"Enough about the wine baby, let's talk about your butt"
Cold Open: The Starr Report
4 Stars
President Clinton is excited about the new Kenneth Starr report
President Clinton wants to address the huge document that Paula Jones's lawyers have made available to the media. Bill has read it cover to cover and he loves it, he thinks it's hotter than hell and the best part is that it's all true and all about him. He reads a passage from Kathleen Willey describing an act of sexual misconduct and tells Jackie Collins to kiss his ass. He reads another passage from Paula Jones describing an incident where Clinton lowered his pants and asked her to kiss it.
"Did she kiss it? You'll have to buy the book."
Bill likes it so much that the White House has printed its own copy and included a cover of the president in a romantic novel pose. Then Will comes out as Kenneth Starr to serve Darrell Hammond a subpoena. He's served all the real people and now he's serving all the people that do impressions of them. Darrell is taken away by the secret service and Kenneth gleefully says the sign on. I liked this because it fit in perfectly with Hammond's Clinton character but the conceit that the president is a big old horn dog and sexual predator and proud of it is not a comedic premise that would fly today.
Julianne Moore Monologue
President Clinton wants to address the huge document that Paula Jones's lawyers have made available to the media. Bill has read it cover to cover and he loves it, he thinks it's hotter than hell and the best part is that it's all true and all about him. He reads a passage from Kathleen Willey describing an act of sexual misconduct and tells Jackie Collins to kiss his ass. He reads another passage from Paula Jones describing an incident where Clinton lowered his pants and asked her to kiss it.
"Did she kiss it? You'll have to buy the book."
Bill likes it so much that the White House has printed its own copy and included a cover of the president in a romantic novel pose. Then Will comes out as Kenneth Starr to serve Darrell Hammond a subpoena. He's served all the real people and now he's serving all the people that do impressions of them. Darrell is taken away by the secret service and Kenneth gleefully says the sign on. I liked this because it fit in perfectly with Hammond's Clinton character but the conceit that the president is a big old horn dog and sexual predator and proud of it is not a comedic premise that would fly today.
Julianne Moore Monologue
3 Stars
Julianne's Oscar competition proves she's still got the goods
Julianne doesn't get that far in her monologue before being interrupted by Gloria Stuart, the old lady from Titanic who was also nominated for an Oscar in the same category as Julianne. Gloria wishes Julianne luck on Oscar night and thinks she's got a good chance of winning.
"No one wants to give an award to someone who lived through the depression and two world wars. They'd rather give it to someone like you who takes her clothes off whenever the cameras start rolling."
Before she goes "off to die" she wants to perform her favorite scene from Titanic one last time. The crew brings on a set and Gloria throws the jewel in to the ocean and delivers her monologue about never letting go. I liked Cheri's energy as Gloria and her subtle digs at herself, she was so close to playing the rapping granny, but she completely overshadowed Moore, literally pushing her aside to do her bit.
The Delicious Dish
Julianne doesn't get that far in her monologue before being interrupted by Gloria Stuart, the old lady from Titanic who was also nominated for an Oscar in the same category as Julianne. Gloria wishes Julianne luck on Oscar night and thinks she's got a good chance of winning.
"No one wants to give an award to someone who lived through the depression and two world wars. They'd rather give it to someone like you who takes her clothes off whenever the cameras start rolling."
Before she goes "off to die" she wants to perform her favorite scene from Titanic one last time. The crew brings on a set and Gloria throws the jewel in to the ocean and delivers her monologue about never letting go. I liked Cheri's energy as Gloria and her subtle digs at herself, she was so close to playing the rapping granny, but she completely overshadowed Moore, literally pushing her aside to do her bit.
The Delicious Dish
4 Stars
The NPR hosts visit a cornfield that turns out to be something more lascivious
The topic this week is sorghum and their guest is Julianne who works at a compound. The two hosts are amazed that sorghum is used to manufacture broom fibers.
"Broom fiber? You just blew my mind. So if you spilled some sorghum you could sweep it up with some sorghum."
"That's very funny but we keep the compound extremely clean."
They soon find out that the compound that Julianne works for is actually a cult where they follow the teachings of Elias, a divine leader who was born 4,000 years ago on Planet Kortex. His true name can not be pronounced by human tongues and Red Bliss Farms is named after the imposing Red Bliss that is going to destroy Earth. This is why everyone who works at the compound has been given their own coffin. Molly appears to be highly suggestible and is fascinated by Elias and Julianne's implant scars. Ana gets her the hell out of there. This is one of the few recurring bits this year that I am not tired of yet and I like that they threw something new into the mix. On top of the usual boring chatter was the uncovering of a mind control cult. Good stuff.
The Ladies' Man
The topic this week is sorghum and their guest is Julianne who works at a compound. The two hosts are amazed that sorghum is used to manufacture broom fibers.
"Broom fiber? You just blew my mind. So if you spilled some sorghum you could sweep it up with some sorghum."
"That's very funny but we keep the compound extremely clean."
They soon find out that the compound that Julianne works for is actually a cult where they follow the teachings of Elias, a divine leader who was born 4,000 years ago on Planet Kortex. His true name can not be pronounced by human tongues and Red Bliss Farms is named after the imposing Red Bliss that is going to destroy Earth. This is why everyone who works at the compound has been given their own coffin. Molly appears to be highly suggestible and is fascinated by Elias and Julianne's implant scars. Ana gets her the hell out of there. This is one of the few recurring bits this year that I am not tired of yet and I like that they threw something new into the mix. On top of the usual boring chatter was the uncovering of a mind control cult. Good stuff.
The Ladies' Man
3 Stars
Leon Phelps acts out some dating scenarios
Leon gets a letter from a viewer who describes himself as a terrible lover so to help Leon is going to demonstrate the 3 most common love making situations. He is aided by Julianne, who I assumed would be playing her character from Boogie Nights but is instead playing Debra Hogan, the star of a Carpet Palace commercial known for her catchphrase "Come on down and I'll show you the finest rug in town". He shows us how to sweet talk a woman (take her to the auto show and talk about her butt), how to kill time with your lady after love making and most importantly, how to get the hell out of there. Julianne makes the most of this thankless role and makes it fun. Leon Phelps is just starting to outgrow his welcome but still provides some good laughs with the writing of the gags.
Subpoenaed
Leon gets a letter from a viewer who describes himself as a terrible lover so to help Leon is going to demonstrate the 3 most common love making situations. He is aided by Julianne, who I assumed would be playing her character from Boogie Nights but is instead playing Debra Hogan, the star of a Carpet Palace commercial known for her catchphrase "Come on down and I'll show you the finest rug in town". He shows us how to sweet talk a woman (take her to the auto show and talk about her butt), how to kill time with your lady after love making and most importantly, how to get the hell out of there. Julianne makes the most of this thankless role and makes it fun. Leon Phelps is just starting to outgrow his welcome but still provides some good laughs with the writing of the gags.
Subpoenaed
Lenny Pickett starts to play to commercial before Kenneth Starr shows up to serve him a subpoena. He is taken away by the secret service and we get a title card teasing next week's episode hosted by Robert De Niro with musical guest The Rolling Stones. Unfortunately both the host and the band have been served subpoenas so they will air a rerun. I'll admit, the show got me on this one. I thought for a second that I had forgotten that Robert De Niro hosted the show this season.
Barbara Walters Oscar Special
3 Stars
Barbara interviews Oscar nominated actors before the big night
Barbara Walters appears in a very soft focus to interview some of the Oscar nominated stars before the show. Her first guest is Kate Winslet, played by Julianne, who talks about how James Cameron would throw cold water at her all day on set. Then she interviews Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, Jim and Chris respectively, from a bed. She asks them if they've ever had sex with an older woman and offers them a "Barbara sandwich". Finally she talks to Burt Reynolds, Norm in his final SNL appearance as a cast member, and asks him what his next project is. He's doing a car picture with Dom DeLuise. He leaves to go to the can, coming back for a magazine and leaving again. It almost felt like Norm was walking off the show himself.
We get a The Lost Deep Thoughts that is interrupted by Kenneth Starr serving Jack Handey a subpoena. The usual text crawl shows both Jack and Kenneth's lines and Jack is taken away after Kenneth tells the authorities that he has dope in his pockets.
Weekend Update
Barbara Walters appears in a very soft focus to interview some of the Oscar nominated stars before the show. Her first guest is Kate Winslet, played by Julianne, who talks about how James Cameron would throw cold water at her all day on set. Then she interviews Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, Jim and Chris respectively, from a bed. She asks them if they've ever had sex with an older woman and offers them a "Barbara sandwich". Finally she talks to Burt Reynolds, Norm in his final SNL appearance as a cast member, and asks him what his next project is. He's doing a car picture with Dom DeLuise. He leaves to go to the can, coming back for a magazine and leaving again. It almost felt like Norm was walking off the show himself.
We get a The Lost Deep Thoughts that is interrupted by Kenneth Starr serving Jack Handey a subpoena. The usual text crawl shows both Jack and Kenneth's lines and Jack is taken away after Kenneth tells the authorities that he has dope in his pockets.
Weekend Update
"Albert Lippert, the founder of Weight Watchers, died at 72. Here he is before and here he is after"
This was thankfully short this week and with no desk pieces. I really wonder if there was any talk about just killing this segment. Colin again does more long form rants, one about Bill Clinton being born in the wrong era. If he were president in the old days he could have all the mistresses he wanted and anybody who talked would be taken out to the desert and killed (that's probably the right attitude to have about the situation). He does a big chunk about NASA trying to destroy an asteroid where he shows footage of the video game Asteroid that goes on way too long. There's also a joke that is so authentically 90s that it bears mentioning. Karl Malone has gotten a permit to carry a concealed weapon. He is changing his name from The Mailman to The Disgruntled Mailman. Karl Malone and postal workers with guns in the same joke. It don't get much more 90s than that.
Backstreet Boys
"As Long As You Love Me"
The boys throw together some choreographed dance moves in their leather jackets and pants while they sing a manufactured bubble gum pop song. While I can't say I respect The Backstreet Boys, they were a group shoved in America's face by a corporate machine, they delivered some catchy songs. This one got stuck in my head all day.
Pretty Living
Pretty Living
1 Star
Licensed joyologist, Helen Madden gives tips to staying happy
One of my least favorite recurring characters is Helen Madden. I don't see any kind of real character here, she is a catchphrase in a funny outfit. Ana and Julianne are hosts of a talk show, they bring out Helen, Helen says "I love it, I love it, I love it" and then kicks her legs out or does a dance. That's the whole sketch and there's not much else to it other than that. This one really crawled under my skin because I thought Julianne was doing some really great work here that just got wasted. She keeps giving subtle hints that she is extremely unhappy in life but her co-host keeps talking over her and Helen doesn't seem to notice.
"I don't like myself very much so often I go out without a winter coat so people can see my pretty dress."
One of my least favorite recurring characters is Helen Madden. I don't see any kind of real character here, she is a catchphrase in a funny outfit. Ana and Julianne are hosts of a talk show, they bring out Helen, Helen says "I love it, I love it, I love it" and then kicks her legs out or does a dance. That's the whole sketch and there's not much else to it other than that. This one really crawled under my skin because I thought Julianne was doing some really great work here that just got wasted. She keeps giving subtle hints that she is extremely unhappy in life but her co-host keeps talking over her and Helen doesn't seem to notice.
"I don't like myself very much so often I go out without a winter coat so people can see my pretty dress."
I wanted a whole sketch that just focused on her as she left the studio. The sketch just ends with Helen saying that she likes to dance and shake it so she gets up and dances with the hosts. It seemed sloppy and unrehearsed and was a real bummer to get through.
I'm missing a commercial parody for Heineken where apparently Kenneth Starr interrupts and hands out subpoenas to all the beer drinkers. My copy of this episode shows the Heineken bottle but then cuts away. Whoever recorded this originally must have thought it was a real commercial.
Art Class
5 Stars
Terrence Maddox models nude for an art class
There's a last minute replacement for an art class where the subject will be the human body, Terrence Maddox shows up.
"All right gang, it's show time, prepare to have your gaskets blown."
As he disrobes he asks what the audience thinks with a "Well..." and then gives them a biology lesson.
"Milk. Milk. Lemonade. This is where the fudge..."
The class is a little grossed out, especially when he starts to get an erection, describes how he lost his testicle and grates cheese on his chest. He is eventually asked to leave which he does after a final warning to the class.
"I may not have gone to some fancy art school but you people wouldn't know real beauty if it was outside taking a dump on your cars, which by the way it will be."
The sketch ends with Louis Armstrong's "What A Wonderful World" playing over the sketches the glass did of Terrence. This was an unfiltered Will Ferrell sketch that seems to be untouched by outside hands. If you love Will then this is one of his best.
Conspiracy Theory Rock!
3 Stars
The corporations own everything, man
It's a Schoolhouse Rock parody that lays out how all media is owned by the same corporations. For instance, PCBs cause cancer and are emitted by electrical power plants owned by Westinghouse and G.E., since G.E. owns NBC, you won't hear about that on the nightly news. This is all laid out in a friendly jingle that is interrupted by a title card saying that the show is having technical difficulties. When the cartoon resumes they leave us with one more nugget.
"Why'd they take Norm MacDonald away?/Because he made too many jokes about O.J./Lorne Michaels overruled/Now don't be fooled/Him and Marion Barry went to the same high school."
This was cute but had too many things crammed into it.
Good Morning With Liza!
1 Star
Liza welcomes Gillian Anderson and Joel Grey to her morning talk show
Well, I didn't like this the first time so it's no surprise that I hated it again. Molly plays Liza Minnelli who sings songs, alternates puffs from a cigarette and an oxygen mask, gushes over her obviously gay fiancee and talks to imaginary birds. Julianne does a pretty fine impression of X-Files star Gillian Anderson and Chris Kattan seems right at home playing Joel Grey but this provided no laughs for me.
The Golords
Well, I didn't like this the first time so it's no surprise that I hated it again. Molly plays Liza Minnelli who sings songs, alternates puffs from a cigarette and an oxygen mask, gushes over her obviously gay fiancee and talks to imaginary birds. Julianne does a pretty fine impression of X-Files star Gillian Anderson and Chris Kattan seems right at home playing Joel Grey but this provided no laughs for me.
The Golords
5 Stars
The Golords thwart a Canadian conspiracy
Federal Reserve chair, Alan Greenspan is supposedly planning on raising interest rates. This will send the entire U.S. economy out of whack. The Golords figure out that he must be doing this under duress and the prime suspects are our neighbors to the north, the Canadians. Sure enough, Greenspan is being held at gunpoint by some Canadian lumberjacks, a wild Canadian snow wolf and a grizzly bear.
"Soon the whole world will be buying beaver pelts and singing Bryan Adams."
An orgy of comical and horrifying puppet violence quickly erupts. Sissy bites the wolf's neck and cuts the bear open with a chainsaw while Mike shoots a hole in one of the Canadian's head and Sissy bites the other guy's face off. All the while Sissy is gleefully saying, "Whee".
Shirtless Bible Salesmen
Federal Reserve chair, Alan Greenspan is supposedly planning on raising interest rates. This will send the entire U.S. economy out of whack. The Golords figure out that he must be doing this under duress and the prime suspects are our neighbors to the north, the Canadians. Sure enough, Greenspan is being held at gunpoint by some Canadian lumberjacks, a wild Canadian snow wolf and a grizzly bear.
"Soon the whole world will be buying beaver pelts and singing Bryan Adams."
An orgy of comical and horrifying puppet violence quickly erupts. Sissy bites the wolf's neck and cuts the bear open with a chainsaw while Mike shoots a hole in one of the Canadian's head and Sissy bites the other guy's face off. All the while Sissy is gleefully saying, "Whee".
Shirtless Bible Salesmen
5 Stars
Two guys going door to door selling bibles, shirtless
If you didn't get enough shirtless Will Ferrell in the Art Class sketch he's back again and brought a shirtless Tim Meadows with him. Julianne's doorbell rings and when she opens the door the two barge in planning on busting their ass to get her into a new bible. As to why they are shirtless, well, bibles don't wear shirts so neither do they. The two try to sweeten the deal by offering to remove their pants and underpants to close the sale but Julianne is not biting. They go on to explain their back story a little more, how they were hired by a man named Jesus Martinez when they picked up a ringing payphone in a laundromat and gave him all their credit card information. They then signed a contract to sell 1,500 bibles per week or else they owe Jesus $700,000. Will and Tim are both smiling and giggling throughout this but since it's such an off the wall and weird sketch, I'll forgive it.
FINAL ANALYSIS
If you didn't get enough shirtless Will Ferrell in the Art Class sketch he's back again and brought a shirtless Tim Meadows with him. Julianne's doorbell rings and when she opens the door the two barge in planning on busting their ass to get her into a new bible. As to why they are shirtless, well, bibles don't wear shirts so neither do they. The two try to sweeten the deal by offering to remove their pants and underpants to close the sale but Julianne is not biting. They go on to explain their back story a little more, how they were hired by a man named Jesus Martinez when they picked up a ringing payphone in a laundromat and gave him all their credit card information. They then signed a contract to sell 1,500 bibles per week or else they owe Jesus $700,000. Will and Tim are both smiling and giggling throughout this but since it's such an off the wall and weird sketch, I'll forgive it.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"In my next film I play a cop from the future and my partner's a chimp"
Average
3.4 Stars
MVP
Will Ferrell
Kenneth Starr runner, Art Class, The Golords, Shirtless Bible Salesmen
Kenneth Starr runner, Art Class, The Golords, Shirtless Bible Salesmen
Best Sketch
Art Class
Worst Sketch
Pretty Living
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Remember the John Goodman episode where he played William Ginsberg in 2 sketches? Remember how I said they needed another beat to that? It's like Lorne Michaels took my advice 20 years before I offered it. The Kenneth Starr runner was exactly what I wanted then, but I got it now so it's okay. Having him subpoena the band, Jack Handey and, even though I didn't see it, a commercial parody was an awesome idea. I love when the show offers through-lines to break up the monotony of sketch after sketch. Also, I thought for sure that The Backstreet Boys would get two performances just because they were huge at the time. Thank you in retrospect for limiting them to the one song. Although, I would have preferred All I Have To Give or Quit Playing Games With My Heart over either Pretty Living or Good Morning With Liza. The placement of sketches was really good in this episode. Normally I would say save Art Class until the end of the night but Shirtless Bible Salesmen was even weirder and deserved its 10-1 spot.
Host Analysis
Host Analysis
Unfortunately, Julianne Moore wasn't utilized enough because I thought she was terrific. She added a ton of interesting beats to all of her characters. Her failed actress in Ladies Man, her brainwashed cult member in Delicious Dish and her talk show host hungry for approval in Pretty Living were all more interesting than the recurring characters she was playing off of. Her impression skills were fine if not too impressive. Her Kate Winslet and Gillian Anderson were pretty much the same but she also provided a great straight person in Art Class and Shirtless Bible Salesmen. She didn't have a bad sketch the whole night and seemed to come at every sketch with the same commitment to character that she does in her films. I would love to see her come back to host. She's proved in film that she can do damn near anything and she did here too.
Final Thoughts
Final Thoughts
Two dud Molly Shannon sketches couldn't bring this one down too much. A 3.4 sketch average is better than most and when you consider that I gave 2 sketches only 1 star it really shows how great everything around them was. Art Class and Shirtless Bible Salesmen are two I will definitely remember by the end of the season, Delicious Dish and Ladies Man were both strong outings, this was the best Golords sketch of the season. In fact, if you cut out the two crappy Molly sketches and Weekend Update you have a top to bottom classic episode.
Up Next
Up Next
I had the next episode on VHS tape. Steve Buscemi hosts with musical guest Third Eye Blind and special guest John Hurt. I watched this episode a lot and remember it being solid from beginning to end. Buscemi is probably my favorite character actor of all time and if memory serves me they wrote some bizarre sketches to showcase his weird delivery.
Funnily enough the conspiracy theory rock segment never aired on re airings of the episode...
ReplyDeleteNow Disney owns nearly all of the companies,worldwide domination ahead.
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