“Does this play on a flat screen in the lobby of Hell?”
Cold Open: Osama Bin Laden Video Will
1 Star
Fred as Osama Bin Laden reads his will but it’s Jim Downey’s voice we hear. You know what that means, it’s a translator cold open. Feels like a while since we’ve seen one but they’re still just as deadly when it comes to momentum at the top of an episode. Bin Laden was just killed 5 days earlier so you gotta do something about that in your cold open but I feel like there was something better than this.
Tina Fey Monologue
Tina’s back and she’s super pregnant. She’s joined by Maya who is also super pregnant and guess what…we singin’ again. This makes 9 out of 20 musical monologues this season although it feels much more than that. The song actually isn’t bad, Maya and Tina sing about how their baby is proof that they’ve been doing it. It eventually turns into a quartet with their unborn children played by Kristen and Kenan.
GOP 2012 Undeclared Candidates Debate
Tina brings back her Sarah Palin to join a debate of people who may run for President including (shudder) Darrell Hammond as Donald Trump. There’s also Kenan squeezing every bit of juice he can out of his Jimmy McMillan. Bill’s Shepherd Smith is always fun but this didn’t really do anything for me. I realize being over a decade removed from the political references doesn’t help. I know Tina was recognized for her Sarah Palin (ironically it’s probably the thing she’s most known for on SNL and it happened after she was a cast member) but bringing it back feels…a little cheap. It’s like if Mary Gross came out on Update in Season 12 as Geraldine Ferraro.
Below The Waves
A Little Mermaid-esque Under The Sea song is interrupted by the floating corpse of Osama Bin Laden. The sea creatures then debate the justification of revenge killing. It does hit on what I was feeling at the time, Osama Bin Laden is dead…yay? I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel about this. 9 years later we execute the man who was responsible for the 9/11 attacks, so…did we win?
I liked the premise of this but the execution was a little lacking. The reveal of Osama’s body was hilarious but the sketch kinda peters out after that. I would argue that this would make a better cold open over what we got.
Jack Sparrow
5 stars, 10 stars, all the stars, this is a fucking classic and a song I still put on playlists to this day. The Lonely Island hire Michael Bolton to sing on their latest track but he only wants to compose lyrics about his favorite swashbuckler. Hilarious but also an absolute banger of a song.
Ellie Goulding
"Lights"
Weekend Update
Birthing Seminar
Tina and others watch a video of a home birth starring Maya. It’s vaguely foreign and looks like it’s from the 70’s. A nice way to incorporate Tina and Maya’s real life pregnancies but once Kristen gets in the act it starts to feel like a precursor to that Super Showcase sketch from next season where they just keep giggling.
Sleepover
3rd and final appearance of Bedelia, the child obsessed with her parents. She’s once again joined by Tina as her mom which is nice consistency. It’s better than doing this in the Jane Lynch episode and having her play Bedelia’s cool aunt or something. She’s at a sleepover and only wants to talk about her mom. She eventually meets Taran as another mom obsessed child. These are never the funniest but I always enjoy Nasim’s performance in them.
Ellie Goulding returns with "Your Song"
Pregnant In Heels
Abby plays a pregnancy concierge to the rich and famous. I had no idea this was a spoof of a real show until I saw that SNL Archives had this listed as an impression. I got a chuckle from her wanting to stick a tiny suit up Tina’s vagina so the baby would come out looking fabulous but other than that this was kind of a whiff. Shame since Abby gets so little airtime I really want to enjoy a sketch focused around her. Speaking of a lack of airtime, Jay Pharoah is apparently still on the show and he almost looks like he’s playing his flamboyantly gay character under duress.
Googie Rene's Slightly Damaged Prom Wear Barn
3rd and final appearance of Googie Rene, this time selling prom dresses with grass stains on the butt. If you don’t like the meatball stains on your tuxedo he’ll give you an autographed picture of Julie Chen to hold in front of it.
Hallmark "Mother" Collection
A line of Hallmark cards specifically for weirdos who dress up like their mothers. Paul plays the weirdo and, just like with Abby, I’m rooting for him so hard that I really want to like this more than I do. It’s not bad by any means but it’s such a fun premise that this could have easily been a classic with a few more visual flourishes.
“I wish camel poop tasted like spicy hummus”
Average
2.6 Stars
MVP
Michael Bolton
Jack Sparrow
Best Sketch
Jack Sparrow
Worst Sketch
GOP 2012 Undeclared Candidates Debate
How I Would Have Lorne Michaels-ed It
As previously said, start with Below The Waves. Move the Hallmark commercial to the post monologue spot. The show ends with 3 commercials in a row which feels like we’re just stalling for time, end with Birthing Seminar and Maya and Kristen can giggle until 1 AM.
Host Analysis
Nothing special but serviceable. She got one big showcase with Sarah Palin and then mostly played straight man roles. I’m glad we got an Update break, I didn’t need her to slide in and tell a few jokes or give a commentary. It was also a fun novelty to have an expectant mother hosting the Mother’s Day episode.
Final Thoughts
Outside of Jack Sparrow this one is fading fast from my memory. There’s nothing here but a classic Digital Short and a lot of padding. You also get a long Update and weak musical guest, so yeah, you can skip this one but put Jack Sparrow on your iPod.
Up Next
You thought the season was over but Ed Helms and Paul Simon show up when 20 episodes just isn’t enough.
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