"Move over Cider House Rules. Schneider House Rules"
Cold Open: Nightline
2 Stars
Ted Koppel interviews the cast of Peanuts
This is more of a sketch for the makeup department as Tim, Rachel and Horatio all have over-sized heads that are very impressive. I wish the sketch was better to make it worthwhile. Darrell's Ted Koppel asks the cast of Peanuts questions about their creator Charles Schultz after his recent death. Franklin is grateful to Charles for putting a black character in his strip, Pig Pen talks about how his parents were neglectful in teaching him hygiene and Marcy is a lesbian.
Ben Affleck Monologue
This is more of a sketch for the makeup department as Tim, Rachel and Horatio all have over-sized heads that are very impressive. I wish the sketch was better to make it worthwhile. Darrell's Ted Koppel asks the cast of Peanuts questions about their creator Charles Schultz after his recent death. Franklin is grateful to Charles for putting a black character in his strip, Pig Pen talks about how his parents were neglectful in teaching him hygiene and Marcy is a lesbian.
Ben Affleck Monologue
2 Stars
Gwyneth Paltrow shows up to help Ben with his monologue
Ben calls back to the last time he was on the show, as a cameo in Gwyneth Paltrow's monologue. Gwyneth happens to be in the audience tonight and comes up on stage to help Ben out. They have some playful banter that resembles awkward patter on an Oscar telecast.
Victoria's Secret
Ben calls back to the last time he was on the show, as a cameo in Gwyneth Paltrow's monologue. Gwyneth happens to be in the audience tonight and comes up on stage to help Ben out. They have some playful banter that resembles awkward patter on an Oscar telecast.
Victoria's Secret
3 Stars
A message from Marissa's boobs
I'm guessing this was a parody of a real commercial. A woman's body is shown and then the woman's cleavage starts talking in a high pitched voice. The woman's butt tries to chime in with a deep voice but is cut off by the boobs who claim that they are the star of the commercial. Short and sweet and then we cut to...G.E. Smith playing guitar? Is this a rerun?
Mango
I'm guessing this was a parody of a real commercial. A woman's body is shown and then the woman's cleavage starts talking in a high pitched voice. The woman's butt tries to chime in with a deep voice but is cut off by the boobs who claim that they are the star of the commercial. Short and sweet and then we cut to...G.E. Smith playing guitar? Is this a rerun?
Mango
2 Stars
Ben disguises himself as Matt Damon to get close to Mango
It's the premiere of Reindeer Games and the stars are out on the red carpet. Horatio is Camryn Manheim and Darrell is Bruce Vilanch. What starts out as an impression showcase quickly turns into a Mango sketch as the exotic dancer is at the gala to try and meet Matt Damon. He runs into Ben Affleck though and Ben falls under his spell quickly. Knowing that Mango is into Matt, Ben disguises himself ala The Talented Mr. Ripley. He makes Mango do a striptease for him before pouncing on him. Mango escapes Ben's clutches and, I think for the first time, claims that he is heterosexual. He was only looking for Matt to get an autograph for his son. Ben posing as Matt was funny and I liked the opening of this sketch but after praising Mango's last appearance in the Danny DeVito episode, this is more of the same stuff we've already seen.
Donnie's Party
3 Stars
Passions fly at a high school party
It's a party at Donnie's house and Denise is there without Pat. Donnie and Denise start making out but they are caught by Pat who got off early from his shift at work. Apparently the act of catching his girlfriend cheating is humorous to Pat as he starts giggling. They fight and makeup and the sketch ends with a sexual innuendo like always. This one was more fun than the past two installments, mostly due to Ben having a grand old time. They also play with the fact that this is supposed to be videotaped as they rewind the tape and play it again in slow motion.
The All New Adventures of Mr. T
It's a party at Donnie's house and Denise is there without Pat. Donnie and Denise start making out but they are caught by Pat who got off early from his shift at work. Apparently the act of catching his girlfriend cheating is humorous to Pat as he starts giggling. They fight and makeup and the sketch ends with a sexual innuendo like always. This one was more fun than the past two installments, mostly due to Ben having a grand old time. They also play with the fact that this is supposed to be videotaped as they rewind the tape and play it again in slow motion.
The All New Adventures of Mr. T
5 Stars
Mr. T. and friends look for work
Mr. T. is back and he needs work. He goes to a rehearsal of A Doll's House, beats up the cast and director and takes his place in the ensemble. During all this he is talking in cliches like stay in school, drink you milk and don't do drugs as if this were a 90s era children's cartoon. All of his cliches get mixed up at the end.
"If you believe in yourself, drink your school, stay in drugs and don't do milk, you can get work."
Tracy plays the voice of Mr. T. and this is perfect for him, his only appearance in the show this week.
Fretts Film Forum
Mr. T. is back and he needs work. He goes to a rehearsal of A Doll's House, beats up the cast and director and takes his place in the ensemble. During all this he is talking in cliches like stay in school, drink you milk and don't do drugs as if this were a 90s era children's cartoon. All of his cliches get mixed up at the end.
"If you believe in yourself, drink your school, stay in drugs and don't do milk, you can get work."
Tracy plays the voice of Mr. T. and this is perfect for him, his only appearance in the show this week.
Fretts Film Forum
3 Stars
Film critics talk about the movies they love
A group of movie critics all talk in blurbs as they describe their favorite films of the year.
Snow Day - "The weather outside is frightful, but this movie is delightful"
"Fantasia 2000 is fantas-great"
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo - "Biga-go to this movie"
They also go over the Oscar nominees and lament the fact that Stuart Little, who they think is a real live mouse, wasn't nominated for Best Actor. This was fun and cute and the performances, particularly Ben and Will were very funny. I could have used a story to tie the puns together though. They start to go somewhere when they can't think of any clever puns, I was expecting something along the lines of Wake Up And Smile from the David Alan Grier episode when the teleprompter broke and madness ensued.
Fanatic
A group of movie critics all talk in blurbs as they describe their favorite films of the year.
Snow Day - "The weather outside is frightful, but this movie is delightful"
"Fantasia 2000 is fantas-great"
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo - "Biga-go to this movie"
They also go over the Oscar nominees and lament the fact that Stuart Little, who they think is a real live mouse, wasn't nominated for Best Actor. This was fun and cute and the performances, particularly Ben and Will were very funny. I could have used a story to tie the puns together though. They start to go somewhere when they can't think of any clever puns, I was expecting something along the lines of Wake Up And Smile from the David Alan Grier episode when the teleprompter broke and madness ensued.
Fanatic
3 Stars
Anna Nicole Smith meets her biggest fan
An MTV show where fans meet their idols. Ben is in love with Anna Nicole Smith (Molly) after seeing her in the film Skyscraper on Cinemax. He wants to meet her to ask her to adopt him. Anna Nicole is messed up on drugs though when her fan comes to call and she ends up attacking him. Both Molly and Ben were fun in this and they nailed the frenetic editing style of an MTV show.
Weekend Update
An MTV show where fans meet their idols. Ben is in love with Anna Nicole Smith (Molly) after seeing her in the film Skyscraper on Cinemax. He wants to meet her to ask her to adopt him. Anna Nicole is messed up on drugs though when her fan comes to call and she ends up attacking him. Both Molly and Ben were fun in this and they nailed the frenetic editing style of an MTV show.
Weekend Update
"Exactly how much does it cost to fool the American public?"
The big news this week was George W. Bush's victory in the Republican primaries and we get footage of all of the candidates from their respective headquarters.
George W. Bush is celebrating his victory but admits that this whole running for president thing is hard and he just wishes his daddy would just tell him he won already.
John McCain concedes defeat to Bush and regrets going negative and calling Vietnamese people 'gooks' while on The Straight Talk Express.
Finally, Alan Keyes gives a speech to an empty room while holding a boombox that plays applause sound effects. He didn't receive a single vote but he is still optimistic he will win as 2% of the precincts have yet to be counted. A janitor turns off the light as the building is closing soon.
Fiona Apple
Finally, Alan Keyes gives a speech to an empty room while holding a boombox that plays applause sound effects. He didn't receive a single vote but he is still optimistic he will win as 2% of the precincts have yet to be counted. A janitor turns off the light as the building is closing soon.
Fiona Apple
"Limp"
I've always liked Fiona Apple, not enough to buy one of her albums, but there's something entrancing about watching her perform. Kinda like Mango.
Sparks
3 Stars
The Zimmermans go car shopping
Chris and Cheri's overly amorous married couple are looking for a used car from salesman Ben (doing an accent of some vaguely eastern European decent). They start dry humping on the car, Cheri squirts herself with washer fluid and their expletives are bleeped out by the honk of the horn. Ben eventually gets turned on by their fondling and takes off his pants to reveal a big bush of pubic hair hiding in his banana hammock. There wasn't really anything new here but I did like the effort they put into this by doing practically everything they could with their location. If you've seen one of these you've seen them all but if you've never seen one, this might have been the best one.
Police Training
Chris and Cheri's overly amorous married couple are looking for a used car from salesman Ben (doing an accent of some vaguely eastern European decent). They start dry humping on the car, Cheri squirts herself with washer fluid and their expletives are bleeped out by the honk of the horn. Ben eventually gets turned on by their fondling and takes off his pants to reveal a big bush of pubic hair hiding in his banana hammock. There wasn't really anything new here but I did like the effort they put into this by doing practically everything they could with their location. If you've seen one of these you've seen them all but if you've never seen one, this might have been the best one.
Police Training
2 Stars
Sally O'Malley trains for the police force
The thing that bugs me most about recurring character sketches is when they trick me. Ben is giving a pep talk to some police recruits and I think that I'm in store for a silly sketch about police training. Oh, wait, it's a sketch I've seen before. Did you know Sally O'Malley was 50? Did you know she likes to kick, stretch and kick?
Trilocaine
The thing that bugs me most about recurring character sketches is when they trick me. Ben is giving a pep talk to some police recruits and I think that I'm in store for a silly sketch about police training. Oh, wait, it's a sketch I've seen before. Did you know Sally O'Malley was 50? Did you know she likes to kick, stretch and kick?
Trilocaine
4 Stars
A dry scalp medication holds some drastic side effects
Ben tells us how his scalp itch has healed now that he's been using Trilocaine. Then an off-screen announcer tells us about the side effects, most notably a horrifying sleep paralysis containing a bleak vision of mortality where you feel yourself stepping into an alternate dimension where you meet your shadow self, blood pours from your mouth and you will find yourself between two doors where one leads to eternal joy and the other to a hellish misery.
Who Wants To Be Groped By An Eleven Thousand-aire?
Ben tells us how his scalp itch has healed now that he's been using Trilocaine. Then an off-screen announcer tells us about the side effects, most notably a horrifying sleep paralysis containing a bleak vision of mortality where you feel yourself stepping into an alternate dimension where you meet your shadow self, blood pours from your mouth and you will find yourself between two doors where one leads to eternal joy and the other to a hellish misery.
Who Wants To Be Groped By An Eleven Thousand-aire?
4 Stars
People compete to have J.L. do stuff to them
A redneck with a pitbull who wants to diddle them peoples all good like watches from a booth as contestants compete to be the one who gets molested in the back of a rusted out Maxima. Ana and Cheri, in wedding dresses, are just excited to be on TV. The third contestant, Kattan, is unsure why he's there as he's a man. He gets chosen by the audience and is thrown into the Maxima where J.L. starts-a fondlin'. Ben was really funny here and this must have been very close to the Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire show that this is based on due to the Weekend Update jokes.
FINAL ANALYSIS
A redneck with a pitbull who wants to diddle them peoples all good like watches from a booth as contestants compete to be the one who gets molested in the back of a rusted out Maxima. Ana and Cheri, in wedding dresses, are just excited to be on TV. The third contestant, Kattan, is unsure why he's there as he's a man. He gets chosen by the audience and is thrown into the Maxima where J.L. starts-a fondlin'. Ben was really funny here and this must have been very close to the Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire show that this is based on due to the Weekend Update jokes.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Another side effect is mild flatulence"
Average
3 Stars
MVP
Ben Affleck
Monologue, Mango, Donnie's Party, Fretts Film Forum, Fanatic, Sparks, Police Training, Trilocaine, Who Wants To Be Groped By An Eleven Thousand-Aire?
Monologue, Mango, Donnie's Party, Fretts Film Forum, Fanatic, Sparks, Police Training, Trilocaine, Who Wants To Be Groped By An Eleven Thousand-Aire?
Best Sketch
Who Wants To Be Groped By An Eleven Thousand-aire?
Worst Sketch
Police Training
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Thanks for only giving us one musical performance. I like Fiona Apple but I'm not watching SNL for the music. The show had a nice flow, mainly because while nothing was amazing, nothing was bad. Even though there were a lot of recurring characters this week, they all had something to like, mainly...
Host Analysis
Ben Affleck was really, really good. Every now and then we get episodes like this where they just trot out a selection of recurring characters they haven't done in a couple episodes and throw the host in. In fact, 3 of these sketches were in the Danny DeVito episode where they did the exact same thing. Ben made these stale sketches enjoyable. I liked him pretending to be his buddy, Matt in Mango and I liked his chemistry with both of the Boston teens. He also proved a good foil to the Zimmermans and Sally O'Malley. In the original sketches he was even better. His crazy redneck in the 10-1 sketch was hilarious and his vapid movie critic was very funny.
Final Thoughts
A very good episode. Usually I dislike episodes where everything is a recurring character but it was all thanks to Ben Affleck that this one was a success. Like I said earlier, no classics in this one, nothing I would recommend you need to see but also nothing bad. This episode was just a nice and light hour of fun. While the individual sketches aren't anything special, the sum was better than the parts here.
Up Next
A very good episode. Usually I dislike episodes where everything is a recurring character but it was all thanks to Ben Affleck that this one was a success. Like I said earlier, no classics in this one, nothing I would recommend you need to see but also nothing bad. This episode was just a nice and light hour of fun. While the individual sketches aren't anything special, the sum was better than the parts here.
Up Next
Cue the screaming teenage girls, we got Dawson's Creek's Joshua Jackson and 'N Sync.
When will your next review be up George?
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone know what tune was used for mango to strip for Ben affleck in the ripley sketch
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