“Candygram”
Cold Open: Ford Speech
3 Stars
They introduce him as the President but don’t specifically call him Gerald Ford. This is just a lot of Chevy stumbles and bumbles. I liked the bit where he keeps pouring water but picking up the empty glass. He ends it by tripping over some chairs. I guess this is our first political cold open. If only they could still be this short.
Candice Bergen Monologue
Candice announces herself as the first woman host but her monologue is interrupted when a bee lands on her hand. Chevy whacks it and we start the show.
Ambassador Training Institute
Interested in an exciting career as a foreign ambassador? ATI will teach you how to not shoot diplomats and create international incidents and instead pass the sweet and sour shrimp.
CIA Department Of Records
Garrett has come to see his CIA file. Dan gets him to give up as much information about himself as possible and ends up putting his house under surveillance. You can see the ending coming a mile away but the performances save it. Both Dan and Garrett do good work in this.
Esther Phillips
“What A Difference A Day Makes”
Polaroid
Chevy does the Yorik speech from Hamlet but drops the skull and breaks it. Then Candice comes out dressed as a bee and they do an honest-to-god commercial for Polaroid. Like it’s a word from our sponsor on the Ed Sullivan show. I didn’t know they ever did anything like this and I’m not sure if they ever did again but this was weird. I kept waiting for a joke that never came. They’re just trying to sell Polaroid cameras. The worst part of it is that we don’t even see the picture develop. You’d think on live TV they’d want to show off how fast the picture develops but maybe they were slower in the 70s. It just felt like a waste of a commercial, “I’m gonna take this picture and it will develop quickly, here’s some pictures that we’ve already developed…” but I thought the whole point was that these develop quick.
Jaws II
The land shark attacks Gilda, Laraine, Jane, and Candice by passing itself off as plumbers, delivery men, and dolphins. Dan and John provide good support as Roy Scheider and Richard Dreyfuss and Garret does a pretty excellent pratfall to end it. Nice to see the entire cast together in a sketch including Chevy who is very funny as the voice of the shark.
Long Distance
I didn’t see any semblance of a joke in this until I rewatched it and noticed the guy calling his mom is part of a gay couple. So, was that the joke?
Weekend Update
And we get our first commercial repeat as they replay Triopenin as this week’s mid-Update advertisement.
Chanel
Candice as Catherine Deneuve, hey that’s our first impression by a host, talks with her head on a perfume bottle. The audience seems to get this so I’ll have to give it the benefit of the doubt that this is referencing something I’m unfamiliar with. It ends with a cute enough sight gag that the bottle was glued to her head.
The Land Of Gorch
Once again, I must say, this is some top level impressive puppetry. I watch these and I’m constantly looking for where the actual people are. How does King Ploobis have two hands and a moving mouth? It flabbergasts me. But this is the most boring shit. By the time they got to the Mighty Favog I realized I had no idea why they were coming to him. Something about only having two gligs, your guess is as good as mine.
Irk The Turk
Candice interviews a foreign dictator and stomps on his feet, draws a goatee on his face, and sticks a marker up his nose. He then has her sentenced to death which becomes her big story. This didn’t work for me and came off as milquetoast Three Stooges.
Feminine Talk
Candy and Gilda sit on stools and chat. They talk about the Equal Rights Amendment and Gilda’s resentment for Candice’s good looks. It doesn’t have much of a point but it’s basically just an intro to the Albert Brooks film.
A Film By Albert Brooks
Super Season
We see previews of 3 new mid-season replacement shows. Medical Season is a hospital procedural that’s (I think) purposefully bland. The only notable thing is it features Rene Auberjonois from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. The Three Of Us is mildly amusing with Albert sharing a house with two women and trying to work a three-way. Then Black Vet is a straight-up 70s blaxploitation of a black veterinarian coming into town. The tag of Death Of A Salesman performed by children was cute but this was long and mostly a dud.
Midnight Probe
Candice hosts a show with Dan and John as kiwi trappers. They expound on how dangerous the kiwi are and demonstrate how to catch them on Candice. Fine performances but wasn’t a fan of the fade out at the end. This may be the first example of a sketch without an ending.
According to SNL Archives I’m missing a piece called Lovers which looks like it gets repeated in a future episode.
Crank Call
Mr. Mike calls an airline and harasses the woman who answers the phone. Such twisted shit comes out of his mouth, this would have been a great end of the night sketch. Nice work from Laraine silently taking his abuse before politely saying goodbye.
Andy Kaufman
Andy as Foreign Man tells a joke and does some imitations. He forgets what he’s supposed to do next and starts having a panic attack. His tears turn into rhythmic bongos. This is another next level genius bit from Andy and I like how his performances are building on each other. This one being the first time we hear him talk and it’s not even his own voice.
Black Perspective
Garrett interviews soul sister Jane Curtin whose novels display a rich knowledge on the inner thoughts of the black mind. I love Jane as the milky white author talking about her brothers and sisters in the ghetto but I was confused by the reality. I wasn’t sure if she was posing as a black woman or was embarrassed to be on the show or what exactly was going on.
Pong
Al Franken and Tom Davis play Pong and talk. This was lulling me to sleep with their soft voices and the repetitive beeps of the game. The punchline that Tom is fucking Al’s girl was fine but I was losing track of the story due to not being that interested.
Esther Phillips
“I Can Stand A Little Rain”
FINAL ANALYSIS
“Why don’t you go milk the gorkon?”
Average
2.8 Stars
MVP
Garrett Morris
CIA Department Of Records, Jaws II, Weekend Update, Irk The Turk, Black Perspective
Best Sketch
Jaws II
Worst Sketch
The Land Of Gorch
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
I put my reviews in the order from SNL Archives just to satiate my OCD but I’m never quite sure if that’s the “official” live sketch order. I can only assume it is which means the Peacock version swapped some things around. They move Jaws II up and swap Andy Kaufman and The Muppets, both good calls. But since they’re now officially messing with the order of things I can officially start trying to make it better. I would lead off with Jaws II and cut that Polaroid segment. I wonder what sort of network meeting resulted in that happening. I would also bury The Muppets at the end of the show and would have ended the night with Crank Call.
Host Analysis
Rob Reiner felt like the first actual host but Candice definitely set the template for what the job will become. She did impressions, appeared in sketches as characters (although most of them named Candice Bergen), and got the first Goodnights with the cast where they showered her with roses. She was a very fun presence throughout the show.
Final Thoughts
It’s been called the first episode of SNL and…I just liked it which seems fitting. It’s weird that this is the first episode this season that feels like the show and it’s been the least interesting for me. Probably because I’m so used to the format the last 3 episodes were an exciting change of pace. This was a fun episode though. Esther Phillips was interesting, not my cup of tea but entertaining. Andy Kaufman was classic and the sketches were good. The only time my patience was wearing thin was during The Muppets (gonna be a long season), the Albert Brooks film, Pong, and the Polaroid commercial but at least that was interesting because it’s something I’ve never seen on the show before.
Up Next
Robert Klein with Abba and Loudon Wainwright III
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