“The men all had erections and every single one of the women were ovulating left and right”
Cold Open: Oval Office
3 Stars
The Steve Bannon grim reaper is back, which was better as a one-time sight gag than a character hook. He encourages Trump to make calls to foreign leaders before making him sit at a tiny desk. Not the strongest but it did have the president of Zimbabwe calling Trump a “white bitch” so it at least had that.
Kristen Stewart Monologue
Kristen shows some of Trump’s tweets about her relationship and then Kate and Aidy come out to try and impress the host with their new cool attitudes. It’s two half-fleshed concepts smashed together and I would have preferred just one or the other. Kristen adds herself to the list of people who’ve said “fuck” on the show. One day I’ll be bored enough to do a ranking of every SNL f-bomb.
U.S. Customs Welcome Video
A hastily edited video to reflect travel bans. Not much to say about this but it was good. Very fun voice over from Beck.
UConn Dry Fridays
College kids swap drinking stories but Kristen’s are more hardcore. At least I think that’s the joke. Her stories aren’t that crazy or that funny. She shaved her head and found an egg in her private area.
Totino
3rd and final appearance of Vanessa and her character Totino’s Wife, who we learn here never had a name. The arrival of Kristen at the Super Bowl party turns into a parody of Blue Is The Warmest Colour as they have a steamy romance over pizza rolls. Her hungry guys be damned. This is classic.
Press Conference
Melissa McCarthy makes her debut as Sean Spicer. Hey, a celebrity cameo playing someone in politics. What a novel idea. So I’m not hating the celebrity cameos yet, but I will eventually. Join me on the journey of when I lost interest in SNL. I’m trying to pretend this still excites me and…it isn’t that hard. You can still feel the energy of this first one. I remember quickly losing interest in Sean Spicer but I was loving Melissa’s performance in this one. Attacking reporters with the podium, calling everyone Glenn, the props, and admitting to not talking so good. We also get a funny but from Kate as the new head of education who supports Jesus school with walls and roof and gun for potential grizzly.
Alessia Cara
"Scars To Your Beautiful"
Weekend Update
Family Feud
Last seen in the season premiere, this is the Super Bowl edition of Family Feud with some piss poor impressions. Only Alex’s Casey Affleck and Aidy’s Paula Deen were in the decent to fun range. Kate’s Justin Bieber is played out at this point, Beck and Bobby’s football commissioner and head coach were lost on me, Leslie’s Samuel L Jackson felt like an inside joke I wasn’t part of, not sure what to think of Melissa’s Lady Gaga, and a big whatever to Kristen as Giselle Bundchen. I did get a laugh from Paula Deen’s bean dip recipe having a layer of farts but that was it.
Meet Cute
Weird that Pete would go on to star in a movie called Meet Cute years later, which I actually really enjoyed. Pete and Kristen agree to a date but nail down none of the details. We follow Kristen as she starts to fall in love and Pete as he frantically tries to find basic information about the girl. A fun and succinct look at romantic comedy cliches.
Alessia Cara returns with "River Of Tears"
Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory
There’s only been like two Willy Wonka sketches in SNL history but I cringe every time I see the start of one. Pete plays Grandpa Joe but when he hops out of bed, Charlie is upset that he could walk the whole time. This felt very Family Guy-ish. It also felt like someone got high, watched Willy Wonka, and wrote a sketch. Points to Vanessa’s “I really do have polio” line at the end which almost bumped it up a star.
FINAL ANALYSIS
Average
2.8 Stars
MVP
Vanessa Bayer
Totino, Press Conference, Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory
Best Sketch
Totino
Worst Sketch
Family Feud
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
The back half kinda stunk but the 1-2 punch of Totino and Sean Spicer had the show cooking early. This was like a one hill roller coaster with just a big old peak in the middle. Other than pick better sketches I don’t really have any other notes.
Host Analysis
I think the show wisely avoided too many live sketches involving Kristen. She was good in the pre-filmed bits but her performance in the first sketch was really weak. She was fine as Charlie Bucket and then only played supporting roles like a reporter to Sean Spicer which was probably the right way to go.
Final Thoughts
With the exception of Totino and Sean Spicer, this was a stinker but I didn’t have that sense while watching it. The two good sketches carried enough goodwill throughout to keep me at least hopeful until the end. An update on my feelings towards political humor on SNL, I found it absolutely abhorrent in the last episode but enjoyed it this week. Granted, I did zone out hard during Weekend Update only briefly looking up to see the same David Ortiz bit I’ve seen 100 times.
Up Next
Alec Baldwin hosts for the final time to date
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