"What is insanity? Is it dreaming dreams that others dare not dream to dream?"
Rapping Wrapper
A holiday gift wrapper wraps and raps
Wow, I guess if there is one thing I can take away from this it's that not all black people are good at rapping. This was borderline uncomfortable to watch. Danitra Vance brings a gift to Damon Wayans and they rap a little rap. Wayans at one point flubs his lines and I gotta a little chuckle from the look on his face, as if he realized how stupid this was. Neither of them have any sort of flow, they're just rhyming slightly in rhythm. I guess in 1985 rap wasn't an art form yet and just a silly thing.
Teri Garr Monologue
2 Stars
Pope Maurice comes out to explain his church some more
Teri Garr comes out in a pope costume and is quickly joined by Father Guido Sarducci in a continuation from his Weekend Update bit like a month ago. In his new church that he created anyone can be pope for a nominal fee. Things aren't going that well though, they only sold 7 cummerbunds and 1 pantsuit, to Garr. They go back and forth for a while and I was getting kind of a Sonny and Cher vibe from this but that's only because I wasn't laughing at this banter, but then they started singing 'I Got You Babe' for no reason.
Rerun of Critic
Rerun of Critic
A Dozen Eggs
A guy pays a woman with a dozen eggs for sex
This elicited a big "Huh?" from me. Quaid and Lovitz are in a bar and Lovitz says that when Garr was 16 years old any man could have her for a dozen eggs. So this is a metaphor that Quaid takes literally. He's not sure if that means she's cheap, because there may have been an egg shortage and the price of eggs was really high at the time. Quaid goes to Garr and she mentions that when she was younger a man could have her for the price of 3 dozen eggs. This confuses Quaid even more so the next day when they wake up together he gives her a carton of eggs. Garr tries to explain that she never really had sex where eggs figured in as the currency...it's a stupid sketch. I felt like a writer watched a John Huston movie while high and somebody used that line and then they ran with that as a concept. I never really understood what the joke here was.
Hildy
Hildy
2 Stars
A rich family's maid stirs up some trouble
So Hildy gets her own theme song where her and the entire family wave to the camera through their window. It's set up like a quaint "Leave It To Beaver" type show or, more appropriately, "Hazel". It's Christmas morning and dad forgot to get presents and mom forgot to mail out the Christmas cards, Hildy already did it. They open their presents and the son got a new camera, mom got a cashmere sweater and dad got a new set of golf clubs. They then realize that they didn't get anything for Hildy, she says they did and she opens up a package that includes a new set of luggage, 5,000 dollars in cash and the keys to a new Corvette. I wish that the sketch took a dark turn here and they murdered Hildy or something but it just kind of ends like Hildy got one up on her employers. It was a passable sketch and I liked Sweeney's performance as the titular maid but I kinda hope this is the one and only time we see Hildy.
The Dream Academy
The Dream Academy
"Life In A Northern Town"
This is one of those songs you've heard but don't know what the title is, or maybe it's your favorite song and you own every Dream Academy album. I've heard it many times and for some reason see a commercial with shots of hillsides in my head when I hear it. I really liked this, the chorus goes like "Ah hey ma ma ma". If you don't know the song google it, because it's a nice little ditty.
Weekend Update With Dennis Miller
"This just in, Godot finally showed up"
"This just in, Godot finally showed up"
I originally stopped giving this segment a rating because I thought it would be unfair to the rest of the episode to bring down the average, 6 episodes in and this is my favorite part of the show now. Miller has quickly developed a report with the audience and his jokes are less topical and more just silly so most of them hold up 30 years later. The results of the Weekend Update poll are in where they asked viewers, "What's the deal?", 4% thought that they were talking to the person in back of them. The blackout this week was caused by a squirrel, he plugged too many appliances into the same outlet, no charges have been filed. A contest to write the script to Rocky IV before you've seen the movie had to be cancelled before every single entry got it exactly right, down to the last comma. And, on a sad note, Weekend Update has just learned that one of the greatest presidents has died, George Washington passed away in 1799.
Don Novello shows up as "Mr. X", a mafia informant who is here to name names under the guise of anonymity. He makes sure to clarify that Mr. X is indeed an alias, he doesn't even have an "X" anywhere in his name. His eyes are covered by a black box but he can clearly be seen as he moves his head and when the camera cuts to the other angle. He also doesn't seem to know much about anything, he names Ted Koppel's name because he's the guy that told him about the latest mob killing on TV.
A Roy Orbison Christmas
1 Star
The last 6 minutes of Roy Orbison's 1965 Christmas special
Don Pardo introduces this in voice over, because GE has just bought NBC they need to broadcast all previously unaired programs so they are now presenting the last 6 minutes of this 1965 Roy Orbison special that was interrupted because of news coverage of a hurricane. Right away I'm intrigued because I think we are going to get a lot of now not topical references and meta jokes about how times have changed in the past 20 years. Nope, instead we get Randy Quaid singing 'Pretty Woman' for a long time and then he introduces Connie Stevens. Teri Garr comes out with back up singers and sings 'Santa's Little Surfer Girl'. None of this is funny, it's as if we are actually watching a Christmas special from 1965. Quaid then introduces Danitra Vance as Leslie Uggams who reads a letter from a guy in a mental institution. This is where we get the only semblance of a joke.
"When my sponsors found out that Leslie Uggams is a negro they pulled out, so I'd like to thank the good people at Lucky Strikes for stepping in."
Quaid then says 'Goodnight' and thanks his other guests Don Adams and Edd Byrnes and then we get a full set of closing credits while they all sing 'Jingle Bells'. They set up a concept but did nothing with it and had no jokes. They could have at least thrown in some comment on the hurricane that preempted them or have Roy Orbison say something embarrassing and hope that it never airs. This reminded me of that sketch in the Madonna episode where she just sang in Spanish for six minutes, I had no idea what was going on here.
Penn & Teller
"When my sponsors found out that Leslie Uggams is a negro they pulled out, so I'd like to thank the good people at Lucky Strikes for stepping in."
Quaid then says 'Goodnight' and thanks his other guests Don Adams and Edd Byrnes and then we get a full set of closing credits while they all sing 'Jingle Bells'. They set up a concept but did nothing with it and had no jokes. They could have at least thrown in some comment on the hurricane that preempted them or have Roy Orbison say something embarrassing and hope that it never airs. This reminded me of that sketch in the Madonna episode where she just sang in Spanish for six minutes, I had no idea what was going on here.
Penn & Teller
2 Stars
Penn introduces Teller, the incredible electric boy
Penn talks about The Incredible Electric Boy like a baptist preacher, building him up as if something amazing is about to happen. Teller silently sits in an electric chair. Penn puts a light bulb up to Teller, lights a torch and swallows the flame and produces sparks. Teller starts violently twitching and Penn stops the act. He thinks Teller is overacting, it looks too much like an SNL sketch, they could have gotten Randy Quaid or Terry Sweeney in a dress to do the bit. Teller gets upset and makes Penn sit in the chair and then puts a bunch of light up Christmas decorations on it. This was kind of fun but I kept waiting for some actual magic. Even when their act is about having the trick go wrong they usually have some magic underneath to back up their existence. This just had a bunch of light up props tied to a guy.
The Big Tree
The Big Tree
2 Stars
An Irwin Allen style disaster movie about a Christmas tree that's too big
Before the sketch starts we get introduced to the entire SNL cast and who they are playing in this piece. Jon Lovitz is the carefree industrialist who has built the world's biggest Christmas tree, Nora Dunn is his drunk and disorderly ex-wife, Robert Downey is the architect who commissioned the tree and Randy Quaid is the tree surgeon who is skeptical that the stand is not built to code. We get introduced to everyone and everybody starts throwing drinks in everybody else's face. Terry Sweeney runs in as a disgraced race car driver and then throws a drink. We then cut to a model of the big tree falling down, which then gets sucked into the ground due to an earthquake. Teri Garr then gets a phone call saying that nobody was hurt and the big tree actually stopped the effects of the earthquake. Quaid asks when this madness will all stop and gets shot. We then get a title card telling us to stay tuned for part two. Before I can say, no thanks I'm good, we come back from commercial where Teri Garr tells us that there was not sufficient interest in seeing part 2 so she just introduces The Cult. Was this a meta joke on how bad the sketch was? If that was the case I would much rather have not seen the sketch in the first place.
The Cult performs but before they do we get some wacky effects. They look like they are all blurry, like their instruments are making the screen malfunction. Apparently this song is called "She Sells Sanctuary". I had to get that information from the internet because the lyrics were unintelligible. The music was catchy though. Wait, did The Dream Academy not have a second single? Why do we have 2 musical guests?
Trivia Game
4 Stars
Time travel interrupts a game of Trivial Pursuit
"Who was the most hated man of the 20th century?"
(which seems like a question that could have many answers based on opinion, but it's a comedy sketch so who cares?)
"That's easy, Adolph...(power surge)...Menjou."
"That's right, Adolphe Menjou, the movie actor who enslaved millions"
"Name the number 1 TV comedy show of the 1950s."
"That's easy, I Love...(power surge)...Ike."
"Yeah, you remember, Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz and Dwight D. Eisenhower"
"Who broke Babe Ruth's home run record?"
"Was it me?"
"Who saved the dinosaurs?"
"Robby Jr."
Quaid brings down Hall to yell at him for changing history and wishes he would wait to do it until they finish their game. They then get a phone call for the president, which is now Robby Jr."
I really liked this, it was silly and had a time travel element which is something I always enjoy. I can't explain it but changing history for stupid reasons is something that always brings a smile to my face.
FINAL ANALYSIS
"When will this madness stop?"
Average
2.1 Stars
MVP
Randy Quaid
A Dozen Eggs, A Roy Orbison Christmas, The Big Tree, Trivia Game
A Dozen Eggs, A Roy Orbison Christmas, The Big Tree, Trivia Game
Best Sketch
Trivia Game
Worst Sketch
A Roy Orbison Christmas
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
Ugh. This was a bit rough. It started with a sloppy cold open, a half written monologue and then followed with a bunch of sketches that I don't think were supposed to be funny. A Roy Orbison Christmas had no jokes in it and The Big Tree was a style parody that didn't really spoof as much as did emulate. I would have definitely swapped Trivia Game with A Dozen Eggs, Trivia Game is actually a sketch while A Dozen Eggs is more of an "end of the night" type thing. Placement wouldn't really help anything here because mostly everything was a bomb.
Host Analysis
Garr was gorgeous and seemed game for anything, the material just wasn't there. I don't blame her for this episode being a flop.
Final Thoughts
This was the first episode of the season that I out right disliked. The last sketch was really funny but everything else was just a big turd.
Up Next
Hopefully the new year brings some better episodes and we have Harry Dean Stanton hosting. My hopes are both high and low. I love Harry Dean Stanton but he doesn't leap to mind when I'm thinking of sketch comedy.
Hard to believe Garr hosted three times and none of them were good episodes.
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