"Wave your little tinkler next to my caboose, wiener man"
Cold Open: A Message From Donald Trump
Cold Open: A Message From Donald Trump
1 Star
Donald Trump talks about his new hit show
Donald Trump talks to the camera about his new hit show, The Apprentice. He says he's either looking for a man who is not afraid to kick the other guy in the balls or a woman with long legs and huge knockers. Then he moves on to talking about his classy resorts and casinos and then the other shows on NBC and how he plans to fix them. ER needs more boobs and Will & Grace needs a real man to nail Megan Mullally. Fear Factor he won't touch, because it's the classiest show on TV. Now I know I'm probably liking this less due to current political things but this also wasn't the funniest piece. The joke here is that Trump thinks he's great and can do anything, but that's not a joke, it's the truth. You can't mock someone who is incapable of making fun of himself.
Jennifer Aniston Monologue
Donald Trump talks to the camera about his new hit show, The Apprentice. He says he's either looking for a man who is not afraid to kick the other guy in the balls or a woman with long legs and huge knockers. Then he moves on to talking about his classy resorts and casinos and then the other shows on NBC and how he plans to fix them. ER needs more boobs and Will & Grace needs a real man to nail Megan Mullally. Fear Factor he won't touch, because it's the classiest show on TV. Now I know I'm probably liking this less due to current political things but this also wasn't the funniest piece. The joke here is that Trump thinks he's great and can do anything, but that's not a joke, it's the truth. You can't mock someone who is incapable of making fun of himself.
Jennifer Aniston Monologue
4 Stars
Jennifer shows an alternate ending to Friends
Jennifer says that Friends is in its last season and they are trying to keep the finale a secret. She says they have shot multiple endings and wants to share one of them with us. Phoebe is planning her wedding, Monica and Chandler are adopting their baby and Rachel has decided between Ross and Joey. She picks Ross, Joey leaves and we hear a gunshot and then the Friends theme. Jennifer explains that one couldn't be used due to Joey's spin-off series so they're just gonna use the one where Ross comes out of the closet. I liked that they did this live, even having Jennifer forget to take off her jacket when she returned back to home base. I also liked her reaction to seeing Horatio play Joey.
Paparazzi
Jennifer says that Friends is in its last season and they are trying to keep the finale a secret. She says they have shot multiple endings and wants to share one of them with us. Phoebe is planning her wedding, Monica and Chandler are adopting their baby and Rachel has decided between Ross and Joey. She picks Ross, Joey leaves and we hear a gunshot and then the Friends theme. Jennifer explains that one couldn't be used due to Joey's spin-off series so they're just gonna use the one where Ross comes out of the closet. I liked that they did this live, even having Jennifer forget to take off her jacket when she returned back to home base. I also liked her reaction to seeing Horatio play Joey.
Paparazzi
3 Stars
Two paparazzi shout at celebrities
Amy and Jennifer are taking pictures on the red carpet and shouting absurd requests at celebrities. They tell Demi Moore to hold Ashton Kutcher like a baby, Beyonce to shake her butt and Dame Judi Dench to grab her boobs. They confuse Steven Seagal for Kirstie Alley and things get meta when they ask Jennifer Aniston when she's gonna have a baby and then wonder if she has a drug problem. Both Amy and Jennifer were funny here.
Vegas Wedding
Amy and Jennifer are taking pictures on the red carpet and shouting absurd requests at celebrities. They tell Demi Moore to hold Ashton Kutcher like a baby, Beyonce to shake her butt and Dame Judi Dench to grab her boobs. They confuse Steven Seagal for Kirstie Alley and things get meta when they ask Jennifer Aniston when she's gonna have a baby and then wonder if she has a drug problem. Both Amy and Jennifer were funny here.
Vegas Wedding
2 Stars
Dramatization of Britney Spears's Vegas wedding
Britney is hanging out with her friend Jason and they're both dumb. They are getting along great though because of that. When Jason finds her teeth whitening gum in the mini bar she sees it as a sign that they should get married. As they are being pronounced man and wife, Jason burps and Britney wants an annulment. So this was based on a news story from 15 years ago so the novelty has worn off by now. I liked Jennifer in this, not so much Jimmy. The running gag of a spinning clock set to Oops, I Did It Again was cute but overused.
Rerun of Gaystrogen
Britney is hanging out with her friend Jason and they're both dumb. They are getting along great though because of that. When Jason finds her teeth whitening gum in the mini bar she sees it as a sign that they should get married. As they are being pronounced man and wife, Jason burps and Britney wants an annulment. So this was based on a news story from 15 years ago so the novelty has worn off by now. I liked Jennifer in this, not so much Jimmy. The running gag of a spinning clock set to Oops, I Did It Again was cute but overused.
Rerun of Gaystrogen
Democratic National Committee
3 Stars
The Democratic nominees for president all have one thing in common, they don't like Howard Dean
In just a few days, the Iowa caucus will start the selection process for picking a democratic nominee for president and things are not looking good for John Kerry or Joe Lieberman or Dick Gephardt or any of the other candidates. Howard Dean appears to be the front runner and there is no stopping him. All the other candidates hate the guy and wish that the American people would lose faith in him quickly (how prescient this sketch turned out to be). Not really sure what this sketch was going for other than to show off political impressions. The only fun ones came from Chris's Lieberman, Amy's Dennis Kucinich and Kenan's Al Sharpton, who describes his campaign as a Chris Rock movie come to life.
Black Eyed Peas
"Where Is The Love"
In just a few days, the Iowa caucus will start the selection process for picking a democratic nominee for president and things are not looking good for John Kerry or Joe Lieberman or Dick Gephardt or any of the other candidates. Howard Dean appears to be the front runner and there is no stopping him. All the other candidates hate the guy and wish that the American people would lose faith in him quickly (how prescient this sketch turned out to be). Not really sure what this sketch was going for other than to show off political impressions. The only fun ones came from Chris's Lieberman, Amy's Dennis Kucinich and Kenan's Al Sharpton, who describes his campaign as a Chris Rock movie come to life.
Black Eyed Peas
"Where Is The Love"
There's no Justin Timberlake to sing the hook of this song so instead Fergie takes charge. Still, I've always enjoyed this song and its hopeful and uplifting message.
Weekend Update
Weekend Update
"Jesus, look at those jugs!"
Best joke for me came from Jimmy this week when he commented on the story of Britney Spears getting married to Jason Alexander and in a related story, Christina Aguilera 69'ed Newman.
Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin has been criticized for holding his baby while he was feeding a crocodile. To defend his behavior he has brought his baby with him after he has just fed some chickens. When he realizes that he is actually holding a chicken wearing a diaper he gives a "Crikey!" and runs away. Short and sweet, just how I likes 'em.
O.J. Simpson is here to talk about Pete Rose. Pete admitted this week to betting on baseball as a plea to get into the baseball Hall Of Fame. To get into the football Hall Of Fame, O.J. has decided to get something off his chest as well. He starts describing a day in June, 1994 where he was filled with rage as he put on his gloves. Then Jimmy reminds him that he is already a member of the football Hall Of Fame and O.J. wants us to forget he said anything. Then Phil Spector comes out wanting to know if he's in the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame. Then Robert Blake comes out wanting to know if there's a Hall Of Fame for actors. I think my favorite part of this piece might have been when Jimmy asks the audience to applaud "3 alleged murderers".
Al Franken is back with his one man mobile up-link unit. He's reporting live from Baghdad where he's giving soldiers a chance to interact with their loved ones. The first man he talks to has something to say to his wife but as soon as the microphone is passed to him, the feed cuts out. The next soldier he talks to has a wife who has just given birth, which surprises the soldier as he has been deployed for a full year. Al then realizes that he has the wrong man and asks anyone if they know a black private Sanders.
Saddam & Osama
1 Star
Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden have a giggly phone conversation
Oh boy, did I hate this. Saddam (Horatio) calls Osama (Jimmy) from prison. They talk about absolutely nothing for 7 minutes. This felt either unscripted or unrehearsed as the two routinely crack each other up. They make jokes about Saddam looking like Ron Jeremy and Gene Shalit, talk about how big Osama's phone is and Tom Hanks. The giggling and dead air in between their ad-libs just got on my last nerve. It was painful watching this one.
Country Roses
Oh boy, did I hate this. Saddam (Horatio) calls Osama (Jimmy) from prison. They talk about absolutely nothing for 7 minutes. This felt either unscripted or unrehearsed as the two routinely crack each other up. They make jokes about Saddam looking like Ron Jeremy and Gene Shalit, talk about how big Osama's phone is and Tom Hanks. The giggling and dead air in between their ad-libs just got on my last nerve. It was painful watching this one.
Country Roses
3 Stars
CD compilation of female country singers
Now you can own all the songs from the finest ladies to ever stand in front of wood paneling and sing. Like Rose Garden, Harper Valley P.T.A. and The Happiest Girl In The Whole U.S.A.. But you'll also get songs from Dana Jean Harley who sings songs about her cheating husband, calling out the woman as Pam Smidley. You'll also get songs from Pam Smidley about how she's running from an angry woman. And you'll get their duet about how they're going to have another abortion. I feel like this idea could have been explored more but I liked it for what it was. I enjoyed how the female cast kept changing wigs to play different artists and then the dark twist at the end of two country singers calling each other out in song was very funny.
Coco & Matsui Super Show
Now you can own all the songs from the finest ladies to ever stand in front of wood paneling and sing. Like Rose Garden, Harper Valley P.T.A. and The Happiest Girl In The Whole U.S.A.. But you'll also get songs from Dana Jean Harley who sings songs about her cheating husband, calling out the woman as Pam Smidley. You'll also get songs from Pam Smidley about how she's running from an angry woman. And you'll get their duet about how they're going to have another abortion. I feel like this idea could have been explored more but I liked it for what it was. I enjoyed how the female cast kept changing wigs to play different artists and then the dark twist at the end of two country singers calling each other out in song was very funny.
Coco & Matsui Super Show
1 Star
Jennifer Aniston appears on a Japanese talk show
So, I guess this was okay in 2004? Maya and Fred are Japanese stereotypes hosting a talk show. Their guest is Jennifer Aniston, who does not speak Japanese. They both cry, for some reason, I'm not sure why. Jennifer ends up interviewing herself, asking herself what she's wearing and then taking offense when she asks herself about her sex life. Ever see something racist and then think, it was a different time. Like when they would do blackface in a movie from the 1930s. Then you see something like this and go, this was 2004, I'm pretty sure this wasn't cool at the time.
Black Eyed Peas return with Hey Mama. You know how most people say Black Eyed Peas used to be good before Fergie? This is the kind of song they are referring to.
Appalachian Emergency Room
So, I guess this was okay in 2004? Maya and Fred are Japanese stereotypes hosting a talk show. Their guest is Jennifer Aniston, who does not speak Japanese. They both cry, for some reason, I'm not sure why. Jennifer ends up interviewing herself, asking herself what she's wearing and then taking offense when she asks herself about her sex life. Ever see something racist and then think, it was a different time. Like when they would do blackface in a movie from the 1930s. Then you see something like this and go, this was 2004, I'm pretty sure this wasn't cool at the time.
Black Eyed Peas return with Hey Mama. You know how most people say Black Eyed Peas used to be good before Fergie? This is the kind of song they are referring to.
Appalachian Emergency Room
5 Stars
Patients in the mountains seek help for their various injuries
I originally had this at 4 stars just because it was a recurring sketch but I bumped it up when I found that it was the first incarnation. Seth is working the front desk at the Appalachian Emergency Room and the cast comes in one by one to explain what brought them here. Amy has scissors in her skull, Chris has a Ziggy figurine up his ass, Jimmy has a Christmas ornament pierced to his nipple, Jennifer has a stomach ache (unaware that she is 9 months pregnant) and Horatio's pitbull bit off his tongue thinking it was ham. I love the sketches where everyone gets a chance to play. Only downside to this was Jimmy doing a little too much with his character, would have rather seen Will in that part.
Raw Talk
I originally had this at 4 stars just because it was a recurring sketch but I bumped it up when I found that it was the first incarnation. Seth is working the front desk at the Appalachian Emergency Room and the cast comes in one by one to explain what brought them here. Amy has scissors in her skull, Chris has a Ziggy figurine up his ass, Jimmy has a Christmas ornament pierced to his nipple, Jennifer has a stomach ache (unaware that she is 9 months pregnant) and Horatio's pitbull bit off his tongue thinking it was ham. I love the sketches where everyone gets a chance to play. Only downside to this was Jimmy doing a little too much with his character, would have rather seen Will in that part.
Raw Talk
2 Stars
A sex phone worker needs some coaching
Jennifer seems uncomfortable taking phone sex calls. She tells her first caller than she's gonna grab his tushie and calls him her wiener man. Her boss goes over her performance and tells her to get more raw and tell callers her dark dirty secrets. She takes this advice and tells the next caller that she has a sister with a lot of hospital bills and she's gonna do crazy things to raise the money, including letting him rub her keister. Her boss gives her another warning but her third caller wants her to touch his heinie.
"Are you my wiener man?"
"Yea baby, I'm your wiener man!"
The sketch ends abruptly as if it were cut for time. Cute, but the abrupt ending left me wanting more.
FINAL ANALYSIS
Jennifer seems uncomfortable taking phone sex calls. She tells her first caller than she's gonna grab his tushie and calls him her wiener man. Her boss goes over her performance and tells her to get more raw and tell callers her dark dirty secrets. She takes this advice and tells the next caller that she has a sister with a lot of hospital bills and she's gonna do crazy things to raise the money, including letting him rub her keister. Her boss gives her another warning but her third caller wants her to touch his heinie.
"Are you my wiener man?"
"Yea baby, I'm your wiener man!"
The sketch ends abruptly as if it were cut for time. Cute, but the abrupt ending left me wanting more.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"Pull up your panties and get out of my kitchen before you wake up my kids"
Average
2.5 Stars
MVP
Amy Poehler
Monologue, Paparazzi, Democratic National Committee, Country Roses, Appalachian Emergency Room
Monologue, Paparazzi, Democratic National Committee, Country Roses, Appalachian Emergency Room
Best Sketch
Appalachian Emergency Room
Worst Sketch
Saddam & Osama
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Get rid of that weak Donald Trump cold open and start with Democratic National Committee. Move Appalachian Emergency Room to before Update. Move Saddam & Osama to the last sketch of the night and you can let Jimmy and Horatio giggle and laugh until the show runs out of time.
Host Analysis
I felt that she excelled in weak material. The Coco & Matsui Super Show was racist and unfunny but Jennifer wasn't the problem at all. I wish she was in more of the episode. That Saddam & Osama sketch could have used a little bit of Aniston. She was a good host in a weak episode.
Final Thoughts
A few stand out bits in an otherwise weak episode. This had not only the worst cold open of the season but two sketches that will probably make my worst of list. Add to that a musical guest with only one good song and you got a not so great one. On a positive note this may have been the best Weekend Update all season. None of the jokes made me cringe and all 3 correspondent pieces made me laugh.
Up Next
Oh boy, whoever was in charge of booking the hosts this season was really off their game as we get Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey stars of the MTV reality show Newlyweds. Musical guest G-Unit doesn't excite me either.
I think will and Chris were the break out stars of this season,Darrell should have left with Will.
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