visit to the cold open spot that would have given the sketch a little more reason to be but the real problem here wasn't in the placement it was just the lackluster sketches at the end.
Host Analysis
Madonna is hamming it up and over acting to an almost distracting and irritating degree in most sketches. She seems to be having fun so it's not an abysmal hosting job, but she's obviously a less talented comedic actress than she is a singer.
Final Thoughts
Madonna is hamming it up and over acting to an almost distracting and irritating degree in most sketches. She seems to be having fun so it's not an abysmal hosting job, but she's obviously a less talented comedic actress than she is a singer.
Final Thoughts
All in all, not a terrible effort. I was completely prepared for a trainwreck but found something enjoyable in every sketch. Some of the sketches didn't work but nothing made me want to throw my TV in the river and denounce comedy as a whole. It also felt pretty polished for a season premiere with an entirely new cast, there weren't any line flubs or timing issues that I noticed and everyone in the cast seemed to show up to play.
Up Next
Chevy Chase hosts with musical guest Sheila E. I've never seen this episode but know from the Oral History book of SNL that Chase pitched a sketch to Terry Sweeney that he would get weighed to see how much weight he lost because of AIDS, which sounds like a hilarious idea.
Chevy Chase hosts with musical guest Sheila E. I've never seen this episode but know from the Oral History book of SNL that Chase pitched a sketch to Terry Sweeney that he would get weighed to see how much weight he lost because of AIDS, which sounds like a hilarious idea.
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