"Maybe you're just a goon with a limp noodle between your legs"
Cold Open: A Message From Hillary Rodham Clinton
2 Stars
Bill steals focus as Hillary talks to New York voters
Hillary Clinton has announced her candidacy for senate and wants to talk directly to New Yorkers. As she panders to the crowd with her wooden delivery, Bill lurks behind her eating pizza. She is trying to define her political image but Bill keeps stealing the spotlight, so much so that the camera zooms in on him to say, "Live from New York...". Not bad as far as political cold opens go but could have been a lot funnier.
Julianna Margulies Monologue
Hillary Clinton has announced her candidacy for senate and wants to talk directly to New Yorkers. As she panders to the crowd with her wooden delivery, Bill lurks behind her eating pizza. She is trying to define her political image but Bill keeps stealing the spotlight, so much so that the camera zooms in on him to say, "Live from New York...". Not bad as far as political cold opens go but could have been a lot funnier.
Julianna Margulies Monologue
4 Stars
Julianna shows some clips from her new show
This is Julianna's last season on ER and some people think she's crazy for walking away from a big payday (including Molly Shannon in a desk piece from a few episodes ago). She's got a new show now that is drastically different, ER: Special Veterinary Unit, and has brought a clip. Paula Pell stands up from the audience and the monologue gets a little meta.
"Excuse me, I have a question."
"I didn't realize an audience member was gonna ask me a question in the middle of my monologue."
"Well, I'm not an audience member, I'm a writer on the show. I wrote what I'm saying right now."
She thinks Julianna's new show looks exactly like her old one but Julianna disagrees and shows another clip to prove it. It features her new love interest, Miguel, played by ER's Noah Wyle. The monologue is a good indicator on whether I'll like an episode. Not only is this bit fun but Julianna comes off as very likable and entertaining.
Rerun of Litter Critters
Bird Family
This is Julianna's last season on ER and some people think she's crazy for walking away from a big payday (including Molly Shannon in a desk piece from a few episodes ago). She's got a new show now that is drastically different, ER: Special Veterinary Unit, and has brought a clip. Paula Pell stands up from the audience and the monologue gets a little meta.
"Excuse me, I have a question."
"I didn't realize an audience member was gonna ask me a question in the middle of my monologue."
"Well, I'm not an audience member, I'm a writer on the show. I wrote what I'm saying right now."
She thinks Julianna's new show looks exactly like her old one but Julianna disagrees and shows another clip to prove it. It features her new love interest, Miguel, played by ER's Noah Wyle. The monologue is a good indicator on whether I'll like an episode. Not only is this bit fun but Julianna comes off as very likable and entertaining.
Rerun of Litter Critters
Bird Family
5 Stars
A family with peculiar eating habits welcome a guest
I can't believe this is the lead off sketch. We're getting crazy right out of the gate and I love it. Parnell has brought his girlfriend to dinner to meet his parents. During a mundane discussion, Will cuts up food, chews it and spits it into Chris's mouth. Julianna is horrified, she didn't know her new boyfriend had malfunctioning salivary glands and very weak teeth and has to be fed like a baby bird. She's not sure if she's ready for a relationship like this. That's when Kattan runs in with an apple pie and wants Julianna to feed it to him. She ponders what course of action she should take as Wise Up by Aimee Mann plays and the family awaits her response. She chews the apple pie, spits it into Kattan's mouth and then gives Parnell some desert. A sketch that could only exist in a live TV format because we need that audience reaction to sell the shock value.
I can't believe this is the lead off sketch. We're getting crazy right out of the gate and I love it. Parnell has brought his girlfriend to dinner to meet his parents. During a mundane discussion, Will cuts up food, chews it and spits it into Chris's mouth. Julianna is horrified, she didn't know her new boyfriend had malfunctioning salivary glands and very weak teeth and has to be fed like a baby bird. She's not sure if she's ready for a relationship like this. That's when Kattan runs in with an apple pie and wants Julianna to feed it to him. She ponders what course of action she should take as Wise Up by Aimee Mann plays and the family awaits her response. She chews the apple pie, spits it into Kattan's mouth and then gives Parnell some desert. A sketch that could only exist in a live TV format because we need that audience reaction to sell the shock value.
Will and Chris are insanely funny in this as they play this absurdity completely straight.
E! News Daily
E! News Daily
1 Star
Donatella Versace shows off some of her new designs
Watching later seasons, one of my least favorite recurring bits was Maya Rudolph doing Versace. There was just something about that sketch I never got. Turns out it wasn't all Maya's fault as I don't like it when Molly Shannon does it either. She makes a dress out of a phone and Julianna comes out as Elizabeth Hurley to model it, Horatio as Elton John sings a song about her, she grabs the butts of her sexy male assistants. Will and Cheri are fun as the reporters who banter before they throw to Donatella, but this did nothing for me.
Augustus General
Watching later seasons, one of my least favorite recurring bits was Maya Rudolph doing Versace. There was just something about that sketch I never got. Turns out it wasn't all Maya's fault as I don't like it when Molly Shannon does it either. She makes a dress out of a phone and Julianna comes out as Elizabeth Hurley to model it, Horatio as Elton John sings a song about her, she grabs the butts of her sexy male assistants. Will and Cheri are fun as the reporters who banter before they throw to Donatella, but this did nothing for me.
Augustus General
3 Stars
Patients at a hospital are told to wait
2nd appearance of Nadeen and her catchphrase "Simma down now". People come up to her and they are told to "simma" in various ways, like the bit from Austin Powers. Julianna comes out as a doctor and also tells people to "simma down now". It's literally a one joke sketch, not even a joke, it's a catchphrase that is repeated over and over. It's still got a little fun left in it though. Cheri is a really fun performer and Julianna made me laugh when she got into the act too. I'm pretty sure this has run its course though. If they do a 3rd they should set it at a stable so Nadeen could literally beat a dead horse.
The Crocodile Hunter
2nd appearance of Nadeen and her catchphrase "Simma down now". People come up to her and they are told to "simma" in various ways, like the bit from Austin Powers. Julianna comes out as a doctor and also tells people to "simma down now". It's literally a one joke sketch, not even a joke, it's a catchphrase that is repeated over and over. It's still got a little fun left in it though. Cheri is a really fun performer and Julianna made me laugh when she got into the act too. I'm pretty sure this has run its course though. If they do a 3rd they should set it at a stable so Nadeen could literally beat a dead horse.
The Crocodile Hunter
2 Stars
Animals keep attacking Steve Irwin
In hindsight, this is in terrible taste. Kattan plays Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter, and he gets bit by a snake, a hawk and gets poison spit in his eye by a bullfrog. Once he gets mutilated once, they joke just keeps repeating. Not bad, but not great either.
Weekend Update
In hindsight, this is in terrible taste. Kattan plays Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter, and he gets bit by a snake, a hawk and gets poison spit in his eye by a bullfrog. Once he gets mutilated once, they joke just keeps repeating. Not bad, but not great either.
Weekend Update
Colin tells some bad jokes and then Joy Lipton comes out for some erotic gift ideas for Valentine's Day. I loved this character. She's an uncomfortable and awkward woman who runs a sex shop. She demonstrates some edible condoms, a vibrating sandwich and then removes her frock to reveal an ill-fitting nightgown to arouse your man. Her line delivery is stilted and strained as she describes all her sexy toys.
DMX
"Party Up"
Not my style of music but it's an energetic performance that kept me entertained.
Erectile Dysfunction
5 Stars
A commercial for erectile dysfunction gets personal
Will sits in a chair looking glum as a voice-over announcer speaks.
"This is the face of erectile dysfunction. Look at it. It's not pretty. All hang-dog and sad. Goofy ass ears. Who does he think he's kidding? He might as well tuck that sad wiener of his between his thighs and start wearing a dress."
Will gets upset and stops the commercial but the director assures him that's is designed to help people. Further voice-overs get more personal as they say Will's full name and bring out his girlfriend. The director explains that he wants to challenge him with reality. The final voice-over has the announcer forcing Will to talk about a specific time when he couldn't perform sexually which makes him break down in tears. The rug gets pulled out from underneath the sketch as it turns out this is actually a commercial for Tootsie Rolls.
Savin' It
Will sits in a chair looking glum as a voice-over announcer speaks.
"This is the face of erectile dysfunction. Look at it. It's not pretty. All hang-dog and sad. Goofy ass ears. Who does he think he's kidding? He might as well tuck that sad wiener of his between his thighs and start wearing a dress."
Will gets upset and stops the commercial but the director assures him that's is designed to help people. Further voice-overs get more personal as they say Will's full name and bring out his girlfriend. The director explains that he wants to challenge him with reality. The final voice-over has the announcer forcing Will to talk about a specific time when he couldn't perform sexually which makes him break down in tears. The rug gets pulled out from underneath the sketch as it turns out this is actually a commercial for Tootsie Rolls.
Savin' It
3 Stars
Women saving sex for marriage and their boyfriends
Jessica Simpson (Cheri) hosts this talk show about people who have taken a virginity pledge. The men in the relationships, of course, are not too happy about it. Especially when Julianna shows off her new yoga positions. When both of the women reveal that they have been having sex with other men, but in the butt so it doesn't count, the men get more upset. This had some good moments. I particularly liked Will trying to learn yoga so he could pleasure himself.
DMX returns with "What's My Name", spoiler alert, it's DMX, he says it a lot.
Hotel Bar
Jessica Simpson (Cheri) hosts this talk show about people who have taken a virginity pledge. The men in the relationships, of course, are not too happy about it. Especially when Julianna shows off her new yoga positions. When both of the women reveal that they have been having sex with other men, but in the butt so it doesn't count, the men get more upset. This had some good moments. I particularly liked Will trying to learn yoga so he could pleasure himself.
DMX returns with "What's My Name", spoiler alert, it's DMX, he says it a lot.
Hotel Bar
3 Stars
Two awkward brothers meet a lady at a bar
Julianna is drinking at a bar when she's approached by the Bloder Brothers. They're two socially awkward men who tell lame jokes and laugh annoyingly. As they playfully banter, Julianna eventually takes interest and asks them up to her room. Confronted with their bad pickup lines actually succeeding, they chuckle nervously and begin to cry putting Julianna off and she leaves. First appearance for these characters so I didn't mind it. A little can go a long way with these two and I'm sure I'll get tired of this quick.
priceline.com
Julianna is drinking at a bar when she's approached by the Bloder Brothers. They're two socially awkward men who tell lame jokes and laugh annoyingly. As they playfully banter, Julianna eventually takes interest and asks them up to her room. Confronted with their bad pickup lines actually succeeding, they chuckle nervously and begin to cry putting Julianna off and she leaves. First appearance for these characters so I didn't mind it. A little can go a long way with these two and I'm sure I'll get tired of this quick.
priceline.com
1 Star
William Shatner advertises priceline.com
This was a parody of a real commercial where William Shatner would do spoken word poetry. The commercial was already tongue and cheek so it's kind of hard to do a parody. There's no real exaggeration here, Darrell just does the same kind of thing Shatner was doing, so I don't really get why this is funny. This could be a real commercial for priceline.com for all I know. This was done because Darrell has a William Shatner impression and wanted to show it off.
FINAL ANALYSIS
This was a parody of a real commercial where William Shatner would do spoken word poetry. The commercial was already tongue and cheek so it's kind of hard to do a parody. There's no real exaggeration here, Darrell just does the same kind of thing Shatner was doing, so I don't really get why this is funny. This could be a real commercial for priceline.com for all I know. This was done because Darrell has a William Shatner impression and wanted to show it off.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Simma Down Na"
Average
2.9 Stars
MVP
Chris Parnell
Monologue, Bird Family, Augustus General, Erectile Dysfunction, Hotel Bar
Monologue, Bird Family, Augustus General, Erectile Dysfunction, Hotel Bar
Best Sketch
Bird Family
Worst Sketch
E! News Daily
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
The show had such a nice flow that even the bad sketches didn't slow it down. Weekend Update was even better this week because it was short with only one good desk piece. Give me a new commercial parody after the monologue and limit DMX to one song and you got yourself a top to bottom winner. Actually, there's a quick fix, move priceline.com to after the monologue and end on a high note with Hotel Bar.
Host Analysis
I really liked Julianna Margulies. I went in with absolutely no expectations. I only know her from her dramatic work on ER so I had no reason to think she could do comedy but she was really good. She fit in well with the cast, had good chemistry with all of her scene partners, did well with all her characters and was just a pure delight to watch.
Final Thoughts
A really great episode. Two forgettable stinkers brought down the sketch average (without them the episode gets a very respectable 3.4). Those two bad sketches couldn't hurt the show's momentum though as this was thoroughly enjoyable from beginning to end. Both Bird Family and Erectile Dysfunction could make my best of the season list and Julianna was a really capable host.
Up Next
Future 5-timers club member Ben Affleck hosts for the first time with Fiona Apple as the musical guest.
Future 5-timers club member Ben Affleck hosts for the first time with Fiona Apple as the musical guest.
Julia and Alan would star together in The Good Wife.
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