Monday, March 25, 2019

Saturday Night Live Season 29 Reviews - Episode 10 - Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey / G Unit

 
"I'll put anything in my mouth and I'll keep it there and you'll like it"

Cold Open: Campaign Headquarters
2 Stars
Howard Dean makes phone calls to drum up support

Howard Dean is in his office calling Democrat county commissioners to ask for their support.  He keeps telling people to go fuck themselves, with the expletive bleeped out.  Chris comes in as his campaign manager and asks if he's been taking his medication.  Dean says no and tells him to go fuck himself.  Chris asks if there's anything else and Dean says yes, "Live from New York...".  I've been noticing a lot of lazy throws to the sign on this season.  This one seemed extreme.  Like, they knew they didn't have to write an ending so they took total advantage of it.  I'm guessing this was probably topical at the time and I have since forgotten whatever this was referring to.  This had to have been before the Howard Dean scream that eventually led to him dropping out of the race.  I just liked watching this and thinking of the alternate universe that could have been.  Howard Dean as president and Jeff Richards delivering the cold opens for 4 years.

Nick Lachey & Jessica Simpson Monologue
3 Stars
Jessica and Nick want to add an old school variety show theme to the show

Nick and Jessica come out very high energy but soon Jessica starts reading both of their lines off the cue cards.  Because she's dumb, get it?  Jessica thought hosting the show would be fun like one of those cheesy 70s variety shows like Sonny and Cher or Donny and Marie.  They quickly turn the show into the Lachey Family Fun Time Happy Hour where they sing Proud Mary, bring out their kids, a barbershop quartet, Tina Turner and Kenan and Fred doing a hobo soft-shoe.  Nick's mic is not working but he quickly realizes and shares his wife's.  This was actually more fun than I was expecting it to be and I liked that we got to see most of the cast in this.

Tylenol Extreme
1 Star
Lots of nut shots

For people who like extreme sports, there is new Tylenol Extreme.  The only pain reliever specifically for testicular trauma.  We see Horatio, Fred, Kenan, Finesse, Chris and Seth all get punched, kicked or knocked in the groin.  If you like nut shots...

Z105
2 Stars
Jimmy Mack welcomes Nick and Jessica and makes fart noises

2nd time this season for Jimmy's annoying DJ character who does a bunch of offensive voices.  As soon as Nick and Jessica sit down he starts making fart noises.  I liked the added layer to this sketch that Jessica thought all of Jimmy's voices were real but I disliked more things, like Jimmy's black voice, Indian voice and gay voice.

El Cantador
2 Stars
A couple discuss their marital difficulties at a singing restaurant

Seth is apologizing to Amy for sleeping with his sister but they are interrupted by their waiter, Nick, delivering drinks and singing The Pina Colada Song by Rupert Holmes.  After he leaves, Seth goes on to explain that he only had sex with her sister because she looked so much like her and they were all in the same hospital because her mom was sick.  Then Jessica drops off their food singing Total Eclipse Of The Heart.  Amy is upset that Seth took her to such a cheesy place for a serious conversation but he explains it's because he had 2 for 1 coupons.  There is more singing, Horatio comes out as the manager and sings, Amy forgives Seth but he's also sleeping with her best friend.  I felt the sketch had potential but was hampered by Nick and Jessica.  Some people just aren't funny and when they try to be funny, it's just kind of sad.  Comparing this to Al Sharpton hosting, he never tried to be funny.  He knew he was out of his element and just went with it.  These two are trying hard to get laughs here with their songs and it's just a bummer to watch.  I think if everyone switched roles it may have helped the sketch.

American Idol
2 Stars
Bad American Idol auditions from already famous singers

This season on American Idol they have more bad auditions but the twist is that the auditions are from people who are already famous for singing.  I didn't really get this one at all.  Unless it was just an excuse for some celebrity musician impressions.  Maya does Jennifer Lopez, Jessica does Britney Spears, Amy does Madonna, Nick does "the guy from Creed" and Finesse does Kelis and they all sing poorly as Simon Cowell, played by Chris, judges them.  I felt like this may have just been an excuse to shoehorn in a Britney Spears impression for Jessica.

MTV Future
3 Stars
The 50th anniversary of Newlyweds

After 50 years, Newlyweds is still a hit on MTV and we join the couple in their futuristic house.  Jessica now needs Metamucil to poop, Nick needs eyeball replacements after constantly rolling them and Chicken Of The Sea is neither chicken or tuna as both animals are extinct, it's people.  Pretty cute and also short.

American Beef Council
1 Star
Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie for beef

Paris and Nicole are here to talk about Mad Cow Disease.  I couldn't really follow this one, Jessica is pretty bad in this one and Rachel is forced to do too much to save it.  They're trying to assure people that Mad Cow Disease is not a threat as it has only affected 1 cow in America and can't be transmitted through sex.  Felt like an excuse for Jessica to make fun of Paris Hilton.

G Unit
"Stunt 101" 
I felt like such an old man watching this.  I can't understand a word, this is just noise.  I walked outside to make sure G Unit wasn't on my lawn.

Weekend Update
"...11 super gay seasons"

Not a lot of fun this week.  Lots of Michael Jackson jokes, a bit about celebrities endorsing presidential candidates that ends with Jimmy waiting for who Frankie Muniz is gonna choose, which lands with a thud.  Another bit about Michael Buffer getting divorced has the punchline of Jimmy screaming into a microphone, "Let's get ready to move into the Y!", which gets little from the audience.  Then there's a running joke involving people throwing guitars at Jimmy which neither me or the audience understood.

After a few opening Jacko jokes, Michael Jackson shows up to drop off invitations to his party.  There will be food, music and free wieners for the kids.

Jimmy says that last week they poked fun at The Apprentice but the joke is on them, the show is a hit.  To talk more about it, Donald Trump comes out and talks about how huge the show is.  Jimmy asks if he could be a contestant on the show but Trump thinks he's a goofball and needs to do something about his hair.  He offers his stylist's card and tells him to get the "onion loaf".  Much like the cold open in the last episode, this doesn't feel like an exaggeration or parody.  This feels like Trump wrote this.  Seeing as how he had pull at the network, I seriously wonder if he did.
George Washington Law School professors Patrick and Gunther Kelly are here to help explain presidential appointments.  They wrote a song to help you remember.  It's just Will and Fred taking turns singing "Yaaaaaaah".  Stupid and silly and pretty hilarious.

The Sharon Osbourne Show
1 Star
Sharon Osbourne welcomes Sue Johannson, Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra

Oh, another talk show sketch.  I really dislike these.  Sharon Osbourne holds a puppy while she interviews Sue Johannson, the old lady from The Sunday Night Sex Show, and Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro who coincidentally had a reality show on MTV right after Newlyweds.  I'm starting to think that Jessica Simpson either wrote this whole episode or at least pitched all the ideas.  They make out and promote Carmen's new "Stripper-obics" which makes Sue experience engorgement.  Unfortunately the feeling wasn't mutual.

Victoria's Secret
2 Stars
Kenan helps his aunt shop for panties

Maya comes into Victoria's Secret looking for some new drawers.  She wants to make sure what ever she buys covers up her "business".  She makes a lot of euphimisms for her "nook and cranny".  Wasn't a huge fan of this but I did chuckle when Maya flashed Nick and had the line, "What about these?  And take a look at that thing, that'll blow your mind".  Maya saves some weak material here.

Nuts Jingle
4 Stars
Bubba Sparxx wrote some jingles to advertise nuts

Nuts aren't cool anymore and the nut growers association needs something new to court the youth market, in comes southern rapper Bubba Sparxx with his partner Timbaland.  Their first jingle starts off innocent enough until it gets to the chorus of "Gonna put some nuts in my mouth/Salty, juicy nuts in my mouth".  The second jingle is a little more graphic including the lines "nuts hang off my chin", "gonna bust a nut in my hand", "nuts in my chest hair" and "keep a sack of wrinkled nuts in my buddy's underwear".  Chris, the president of the nut grower's association, cuts off them off and calls their jingle homoerotic.
"Hey, this lady said you wanted a song about nuts.  I wrote you a song about nuts."
"So you keep a sack of wrinkled nuts in your buddy's underwear?"
"Raps gotta rhyme, bro."
Bubba's third song isn't very subtle at all and is just about him going into gay bathhouses and peeking at dude's butts under their towels.  Chris stops them again but thinks this might be just crazy enough to work.  We end with a newspaper headline saying that nut consumption is up .3% among the gay population but down 43% elsewhere.  Not a classic, but compared to everything else in this episode...

G Unit returns with Wanna Get To Know You.  No sir, I don't like it.  There was just no tune to this, just a couple guys talking into microphones.  I need a melody to tap my toe to.

DynaCorp
3 Stars
Jessica grows confused by marketing labels

If you don't remember, and I applaud you if you don't, Jessica Simpson thought Chicken Of The Sea tuna was chicken on an episode of Newlyweds.  I never watched a single second of Newlyweds but I still remember this being referenced everywhere at the time.  So, after a concert, Jessica grabs a big can of Chicken Of The Sea tuna and she proudly says to the camera that it is fish, not chicken.  Things get confusing though as an announcer offers her Tuna Of The Dirt chicken, Turkey Of The Jungle bananas (which can be found in the chicken aisle), Pork Of The Orchard apples (the apples with the turkey on the can) and Chicken Of The Medicine Cabinet pain reliever.

FINAL ANALYSIS

"That's not even innuendo, you're just taking about gay stuff"

Average
2.2 Stars
MVP
Chris Parnell
Campaign Headquarters, Monologue, Tylenol Extreme, American Idol, Nuts Jingle, American Beef Council (Voice), DynaCorp (Voice)
Best Sketch
Nuts Jingle
Worst Sketch
American Beef Council
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Actually, even though this was a pretty weak episode, it had a nice flow to it.  Most of the sketches were short and didn't outstay their welcome.  I liked the American Idol/MTV Future/American Beef Council run as those were just 3 short sketches back to back to back.  I thought all hope was lost by the end of the night but Nuts Jingle and DynaCorp provided laughs, I just wish I didn't have to sit through another G Unit song in between them.  So my big suggestion this episode is to limit G Unit to one musical spot.
Host Analysis
What were you expecting?  They were pretty terrible.  I mean, not in a January Jones lost in the cue cards way.  They tried but it just wasn't working.  In fact, their trying made it sad.  Every time either one of them had a joke I would just stare blankly at the screen.
Final Thoughts
Half way through the season and I am not digging this.  I guess you have to keep the host happy but Nick and Jessica were given way too much.  This at times didn't feel like an episode of SNL.  Then you have all the Britney/Paris/Jessica stuff which I just did not feel included in.  It's like you gave the popular girl a show and she just wanted to make fun of the other girls she didn't like.  Not to mention we got Donald Trump bragging for 3 minutes in the middle of this.  I did not realize when I picked this season that he was going to be hosting.  I picked it simply because it was Kenan's first and I was curious.  But now I'm just watching this season and just dreading episode 16.  I'm not liking it and I'm pretty sure it ain't getting any better.
Up Next
Holy crap, they got somebody with actual comic timing, what were they thinking?  Megan Mullally from Will & Grace hosts with Clay Aiken as the musical guest.  I hate to admit this, but I might be more excited for Clay Aiken.

3 comments:

  1. What a bad season looks so dated compared to other seasons

    ReplyDelete
  2. NB: I know you mean well but it’s “neither-nor’ not “neither-or” - double meh or not, sweetie.

    ReplyDelete
  3. NB - make that : “double neg” not meh, and “meant” not mean.

    ReplyDelete